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Original poster

Dd only one not invited to the party again

78 replies

Benandhollyonrepeat · 13/10/2015 16:55

I posted last year as my Dd, who is in a class with only 8 girls in it, was the only girl not invited to this girls party. All the other 7 girls went and understandably my dd was upset. I wanted to ask the mum why but after advice from here decided to just let it drop and try and cheer dd up. Anyway fast forward a year and this girl has been to ours for play dates etc and my other dd and her other dd do after school clubs together so at least once a week we are together waiting for them and have got fairly friendly. So it's her party time again and I just can not believe that's is all happening again and she has invited the other 7 and not my dd again. What is wrong with the woman and her kid. Totally understand that she doesn't have to like my dd or have to invite her but really two years running to invite everyone and not dd is just too much. Dd is again upset and I am furious. Why would you do this to one child not once but twice. Her dd bought up the party in front of us y'day and the mother quickly hushed her up and the dd said 'oh yes not in front of x (my dd). So do you think it's ok to ask her (politely) what's going on and why this is happening again. Feel so sorry for my lovely little girl.

OP posts:
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Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 14/10/2015 07:15

Gosh that is so mean, how an adult do that to a child ?

WipsGlitter · 14/10/2015 07:27

I don't know if I'd bring it up in front of a group.

Can you ask another mum if she knows what's going on?

Also as pp said be aware she might say something like "the venue only takes 7" or "we can only afford to pay for 7" or whatever.

pictish · 14/10/2015 07:28

How horrid...no wonder your wee dd is upset. I'd be spitting tacks at this!

Yes you must ask her - it's gone beyond acceptable conduct having happened twice now, so chuck one in the fuck it bucket and ask. I certainly would.

"You'll excuse my being so forward but (dd) is jolly upset and hurt to be the only girl not invited to xxxx's party for the second year running. Can I ask what that's all about?"

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shoesSHOES · 14/10/2015 08:16

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shoesSHOES · 14/10/2015 08:21

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merrymouse · 14/10/2015 08:29

I would mention it to the teacher the next time you have a chance just to check that nothing is going on at school and to get an outside opinion.

I would also bring it up with the mum - the whole 'not in front of dd' conversation was not ok and she should explain what on earth is going on.

The only possible reasonable explanation would be that it is in fact a small 'party' with only a couple of other children.

merrymouse · 14/10/2015 08:31

Only being able to accommodate of afford 7 is s rubbish excuse - just do something else.

Salene · 14/10/2015 08:32

Wow that kids mother is a twat. Why would anyone do that to a child..??

Toughasoldboots · 14/10/2015 08:33

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strawberryblondebint · 14/10/2015 08:34

I think ask her straight out. If she has any decency that will make her cringe and feel like crap and she deserves too. How horrid

Toughasoldboots · 14/10/2015 08:36

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patienceisvirtuous · 14/10/2015 08:40

Stuff the spiteful party and take your dd for a lovely day out.

Blank the woman in future but do have a word with the teacher so she can keep an eye on things.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/10/2015 08:43

What is so wrong with people that they're so incredibly socially inept at best, and downright cruel at worst?

I agree that you should have a think about outcomes, if you are going to raise it. If she throws DD a pity invite, think about how you might react to that. Would you accept, and if not, how best to decline without it seeming like sour grapes.

pictish · 14/10/2015 09:16

Toughie. On balance I would have to say that I wouldn't accept the pity invite. Birthday girl and all the other girls will know that OP's dd has been invited on the strength of OP 'complaining'. That will not be a nice feeling for dd.
Following the initial conversation, if an invite is offered either at the time or a day or so later, decline saying "Thank you, I appreciate that, but I had already made alternative plans with dd to cheer her up, and we'll stick to those. I just had to clear the air in case there was anything about dd I needed to know."

After that, they're chopped liver.

Toughasoldboots · 14/10/2015 09:42

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Original poster
Benandhollyonrepeat · 14/10/2015 10:55

I've done it!! Woke up at 5am worrying about it! I went down the route of 'is there a problem between DD's that i'm not aware of' She said no so I then explained that DD was upset due to being told she was only girl not going etc etc and the mother said oh no it's only a small party just a few going etc, I now don't know if this is the case or not, but either way I feel like I've told her that I'm aware of what she is doing and I left it on a friendly note, so I feel better that i've addressed it and will now just make a big deal to DD about a party that she has got coming up that she is invited too.

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Original poster
Benandhollyonrepeat · 14/10/2015 11:02

Actually I know that isn't the case there could potentially be one other not going but I'm pretty sure she is, anyway at least I have shown her that I know what she is doing and its wrong

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Toughasoldboots · 14/10/2015 11:02

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minimalistaspirati0ns · 14/10/2015 11:36

Are you sure all the other kids are going?

minimalistaspirati0ns · 14/10/2015 11:37

It just sounds like all the boys and two of the girls aren't going. Leaving only 5 in the whole class attending the party.

patienceisvirtuous · 14/10/2015 13:02

Still think she's a total bitch for leaving for leaving only two out, esp in context of play dates etc

SirChenjin · 14/10/2015 13:29

Leaving 2 girls out when there are only 7 of them is still pretty unpleasant, esp. when they all socialise - but then some people have all the social skills of a dead dog. Oh well, kids have to learn the hard way about character building I suppose Hmm

DiscoDiva70 · 14/10/2015 13:44

You could find out if only a few others are invited, someone will tell you for sure.
If this woman's lied to you about how many are really going then you can decide how to act with her and her dd in future.

poppycomeshome · 14/10/2015 14:49

Just horrible that this should happen to you and your dd.
I second both options actually, I would definitely ask her what is going on, and then if this is not resolved quickly with an invitation, follow with a full on all singing and dancing halloween party. It will go someway to making it up to your dd, and allow her to focus on something positive.
Some people are just vile and nasty, nothing you have said or done, it is just the way they are. Try not to take it personally, it is so difficult when you only have a few girls in the class, it intensifies any problems.

merrymouse · 14/10/2015 16:17

Well done OP. You can't change her behaviour, and under the circs it would have been awkward if your daughter had a last minute invite. However you can stand up for yourself and show that actions have consequences. Whether or not she cares is another matter, but if she doesn't care and isn't able to show her daughter how to be thoughtful and kind, that is her loss.