6 week old baby fell off the sofa. I'm devastated

[wtfih]

Hi,
Last night I fell asleep while breastfeeding my baby. I felt like I was dozing off then heard a thud and baby crying. Woke up in shock to see her tummy down on the carpet.
I can't shake off the shock I've been through and can't stop crying. I don't know know what to do anymore.
She stopped crying when I put her on my breast. Since then (8 hours ago) she's been fed a few times. She smiled, responded to our voices, kicked her little hands and legs, followed us around with her eyes. She's been sleeping for most of the time but she normally does every morning.
I can't see any bruises and can't feel any bumps on her head. She's been posetting after feeds but she does that usually. When they say go in if they vomit they mean actual vomiting, right?
She has been sleeping in my arms since birth, she was low weight so I feed her on demand. I can't stand seeing her cry and every time I try to put her down she cries a lot that's why I let her sleep on me. I've been extremely tired these days.
I can't stop crying, can't believe I let this happen she means everything to me and I can't believe I could let her get hurt :((
I can't stop thinking about it wish I could turn back time or wake up from this horrible nightmare

You are not appalling! This happens to a LOT of people, honestly.

I have small boobs (A/B cup) and I did feed lying down. It does take a bit of working out but it's worth persevering for that wonderful combo of feeding and sleep!

Perhaps I can try and help. You have to do it on a flat, safe surface like a firm mattress, not a sofa. Lie on your side with the arm that's below you as a barrier between baby and the pillow. Whichever leg is on top is bent, like the recovery position, and to stop baby wriggling down under covers etc. Your upper arm is free to move the baby around but you might need another person to help for the first few times. You're aiming to feed from the boob which is lower down/closer to the bed.

Okay so get your other person to place the baby on her side, facing towards you - tummy to tummy (or tummy to mummy, they say). Lower down than you think - you want to roughly line up her eye or nose with your nipple, not her mouth. Use your upper hand to scoop her in very close to you and pull her down if she's too high up so that - imagine you are sitting and looking up at the ceiling - her neck/head should be in that position relative to her body while she is feeding, so you want the nipple to be higher. Pull HER IN. Don't move your body or your boob closer to her. (You can hold the breast to angle it or use it to stroke her upper lip, but generally you always move the baby to the boob and not the other way around.) It's counter-intuitive but you'll get the hang of it.

You can use the lower arm to prop up your head while you're getting her latched on and into position. Try this when she's calm, not overly hungry, not too sleepy. If you get stressed then it will be harder.

It isn't the most comfortable sleeping position in the world, I got pain in my hips from doing it for too long, but it's perfect for a doze and very safe to accidentally nod off because the baby can't go anywhere, your knee and arm will prevent you rolling over.

It is possible to latch them on by doing a bit of a dangle above them with the top boob but it isn't as comfortable or safe so I would focus on the bottom boob for now. If you need to switch sides, hold baby to your chest, roll onto your back (and then stroke their back and wind them) and then roll to the other side, recreate your feeding position (like a "C") and you're good to start again.

Pulling them close and down is the key, along with tummy to tummy.

and persist with the GP with those symptoms I'd say. ds3 was diagnosed with silent reflux at 5/6 months and then lactose intolerant, under dietician, was dairy free until about now, just started reception, and slowly reintroducing it. He has been sick once in 5 years! His initial weight gain was fine but is started to fall off the charts at 3/4 months which is why we started investigating and he did all the back arching, screaming, legs up etc at 6 weeks, in hindsight. He was a nightmare to bf and we stopped by mutual agreement at 6m (other 2 had fed over til self weaned at 18mm or so) and he had dairy free formula which helped massively.

Your DD may not have silent reflux but it could prevent a lot if unnecessary stress to rule it in or out.

We were at out of hours when DC was 6 weeks old. DP had not secured her in car seat and she slipped out onto a stone floor and hit her head. The doctors face!!! She also fell from quite a high bed at 10 months. Six years later she is just fine!

I can remember that first 6 months with silent reflux. Hell on earth for us all. She would never take a bottle either! Do you know what? I wish I had put my own health first. Got that dummy/bottle in early and if she had "rejected the nipple" (as HV lectured me about) then, oh well.

The point being...do what you have to do to get more rest. This period will be a dim and distant memory very soon. xxx

cross post with imustbepatient and this was my exact experience with ds3 :( not good. Please push on the silent reflux investigations. I was used to being able to go out and about with my first two and breastfed on the go everywhere and anywhere. With ds3 I became a virtual prisoner as every feed was so awful as he would scream and pull on and off and we were both in so much distress. Medication and dairy formula sorted it out after 6m but it was a pretty horrible time, I wouldn't want other people to go through it if they don't have to.

I have tiny, tiny, smaller-than-A-cup boobs and I managed to feed lying down with a bit of practice. It took a few tries though. We had a bedside crib and I used to feed DS to sleep with him in that and me lying right next to it and then withdraw very very gradually.

My DS was totally un-put-downable for the first six weeks and it was horrendous. I used a stretchy wrap to carry him around the house so I could actually get things done (but not for sitting down on the sofa for fear of falling asleep) and we randomly discovered one day that he'd sleep in his Moses basket if I had the Dyson running right next to it! I think it's the sound and vibration - reminds them of the womb. With him I think it was partly a warmth issue, as he was born in a very cold March - bundling him up slightly more than the leaflets tell you and putting him down on a pre-warmed, slightly rumpled surface so he felt a bit more 'held' made a big difference as well (we discovered this when our cat fell out of an upstairs window and in my panic to go and see if she was OK, I dumped him down for a few seconds still in his jacket on some washing that had not long come out of the tumble dryer, and he went down without a murmur and slept better and more solidly than he ever had in his life!)

You've had a horrible shock but you are not not NOT 'appalling'. You are tired. That is all.

I agree with those saying to learn how to feed lying down.

There are different positions to try out if you have struggled, maybe look on kellymom etc

The position Best for me was baby lying on their side facing me with a rolled up towel behind them to stop them rolling back onto their back. Or you could try lying on your back with her lying on you.

You do need to make sure this doesn't happen again as although it sounds like she is fine you might not be as lucky next time.

I have non existent boobs and eventually managed it too. I had to put my mattress level arm above her head though and she was almost in my armpit. Nice What really helped was putting a pillow behind my back so I could relax my muscles as it's quite an awkward position. It relieves some of the tension and you can actually drift off a little.

For co-sleeping just so you can reassure yourself that you have minimised the risk of SIDS I think the right bedding is key. Also the right clothing for yourself so you don't freeze. I wore some serious flannel PJ's, bed socks etc, only had a summer duvet on the bed up to my waist and put DD in a gro bag on top of the bedsheets. We have an ikea beddinge sofa bed which is totally flat and firm so we slept on that and left DH to my comfy bed.

There is a magic point though where they are just that little big bigger, suckier and more alert and feeding lying down all just seems to come together more easily though. I've had two underweight babies and it's bloody tough. If you can't express any milk, then I'd consider supplementing with a few ounces of formula in the evening and both of you getting your head down by 9pm. The biggest mistake I made in the early days was trying to have an evening with DH. DD would crash from 8/9 until 1am and then fret and feed until 8. Of course I'd only gone to bed at midnight...

DD1 rolled off said sofa bed onto the concrete remains of the bedroom hearth when she was about 3 months and just randomly rolled over. Nice lump on her head I know that DD2 did at some point roll off something too but being the second child, I don't remember the details.

It feels horrible when you drop them but you are not a bad mum, I am on DC3 now and all have been bumped at some point (not just by me!) all are fine, DS (middle child) even had a hospital visit when DH bumped his head off the wall at about 5 months. ????All they did was monitor exactly as you have done for a few hours while I alternatively reassured DH and gently teased, he has decided on the hospital visit for safety's sake and I joined him from work, but I knew DS was fine (reading this back I will say I am truly not a neglectful mother just very used to babies and trusting my own knowledge)????As others have said try feeding lying down and shuggle around until you find the right position for you, for me, each of mine rested their heads on my arm which got them in the right place to latch.????Mine have also all been Velcro babies to one extent or another 8 month old DD is the worst as she is still such a light sleeper than I cannot move after she nods off. All have accepted slings of one type or another, the NCT closer caboo was a lifesaver this time round and you can breastfeed with the baby in it! Do check it out or one similar as it may be the answer as your DD can be tucked into the sling feeding and then doze off while you are reassured that she is safe.

Learning to breastfeed lying down was a revelation to me! Although I do think it's easier once they're a bit bigger as when they are tiny it can be hard to get the logistics sorted.

This wasn't your fault, dont feel bad but definitely get her checked out. In my opinion, occurrences like this are often the result of the NHS demonising mothers sleeping with the babies. Rather than take informed steps to bed sharing safely (or even better using a co-sleeping cot) mothers end up falling asleep exhausted on sofas and chairs - places more dangerous to fall asleep with the baby. I, like you, slept in a chair with my baby because he wouldnt sleep in a cot alone. Many times I found myself exhausted to the point of actual hallucinations, thinking baby was in my arms when he wasn't, and things like that. Luckily I never dropped him. Eventually i researched how to bed share safely and we both get a happy, safe full nights sleep. I would look into it if I were you, its the most natural thing and can be beneficial to you both if done safely. Look into getting a co-sleeper cot like the Chicco Next2Me

Our sofa is only about 18inches off the ground. I wouldn't be at all concerned if a baby had fallen off it.

Stop beating yourself up. You're a good mum! I once cried on the phone to my sister (mother of three) because I'd left ds's bib on when he was asleep-I was convinced he could have strangled on it. I said it was the worst thing ever. She said "god no, you'll do waaay worse stuff!".

Put your baby down. Put her down to get a shower, put her down to go to the loo, put her down to get a drink and put her down to eat. You need to do these things and no harm will come to her. Even if she cries. It will also help her get used to it a little.

Try a dummy. They really can help babies to settle and I've never heard of them effecting bf in real life.

Have you got a vibrating bouncy chair? If not, try one.

If your dh takes the baby to the park, don't go with him! You stay at home and sleep.

Look at the co sleeping guidelines but really, really think about a dummy.

The only thing I'd add is to say baby's cries are absolutely designed to be incredibly uncomfortable for mothers in particular, so.of course you try to avoid her crying. However, absolutely no harm will come to her if you allow her to cry for a few minutes while you shove food in your face, go to the loo or even have a quick shower. Yes, you'll feel tense but you also will learn soon enough that she's fine. Btw I'm dead against controlled crying - this is different! This is survival!

OP you sound lovely! 6 weeks is a tough time. It will get better. Can you try slings for walking round the house doing things? Shower, teeth, getting yourself food and water- please put the baby down to cry for this if you have to rather than go without. You must look after yourself.

The sofa is a dangerous place- I've also drifted with baby in arms. It's safer to take her into bed during the day (sounds like she's fine at night?) good luck xxx

Sounds a bit basic but have you tried white noise when trying to settle your baby into a Moses basket or crib... My DS was a nightmare to settle, just cried etc - I found having him in a sleeping bag so that temperature stayed more stable when moving him, and white noise meant that over 50% of the time he settled, with a bit of shushing, tummy rubbing etc...

It meant I could at least get some sleep!

It is tough at this stage. I had a Velcro baby and Dh and I ended up doing shifts! We found out she had an intolerance to dairy which meant she was always in pain when she was laid down. They also think she had silent reflux.
Do you have a local breastfeeding support who can show you how to feed lying down? I had ours come out to me which really helped. I also used to feed with DD on my chest and then gently roll onto my side so that she was cradled by my arm (wish I had a pic I could put on!!) and we would sleep like that with her nose to boob until she woke again!
She is now a bouncy confident toddler who sleeps in a cot. It gets better I promise!

You sound so very anxious about having done this. It's really not good for you to beat yourself up so badly. You WILL make mistakes as a parent! Most of themlike this onewon't result in any lasting harm to your child whatsoever. A few likely will. That's life. That's parenting. I know it is a terrible, awful thing, but keep in mind EVERY parent has stories like this.

At baby showers, my usual gift to new mothers is what I call the "Bad Mommy Book" (I'm in the US). In it, all the mothers in the group write down something they did during their baby's infancy or toddlerhood that made them feel like the Worst Parent Ever. The non-mothers at the shower write in similar ones that they've heard from their mothers/grandmothers/etc..

That way, when the new mother does something she feels is utterly horrible and feels totally shit about herself, she can take a look at the book--I've had more than one mother tell me it was the only thing that could make her smile after feeling that way about something they'd done!

My mother did this very same thing, just so you know, to my baby sister. My sister was none the worse for wear, and my mother beating herself up about it for weeks didn't help anyone (especially herself!). You've chastised yourself plenty already, and you didn't do it intentionally. The odds it'll happen again after you've been so mortified by what happened are nil. Try to move on instead of racking yourself with guilt, and remember that EVERY mom does something that makes her feel the way you're feeling right now. You're just part of the club. :)

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who's taken the time to reply and reassure me. It honestly means so much as I was in such a state.
Thank you for all the suggestions, I'll definitely give side breastfeeding another go I must make it work!

The health visitor came over this afternoon. Initially I was reluctant to tell her because I thought it might red flag me for some reason but I broke down when she was about to leave. Proper break down with fluids coming over from both eyes and nose
She came with me to the GP. He checked dd and said there was nothing wrong with her. Said she looks perfectly healthy and normal. Then told me off for "trying too hard" and not taking care of myself more. I must look like a wreck I guess. He said babies are stronger than we think etc
He also told me to remove the baby after 15-20 min of breastfeeding but I'm not sure about that?! I want her to thrive, we've just managed to bring her to the 9th centile and I don't want her to drop as that would cause more anxiety.
I need some rest, been crying so much my head feels like it's going to explode soon.

I think your hv probably means to remove her from the breast when she's finished actively sucking and using you as a comforter. Sometimes this can be absolutely fine and lovely but when you're as exhausted as you sound you need the rest when your baby isn't feeding-it's where a dummy can come in so handy. I really think you need to hand your baby over to your dh, let him take her out in the sling and let you get some food and sleep.

Have you spoken to your Gp yourself? It does sound as if you have a lot of anxiety

I have:
Had DS fall off the bed at 3 months old, when he unexpectedly rolled.
Dropped a mobile phone on his head when taking a photo, at about 5 months.
Fallen over with him in a sling, only just catching myself from landing with my full 15 stone post-baby weight on top of him (I still have nightmares about this).
Stood next to him at the top of the stairs at about 21 months, reached for his hand to hold it to walk down and watched with horror as before I got there, he stepped forward and fell the full length of the stairs.
Confessing to that list, I feel like someone should report me, but all were accidents, all were horrendous at time, but after every single one he has been fine! He is three now. What I'm trying to say is that accidents happen, please don't beat yourself up. Babies are pretty tough, and it happens more than you think. I would agree on looking into safe cosleeping though. SIDS is a more serious danger than a baby rolling off a sofa.

Poor you. My ds has rolled off the bed and down the stairs. He was fine both times.
I do recommend you learn to feed side by side in bed, we fall asleep this way but you don't have to and it's a relaxing way to feed.
Bend your knees(so no chance of rolling over), lie on your side and get your dp to position his mouth to your boob. Place a cellular blanket (those with holes in) over both of you.

Do you think I am or have overreacted?
Yes, I do have a history of anxiety, big time. I honestly can't see whether I have overreacted to this and it would help me put things into perspective. My dh just told me Im worrying way too much about it and reminded me gently that I do "have a problem".
I spoke to the GP myself, that's when he told me he thinks I'm trying too hard and I should remove the baby from the breast after 20min of active suckling.

I don't think you're worrying too much. DD fell out of her sling at about 3 months. I don't even want to type out what was going through my head as it sounds so terrible. It's shocking and scary and awful. It only just happened-in time the horror will fade.

But I can't say about the rest of the stuff- the feeding in all honesty sounds normal but do check her neck to see whether she's swallowing. If she isn't I would remove her.
Also agree you should ask DH to take her for a bit and get some rest x

We all over react when we are hormonal with a totally dependent young baby and no sleep. Your gp is right though. They see so many women who are wrecked with caring for babies and it is a massive risk factor for pnd. The trouble is you can't effectively care for a baby unless you look after yourself as well. Mine are well past baby stage thank god. But I do remember receiving similar words of wisdom from our gp

Mate. Almost everyone drops their baby or it rolls off the bed or something. Youd be really surprised. When I did it, everyone I spoke to said theyd done exactly the same thing, and the consensus was that babies bounce