6 week old baby fell off the sofa. I'm devastated

[wtfih]

Hi,
Last night I fell asleep while breastfeeding my baby. I felt like I was dozing off then heard a thud and baby crying. Woke up in shock to see her tummy down on the carpet.
I can't shake off the shock I've been through and can't stop crying. I don't know know what to do anymore.
She stopped crying when I put her on my breast. Since then (8 hours ago) she's been fed a few times. She smiled, responded to our voices, kicked her little hands and legs, followed us around with her eyes. She's been sleeping for most of the time but she normally does every morning.
I can't see any bruises and can't feel any bumps on her head. She's been posetting after feeds but she does that usually. When they say go in if they vomit they mean actual vomiting, right?
She has been sleeping in my arms since birth, she was low weight so I feed her on demand. I can't stand seeing her cry and every time I try to put her down she cries a lot that's why I let her sleep on me. I've been extremely tired these days.
I can't stop crying, can't believe I let this happen she means everything to me and I can't believe I could let her get hurt :((
I can't stop thinking about it wish I could turn back time or wake up from this horrible nightmare

Possetting. Although she does sound possessive too

18 years later I mean

Oh bless you it's not like you did it on purpose! Accidents happen to all of us! Please try to be kinder to yourself. Read your post pretending someone else wrote it. My DS was feeding almost constantly at that age for relief from the constant acid reflux torture I looked up how to do it as safely as possible and fed him lying down in our bed and dozed in and out of sleep - the HV said that planning to co sleep as safely as possible is MUCH safer than trying to not and ending up doing what happened to you - or worse. You sound like you are way too tired and it's not sustainable.

Please don't worry many small babies fall off sofas. Its likely your HV will call you about it but its routine and they have seen it all before.

Oh you poor soul, ds's Moses basket rolled off the bed when he was four weeks old he rolled out and bumped his cheek on the foot of the crib.

I remember how guilty and distraught I felt, and I had an unpleasant hv who insisted I took him to the GP even though he was fine and healthy (her words).

All the GP did was check he was tracking objects with his eyes and for obvious bumps and bruises. As you've already done this I don't think you need DD to visit the GP unless you are worried about her.

DS is 8 and fine .

I would second advice to consider co sleeping, I was too scared to do this until dc3 but it was so much easier and I wish I had done it with the first two, it is possible to do safely and if you have fallen asleep while feeding you must be desperately tired.

Apologies for the typos, I'm on my phone with the baby in my arms.
Just did some tummy time 10 min ago, she hates it as much as she did the days before, but not more.
I will look at breastfeeding pillows, don't have one yet.
I don't even eat until my husband gets home because she is on my arms non stop. Lately I put her on the crib, she loves the cot mobile but gets bored after 15 min or so. That's when I brush teeth and go toilet normally

When my dd was that age (and a Velcro baby too) I used to eat those pre made rice packets because I could make them one handed and then eat them with a spoon.

A close caboo carrier saved my sanity.

You're not a bad parent! I fell asleep more than once breastfeeding when dd was that age. Luckily she never fell but it could have easily happened.

I made up for that when she was a tiny bit older. We were out and I wasn't holding her pram, can't remember why I was distracted and facing the other way. It got caught in the wind and fell so she landed face down with a bang. The pram took the force and protected her but she still screamed for hours.

It's making me teary typing this out even though it happened a year ago. I kept spontaneously bursting into tears for about a week after it happened. I went through every 'what if' scenario (what if she hadn't been strapped in etc). I tortured myself about what a bad mother Ii was. It was awful.

I think every parent goes through something like this in the early days and it's normal to feel like the worse parent on earth but you're not at all. It could happen to anyone and does happen to most people. Little babies are very tough!

DD threw herself off a sofa at about four months old. I turned away for a second and she just kamikaze'd herself onto the floor.

My younger brother co-slept for a while. One night my dad was holding him, and he and my mum fell asleep. They woke to find my brother jammed in between the bed and the bedside table, head-first, his little legs waving in the air. He was probably a few weeks old?

He's now nearly sixteen and is totally fine

Accidents happen, especially when parents are tired. and for you, it's such an exhausting time.

welcome to the world of parenting. honestly, these things will happen. if it were not this it would have been banging their head on the car as you put them in, clouting their head on a door frame as you misjudge, treading on a finger when they have crawled up behind you. or, worse. shutting ds's fingers in the top of the boot in the pitch black garage

YOU'RE NOT A BAD PARENT! You are a loving, conscientious, caring parent who is tired. HV will not judge you for this.
I started using a dummy around 4-6 weeks. DD is very sucky and unlikely to go to sleep without sucking on something. It didn't stop our BFing, if anything it helped as I started to monitor when she was properly feeding and when she was just comfort sucking.
You might find she'll let you put her down if she can still suck something. It's worth a try for a few quid. You can get quite expert in slipping out your nipple and sliding a dummy in!
Plus slings are great in the day when you want to move around or have two hands! We used a moby wrap which she loved. We just moved to a connecta recently but I miss the coziness of the wrap.
Good luck she'll stop crying and get used to the outside world soon.

I have had 3 babies and remember being at breaking point with all 3 at the 6 week mark where you are now, then, just when you can't go on, things suddennly get easier. I think it's an evolutionary mechanism to stop you putting them up for adoption :)

Hang in there, it doesn't stay this hard for ever. I'd also consider trying a dummy, all 3 of mine had them and they really helped and all three were and are great sleepers. I also let them all fall asleep on the breast as I found that better as I could then put them somewhere safe to sleep and go and get some rest myself. again, no effect on sleeping behaviour or subsequent routines. My youngest had terrible silent reflux and lactose intolerance, diagnosed at 5 months, and he was one that I could never put down and comfort fed a lot. I found carrying him around in a sling really helpful as it meant I had my hands free to do things. He did everything with me, including toilet visits :) Might be worth getting some investigations for reflux as well.

Hang. In. There!

Oh poor you OP. She sounds absolutely fine but you need to try to find a better position to breastfeed in. Have you tried lying on your side in bed (no duvets or pillows obviously) with her next to you? I breastfed both of my DDs that way and it is much safer than a sofa.

I think the most important thing you do right now is put your baby somewhere safe, and have a nap yourself.

Sleep deprivation is gad awful!

As for your baby, I do t think there's a single baby who hasn't taken a tumble and been perfectly fine. I wouldn't go to the GP, she's fine if she hasn't showed any symptoms by now. Relax.

Most babies are pulled out of earthquake rubble completely unharmed, so I think you need to be calm- they're designed to survive most anything!

Can you sleep beside her on the bed, while you feed her, as it's safer - the risk of sofa sleeping is higher and unacceptable IMO, as it's too small a space.

Look after yourself first - you need to make your own sleep needs a priority.
There's a reason why you have to fix your own oxygen mask first in an airplane!! Your needs are actually greater than your baby's at this point. And sleep is a MUST! Get the help you need to enable you to get a nap.

And get a bouncy chair and a sling- you need to be able to go to the loo and eat, so organise yourself for the long haul.

Crying for a half a minute when you rinse your hair in the shower won't kill her if she's laying safe on a towel in the bathroom with you.

Same as when you're fixing yourself something to eat. Just put her down on a blanket beside you and put some music on while you eat.

You need a break to eat and look after your needs.

Look after yourself, first and foremost: your baby will be fine being put down for a few minutes, and the better for a happy rested and calm mummy.

Congratulations btw. Becoming a mum is a total mind wreck, and you're not alone!

Not read all the replies so apologies if reiterating advice!

Both mine rolled off the bed at 4&6 months(night feeds).
Went to gp who checked and said they were fine. I felt like a prat!
Somewhere centrally on the top of babies head is the soft spot. Gently gently run your fingers over her head til you feel a soft squishy lump where the plates meet but haven't fused together. Just for reference.

If thy spot swells then you rush to a&e. That would show swelling of babies brain. My GP told me to monitor that and also everything else you have said, vomiting sleeping feeding etc.

Don't fret and relive this too much. It happens. I don't actually know anyone who's baby hasn't rolled off something at some point in the first 6 months or so!!

Can you feed her lying down? That is what I did with both my DC.

For the person that mentioned reflux (I apologise, I've scrolled up but can no longer find your post, must be on the previous page) I have known for a couple of weeks she probably has reflux. Gp doesn't think it is serious enough because she doesn't projectile vomit (only happened one night, she threw up a lot in the space of an hour). I think she has all the symptoms: arching her back when feeding and when she's not too, bringing her feet up to her tummy, clenching fists, pulling her tongue out, crying because she is in discomfort (and I don't think it's wind), the posetting and the curdled milk that brings, etc. We saw the GP yesterday actually and he said lets give it another couple of weeks and see, because she is gaining weight and not vomiting he is reluctant to prescribe medication
I wanted to post in feeding for ages but could never find the time and the free hand.

We have a push chair that she only tolerated if she's asleep. The amount of times dh walked around the park with her in his arms while I pushed an empty pram is ridiculous. We also have a boba wrap. She screams when I put her in but falls asleep as soon as I start walking. Problem is I can't stay out for long because she only tolerates it when in motion.
Last night I felt like I was dozing off and thought "this is really dangerous. Wish there was a device to secure her to my chest" and then I think my eyes closed for a split second while I was fighting sleep. That's when I heard her :(

Consider getting a mamaroo chair. Excellent at soothing fussy babies. Meant I could shower eat pee etc in the early days.

www.4moms.com/mamaroo

Make sure you are eating or to ur milk will be affected. Can dog make you a sandwhich and stick it in the frhdge before he leaves

Can dh make u a sandwhich not the dog

Onthemat thank you, you made me smile :) he normally does and I have that for breakfast&lunch. He also leaves fruits and everything else I need within my reach.

I've tried the side feeding position but I think my breasts are too small for that unless I sit very uncomfortably, somehow with my boob above her face, I can't latch her on. And I can't stay in that position longer than 1 minute

onthematleave I'm in bed feeling really yucky with morning sickness and your typo has just made me lol. My dog can sit and roll over but I think he draws the line at making sandwiches! Although on a serious note op you need o eat. Especially if you are breastfeeding. Even if you can make a sandwich the night before so you can just grab it out of the fridge. Have plenty of fruit handy to snack on too. I think everyone has dropped or had their child fall off something at some point. You feel terrible for a while but usually they are ok and you just become extra vigilant! I had a vibrating bouncy chair for my ds and it sent him off in no time. Gave me some free time.

I would definitely use the sling more at home so you can walk around the house with your arms free (having a sling revolutionised my toilet going and I could actually have a wee without ds1 screaming in protest at having been put down!)

I'd also second the feeding laying down on your bed (just fold the duvet back during the day) as safest for you both.

You'll get better at eating one handed and watching the telly standing up while rocking side to side

And don't beat yourself up about the fall, it was an accident and happens so often you wouldn't believe. Your dd sounds as if she's not suffered any harm DH dropped ds1 (twice!!!) and ds1 is on the gifted and talented list of his primary school, although it doesn't seem to have knocked any sense into him

You need to look after yourself to properly look after your lo. So although heartbreaking you need to put her down to feed yourself. Toasted sandwiches, soups, salads. Learn to eat one handed (you will be doing that for many years to come , get dh to help prepare food for the following day. Make the microwave your friend. Remember she can be left alone in a babychair/ rocker screaming for a couple of minutes, it won't scar her or you. 6 weeks is massively overwhelming, it will pass, there are growth spurts (therefore looking after yourself is imperative) and if you are bf then you need to have good quality milk. Drink lots!
And if you are worried about soup being too hot, get dh to buy you one of those coffee cups for travelling and sip it out of there.

Congratulations on the birth of your lo. And welcome to the my baby has fallen off the bed/sofa/something club, I promise you you are not the only one for this to have happened to (2 x dc, multiple rolling onto the floor incidents!)

Oops xpost I see your DH does that already. Have you thought about expressing so your DH can do a feed at night and at least you can get a bit of sleep. Also is there anyone you can have round in the day to hold baba while she sleeps so you can have a nap.

Please push your GP hard on the reflux thing. A family member's two children both had reflux and she had a terrible time with them over their first six to nine months because it wasn't diagnosed for ages. Esp for her second, who had silent reflux which is even harder to diagnose but is just as bad.

Please don't be fobbed off. Go back to another GP if you don't get anywhere with the first one. I know this is the advice my family member would give to herself if she could travel back in time! Watching her two improve noticeably once they had the medication was a joy, but I still feel sad for my family member that her first few months with each child was harder than it needed to have been.

www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-tips-to-get-you-through-the-night/

Tips here about feeding lying down - it's possible even if your breasts are small. Hope that might be of some help.