What is more beneficial for children... A SAHP or 2 working parents and childcare?

[Candlefairy101]

Hi, I'm not trying to start a debut I am just generally interested in people opinions on the subject.

I have been both a SAHP and a mum working full time. With my youngest I have decided to stay at home but with my oldest I worked full time and he spent a lot of time at nursery. I still feel guilt about this (I don't know why I feel guilty about all those nursery hours just so I could finish my degree) because 1) he can't remember it and 2) he has a mum with a career.

BUT now with my youngest I have decided to stay at home and wonder how/if my children will be effected by each decision and difference growing up lifestyle.

How do mum AND dads feel about this subject also DADS do you like the idea of you wife/ partner being at home with the children?

mY mum when growing up was always a SAHP and then did a 360* turn and worked all the hours under the sun (her choose she didn't have to), I was sad because I always felt comfort at school or out playing that she was always at home, always on standby if you know what I mean?

Love to here everyone's opinion x

Let's take a quick look at what not being judgemental looks like:

Stroke, if you're fine with being "selfish" then okay. To answer your question because I think you should put your kids needs above your own. I understand some people love their careers, I didn't think people loved them as much as their children.

I didn't say but not if your spouse earns more - I said its selfish to work more hours than necessary. I apply that to either parent.

I draw the line where it causes harm, working full time when you don't have to has the potential to upset your child, hence why I think it's selfish.

It's up to individuals to decide whether they want to risk potential harm.

I think it's a selfish decision to work full time if there are other options available.

I think it's selfish of anyone who would choose to put their kids in childcare rather than spend time with them.

I think if you have the opportunity to spend time with your kids and you choose not to, that's really selfish.

As a reminder:

Judgemental (n): having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

Jassy they were all in response to being ASKED. How is that judgemental? If I'd just gone up to a group of career women and started saying it then you'd have a point

Yip, that would be judgemental.

And a load of cobblers to boot.

So any criticism is judgemental? Riiiiight.

Gosh this is exasperating.

If you lot think that's judgemental, you're very oversensitive.

Terry, isn't it? Give an opinion that's different from the majority when asked and get insulted and patronised. It's almost like people only want to hear from those who'll validate their choices

They don't need you to validate their choices lashes, their perfectly happy and unharmed children will do that for them.

Terry and that's fine. So why get so worked up that someone somewhere has a different view? I couldn't give a shit that some people think working is superior to SAHP, it doesn't affect me.

I only get annoyed when people feel the need to react angrily because someone's shared a view they do not like

You didn't share a view you decided to form a judgement on a quite large section of society.

Your "view" would be to simply say you feel it will be better for YOU with YOUR OWN previous experiences and set up to work three days. Why give a shit what other people do?

Terry, I don't give a shit. People can do whatever, as I have said.

But if someone asks "do you think staying home is better for kids?" Then I will give an honest answer. Again having an opinion on what someone does isn't the same as telling them they should not do it

Jassy they were all in response to being ASKED. How is that judgemental? If I'd just gone up to a group of career women and started saying it then you'd have a point

No, as you've pointed out, that would be rude. There is no requirement for judgment to be unsolicited or even expressed to exist.

You have made numerous negative value-based statements about other people that are not defensible by evidence. Your opinions are inherently judgemental - you are judging the motivations that lie behind the actions of others.

The issue here is that you haven't just been talking about yourself, or what's right for you and your family - you have been talking about your opinion of other people.

I only get annoyed when people feel the need to react angrily because someone's shared a view they do not like.

Funny. I've not seen anyone get angry. I've seen people point out problems in the assumptions and justifications that sit behind that view, which yes, undetmines it. I get that it's not comfortable to have the basis of a cherished opinion undermined, or the problems with it pointed out.

I refer you to Jassys post at 23.57 where you quite clearly had plenty to say about what other people do.

And now I give up.

Again having an opinion on what someone does isn't the same as telling them they should not do it

No - just judging them to be inferior if they do.

No one is criticising you for sharing your opinion. The opinion, and the assumptions and prejudices you later shared that underpin that opinion, were criticised, and people expressed frustration at your unwillingness or inability to engage with arguments on their substance.

Jassy so then every negative opinion is judgemental...if I think someone's top is ugly for example, or that they made a silly decision...in which case, everyone is judgdmental...

You don't seem to be angry, but other posters on here have been extreme rude.

Terry as I said to Jassy, I was asked! I take it you never think someone's made a stupid decision or wonder why on earth someone would behave in a certain way?

Jassy I don't think they're inferior! I honestly don't think that! I don't think making one decision that I personally think is selfish makes someone a bad parent or inferior!

I'm kind of upset now if people think I'm calling them inferior, as I wasn't...

You said that you felt it caused harm and was selfish. I'm quite confused that you don't consider those things to be inferior to not causing harm, or being unselfish.

Jassy I consider parenting to be made up of a wide range of things, and don't think that one factor that may cause harm (I even said myself not significant harm or differences, I just felt it was less pleasant) makes someone inferior. No one is perfect!

Jassy so then every negative opinion is judgemental...if I think someone's top is ugly for example, or that they made a silly decision...in which case, everyone is judgdmental...

I'd refer you again to what the word means - to me, the 'overly' is key. But yes, I'd be surprised to meet a person who had never been either silently or openly judgemental about another person's behaviour or motivations, for example.

You feel a lot of people have been rude to you. Do you think you've been terribly polite to them?

I just felt it was less pleasant) makes someone inferior. No one is perfect!

Sorry - I made a poor choice of language. What I should have said is not that you consider the person to be inferior, but that you judge their choice to be inferior.

I don't think I'm being judgemental. Judgemental would be me telling people who work they're horrible people, or constantly telling them my way is better, which I don't do. If they ASKED then I'd be honest but I don't force my opinion on people. To me that's not judgemental

I disagree. It depends on the response. With your top analogy if someone says i dont particularly like that top or it is not my style, ok. But if you say it is so ugly only ppl with bad taste would buy it, it is judgemental, it becomes a personal attack on the pearson who wears it.

Lashes you are not simply saying i intend do to x instead of y, you are saying i think it is selfish to do y instead of x.

Besides you have not first hand experience in x, and from something said way upthread( i said that working is more about making money, you understood i was talking about the social aspect) it seem that your experience in y is limited as well. I think you said you are a student, i dont know if you ever have had a career or a job that you trully enjoy but take my (and ther posters) word for it: work can be personally fulfilling.

And i will repeat for the n-th time: being cared for in a safe and nurturing enviroment does not harm children even if that enviroment provided by a childcare provider.

Nolim summed up everything I wanted to say basically.