What is more beneficial for children... A SAHP or 2 working parents and childcare?

[Candlefairy101]

Hi, I'm not trying to start a debut I am just generally interested in people opinions on the subject.

I have been both a SAHP and a mum working full time. With my youngest I have decided to stay at home but with my oldest I worked full time and he spent a lot of time at nursery. I still feel guilt about this (I don't know why I feel guilty about all those nursery hours just so I could finish my degree) because 1) he can't remember it and 2) he has a mum with a career.

BUT now with my youngest I have decided to stay at home and wonder how/if my children will be effected by each decision and difference growing up lifestyle.

How do mum AND dads feel about this subject also DADS do you like the idea of you wife/ partner being at home with the children?

mY mum when growing up was always a SAHP and then did a 360* turn and worked all the hours under the sun (her choose she didn't have to), I was sad because I always felt comfort at school or out playing that she was always at home, always on standby if you know what I mean?

Love to here everyone's opinion x

[LashesandLipstick]

Elizabeth I agree you can't do everything - I won't be EBF due to a medical condition for example. However a lot of points of AP I feel very strongly about. I felt like this before I found it - I've always had similar ideas and later found AP and realised others did too

[Momagain1]

It varies by so many variables. Including time. It takes 16-18 years, sometimes a bit more, to produce a functioning adult. A lot can happen. If you have multiple kids, you will be at the job even longer. My grandmother was raising children from 1939 to 1978. My mother and father had a child under their roof from 1963 to 1998. i have been parenting since 1984 and have nearly another decade to go.

in all liklihood, unless you live an unusually stable and consistently funded life, any and all work/family arrangements will be used at some time. All of them will be fine, unless you wreck yourself with guilt and resentment over it, which can't help but effect your parenting.

Whats best for children, assuming adequate parents and adequate childcare, is whatever suits the family's needs at the time.

[drinkscabinet]

I don't think either of the options in the OP are ideal.

If one parent is at home then they are sacrificing financial independence which is too much to give up. What happens if the WOHP dies or leaves? A friend's mother was widowed in her early 40s having not worked since she had children in her early 20s, she never escaped poverty. Her daughter has always worked despite 'not needing to', I think that tells you everything. A SAHP also puts all the pressure on the WOHP to support the family financially and denies them the chance to spend a lot of time with the kids. I don't think it's fair on either parent.

If two parents are WOHP it's fairer to each of the parents but if both are in full on careers (or just need to work all hours to make ends meet) then neither gets to spend much time with their kids.

Ideally we'd live in a world where employers are more accepting of parents (and indeed others with responsibilities outside of work) working less than FT I do think more fathers need to start asking for PT work and I really think most jobs are possible to do PT unless it's a job that requires you to be away from home for long periods of time (I'm thinking army, navy etc). Otherwise with a bit of empathy and imagination employers should be able to accommodate other demands on your time but they choose not to because it's generally woman who ask for flexibility and are treated like bad employees because of it.