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Parenting

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Original poster

Confronting a 14 year old about weight gain

138 replies

proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 12:12

Anyone else done anything like this. I'm really interested in hearing others stories - because I just had a difficult conversation with my ds.

I've been concerned about her weight gain for nearly a year now, but never said anything. I started jogging with her and then didn't keep it up. There is no way to discuss this without causing upset and I don't want her to be uncomfortable with her body. She has gone up two dress sizes and the weight gain seems to be escalating. She is 5' 2" and is a size 10. Most of the girls at her school look overweight to me and I know many of them have unhealthy eating habits. They buy donuts before school or will eat an entire bag of crisps. My ds thinks she is under average for her age - I don't think so.

When she is at home she doesn't seem to overeat - but I will stop her. Stopped buying sweets, cookies, ice-cream. I felt like I had to say something because I think she is doing this while she is out with her friends.

Ughhh.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 12:14

Errr.

Loveleopardprint · 10/05/2015 12:16

She is a size 10!!! Hitting puberty. Give her a break.

justonemoretime2p · 10/05/2015 12:16

An ENTIRE packet of crisps??

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AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 12:18

This is one of those threads designed to generate maximum drama and get people kicking off with each other, isn't it ?

NerrSnerr · 10/05/2015 12:20

Girls do put on weight during puberty but size 10 at 5ft 2 is not overweight is it? I had a friend whose parents thought she was getting fat, she wasn't she was just going through puberty. She still has a complex about her weight.

coolaschmoola · 10/05/2015 12:21

Size ten is PERFECTLY HEALTHY. It sounds like you have some issues surrounding food and weight. FGS whatever you do STOP talking to her about what she's eating and commenting on her size, at best you will give her your issues, at worst you could trigger an eating disorder if she starts thinking a size ten is overweight.... She is fine, you, not so much

HarrietHasPie · 10/05/2015 12:22

I hope not AF. Ignoring the nit picking of OP's original post, she obviously feels her dd is overweight and she is the one who can see her.

Tbh OP there is nothing you can say that will sort this. My mum used to make comments about my weight, trying to be helpful, left me life long issues about weight and a crippling lack of confidence through my teens. No-one will be more conscious of her weight than she is. Just serve up good, healthy food, lead by example and let her make her own choices.

AgentProvocateur · 10/05/2015 12:22

Size 10? Hugely obese

There is a problem, but it's not with your daughter - it's you.

susiedaisy · 10/05/2015 12:23

I clicked on this thinking it was a genuine concern about a possible hidden pregnancy. But op you sound like its you that's has a problem with your daughter just growing and hitting puberty. Get a grip before you give your daughter a serious complex and undermine her self esteem.

ragged · 10/05/2015 12:39

How old is she, proudmama?
I'm 5'8" & a size 8-10 & I'm no skinny-minny, so to me that's not a great size for 5'2".

I suggest approach it as a fitness not weight issue if you must, OP. "Would you like to get fitter with me & eat healthier for sake of our skin-heart-energy" type messages.

avocadotoast · 10/05/2015 12:45

Size 10 and 5ft 2 is not overweight. I'm slightly shorter and (pre-pregnancy) a size 10 - BMI of around 24.

She's 14 and like others have said she's perhaps gained a little weight as part of puberty.

Cut her some slack. If she's eating healthily at home then that's half the battle. Plus, going out and buying sweet treats with friends etc...it's not ideal but it is pretty normal.

Methe · 10/05/2015 12:48

Have a fucking word with yourself.

musicmum75 · 10/05/2015 12:49

Ragged that is ridiculous. Is it only acceptable for tall people to be a size 10? Does everyone more petite need to be a size 6 to be a healthy weight? It is perfectly possible to be 5' 2" (or even shorter) and still be a healthy size 10 and not overweight.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 12:51

5ft 8 and size is very slim

ragged , you sound like you have an unhealthy relationship with body size/shape too

that is poor advice you hav eoffered

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 12:52

5ft 8 and size 10

squizita · 10/05/2015 13:21

Ragged I'm 5"2, size 10, 8 stone. Bang in the middle of my good BMI. I'm talking Topshop/River Island size 10 not "vanity" size 10 some shops do to flatter. I collect vintage clothes and have a 26 inch waist.

I had issues with weight perception and eating as a teen and got down to 7 stone (kept fainting) and I was only size 6-8 then.

Your advice is dangerous and skewed. I work with young women and deal with those who are over and underweight. 5"2 and size 10 is fine, I've never come across someone with this size/height and technically overweight.

Original poster

proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 13:21

I knew this post would drum up some hater posters. the fact there are alot of really fat teenage girls so I'm sure a lot of mums who would choose not to do what we did.

I don't think she is hugely overweight. She is starting to look a little unhealthy. But I disagree with many responders Size 10 for 5'2" size girl who is young teenager isn't great - but not a huge concern either. I think there are too many young girls getting obese. I just don't want to see her go that way.

My concern is the rapid change over the last 1/2 a year. I'm thinking she must be entering into some bad habits. It's my fault really that she isn't doing regular exercise - so we'll do that.

My husband and I are both concerned and talked it over the past few weeks and very carefully confronted her about her eating habits. Really just want to hear from other mums who do choose to have the difficult conversation rather than sitting by and watching their young child enter a life-long health problem

OP posts:

squizita · 10/05/2015 13:23

Proudmama your attitude worries me. In all the schools I've worked at, whilst there are some overweight girls, it's not "most". That "most" is concerning. If I came across you professionally I'm afraid I'd be gently hinting fir you to seek help/info about healthy weight, before your daughter became at risk of problem dieting.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 13:23

didn't get the replies you wanted = hater posters ?

okey-dokey

NerrSnerr · 10/05/2015 13:28

Are you sure it's not puberty? I know that when I was about 14 I really filled out and was about a size 10 for about a year at the height of puberty. By the time I was 16/17 I was a small size 8. Nothing to do with food, just growing up.

Posters are just concerned that she could get a complex that might lead to her hiding food from you or disordered eating.

squizita · 10/05/2015 13:30

Hater posts ... no one is expressing hate here. This is a parenting forum. It's not instagram or something where any disagreement is "haterz".
It's just the language in your 1st post seems to suggest you see most teens as too big (not some) also that you see size 10 as too big (which isn't so). With that info in mind, most posters got the impression you were seeing a bigger issue than there was and your goal size for your child might be lower than necessary.

Original poster

proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 13:30

squizita

you work with young girls with weight issues. Do you seriously tell them its ok to each donuts for breakfast everyday? Is it really dangerous to tell my ds to not get into the habit of eating chocolate after school every day.

Girls starve themselves when they realize they're overweight. I just don't want her to go there to begin with. Feel like if I don't do something now - we will go there and it will be my fault for doing nothing.

OP posts:

formerdiva · 10/05/2015 13:32

Op - please stop and consider the responses on here. You sound like a concerned, caring Mum, but genuinely I think you have a slightly distorted lense on weight and eating.

As your DD goes through puberty she WILL gain weight and she WILL have food cravings to keep pace with these. But please listen to the views on here that size 10 is not overweight and you old be inadvertently causing long term problems despite your good intentions.

Oakmaiden · 10/05/2015 13:33

Size 10 sounds about right for a 14 year old.

I just compared the sizing on Tescos clothes. Your daughter would be too tall for Tesco's 13 year old clothes, so would need to wear age 14 children's size. Which has a waist of 26 1/2 inches, and a chest of 34 inches.

Compare that to Tescos size 10 - with a waist of 37 inches and a chest of 34.

Doesn't seem like there is a mismatch there at all to me.

Selks · 10/05/2015 13:33

How to make her feel bad about her body image and therefore herself, OP! Way to go.
Sounds more like you are projecting your own issues, to be honest.

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