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Original poster

Confronting a 14 year old about weight gain

138 replies

proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 12:12

Anyone else done anything like this. I'm really interested in hearing others stories - because I just had a difficult conversation with my ds.

I've been concerned about her weight gain for nearly a year now, but never said anything. I started jogging with her and then didn't keep it up. There is no way to discuss this without causing upset and I don't want her to be uncomfortable with her body. She has gone up two dress sizes and the weight gain seems to be escalating. She is 5' 2" and is a size 10. Most of the girls at her school look overweight to me and I know many of them have unhealthy eating habits. They buy donuts before school or will eat an entire bag of crisps. My ds thinks she is under average for her age - I don't think so.

When she is at home she doesn't seem to overeat - but I will stop her. Stopped buying sweets, cookies, ice-cream. I felt like I had to say something because I think she is doing this while she is out with her friends.

Ughhh.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 10/05/2015 18:13

Squizita the OP will probably be appearing as subject matter on a stately homes thread in the future. The DD / DS weight is the least of the poor kids problems.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/05/2015 18:21

I'm totally confused. The DD is a healthy weight, so why is the OP concerned?

Especially as people have pointed out that puberty may well be the reason for the change in BMI that she's experienced recently.

amybear2 · 10/05/2015 18:30

Are we getting US and UK sizes mixed up? Because I am 5ft, a UK 10, and not even remotely chubby

You are an adult.Children are supposed to be much leaner

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
WhetherOrNot · 10/05/2015 18:39

She's NOT a child - at 14 she is practically a young woman!

PerspicaciaTick · 10/05/2015 18:44

My DD is 5ft tall and wears size 10 from some shops. Not an ounce of fat on her, every rib visible. Yet size 8 pulls across her shoulders and cuts into her hip bones (bones, not flesh). I would be furious if I thought anyone was giving her the message that she is plump or hefty.

motherinferior · 10/05/2015 18:52

OP, you sound distressingly like my mum. This is not a Good Thing.

titchy · 10/05/2015 18:56

OP you're hysterical - if she continues to put on weight she'll end up obese. Well no shit Sherlock. ANYONE who continues to put on weight will end up obese!

The difference is that she is a pubescent teen - designed to put on weight. She is also highly likely to continue to grow in height which you seem to conveniently forget.

MarzipanDildo · 10/05/2015 19:01

Distressingly like my mum too Hmm
I love her dearly, but she has no idea how her own weight neurosis have impacted my entire life.

One early memory is in the changing rooms at Mothercare (I must've been about 7 or 8); I stuck my tummy out and said "mummy, I'm fat". She replied "yes, it's disgusting, isn't it?" It crushed me, as I knew that being fat revolted her.

squizita · 10/05/2015 19:08

I've now been hit with a sinking feeling. .. has the OP done something she feels is really bad parenting (weigh a child) to "win" an online discussion? Shock
I really really hope she knew her weight all along. Really.

Otherwise it's gone... my dd looks chubby I need to tell her ... but weighing is psychologically bad let's ignore that it's not if done as part of a general check up and calling size 10 fat is way worse ...oh I look bad to some strangers online. Get on those scales DD! Shock

susiedaisy · 10/05/2015 19:52

110 posts and the op is still not listening Hmm

Roomba · 10/05/2015 19:57

I'm 5'2" and a size 10. I am in no way overweight! In fact I regularly get people telling me I am too skinny and I need to eat more (I don't).

My mother has similar attitudes regarding weight to you, OP. When I was in my first year at uni, I put on about half a stone due, probably due to drinking more than I had previously as my diet didn't really change. My mother told me I looked pregnant and it was 'disgusting'. Still not forgotten or forgiven that 20 years later. I developed an eating disorder in my early 20s, probably not unrelated to my upbringing.

Encouraging teenagers to eat healthily and get plenty exercise is one thing, but shaming them about their bodies when they are absolutely normal is disgusting.

Longtalljosie · 10/05/2015 20:05

Please read the chapter on weight in Raising Girls. The book is by Stece Biddulph but he gives over that chapter to a couple of eating disorder specialists. They specifically say this age parents can panic at perfectly normal puberty related temporary weight gain and cause immense damage.

Original poster
proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 20:07

My ds weighs herself at her grans. My MIL has a scale - we don't. She has one because she gave herself diabetes from overeating. Poor women - her mother never taught her healthy eating habits.

Roomba - if you gave yourself a beer gut you probably did look pregnant. Glad to hear your healthy now.

OP posts:
titchy · 10/05/2015 20:08

Ignore roombas ED then?

passmethewineplease · 10/05/2015 20:09

Why do you want your DD to be at the thinner end of the scale? Health is all that matters and the NHA deem her healthy. Why the need to push for thinner end?

passmethewineplease · 10/05/2015 20:09

NHS*

susiedaisy · 10/05/2015 20:31

Wow op. Roombas opens up to you about her experience and all you get from that is "beer gut". Why on earth did bother to ask for advice on MN?

squizita · 10/05/2015 20:32

Ignore roombas ED then?

Not sure this is the only ED being ignored in this thread sadly.

All of us size 10 fatties ignoring sage advice, advocating actually weighing and suggesting if you're within the healthy BMI range you're not overweight. (Sarcastic emoticon).
If we say anything about how there seems to be a hang up with perceived weight we're angry and unreasonably pro-fat.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 20:33

why do you keep typing "ds" when you are talking about your daughter Confused

DurhamDurham · 10/05/2015 20:34

Beer gut? It was unlikely to be a beer but if only half a stone was put on.

You sound like a total delight with issues of your own.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 20:35

Roomba - if you gave yourself a beer gut you probably did look pregnant.

Suffering Christ, you are a piece of work

Starlightbright1 · 10/05/2015 20:39

I will tell you a story OP...

When I was growing up and 15 and a size 8. We has a competition to lose weigh in our family...I won. I lost about 7lbs. I was eating riveta and a bottle of milk for lunch. My parents were overweight and should of done it together not involved their children. 25 years later I still have a very unhealthy relationship with food.

I never needed to diet or even think about it. I felt fat.Remember thinking my thighs were huge.

There is a huge difference between encouraging a healthy diet and what you seem to think

titchy · 10/05/2015 20:46

On the plus size if when her dd does develop an eating disorder at least she'll be nice and thin in the eyes of her mother!

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 21:10

arf @ "on the plus size

titchy · 10/05/2015 21:14

Oh yeah! Blush