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Parenting

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Original poster

Confronting a 14 year old about weight gain

138 replies

proudmama2772 · 10/05/2015 12:12

Anyone else done anything like this. I'm really interested in hearing others stories - because I just had a difficult conversation with my ds.

I've been concerned about her weight gain for nearly a year now, but never said anything. I started jogging with her and then didn't keep it up. There is no way to discuss this without causing upset and I don't want her to be uncomfortable with her body. She has gone up two dress sizes and the weight gain seems to be escalating. She is 5' 2" and is a size 10. Most of the girls at her school look overweight to me and I know many of them have unhealthy eating habits. They buy donuts before school or will eat an entire bag of crisps. My ds thinks she is under average for her age - I don't think so.

When she is at home she doesn't seem to overeat - but I will stop her. Stopped buying sweets, cookies, ice-cream. I felt like I had to say something because I think she is doing this while she is out with her friends.

Ughhh.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 10/05/2015 21:29

*They specifically say this age parents can panic at perfectly normal puberty related temporary weight gain and cause immense damage.

Yep. I was younger than your daughter, but could really have done without my mum telling me my 10-year-old stomach 'looked pregnant'.

Unsurprisingly it is only now, looking at the pictures of myself as a teenager, that I see a healthy and rather nice-looking young woman. At the time I was convinced I was far too fat. (Though I didn't have an ED. That was my sister.)

motherinferior · 10/05/2015 21:32

Mind you, OP, you'd probably consider me huge. I'm 5ft and size 10...

AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 21:36

I'm a size 10-12

a pure heifer

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

squizita · 10/05/2015 21:39

I'm usually in the top 75% of my healthy bmi. Never mind my doctor freely saying that it's a perfect place to be for bone health and fertility: not too little, not too big.
It's a concern.

motherinferior · 10/05/2015 21:46

And my 14 year old is a 5'3 size 8 and is tiny. Seriously, she is - not alarmingly so, as she's got a bit of muscle on her - but she really is skinny. She could easily go up to a 10 and be just fine. And no, I'm not looking at her in some deranged 'my fat child isn't fat' way - she's a wiry-to-skinny young woman.

foxybingodotcom · 10/05/2015 22:01

Toddlers fill out before they shoot up - I'm not sure that stops until your fully grown.

Roseotto · 10/05/2015 23:33

Sounds quite a lot like me, by 15 or so I was a 12/14 and it led to many miseries over my teenage years. My mum just sort of rode it out with me and never criticised and by my 20s I managed to get to a better weight for my height and build. I do think I'd have enjoyed my teens more if I hadn't been slightly overweight (even if my bmi was healthy I was heavy for petite frame).
Op I understand your concerns if all around her peers are eating poorly - but I would stick to modelling healthy eating/exercise and serving healthy food at home at this point.
When the average British woman is 14/16 you will never get a sympathetic hearing really.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/05/2015 23:39

A size 10 at 14 sounds like quite a lot? Is it really? Isn't it impossible to tell without actually looking at the child in question.

Is the assumption that a woman who is a size 14/16 (whatever their height) is always overweight? And therefore also unable to understand what a healthy weight is?

Akire · 10/05/2015 23:43

I'm 5'3 and a normal size 12 I don't see how if you can fit into size 10 clothes you can be over weight? Teens body will change she may get bigger hips some people are more curvy she may end up in 12 but weigh same as size 10

Fatteen · 11/05/2015 00:06

My mother made it clear she didn't like fat - struggling with her own weight, and criticising my older sister for her size - I dieted by age 10 and by 14 I used to hide bags of regurgitated food around my room. She hasn't got any better but I have learned to ignore the latest diet she is interested in. As another poster said, I love her dearly but I wish she hadn't focused on weight so much at such an impressionable age. Please try to change your attitude OP. You can do more harm this way than by letting her have the odd donut!

Chippednailvarnish · 11/05/2015 00:21

When the average British woman is 14/16 you will never get a sympathetic hearing really

I'm 5ft 4" weigh 8st 4lbs am a size 8 - 10 and I think the OP is a sandwich short of a picnic.

There is a huge back story to her relationship to her DD and this frankly bizarre thread is nothing to do with weight and more to do with her attitude to her DD.

squizita · 11/05/2015 06:58

Roseotto RTWT ... she ends her op with urgh.
All the posters who are aghast are size 8-10, pretty much.
Several talk about eating disorders.

This isn't healthy and tge thread isn't pro larger sizes.

squizita · 11/05/2015 07:01

Oh and let's be frank: you were bigger than this girl. You were not this girl. Perhaps you did need extra support. But you were bigger than her.
So an entirely different case really health wise.

Don't project and conflate so that your experience means it's ok to give a girl who has a healthy bmi a complex.

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