Is it harmful to leave a baby to cry for short periods?

[RevoltingPeasant]

DD is 7 w old and DH is back at work now. DD is a pretty placid baby but doesn't like to be put down, so I'm normally holding her or she's in a sling. Fine!

But, there are times when I just can't hold her and get stuff done. For example, showering or making a hot drink.

So far, my attitude has been, if she is somewhere safe and warm, with a clean nappy, it is not the end of the world if she cries for periods of, say, 3-7 minutes whilst I dash about boiling the kettle, or hop under a hot shower. I have taken the view that me being washed for the day matters more.

But sometimes she sounds quite desperate when she cries. Am I being cold and damaging her by leaving her for short periods? Or is this inevitable and something everyone does?

Bring her into the bathroom with you when you're showering. Put her away from anything that she could pull on top of herself.
Lay her on a few towels. Give her a toy.

If she going to cry at least you can keep an eye on her and play peekaboo with the shower curtain/ door. Turn on and off the shower so ithe sound's not too intense.

It's a tough phase, I remember wearing my dcs in a sling and going to the loo wearing the sling.... Blood curdling howls if put down for an instant... Seemed to last forever, but I don't regret putting that time in.

I wouldn't leave my baby to cry while making a hot drink. I just bring him with me, or wait until I've seen to him. His crying (especially when he was so little) made me want to cry so seven minutes crying just seems unnecessary if I can avoid it.

Obviously if mum is about to have a breakdown or is stuck on the loo, or baby is in the car it can't be helped, as seeing to baby could cause more damage than not, but that's just my opinion.

I leave dd to cry when she's just having a shout. For example if i know I'm going to sit down and feed her and it'll take 40 mins but I'm busting for a wee and seriously thirsty then I'll leave her somewhere safe and shout out reassuring things. Ive taken her into the bathroom too when showering.

I don't think it's overly harmful but i have read that if they're very stressed then their brains get flooded with stress hormones which isn't good.

I think within reason its fine to leave them.

Dobe, but it's not about seeing to her as she'll cry whenever left. So I can feed her, put on a clean nappy, soothe her, but when put down she will scream. So that would mean literally never having a cup of tea. I don't take her with me in the sling as I thought it wasn't safe to handle a boiling kettle whilst holding a baby - is that not right?

She doesn't care about being in the same room - she literally wants to be held.

I know about crying causing stress hormones, but I also feel like I'm by myself with her for 12-13 hours a day and need to do small things to keep myself sane.

Is this selfish? :(

Sometimes they just have to be put down! But I'd try and minimise it and put them where they could see me.

So cup of tea would have gone : Put in bouncy chair (howl) and stick kettle on. Pick up. Get mug etc out one handed carrying baby. Put in bouncy chair (howl). Pour hot water, stir, add milk. Pick up.

Shower would go: Put on towel in bathroom and strip off. Quick cuddle. Into shower. Stick head round door every 30 seconds or so. Towel and scoop up.

Penguins yes I do that re shower. She is in her bedside crib which is against the same wall as shower, so I get out and show her I'm here periodically. With hot drinks, I've taken the view that it's better to do it all in one go as fast as poss but maybe I'll use your tip :)

Just make urself a drink while baby is safe. It's a 2 minute job. Please don't use that silliness of take out cup. cuddle. put back, take out tbags, cuddle, poor water...
Come on.. Seriously!!!

pour not poor obviously!

as long as you know it's just for attention and she is safe in her cot/chair etc then it won't do any harm whatsoever!

it's not selfish to need to out her down to make a cup of tea, holding a baby whilst using a kettle or being distracted by a crying one at your side is more likely to do damage through an accident than leaving her to cry for 5 mins while you boil the kettle and make a cuppa!

Butterfly that's kind of been my attitude so far but am second guessing myself. DH took a month off work for pat leave and for the first four weeks of her life she was pretty much never put down at all except when sleeping at night. So I am not used to hearing her cry for a few seconds to attract attention.

Just not sure how long is too long!!

Where's yes, she is always in cot with blankets and dummy, or in car seat with blanket.

I'm just finding it hard to judge as I pretty much feel guilty all the time unless I'm actually breastfeeding her or reading her a book!!

That's why she is crying then...she's never been put down. Put her down lots. Next to you on the sofa, on you lap even, anything that isn't held upright against your body. Start off for really really short periods and then build up.
Otherwise you will never get a second's peace.
At 7 weeks she is probably either feeding or sleeping most of the time anyway?

PS do not let the baby-wearing posse make you feel guilty for even one second.

She will be fine for a couple of minutes. And because no one else has said it ... if you have another baby it's inevitable they will be left at times because you'll be chasing an unruly older sibling!

No, it's not harmful. You sound like a lovely engaged and responsive parent - please don't worry about a few minutes crying!

A few minutes is fine and you're not being selfish. It sounds like your DH works long hours if you are on your own 12-13 hours a day, of course you need a few minutes here and there to do essential things and keep yourself sane. If you don't have a bouncy chair, get one, she is more likely to associate it with a short putting down (rather than the crib).

Think of it this way, if you had a toddler to take care of as well, you would definitely have some moments where you had to put down the baby, sometimes it's just inevitable. So try not to worry too much.

My point was simply that a 7 week old doesn't cry for attention. I have three kids. If you are dealing with a toddler who has wet themselves then yes, baby goes somewhere safe for as long as it takes. But I wouldn't stand around waiting for a kettle to boil whilst the baby cried. I would try and engage with the baby during the process and still getting my cup of tea.

Different approaches for different people.

PS do not let the baby-wearing posse make you feel guilty for even one second.

Agree

I had two babies who wouldn't be put down, and it's just not possible to carry them all the time. She can't cry herself to death.

You say she will be put down at night though, how does that work?

Yes research does suggest leaving a baby to cry on a regular basis can be harmful but if it is just once or twice a day then I'm sure your DC will be fine. I suppose it depends how regularly you do it.

7 minutes I would say is too long, can you not shower whilst your DH/DP is at home? Or whilst she naps?

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful

It changes really fast too OP. Literally a few weeks and the baby will probably have a five minute attention span for a toy or whatever. It gets easier fast.

Thanks all :) yes DH has a 90mile round trip commute and also has choir practice one night each week so is mostly out 7.30am-8pm, ish, 10pm on choir nights. We have no family within 200 miles and all my friends work ft, so it really is just me.

Fakename, I dunno but I'm not questioning it!! I feed to sleep in a chair then put her down in her bedside crib. She. Often wakes then but if she's genuinely full, and it get into bed next to her, she will just settle herself to sleep over about 15min. I'm very glad of this as I think self settling is hugely valuable as a "life skill" for babies.

That research is about 'excessive crying' LittleBairn - why would you post it on a thread about a few minutes of crying which is a completely different thing?

Many (if not all) of those excessive crying studies are based on neglectful orphanages and therefore aren't comparable to normal parenting.

Little Bairn but she only naps on me. This is the issue..... Also DH gets up and leaves a good couple of hours before she and I get up. I'm still having postpartum night sweats and feel grim and stink if I don't have a shower.

7 mins is the absolute upper end if I'm having a shower - it's mostly more like 3-5 min and would happen probably 2 maybe 3 times per day (1shower, making lunch, 1 cup of tea).

For things like lunch I'd say bouncy chair in the kitchen. Yes, she may well cry, but she's hearing and seeing you, and in time she will learn those things are enough. I think that is preferable to being in her cot, personally.

Hmm okay that is an idea! I'll start using bouncy chair more. That's pretty obvious probably but hadn't occurred :)