Is it harmful to leave a baby to cry for short periods?

[RevoltingPeasant]

DD is 7 w old and DH is back at work now. DD is a pretty placid baby but doesn't like to be put down, so I'm normally holding her or she's in a sling. Fine!

But, there are times when I just can't hold her and get stuff done. For example, showering or making a hot drink.

So far, my attitude has been, if she is somewhere safe and warm, with a clean nappy, it is not the end of the world if she cries for periods of, say, 3-7 minutes whilst I dash about boiling the kettle, or hop under a hot shower. I have taken the view that me being washed for the day matters more.

But sometimes she sounds quite desperate when she cries. Am I being cold and damaging her by leaving her for short periods? Or is this inevitable and something everyone does?

Lonz DH had the problem with leaving DS2 to cry himself to sleep, not me. He's my 4th but his pfb. Sometimes he'd really scream in his sleep and not wake up.

Honey I'll see your roll off the bed/sofa and raise you climb out onto the roof.

noone else just made cups of tea while holding a baby then? just hold baby well away from kettle, its not that hard to do

That's bloody dangerous sanfairy. Just put the baby down...nothing bad will happen??? I confess I made these faces at the netting sling and the towelling sling

One of the most common accidents in A & E is babies being scalded by water. Some people need parenting classes.

No. I wouldn't make tea holding the baby. I'd do things like getting mugs out holding them if they were upset, but anything with hot water I would put them down.

Get a one cup instant kettle thing. You can fill with cold water, put cup under it with teabag, add milk and push button all holding baby. Cup of tea is made, no waving kettle around. Would minimise down time if she is really screaming. Only about £30.

Also I thought a lot of babies cried at being put down due to sudden lack of warmth, so when putting he down for a longer period like a shower could you warm up the bouncey chair before putting her down. Not sure how, would say hot water bottle but that obviously involves putting her down

maybe because i am tall, but you just stand sideways on, lift kettle, pour. even if you drop the kettle it goes nowhere near the baby. now, drinking tea while holding a baby and sat down, so the cup goes over them, dangerous.

She will be fine. dragging out the crying by stepping in to pick up between "stages" would probably be far worse.

fgs put her down make a cup of tea. you can't mot shower till a baby decides they will "let" you.

Do what you have to do.

huge difference between neglect and putting a baby down for her own safety for a minute.

I will never and have never taken a baby into the toilet.

that's what bouncy chairs/play pens/ cots are for.

i have just made a cup of tea to check
imaginary baby is at least 50cm away but probably more, plus higher than kettle, plus with my body between them and kettle
when you sit drinking a hot drink, which is how many scalding injuries occur, the baby is far closer to the drink.
not that i remember ever having a hot cup of tea/coffee with a small baby

not that there is anything wrong with putting a baby down to make a coffee either, but probably best to put them down while drinking it if it is still above lukewarm

sanfairy - I'm with you, I will pour a kettle at arms length whilst holding the baby on the other side - it'd take something spectacular to end up scalding the baby. I'm tall to though, perhaps that makes a difference. Then I'll leave the tea to go tepid before I attempt to drink it with the baby around!

I just have a thermos travel mug for actually drinking tea. Ironically I keep scalding my own mouth as I forget how hot the mug keeps it

We had a breakthrough today where she napped for 55 min in her bedside cot upstairs - I got to sort and hang out all the laundry in one go

My 4wk old (also have an8&6yr old), often cries when I shower, even with a dummy and swaddle. He also has a cry when I then get dressed/dry hair. Other times of day he lies contendly in his basket. Unfortunately I can't always wait til then to shower. His siblngs did the same, he will be fine. The rest of the time he is held/BFed and we co sleep. I think he will feel loved and secure most of the time (my elder two are lovely kids). Oh and yes to making tea etc with him, and not drinking/eating hot food over his head. Think it is quite hard to fuck up if you're sensible and have a good support network. Try not to worry too much. Fwiw I have just put "once" nit killing gunk on my hair (daughter had nits, did her last night, don't think I had but better safe than sorry) and sat BFing while it dripped on his legs. Forgot to bring a towel over. Again, he will be ok.

Trust your own common sense OP, and do what you need to do. A few minutes crying is not the end of the world, and it's important you feel like a human being for the rest of the day. A shower and a cup of tea is not asking the earth!

You have a lot on your plate with very limited support from friends and family by the sound of it, so do it your way and anyone who tells you it's wrong can either lend a hand or sod off.

On a practical note, a vibrating baby-bouncer seat saved my sanity in the early days. Used it all the time, she'd happily sit and watch what I was doing between the ages of about 2-5 months. I miss those days!

sanfairy I also can’t believe we’re the only ones on here who just get on and make a cuppa whilst holding the baby! I never used a sling (can’t bear them) but quickly got the hang on doing some jobs, breastfeeding, etc. whilst walking round the house. Hell, I even answered to door to the postman once whilst breastfeeding multi tasker I am!

Giles I’ve also never taken a baby into the toilet with me. I just can’t see in what situation I would have. Surely someone can either shower early in the morning / late at night or when the baby naps? As for going to the loo, that is literally a 2 minute job, even at one day old a baby can be left for that amount of time!

I'm hoping that the few minutes here and there that DC2 has to spend crying without cuddles will be cancelled out by the fact that she spends more time than her sibling did snuggling up in the carrier while I follow round in his slipstream...that's how it works isn't it?!

I used to make cups of tea/coffee while holding the baby, I did one knock the coffee mug off halfway, terrified myself, rushed DS to A&E - he was absolutely fine, it totally missed him. I scalded myself, though.

I was more careful after that but I did still hold the baby - I thought everyone did it! Sounds stupid but they're always doing it in soaps etc.

Do parenting classes really say "never ever hold a baby while making tea"?

Bertie I've never been to a parenting class - Parenting Fail No 57 - but I have a friend with bad scarring from when a cup of hot coffee was tipped onto her as a baby. I always put DD down for anything to do with the kettle.

Of course it's not selfish! Think what parents of multiples have to do, or those with other DC (especially small DC). Sometimes you do need to pop babies down for a couple of minutes and no, they won't be scarred for life if they are otherwise well cared for and have a secure attachment

This is where a back carrying sling or mei tei comes in handy! I used to have a lovely silk one., ideal for making China tea.

yes, i thought a back sling would do the job here
it's almost always the cup of tea/coffee getting knocked over. i've heard of scalds mostly from that, occasionally from saucepans pulled down, but in personal anecdote world, never from the pouring a kettle moment. my kettle is right at the back of the worktops, a full arms length away from where you stand to pour. plus it only has enough water for the number of cups being poured. its when you sit down with the cup of hot tea that accidents happen (not in my world, tepid tea being the best i used to manage)

I'm sure I was advised not to back carry until 4 months at a sling meet though? Or does it depend on the sling?

You can back carry from birth but it can be dangerous to get it wrong before they can really hold their heads up/sit with support, so they tend to say that only experienced back carriers should attempt back carries with really little ones.

Yes, in hindsight, I should have kept DS away from hot stuff but it didn't really occur to me at the time. I was really worried about leaving him crying because I didn't like the thought that he didn't understand where I was and would be scared. If I have more DC I will be more laid back about leaving them, I'm sure.

Drowning moustaches on your baby is the best thing ever....you'll treasure the photos my advise would be to ditch the biro and use an eyeliner pencil though.

Otherwise people tend to go when you go out for days afterwards.

Just saying...