Is it harmful to leave a baby to cry for short periods?

[RevoltingPeasant]

DD is 7 w old and DH is back at work now. DD is a pretty placid baby but doesn't like to be put down, so I'm normally holding her or she's in a sling. Fine!

But, there are times when I just can't hold her and get stuff done. For example, showering or making a hot drink.

So far, my attitude has been, if she is somewhere safe and warm, with a clean nappy, it is not the end of the world if she cries for periods of, say, 3-7 minutes whilst I dash about boiling the kettle, or hop under a hot shower. I have taken the view that me being washed for the day matters more.

But sometimes she sounds quite desperate when she cries. Am I being cold and damaging her by leaving her for short periods? Or is this inevitable and something everyone does?

I had o e like this OP, I bought a swinging chair, and swaddled him when I was holding him then when I put him down he still felt like he was being held, - would sometimes lay a teddy bear over his legs as I sneakily removed my hold !

It does get better :D

Oh and don't worry about carrying her a lot. Mine is now confident rolling around mats at play sessions, can sit and amuse herself for 5 or 10 mins (6 months old) and has been carried a lot and virtually attached to my tit 24-7 in the early weeks.
If anything I'm the one going "Oh ... you don't want a hug? You'd rather play with the activity centre... ok then..." tiny violin

Ooh it does make me angry when people try and make you feel bad putting your baby down for five minute even if they do cry. What you said in your op was totally right. I would go mad if I had my baby attached to me all day.
And so what if it's to make a cup of tea. Crying not dying is a phrase a good friend of mine told me and it's very true.

I wouldn't leave my little one if she was doing her bad cry but if it's just a whiney cry/shout I leave her for a few minutes aslong as I know she's in a safe place and doesn't need something. I now shower when she's in bed but in the early days I use to bring her to the bathroom in her carrycot/bouncer or something's but her on a blanket and let her play with toys on the floor

My previous rather long message got lost - essentially you have some very sensible advice above....if you had twins or a second child your baby would have to cry for a few minutes whilst you make sure everyone is safe etc.....
I had a baby who cried a lot in the early weeks and one day it suddenly improved. I didn't get on with a sling, found it too hot (in March!) and uncomfy post-section. I felt bad about this but now realised it has not made a jot of difference! I have a happy sociable toddler.
You will naturally get quicker at doing stuff in the house and showering etc, in those little windows, and the fact you're questioning it means you are considering your baby's needs.
Enjoy your baby, it does get easier.
I shall have to reread it words in a few months when I have my second!!

Dc2 definitely cries more than dc1, you just can't optimise everything all the time - recommend trying white noise while in the shower - my fan settles dc2 to sleep so I get a long shower sometimes. Don't feel bad, doikg quick tasks as you mention that need doing isn't leaving a baby to cry

Oh please don't feel guilty about making yourself a cup of tea or having a quick shower! DD was a massive Velcro baby and cried ALL THE TIME unless I was breastfeeding her. DH would come home and I wouldn't have brushed my teeth, gone to the loo or eaten anything hot all day. I got a UTI and told off by the GP. I look back and honestly think I was a bit bonkers. You must look after yourself.

Just sayin'

If I'd left dd to cry and not had her in the bathroom in the bouncy chair than she wouldn't, five whole years later, still be known on Mumsnet as the immacced baby.

The one reassuring thing about being a parent is that whatever safe sensible decision you make for your child there will always be someone to tell you you are doing it wrong.

And sometimes, not matter how hard you try you fuck up. But babies are generally quite forgiving if you love them and do your best to make sure you BOTH survive the erly difficult stages.

I think that you have to draw a line somewhere!! I simply refused to be dirty all day to avoid 5 minutes of crying, or thirsty to avoid 3 minutes, or busting for a piss to avoid 2 minutes. That way madness lies. When ds was little I'd put him in his bouncy chair in the bathroom with me- sometimes he'd cry, sometimes not. Either way I'd have a bloody shower.
The research referenced in a pp is about babies who are regularly left to cry for long periods, "usually" left to cry, not loved babies with loving mums.
My ds napped on me until he was around 7 months ish. I would always get myself a cup of tea, set laptop up and go for a wee before we settled down for a nap. I don't believe for an instant that it did him any harm. In fact now he's 15 months he's really very comfortable being left to play alone for a while. DD is due this Summer and ds will be 19 months- I strongly suspect she'll be left to cry a little!
Go forth and pee Treat yourself to a cuppa.

mine lived in the vibrating bouncy chair when i couldn't hold then and they weren't having floor time.

whether it was me going to the loo, making lunch or tidying up.. i had a bad back and suffered severe SPD/PGP with the second so couldn't carry her, she had to sit in the chair and get used to it!

Honey.... Do I want to know??

Gunpowder and Nicky thanks. Sometimes I just feel a bit bleak and low these days and I do feel REALLY gross physically. I don't know if this is normal, but since birth I definitely smell lots more and sweat buckets at night. I'm currently not doing my roots or wearing my normal deodorant as I don't want to expose DD to the chemicals. I am wearing old shoes and coat as we can't afford to replace knackered ones whilst on mat leave. I am loads fatter as sat on my arse all day bfing and eating cake

my morning shower just makes me feel human enough to go to baby groups, the GP etc without feeling like I am stanching the place out - I already feel I look like I smell iykwim!

7 weeks is very little but parenting ime (I am now 9yrs in now!) is always a balance between meeting baby/childs needs whilst still meeting your own needs and wants as well.

I am a strong believer that if your own needs aren't met you will struggle to fully meet the needs of your dc. By needs I am referring to washing, eating (), drinking and the occasional and socialising - mostly with other new mums.

The smell is normal don't worry. I absolutely stank after having my baby.

Revolting You can absolutely 100% use any deodorants they sell in regular shops with a baby, and breastfeeding etc.

Without Mitcham I would stink.

My personal view is that it's fine to leave them to cry when you're actually doing stuff. But I wouldn't personally leave them crying as a training kind of thing. Just my opinion. But no, I'm sure she won't be damaged.

Oh god, I'd forgotten the sweats after delivery! Although looking at my photos in the first few days I think I was sweating off excess fluid - I looked all puffy!

YY the sweating/smelly thing is usual! Have discussed this with lots of friends. I had one smelly armpit.

I think it's fine to use deodorant. Maybe a paraben/aluminium free one if you are worried?

Roots and deodorant are fine.

I just want to clarify what I said earlier because I think maybe it has been misunderstood.

Your needs are important. You need to eat, wash etc. All I was saying is that I think there are often ways of letting you go about things without the baby being left alone in another room if upset. It may not seem it, but your voice and presence are a comfort. Hence why not put in the bouncy chair and have a quick calm down cuddle if necessary while the kettle boils. I am not saying it will damage her to leave her in her crib.

Yeah Penguins I will start to use bouncy chair - it's a good idea, and I knew what you meant!

Wrt deodorant, I didn't wear any for first two weeks as worried the chemicals would harm DD. I now use an un scented one but still feel a bit pongy at end of day.

With roots, I am worried DD might have an allergic reaction to the dye. You know how there is normally a bit of dye left in as the colour washed out in subsequent showers? Well, I thought possibly that residue might cause a reaction. After all, you patch test a new dye on yourself first, but you can't do that on a newborn!

I used to let my son cry for a bit, not too long. But gradually bit by bit he ended up crying/whimpering himself to sleep, then...he didn't anymore. He was a good sleeper as a newborn anyway.

There seems to be a lot of parents that worry that letting their baby cry themselves to sleep is bad or not good for them. They need to learn to settle on their own; you are not always going to be there. Carrying them too much can also make them clingy. I held my son a lot but made sure at times that I got him into a routine when he napped and went down to sleep.

I used to put him in his chair/bouncer thing and let him watch me bathe. He had toys as well so he was occupied and I could also see what he was doing. Or if I was washing up, he'd be in the kitchen with me. They do need to learn to be on their own sometimes when they're older (maybe 9 mnths+). I didn't really notice 'separation anxiety' with my son.

Yes, but you patch test because the chemicals themselves sit on your skin. A tiny bit of residue on your skin, and your hair then brushes her skin is a fraction of a fraction. Get your roots done if you want!

Did you read some stuff about wanting DD to be able to smell you - hence the unscented - or was it an allergy worry? I had a home birth this time and had my Chanel no.5 back on before I'd brushed my hair.

Allergy worry!

I had a HB too :)

Hmm will consider roots....! Would make me feel less grim, definitely.

If you're really worried about deodorant, I read recently that using a lemon, literally, half a lemon, just like a roll on works. It sounds utterly bonkers and made up but it was posted by a blogger I generally like and find normal, so may be worth a try??

I did just use normal deodorant, though. And DS used to sleep all night with his head in my armpit.