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Original poster

Inappropriate behavior??

81 replies

wildnothings · 18/12/2014 00:56

Hello

my daughter who is 7 has come home tonight from her uncles home where he has been watching her while me and my wife have been working today(childminder was ill) i noticed she was in her pj's so asked why, she said uncle gave her and her cousin a bath ,

I was immediately furious as this has happened at least 3 other times when my daughter has been on play dates at there house and always when the aunt is not there , but my wife has always said im thinking creepy things cause im weird!!

i told my daughter that only mummy and daddy should bath her so the next time she was round there house she must of told him what i said as he rang my wife for permission to bath them. she rang me i said no but in a nice way but still dropped the hint.

So back to tonight, i was so angered that he had bathed them again i took to Facebook against my wife's wishes at sent the below chain of messages (names removed) now my wife's going ape at me like im the one in the wrong and i have ruined xmas , but surely this is unacceptable behavior ? or am i a complete idiot , im still really annoyed and my gut tells me its not right but my wife thinks its fine

Today
me
21:21

, Just so i am making this clear , Do not bath my daughter again . this may be perfectly innocent but im uncomfortable with this , especially as you did not ask my permission..

***
21:31
him
how could u even think like that, I'm practically family and you've know me long enough now,

21:40
me
you obviously didn't get the hint the last time i told you not to bath her , so this time im making myself crystal clear!!!! maybe you need to take a step back because bathing other peoples kids every time they come to your house for a few hours is not normal , no matter what the circumstances and if there ever was a time you certainly would seek permission, now the first couple of times this has happened i thought was weird so i dropped a big hint that this was not to happen again, and you did it again , now your ever really stupid a bit naive or a wrong un , now im going to go with the first 2! but its your fault that it has come to this as you have put yourself in this position ,. now im prepared to leave it at that and for you to dwell on this and see my point of veiw

21:49
him
Obviously didn't get the hint last time maybe if you would have come straight to the point, understand how u feel but fucksake*** you really really upset me how you could even think like that

21:53
me
don't you fucksake me your lucky im taking this lightly you dick you should be apologizing for bathing my daughter , you want me to apologize to you ????

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/12/2014 03:25

Well. This is very weird.

You are within your rights to ask him not to do it and he should respect that..however if he has innocent motives for doing this then it is probably fair enough he is quite offended as you have basically accused him of being a paedophile.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 18/12/2014 03:39

Um, why didn't you just say "please don't bath my daughter, I don't want her learning it's ok to bath at other people's houses, cheers" = non issue.

I agree with your wife tbh.

SparklyReindeerShit · 18/12/2014 04:02

No wonder your wife is pissed at you. Really? You 'took to Facebook'? Why not just ring and explain?

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EatShitDerek · 18/12/2014 04:55

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JeanSeberg · 18/12/2014 05:40

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KatieKaye · 18/12/2014 05:43

Facebook?

Really??

suspiciousandsad · 18/12/2014 05:47

Strikes me that this is all about you having control, not about your daughter having a bath.

financialwizard · 18/12/2014 05:56

You could ruin someone's entire life over bathing their niece.

Yes tell him you don't want her bathed there but no need to practically call him a paedophile.

arlagirl · 18/12/2014 06:05

Why not just speak like a normal person?

Something doesn't ring true about this. Have reported.

Allice · 18/12/2014 06:08

If I were him I'd never ever look after your daughter again.

phoenixrose314 · 18/12/2014 06:10

TBF, this seems to say more about you than it does about him. I would always bathe my kids at the end of every day before they get in their PJs - kids get messy easily, they need it. He was bathing his own kid and chucked yours in too - I really don't see the problem.

It's easy in modern society to think the worst, but you have more or less accused an innocent man of being a paedophile... If you had a niece who got chocolate all over her whilst at your house, would you not bathe her??

Bit much.

PotteringAlong · 18/12/2014 06:11

Have you asked him why he bathed her? Maybe she needed a bath? Maybe she wanted one with her cousin (there's nothing more exciting when you're little than having a bath with people you don't normally have a bath with!)?

PotteringAlong · 18/12/2014 06:13

I've just realised the pjs thing! Was it the end of the day? If I was bathing my children and my nephews were here (of godchildren or anyone really) if bung them in the bath too!

You're overreacting here.

SoonToBeSix · 18/12/2014 06:32

Yes inappropriate behaviour- from you!

Mostlyjustaluker · 18/12/2014 06:38

Just to clear. Your bil is bathing his own daughter and because he was doing you a big favour and looking after your child he put them in the bath together either because they wanted to go in the bath together or because it easier too look after two children in the same room? So you trust the man to have solo care of your child but he can't put her in bath because he is a man and therefore unable to bath children without abusing them but it would be ok for you if his wife was to bath your child?

gamerwidow · 18/12/2014 06:40

Unless there are other reasons to suspect this man of wrong doing you are being ridiculous. When my niece or nephew were that age if I was looking after them in the early evening I would have bathed them and put then in pjs too. Why wouldn't you if you were already bathing your own child. You owe this man an apology.

McSqueezy · 18/12/2014 07:24

If my relative askes me NOT to bath their child who was staying over for only a few hours then I would not, out of respect.

And I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with a male relative bathing my daughter while his wife was out of the house.

Original poster
wildnothings · 18/12/2014 08:20

Having slept on this and looking at the comments, i do feel that i may have come across a dick, however if you all think its quite normal then i take your point.

just to give some further details on the build up , this is my wifes brother in law some sundays when my wife is at work her brother in law request if my daughter can go around on a play date , we normally say yes , then he started saying i will bring her back at 8pm when he picks his wife up, i told him this is to late as i want some time with my daughter too at weekends and we have fun sundays usually . however he always still asks whenever she goes round for her to stay late ( hence me getting really angry that he has not took the hint), this was a big help when it was for a few hours in the day as we have a newborn , so yes he could be helping out, but on the last 3 occasions she has been around and always when the aunt is not there he baths them now this could be 4 in the afternoon she doesn't need a bath at that time , i wanted to nip this in the bud so thats when i dropped the big hint, rather than come out with it as i didnt want to offend him but now i dont care as he was stupid enough to put himself in this position or he is a weirdo , i dont know and will not take further chances.

if you all think its quite decent of a man to bath your kids at every given opportunity without asking you i question your judgement.

but i would rather be a dick than have this carry on my daughters nearly 8 too old to bathed for no good reason by uncles with no authority to do so

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 18/12/2014 08:28

There's two separate issues though. Absolutely fine for you to ask him not to bath her if that's what you want and he has to respect that. She's your daughter, it's your rules.

However, the way you went about challenging him on FB is appalling.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/12/2014 08:32

They probably want to have a bath.

minmooch · 18/12/2014 08:45

If you are concerned that this man is potentially a paedophile then you should not let your daughter go to his house at all. He does not need to bath your child to commit abuse. Either you trust your daughter with him or not. Your exchange with him on Facebook was childish to the extreme - how old are you? If you have concerns about your daughters safety you ring the man direct or report to the police. If you had done this to me (accused me or even hinted of abuse) I would never have your child under my roof again. And yes your wife is right you have ruined Christmas.

R4roger · 18/12/2014 08:54

she is 7 and you are inappropriate. and wrong.
she is either ok to go there, or she is not.

Only1scoop · 18/12/2014 08:58

Face book grow up.

I doubt the guy would ever even dare to mind your daughter again.

You obviously have doubts about him so why on earth did you send her there?

Convenient as no childcare Hmm

Only1scoop · 18/12/2014 08:59

I don't use FB

Could other users see those messages? Or just him?

NCIS · 18/12/2014 09:04

So, on a previous occasion, your wife called you for permission to allow her BIL to give her daughter a bath? Do you not allow her to make decisions without referring to you?

I would be furious if my DH expected me to do that, not that he would as we have trusted each other to make choices regarding our children

Your FB conversation sounds like that of a very silly teenager, if this was not by private message it's even more appalling behaviour on your part and if I was your wife I would be seriously considering my future with such a controlling husband.