Inappropriate behavior??

[wildnothings]

Hello

my daughter who is 7 has come home tonight from her uncles home where he has been watching her while me and my wife have been working today(childminder was ill) i noticed she was in her pj's so asked why, she said uncle gave her and her cousin a bath ,

I was immediately furious as this has happened at least 3 other times when my daughter has been on play dates at there house and always when the aunt is not there , but my wife has always said im thinking creepy things cause im weird!!

i told my daughter that only mummy and daddy should bath her so the next time she was round there house she must of told him what i said as he rang my wife for permission to bath them. she rang me i said no but in a nice way but still dropped the hint.

So back to tonight, i was so angered that he had bathed them again i took to Facebook against my wife's wishes at sent the below chain of messages (names removed) now my wife's going ape at me like im the one in the wrong and i have ruined xmas , but surely this is unacceptable behavior ? or am i a complete idiot , im still really annoyed and my gut tells me its not right but my wife thinks its fine

Today
me
21:21

, Just so i am making this clear , Do not bath my daughter again . this may be perfectly innocent but im uncomfortable with this , especially as you did not ask my permission..

***
21:31
him
how could u even think like that, I'm practically family and you've know me long enough now,

21:40
me
you obviously didn't get the hint the last time i told you not to bath her , so this time im making myself crystal clear!!!! maybe you need to take a step back because bathing other peoples kids every time they come to your house for a few hours is not normal , no matter what the circumstances and if there ever was a time you certainly would seek permission, now the first couple of times this has happened i thought was weird so i dropped a big hint that this was not to happen again, and you did it again , now your ever really stupid a bit naive or a wrong un , now im going to go with the first 2! but its your fault that it has come to this as you have put yourself in this position ,. now im prepared to leave it at that and for you to dwell on this and see my point of veiw

21:49
him
Obviously didn't get the hint last time maybe if you would have come straight to the point, understand how u feel but fucksake*** you really really upset me how you could even think like that

21:53
me
don't you fucksake me your lucky im taking this lightly you dick you should be apologizing for bathing my daughter , you want me to apologize to you ????

I'd be very concerned about this happening to a child of mine, especially with the constant requests for your daughter to visit.

I would actually be more concerned about your wife telling her to keep it secret, I meant wtf? If anything happened to your daughter with this man, your wife's just given her a reason not to tell daddy, as "mummy said to keep it secret" I know this isn't what your wife meant but your daughter is too young to know that.

I'm with Roisin and PinkPeonies. Deliberately or not, he is blurring boundaries everywhere; not taking hints, being strangely thick-skinned and 'not getting it' one minute and sensitive the next, pitching people against each other, however inadvertently. Most parents instinctively know to err on the side of caution where other people's children are concerned. Most think twice about what they feed other people's kids or what films or TV they let them watch, so bathing them is definitely in that category. At your daughter's age, I'm surprised that 'popping them in the bath' is seen as either necessary or appropriate. As grubby toddlers perhaps, but now? In my profession, if this came to my attention I would probably be raising a cause for concern. Just in case.
As for taking to Facebook, perhaps a bit drastic. Better speak plainly directly to people if you want to make yourself clear.

And yes, Stay.

I don't understand why he's bathing the kids? There's no reason to as they are only there for a few day time hours

Totally with you OP. Very odd behaviour from bil. I reckon there is more to this issue that you haven't told us about.

If I had asked somebody not to bathe my daughter and they continued to I would stop all visits , it's just odd and I would feel uncomfortable

I'm not going to judge you on your response as there appears to be more to this