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Parenting

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When did you start enjoying your baby?

194 replies

mrshope · 12/09/2014 16:59

Hi - this is my first post and I was just wondering when you starting to enjoy your baby? I am a first time mum to a 9week old and while I love him dearly I am definitely not enjoying myself! It seems so relentless! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?!?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mrshope · 21/09/2014 11:52

Hi Ilove and bb,
Indeed the only thing that works for him to sleep longer than 45mins in the day is the sling and even then it is a lot more effective when DH has him than me!!
Did you worry about 'rods for your back'? Or did your dc grow out of needing all the comforting and rigmarole to get them to sleep?
Clearly a number of baby books have scared the hell out of me and I worry that I am not helping him be independent or the infamous self soothing!

OP posts:
mrshope · 21/09/2014 11:53

Ps thanks for your help - it really is encouraging me! I thought I was the only person or that it was all my fault Hmm

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Kelly1814 · 21/09/2014 13:26

Mrshope I've been thinking about you the last few days as my DD just turned one, bringing back lots of memories of what I call 'the bad old days'. She never slept for longer than 45 minutes, until she was 5.5 months.

She could stay awake for ten hours at a time. You are not alone!

These sum it up for me:

britneyofarabia.blogspot.ae/2014/01/annoying-things-people-say-when-you.html

britneyofarabia.blogspot.ae/2014/01/annoying-things-people-say-when-youve.html

Are you using white noise? This helped ours stay down a bit longer. It's blasting away now during her afternoon nap.

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BB01 · 21/09/2014 13:54

No I didn't worry about that..have you read the stuff about a third trimester and babies needing to feel like they are still in the womb? That reassured me it's actually good for a baby to be carried much of the time. Plus my DD wouldn't be put down from the day she got home from hospital so didn't really have any rod to be created! There's nothing wrong with a baby getting to know it's needs are being met, that's what they are at this stage. If you can put them down and want to great but plenty of people actually are happy to hold and carry their baby all day (some people never even use a pushchair for older babies) so try not to read too much into what some books say you should be doing.

BB01 · 21/09/2014 13:55

PS my baby half grew out of needing the sling to sleep and half we did some gentle sleep training when she was nearly a year

workingtitle · 21/09/2014 14:01

Please don't worry about the length of naps, that's great for this age and truly you won't create bad habits. DS slept in the sling or car for every single nap til he was 6m. He only did longer than 45m a nap when he dropped from 3 naps to 2. There's a thread on the 'sleep' page about 45 min naps - you might find it reassuring Smile

ilovehotsauce · 21/09/2014 16:54

Ditto what bb01 said but I was quite worried about the rod for your own back idea but that was over taken by staying sane and having a happy baby, I've since read lots of stuff about the 4th trimester and that small babies can't self soothe.

I may get flamed for this but I've never let her cry (with the exception of me needing to use the bathroom or eat) she at almost 11months is very happy playing crawling and chilling out by her self she's also very confident with other people. She is starting to sleep in her cot even at nap time.
But I have very much followed her lead, I think it's very difficult as most of the baby and toddler books are centered around western ideas of parenting and very much tell you what your child should be doing when and if it's not you have magically failed the task of being a parent. Which is a very narrow and negative view in my opinion, and adds to the stress of being a new mum.

Are you happy to cosleep? Are you happy carrying him? (in terms of him sleeping better for your dh it's because he can't smell milk!) Obviously you want him to be happy, but reading some of the anti controlled crying info and the idea of my tiny baby wanting so badly just to be held made me feel that I above everything- sleep, eating, cleaning and spending time with dh was put on hold because dd needed/wanted me and I would do it all over again!

I have never rarely left dd but this is more my own feelings than hers she has happily gone out with dh for most of today no tears just a mega cute wave.

Oh and remember he's not read the books! Lol

mrshope · 22/09/2014 12:18

Hi all,
GP prescribed me ranitidine today - after a night where DS woke up at 8.30, 11, 1.45, 2.45, 5, 5.30, 6, 6.30. Each time seemingly screaming in pain :-(
Worst night since he was tiny!
Let's hope we see an improvement soon.
Thanks for your help

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mrshope · 22/09/2014 12:30

Ilovehotsauce - flick between thinking that it is fine I will just hold him for the next 3/4/6 months and thinking there is no way I can do this as it is too exhausting. It's horrid being too tired/always worrying about how to get him to sleep to really enjoy any part of being his mummy.

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ilovehotsauce · 22/09/2014 12:52

The tiredness is crippling I sat and watched a lot of TV I can recommend girls as a starting point! Also reading and mums netting, pretty much the opposite of what I expected to spend a whole year of my life doing! On a more helpful note is there anyone else that can hold him while you sleep? Wink or will he sleep in your bed? I could never sleep when she slept I've had about 5 naps nice she was bornSad!

I think you need to really try and find what works for you and him without any fixed ideas of what either of you should be doing especially him sleeping there's a reason there are hundreds of books on how to get babies to sleep, but there's no magic tricks some babies sleep some don't, some want constant contact some are happy to sit in there bouncers for hours! (Our still has the same set of batteries it came withHmm) try to just do what feels right and your both happy with.

Regarding the reflux you may find that in less than a week you have a completely different little boy on your hands and that he's like this because of being in pain. More than anything keep your chin up, you made this amazing person, your his mum and your doing your very best Flowers

LittleRedRobin10 · 22/09/2014 13:03

Been thinking of you mrshope. So sad to read what a tough week you've been having. Gosh I could have written all the things you wrote as I felt exactly the same. On a few of his most unsettled days I wondered if I'd ever be a happy or be a good mum. I felt like I was letting my DP, family and DS down as I was finding it so hard. I see now that of course that wasn't true but at the time I just felt so overwhelmed.

It's great that your doctor has prescribed Ranitidine so give it a few days and see if it helps ease things a little. There's lots of great advice from Mumsnetters about reflux on the health boards.

Do go out and see people too, even if you feel a bit embarrassed or stressed by your baby's crying. Nobody minds as they've all had their moments. Maybe go along to a breastfeeding group or baby café as you'll meet some sympathetic mums and more experienced mums too who will be able to reassure you. Also bear in mind that all babies have their challenging phases. At first my DS was the hardest baby in my NCT group by far - he was almost never awake and content for more than a moment or two - but in the nine months since each of the babies has given their mums a difficult patch. It might come at teething or crawling or weaning or naptimes but it happens now and then. So brave the outings or perhaps suggest to just one or two mums that you could have a walk in the park or a cuppa at home together or baby cinema where the noise of the film will take over any grizzling!

It is so exhausting though, isn't it? And being tired is just horrible as it makes you feel all at sea, really upset and cross. Don't feel guilty for having to have a little break sometimes - whether that's two minutes in the loo or ten minutes peace and quiet whilst someone else holds him - as it's really important to look after your own health too, mental and physical. My mum used to hold him for an hour for a nap whilst I walked the dog by myself or had a quick cuppa with an old friend.

As for sleep then I'm afraid my only advice is just hold on in there for a bit longer as he's still really tiny. My DS had pretty much all his naps in the sling/my arms and then gradually the push chair for months. It was pretty intense as you don't get a break but it was the only thing that worked. I watched a LOT of Netflicks! At six and a half months (when I got a cold and couldn't go out with the pram) we used the No-Cry Nap Solution to get him to nap in his cot. It took a good few weeks and the naps were short at first but one day he rolled onto his front to sleep and started having good 1 1/2 hr naps in the morning and at lunch. There was nothing I did differently (and believe me I thought I'd tried everything!!), he was just ready.

And please please don't think that you're letting anyone down. An unsettled baby is such hard work and it's so upsetting when things aren't as you dreamed they'd be. Hold tight and keep strong and one day (in hopefully the not too distant future) you'll be playing with your baby or laughing with them and it WILL be just as you dreamt it would be.

Take care and keep us posted on how you're getting on. xx

PS Sorry for the long ramble! Naptime so I'm trying to multitask!! x

minipie · 22/09/2014 13:45

Poor little chap Sad and you too. Hope it helps. If not then I guess at least it might help to have ruled things out.

mrshope · 22/09/2014 14:49

Thanks all. Your kind words do make me feel a lot better.
Am currently sat in a dark room, with white noise and him in a swaddle on my lap having a bit of a cry at your lovely thoughts.
I was in a dark place last night - considered quitting breastfeeding so someone could help me more. Then realised this morning that was a silly idea!
Poor little mite. He is totally exhausted today from being awake so much last night. Overtired and now not napping well!!

Onwards and upwards. Xxx

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ilovehotsauce · 22/09/2014 15:21

This might be a silly question but are you doing the dark room sleep idea or will he already only sleep in a dark room? Blush

BB01 · 22/09/2014 15:39

So glad that the GP has prescribed it for you as it can be a battle. Really hope it helps xx

mrshope · 22/09/2014 17:02

Good point Ilove...
He naps in the sling if you put a hat over him to cover his eyes. Otherwise he stares at everything.
I use a dark room to try and give him some nap cues. As otherwise he just looks at everything and gets overtired.
He used to sleep anywhere as long as you were cuddling him but has got more and more difficult to get tonsleep.

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Namedilemma · 22/09/2014 17:50

Not everyone will agree with this but I don't think quitting breast feeding (or at least mix feeding) is a silly idea at all. He may be more settled on formula, although he may not, but even if he isn't, I genuinely believe that the mental health benefits for you of being able to have a proper break outweigh the small physical benefits your baby will gain from continued exclusive breast feeding, assuming you/he have an otherwise healthy lifestyle.
As I said, controversial I know but this is the very reason I have mix fed twice and I seriously think I could have slipped into PND otherwise.

naty1 · 22/09/2014 18:00

Which car seat/ pram do you use?
I found mine was fine in maxi cosi car seat and used car seat as pram.
She wouldnt sleep except on me otherwise
She has a lip tie which is linked to posterior tongue tie though this was never diagnosed
We thought colic but it continued up to a yr.
She turned out to be allergic to soya, which is in everything- yoghurt, ice cream, chocolate, biscuits, bread, cakes.

ilovehotsauce · 22/09/2014 18:12

Long periods of time ie naps in car seat are very bad for small babies and can be dangerous.

naty1 · 22/09/2014 19:49

Judging by the op saying naps are 45 mins that doesnt sound like a danger.
But anyway i was commenting on maybe he doesnt like her particular car seat. Meaning for journeys and pram trips not every nap.
Also falling asleep with baby on sofa is a no no so i guess it depends which out of several choices is worse.

tealover1985 · 22/09/2014 20:27

Around 5 months it got massively easier. Ds was velcro baby, I was always the one at groups who just had to stand and rock him and I couldn't believe some babies just lay there on their own and were happy! Then one day I remember saying to dh that he hadn't cried today! Then there were gradually more and more days that he didn't cry for no reason. He is still loads more demanding than some babies but definitely once the crying stopped I started to enjoy it more

ilovehotsauce · 22/09/2014 21:09

Naty1 new guidelines suggest 30 minutes for a newborn to a maximum of 2 hours for an older baby (I appreciate this is not realistic).

naty1 · 22/09/2014 21:16

Is 9w newborn?

Nothing is ideal - i think DD has a strange head shape from sleeping on my arm from birth.

ilovehotsauce · 22/09/2014 22:27

I think so they are still so tiny or at least dd was till about 12-14 weeks.

I agree nothing is ideal,

BB01 · 24/09/2014 11:59

Hope things are ok OP? X

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