When did you start enjoying your baby?

[mrshope]

Hi - this is my first post and I was just wondering when you starting to enjoy your baby? I am a first time mum to a 9week old and while I love him dearly I am definitely not enjoying myself! It seems so relentless! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?!?

Mrshope, if I could go back and do it again the one thing I would do it try to go with the flow more wrt sleep. I tried to force bedtime routine and night time sleeping before DS was ready and it just made sleep a battleground. Sleep deprivation made me desperate to make him sleep better, but it was counter productive.

mrshope, i would be kind to yourself. 10 weeks is still very very small, what you are describing sounds completely normal to me.

have you heard of the fourth trimester? basically human babies are born too soon really and the first three months of their life can be considered a fourth trimester. those first 3 mnths they can't really see much, are reliant on smell and touch. there's no way mine would have napped in the day in a moses basket, she could crack out 10 hours awake no problem.

i spent time onthe phone in tears to the millpond sleep clinic thinking i was doing soemthing wrong, and they explained this to me and said everything i was saying was normal.

keep trying to show the difference between day and night to them, a little bedtime routine, each day is a new day. if you can, hand the baby over to someone/anyone and get your head down for a few hours.

you are doing a great job!

If I'm honest I really struggled with the new born stage, but now (he is 22 months) I find every month gets better and better.
From 6 months was a big improvement - but I have to say until he started consistently sleeping through at 17 months I still struggled often. Once the sleeping through every night happened I feel much more like my self and able to enjoy him alot!

And with the sleep - be easy on yourself and your DS. I know it feels like everyone elses baby is sleeping when yours isn't. But I promise that isn't the case and his sleep with improve with time. Look after yourself. SLeep deprivation is so tough! I recommend good tv, lots of cake and getting out every day and meeting other mummies if possible.

Thanks guys. Just had a disastrous morning. Went to baby massage with my nct class.
All the other babies lay quietly through it and then went to sleep in their prams. DS howled after about 5 mins. I had to take him home in the sling as he was screaming in the pram. All the other girls went for lunch with their babies.

It is hard not to think that I must being doing something wrong!!!

You are not doing anything wrong! My DD was far and away the most unsettled out of our group of NCT babies for ages. I was always so jealous of their apparently laid back and chilled out little ones who would just lie there quietly or doze while DD grizzled, grumbled or screamed . I went through a few weeks of just not wanting to leave the house with her as it was so upsetting and stressful for me. She is now one of the less challenging toddlers in the group however, by far!

One of my NCT friends has just had her second 2 months ago and she was telling me last week that he is so different from her first as he just cries and grumbles much more. It's just individual babies and how they are. But so hard when all the others seem much more contented than yours! Hope this afternoon was better.

18 months - sad it was so long but that is how it was for us. Now we adore each other x

mrshope I can't tell you how many times I bailed on a NCT meet up because DD was miserable or hadn't slept or usually both. She too was the "difficult baby" in our group. Sadly, someone has to have the difficult ones and we drew the short straw.

On the plus side, it doesn't mean they will be a difficult older baby/toddler. DD was pretty average in terms of "difficulty" from about 4/5 months and is in many ways quite an easy toddler (save for sleeping where she is still awful!). I think she was bored as a baby and became so much happier as she could entertain herself more. Hang on in there.

Thanks all. Another nct baby sleeping through the night (well ten - seven)
And I consider myself lucky if I get 3hrs in a row.
And after 5am he sleeps in 45min bursts.
Which I guess would be bearable if I got some naps out of him or if he wasn't cranky in the day.

Did anyone else just feel like giving up?

Orangeisthenewbanana - I think you summed it up.
I just don't want to leave the house as it is embarrassing/stressful.
Today I walked back from baby massage with him in the sling in floods of tears. I must have looked awful as someone actually asked if I was ok (totally unheard of in London!!)

I just can't go anywhere as he is so unsettled and I can't seem to get to 3hr routines due to him being tired after about an hr and a half and then only sleeping for 45mins... I just about stretch him to 2 and a half hr cycles.
Is it too much to ask to be able to go to coffee with some mums and not be embarrassed or have to leave as it is nap time?!

Are you ebf? Is the other baby "sleeping through“ also ebf? Honestly, at 9 weeks, that amount of sleep (10-7) is the exception rather than the rule! Sorry if this has been covered, have only skimmed the thread but has he been checked for reflux?

Yes I am ebf and I think the 2 babies in our group who are aleeping from 10-7 are also ebf.

Interesting you mention reflux - we had a nanny in for a couple of days to help at night and with settling him as I was convinced I must be doing something wrong. She thought he had silent reflux, I am not 100% convinced though... But am obviously no expert...

X-post mrshope!

If I could go back in time and give a piece of advice to myself, it would be "to hell with that 3 hour routine bollocks!" Some babies fall into a schedule easily, some just don't. DD would bf for 40-60 minutes, I would struggle to get her to go an hour and a half until the next feed and could never predict when she'd want another when we were out and about. It took me months to accept that trying to enforce a routine was just going to make us both miserable. Instead, I followed DD's lead a bit more and started to go with the flow as it were.

The benefit of hindsight 20 months on is that you learn that everything is just a phase when they are little. Things like feeding times, sleep, bad temper can change within a matter of weeks, often for no reason I could work out!

I'm also sure that the extra effort we had to put in early with DD payed off later. My niece is 3 months older and was quite a self-entertaining, laid back younger baby. My BIL and SIL got used to not having to do loads to entertain her and got a rude awakening when she turned 1 and suddenly became much more demanding and needy. DD was the opposite and got more independent and self-sufficient the older she got, possibly because she was confident in the fact we were always there if/when she wanted us.

Hang on in there. I can promise, hand on heart, it does get easier

Gosh I remember all that - not feeling it was worth it to go out because she was always stop tired but the only way to make her sleep was a long walk in the sling with as little noise as poss. I felt we missed out on a lot those first months. But even though my LO hardly naps for long now compared to her peers, she can deal with being tired much, much better. We are out twice a day every day without fail. I promise, it really will get better, one way or another.

Just saw your other posts saying a maternity nurse and GP think he has silent reflux but you don't want to give him gaviscon.

Please, do try the medication. Gaviscon is IMO rather useless, and a pain to give to EBF babies, but give it a short go and then you can go back and ask your GP for something better ie ranitidine. I can understand you being worried about side effects but a) my (excellent) GP has assured me ranitidine has very few - DD was on it for a few months with no ill effects - and b) there could be long term effects of leaving silent reflux untreated, in particular, babies with silent reflux can have damage to their throats which can take some time to heal.

That all said - has he been checked for tongue tie? (Sorry if I have missed this). We + GP thought DD had silent reflux, hence the meds, but it turned out she had posterior tongue tie - it causes similar effects as she swallowed lots of air and that caused acidic burps. Any signs of tongue tie eg does he fall off the nipple and need re latching, leak milk from mouth when feeding, make clicking sounds when feeding, white tipped/flattened nipples, very windy?

Hi mini pie,
He had tongue tie which we got snipped at 10days. But weirdly he has recently shown signs of the things you mention again...
I know tongue tie can grow back. Maybe I will get this checked again.
With regards to the silent reflux - I just don't feel he has it... But I know I could be wrong.
I will give the gaviscon a go - although how we will get it in him I don't know!! Looks like a right pain if you are breastfeeding!'

Definitely worth getting it checked again - also if it was an anterior tie that was snipped, get them to check for a posterior tie as well.

I know what you mean about reflux - I never really was sure dd had it either... turns out I was right she didn't, but she did have refluxy episodes due to the TT.

Anyway maybe check out the TT first and then consider reflux options...

DD was so much easier with the TT sorted. Still not an easy personality but at least she wasn't uncomfortable and being woken from her naps by wind.

Oh OP you poor pet, it's so hard in the beginning. My DS is now nine months and a little ray of sunshine but was such hard work in the beginning! He cried all the time unless feeding, was refluxy, only ever slept in my arms or the sling, wailed in the pram and the Moses basket. I was the mum at baby group frantically jiggling a fussing baby or walking miles in the rain to try to get him to sleep. It was really tough and i cried lots too! Be kind to yourself and get help from family and friends when you can. Even just letting someone else hold him whilst he naps or taking him for a walk around the garden whilst you have a shower or a cup of tea. And try not to think that it's something that you're doing wrong - it's not - some babies are just more of a challenge than others. For us, time was the best remedy. He started getting a bit cheerier around 4 or 5 months and by 6 months-ish was just lovely. People comment all the time on what a happy baby he is. We did all the things you're not meant to do sleep-wise (rocking, singing, swaddling, feeding to sleep etc etc) and just gradually reduced them as he got a bit bigger and i got a bit tireder and now he sleeps well in his cot and naps in the car/buggy/cot. I'd like to say that something I did made all the difference but really it was just time passing and him being ready. So just hang in there and keep going. One day soon you'll have a delightful little person and you'll have a done a great job of getting through a tough time. Hugs to you x

Thanks mini pie - could you recommend who I should ask to check the tongue tie? The midwives did it first time round but we then got it done privately. Not sure who to ask now the midwives have discharged us!

Hmm well you could ask your GP to refer to specialist TT clinic at hospital, but they are often difficult to get referred to unless you baby is losing weight.

outside TT clinics, properly trained lactation consultants/breastfeeding counsellors are usually best at spotting tongue ties - can you afford to see one privately? If not, you could ask your local nct or la leche league about breastfeeding groups near you where lactation consultants or BFing counsellors tend to visit?

Whereabouts are you based?

I'm in Balham South west London.
We've already spent £600 on private tongue tie issues! Yikes...
But I guess no harm in chucking more money at the problem!!

It's relentless at first. I hated the newborn stage but by 6 months things started to get better. I just felt my life was utterly wrecked (even though DD was much wanted and has always been loved and told she is loved) but at 6 months things were much less fraught and DD and I could interact more. She's now 3 and a few months and is vastly amusing and entertaining. I love that she is a chatty little person in her own right. She astounds me every day and fills me with pride and great bubbling tides of ridiculous love. I can't get over how different things are from those miserable, frightening early days. Hold fast - you'll get there.

Hah, I live very close indeed to you - Sw12 here too!

Anyway if you are willing to spend a bit more then I would recommend

1. Geraldine Miskin - very good lactation consultant. Will diagnose but not snip TT. £160 iirc, might be a bit less. Will also give general feeding/sleep advice.

2. possibly better for you - graham I smith at Kingston hospital. Will check for TT and snip if he finds one. £80 for the lot. Easy to get a private appt, he sees private patients in the early eves.

Mini pie - that is funny!
I have actually had Geraldine round twice. She is an absolute star! The midwives told me he had tongue tie but said as he was gaining weight there was no problem.
Geraldine advised definitely getting it done!
She is just fantastic and would highly recommend to anyone!

gosh small world! She is good isn't she . Well...in that case I can only suggest getting it checked to see if it's grown back? Good luck!