When did you start enjoying your baby?

[mrshope]

Hi - this is my first post and I was just wondering when you starting to enjoy your baby? I am a first time mum to a 9week old and while I love him dearly I am definitely not enjoying myself! It seems so relentless! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?!?

Oh I'd missed about the possible reflux too. DD had silent reflux and luckily our gp said to go straight onto ranitidine as I bf didn't express milk. It definitely helped her

Can I ask those who had silent reflux - how silent it was?
DS doesn't seem to be in pain when feeding which I thought was the biggest sign!
He has a lot of the other symptoms - huge burps, multiple hiccups, gags at night when you lie him on his back (but not regularly) vomits occasionally, sneezes a lot - but sounds like these are all signs of tongue tie!!

Littleredrobin - somehow I missed your lovely post!
Thanks so much for your kind words. That has really cheered me up. Sometimes you feel like you are the only person to have these problems! So lovely to hear from someone who has come out the other end!
I know everyone says don't compare but it is hard isn't it?
So glad you are happy now and I look forward to joining you in enjoying my baby!

AFAIK the main symptoms of silent reflux are unhappy during/straight after feeding and unhappy lying flat on back. "Sicky" sounding/smelling burps are also signs but these can also be down tt especially if intermittent.

Funny you mention sneezing a lot - DD did that too but I never linked it to tongue tie or reflux!

My first baby had colic so there was very little of the early months I enjoyed. He was also a winter baby and I went down with cold after cold after cold and then flu. It was a pretty miserable time for me. But when he was 4 months I did suddenly realise that I'm enjoying this now. He was more alert, becoming more active, smiling, giggling, gurgling, rolling over and finding his feet and generally being the most gorgeous little bean on the planet!

Similar story with my second...she didn't have colic but she spent most of the first few months screaming her head off. She never slept during the day for more than 15mins so spent most of her awake time screaming through overtiredness. Again, a pretty awful time but we turned a corner at about 4 months and I was definitely enjoying things much more from 6 months.

From my experience, the early weeks and months are the least enjoyable and it does get so much better. My DD is 2 now and living up to the 'terrible 2s'...but give me a tantrumming toddler over a newborn any day!

Oh mrshope you are definitely not alone! It's so hard at first when your baby is unsettled and some days I used to worry that it was something I had done or hadn't done, drove myself bonkers! But as lots of other lovely Mumsnetters have said - time remedies and these difficult days pass. I used to look at little children and their mums in cafes or playing in the woods and tell myself to look forward to those days, that this difficult first part was the time when I was laying the foundation for those happy times ahead. A really nice lady who ran the breastfeeding clinic told me something lovely which really helped - that when you're comforting your baby or being patient with them when they're having a hard day, you're teaching how to be in love, how to trust that when somebody loves and cares for them then they'll be there for them no matter what. So keep going and get all the help you can to get you through this hard bit. You're doing a great job. xx

Oh littleredrobin that made me cry!
What a beautiful thought. Also made me feel guilty for those times when I have had to put him down for a minute and walk away to catch my breath and calm down.
I will resolve to keep being patient, keep pouring as much love as I can into him and hold on to the belief that one day (and it might not be that soon) it will all be easier!

I do exactly the same on my endless walks around the common - I look at little toddlers, preschoolers and think one day he will be like that and while I know you shouldn't wish away their lives I can't wait til he can communicate in another way opposed to howling!!

Thank you for your support. Yesterday was so tough but today he has been a bit better and that makes it all the more bearable x

DD vomited a lot the first couple of months then it was more discomfort after feeds, very frequent burping, hiccuping, uncomfortable in carseat etc

About 8 months properly and dd is now 9.5 months (still not sleeping through!). The early months were hard and dd was definitely the difficult screaming baby wherever we went, I often blamed myself as she just never seemed happy and rarely smiled. Fast forward to now and was at a group last week where dd was described as the smiliest baby ever. A few months ago never would I have believed those words to be said. But she is a joy now and so much easier it's a shame that I have to return to work soon!

Hmm BB that sounds like my DS - apart from the fact that vomiting has increased rather than decreased.
He often cries after burping and they can be quite 'wet' sounding.
Maybe it is silent reflux or the tongue tie... And I was just blaming him for being difficult...
Will do some investigation! Thanks for your advice.

Rtfairy - that exactly what I fear - I will start to enjoy him and then will have to go back to work! Am definitely going to have a year!!

I just want to write somewhere. I don't need a reply. I just need to write down how I feel as I think I am exhausting my DH, mum and friends with my constant emotions.

I realise I am incredibly lucky, I have an amazing husband, supportive friends and family, and a gorgeous healthy baby boy.
However I just can't stop crying today. He is being so difficult.
All the NCT girls met up yesterday but my baby was being super difficult so I couldn't go...
They are organising more classes but I know there is no point in me taking him (especially after baby massage disaster).
I think I will be spending my entire mat leave in a dark room with white noise or pounding the streets with DS in a sling.
And it all makes me feel like a total failure.
I know they say it will get better or that this will pass - but some days that is hard to hold on to.
I feel like I am letting my baby down and my husband down. I just feel like one big fat failure at the most important job in the world and one that I so so desperately wanted as well.
I am everything I thought I wouldn't be before I had my baby.

Mrshope I promise that you are NOT a failure. You have a super challenging baby and anybody would find it hard going. Have you read Dr Sears's stuff about fussy babies? It really helped me. There's a website and a really great book. If nothing else it assures you it is not your fault and that the payback is a sensitive but very loving young child when they are older. My little girl is only fifteen months and so affectionate. Yes she's still challenging in many ways but every day is so enjoyable. When I think back to when she was your baby's age she sounds exactly the same. I know it is hard if you're going back to work but I promise you'll have so much quality time when your baby is older and easier. I think you're breastfeeding? Sorry if wrong. Is there a La leche group near you? Or any kind of natural parenting group or even sling group? I found that people were a lot more open about how difficult their babies were at these groups rather than saying everything's fine all the time. I also found a lot of people did things out of choice similar to me like sling, co sleeping even if their babies weren't as difficult as mine. This all made me feel so much less alone (although I did find a few people a bit hardcore for me eg no sleep training ever etc). Please don't feel you're alone as that's when things feel so much worse. You're welcome to PM me if you want to chat more.

And please remember that all your friends who seem to be coping better almost definitely have easier babies. I remember my NCT friend saying she knew exactly how I felt when I said how awful DD was in the car (screaming til she choked constantly on every journey and never sleeping). It turned out her baby cried for a few minutes one day in the car before dropping off to sleep. I found it really hard to not downplay other's difficulties while trying to explain how difficult my baby was! Obviously everybody finds things but I honestly think babies vary hugely in how difficult they are.

My dd was like this and all i can say is embrace the velcro baby! Bye a good carrier/sling and you will have your hands back I pretty much wore her constantly for naps and household stuff until 6 months.
Again with letting them sleep on you and watch movies or box sets! Im currently chasing my 11month old about its far more knackering than when she was tiny (still doesn't sleep!).

Amazing bits are smiles, kisses, giggles (espically at things that are funny) waving, mimicking sounds so mama dada baba, singing dd has been doong it for a few weeks its hilarious & random music and she's off! I really have enjoyed the weaning stage new food reactions are amazing!
Interaction with other children(we were at a mini festival over the summer a little girl was stood by dd pushchair, she put out her hand and the little girl just held it! they stayed like that for a ages.

There will be loads of incredible moments in your child's life and some utterly crap ones parenthood is amazing

Having just read your most recent post I think you should have a chat with your hv as you sound quite down and it's difficult enough without feeling crap about yourself, can I ask what you mean by difficult? I'm very sure your not a failure some babies are very unreasonable (and some new mums lie! About napping sleeping through ect) I read an article called African babies don't cry and I found it a really interesting view on being a new mum and western expectations/ ideas on parenthood.

I had a reflux baby and I don't know what I would have done without my babybjorn babysitter - great for putting the baby in for a short time after a feed.

My boy loved it in the end and would take naps in it - gave me 30/45mins to myself which was really needed!

Certainly not a cheap bouncer but I definitely think it's one of the best on the market.

It's horrid to feel isolated, but believe me you are not alone in feeling like this. Many of us have felt the same. Do speak with your HV or gp. Me and one other person in our nct group found the early months tough-- she sought help earlier and it really helped, I wish I had done the same.
And even if you don't believe it now, you really truly are doing a great job. I thought I had ruined DS, but he seems to be a very happy little chap now.

Thanks so much all, it really does make me feel better. Plus I have just had a couple of hours sleep which always helps!

BB - lol about the car - DS has cried until he was sick on one journey and on another just cried and wouldn't sleep - which meant by the time we got home and to sleep he hadn't slept for nearly 6hrs (as a 7week old)

Ilove - thanks so much for the advice. I don't feel depressed exactly, I still want to get up and dressed and leave the house, I guess I am more frustrated that I can't do these things!

By difficult I mean, screaming (like red in the face, tears etc) very suddenly and for no discernible reason (ie just slept/fed/burped etc), difficult to get to sleep/waking when put down, refusal to go in pram, play mat etc. and other unsettled behaviour.
I'm sure babies do all of those things some of the time but he does them all, most of the time!

Thanks for all your reassuring comments!

hmmm a newborn hating and not sleeping in car seat would be a sign of silent reflux for me (reflux babies hate car seats as tummy is squished so they bring up acid). As would sudden screaming for no apparent reason.

Would you consider trying the ranitidine? it works quickly if it's going to at all (if you have the right dose, it's weight dependent and also can be prescribed at different levels) so you'd know quickly I think.

Sorry realise that wasn't in the reassuring vein!

Agree with minipie, go to the GP and see if they'll prescribe ranitidine. If not try another one til you get success!

Thanks both, I will definitely ask the GP for ranatidine.

I also love my babybjorn bouncer although at the moment DS will only tolerate it for a few minutes but at least that gives me time to go to the toilet!!

Thanks all for your kind comments - they really did help me.

Any advice on how to get him to sleep for longer than 45mins in the day?

With a baby that young, I think all you can really do is go with whatever they want as much as poss so with the sleep thing, do you have a good sling you could just let her sleep in for as long as she will? Some people really rate things like motorised swings and those hammock things. Nothing really worked for us early apart from the sling though I'm afraid. It's still really early days though and she might suddenly just start sleeping better.

Sorry, him not her!!

By difficult I mean, screaming (like red in the face, tears etc) very suddenly and for no discernible reason (ie just slept/fed/burped etc), difficult to get to sleep/waking when put down, refusal to go in pram, play mat etc. and other unsettled behaviour.
I'm sure babies do all of those things some of the time but he does them all, most of the time!

My dd was like this I honestly never put her down never used toys until she was about 4/5 months didn't use a pushchair (she's still quite funny about the pushchair at 11 months) till around the same time. All babies are different mine is quite unreasonable but she's also amazing!

As I said before carry him comfort him and he will soon be more comfortable with his surrounding and not feel the need to be stuck to you 24/7. Please try not to get hetup on what other babies are doing as there not your baby, I've looked after quite a lot of children before dd and I've never met a baby that got angry at the suggestion of being put down. She's just very unreasonable! When people would ask me if she's a "good baby" I say as long as you do what she wants!

45mins is how long babies sleep cycles last so if he's started to stir and realised you've put him down he will most likely wake up, swaddling worked until she started wriggle or the carrier.