You know you're a mum when you.....

[guineapig2014]

....Just that really. Please cheer me up after a hard day at work!!

Have banana mush smears all down the front of your nice new black blazer, when you have just emptied out your handbag to find about 50 Lego bricks and when your hair looks like you have been pulled through a bush backwards as you have been playing horses

I'm not a mum yet but I have just looked after my 3 year old goddaughter for around 72 hours, doing trips to alton towers and legoland in that time

Realise at 5pm that you have boiled the kettle 6 times since you got up at 6am and still not had a cup of tea.

Haha bop

I've also thought of, when you start rocking the trolley in the supermarket (when your children are not there)

When you're alone in the car you are still listening to the cd of children's songs

You're out with your friends (for the first time in ages obviously) and in your sleep deprived state say 'I'm going for a wee-wee' rather than the ladies.

They're all coming to me now!!

You've steped on a piece of Lego countless times
You can recite many stories off by heart
You consider going to the loo in peace utter luxury!!

When you've picked someone else's bogey!

You get in at 5pm and realise at 6pm you still have your coat on and are doing the wee dance!

When someone spitting a mouthful of food into your hand is normal practice.

Yes, NickNackNoo, finding yourself making a meal with your shoes on and carrying your handbag still!

On the same vein, when Dora the ducking explorer is on over an hour after DD went to bed.

Toys in handbag or pocket. Sweets in handbag or pocket.

Saying 'look a plane/bus/train/doggie' and then feeling like a dick when you realise you're surrounded by adults

You give that stressed looking woman with the screaming toddler your most sympathetic smile

When you realise that the DC went upstairs to play / to bed half an hour ago and you're still sat watching the Disney channel / cbeebies / nick jr

Lost count of how many times that's happened

You can't finish a cup of tea.
Your icky sticky tolerance is low.
You can text and whip a foreign body from your child's grasp at the same time.
Smile at shit advice.
Know which bit of your DC to stroke to get them off to sleep.
Realise that your Mum was right about some stuff.

Realised I was a mum of two the other day when I had baby sick on one shoulder & some glittery stickers on the other

You've caught sick in your handbag/cupped hands.

Haha....all so true! I've done the wee-wee one too many times, it's embarrassing.

When you lick your fingers and wipe something off their face in public because the baby wipes were buried.....the one thing DH and I agreed was disgusting and we would NEVER do...and I've done it. (Hangs head in shame).

That unidentified bits of slime on your clothing are just part of life.

That you put them first no matter what, even when you are shattered and feeling poorly, you find resources from somewhere deep inside and get on with it.

That you no longer have too much to drink of an evening with friends because 'mummy has a hangover' really doesn't matter to a toddler and they sure as hell won't keep the volume down or have a lie-in with you

Aha these are brilliant!

When you're up at midnight the night before world book day making the costume

When walking around on my own I'll exclaim 'say hello to the bus darling' or 'look at that beautiful bird gorgeous'

When you find yourself rocking a shopping trolley back & forth as you would a pram.

When you go into your handbag at work to get your phone and have to rummage past wipes, a sock, a half eaten cereal bar, a random toy car....

When 'a lie in' still means you were up by 8.30.

When you find yourself giving a commentary in the car "Oooh, look, sheep" before realising you only have a sleeping four month old for company and have dropped the kids at school.

Oh, and in my case, when doing jobs without any kids in tow suddenly takes 1/3 of the time you had allocated. Bank. Supermarket. Getting a key cut.

Haha mentaldental that's so me!

when you introduce yourself as "minidances mum"

Are sitting here stroking my hairy unshaven legs because when could I possibly find the time to do it ?!

When you walk down your local high street dangling a potette bag of toddler wee off the side of your buggy scanning for the nearest bin before anyone clocks what is actually in the bag

Wipe their snot with your own sleeve to keep them clean for 3 more minutes.

Rocking the trolley is one thing... It's worse when it's your dh and they are temporarily in a wheelchair...