You know you're a mum when you.....

[guineapig2014]

....Just that really. Please cheer me up after a hard day at work!!

Continue listening to Let It Go from Frozen despite now having a heavily sleeping little boy in the car. Or even no little boy at all in the car because you dropped him off at his cm 15 minutes ago

You've dropped your child off at school. Driving to work and realising when you get there... The Disney cd was playing and you were singing alone.

Have had an erotic dream about a cbeebies presenter.

Please tell me you don't mean Mr Tumble Monkey

Find shards of Pringles in yer drawers and not in a good way.

when you find yourself doing stuff because it is in the dcs' best interest despite it not being in your best interest.

when you realise that despite the fact that your non sleeping child now sleeps you no longer have a proper sleep pattern there isn't an hour of the day you don't regularly see at some point of the week

when the sports kit stinks so bad it could walks its own way into the washing machine and you wish it would

when you can make a very long list of the things you never knew you didn't want to know

When you're up at 3am watching Ben and Holly with a poorly toddler trying to work out if you can get away with an extra dose of Calpol before nursery in the morning or need to look for emergency childcare at home...

When you can physically stop yourself from vomiting in order to retrieve your toddler who's climbing the stairs.

When you can poo at lightening speed, with an audience while trying to distract your toddler who wants to 'help' you wipe your bum.

When getting your dc's poo on your hand is preferable to getting your own poo on your hand

When you realise you've just referred to your dh as 'daddy' while out on an adults night out with friends and it feels perfectly normal.

When at 3.30pm you realise the reason you don't feel so good is because yet again you've had nothing to eat or drink and been up since 5am.

When stain removal feels like an adventure.

Eating a plate of food at your own speed, in one sitting, while it's still hot and not distributing half of it is the ultimate relaxing and fulfilling experience (it never happens unless 'daddy' and I are out!)

When you're driving along and announce "ooh look a red tractor!", or "there's a lady on a horsie!", only to realise that not only are your DC not in the car, but you are in fact giving your boss a lift to a meeting. Said boss did appreciate me pointing out the lovely tractor

Yy you eat at lightening speed in case a DC needs you.

You sacrifice lots of your own sleep so the DC will sleep just that bit more

You sway when the baby is crying even tho you're not holding him

Also, you eat at lightning speed in case your DC decide they fancy what's in your plate rather than theirs. Even if you have exactly the same meal

When they're sick and you catch it in your hands as it's easier to clean vomit off yourself than the carpet

You find yourself rooting through poo to make sure the Lego man/screw/other random objects they've swallowed have made it safely out the other side.

Getting out of the house in the morning feels like a major accomplishment.

You are obsessed with sleep.

You haven't seen a new film in the cinema for years but are up to date on all the latest peppa pig episodes

When your automatic reaction to someone vomiting is to try to catch the vomit so it doesn't go on the floor / clothes. Even when the person vomiting is not your child but an adult you don't know.

(being honest here)
when you forgive your own parents because you finally realise how hard it is.

when you get so frustrated at your own children that you think you may kill them, yet at the same time know you would die for them.

when you become an expert at disinterested but well meant praise. "That's LOVELY dear....what is it a picture of?!?"

(being honest) when you spend time with friends who have no children, listen to them complain about being tired and sit back bewildered, thinking "you think you know, but you have NO idea. NO. DUCKING. IDEA. how easy your life is right now".

eek reading them back they are all sounding negative....there are lots of positives too!..........

when they fall over and only your hug/kiss will make them feel better. i love that.

When attempting to leave the house with a baby becomes a military exercise.

Getting excited about sleeping past 6.30.

When dp walks out the loo, for some unknown reason asking did you do a poo poo!

Actually laughing and continuing to watch Ben and Holly's little kingdom during nap time as you genuinely enjoy it and the grand old elf is awesome.

Leaving an interview and only just noticing the porridge stain on your chest!

• Always having a faint whiff of soured milk following you.
• Not minding the poopy nappies.
• Calling you DH daddy.
• Informing your colleagues that you share an office with that you are just going for a wee. They never tell you when they go.
• asking your colleagues if they need to go for a wee before an off site meeting breaks up.
• your iPhone is always low on battery and the screen is sticky.
• all your iPhone photos and FB updates are about your kids.
• every single handbag you own has an emergency dummy, toy car and Barbie.
• Saturdays are no longer about shopping & chillin' but about ballet and football practice.
• it's Sunday night and you are glad to be going to work the next day

Oh and giving a really important presentation at work and realising just after that your child's "superstar" sticker from school had transferred onto your top.

You yell "train!" excitedly, before realising you're in the car alone

Ipswich I see your red tractor and I raise you waving a the local firemen going past in their fire engine … when DS isn't with you.

They waved back

when you have to scoop a poo out of the bath!

When you reach into your doctor's bag (I'm a GP) for a stethoscope and pull out a pair of small boy's Spiderman briefs. Then at the end of the day discover you have a sticky toddler hand-print on your back, which must have been there all day.

Museum
DH had one the other day - a lady in a shop tapped him on the shoulder and said "do you realise you have 4 Doc McStuffins stickers on your back?!" We're still finding the stickers a week later!