I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Crazy - I'm really proud of you for not giving in and shouting yourself silly about the rug!

I had a little shout today - only for a second but :(
As mentioned upthread, I had a bad night with DS2 being sick. I had left my bed uncovered with sodium bicarb all over the damp patch, to pull the smell out, and was leaving it to dry before cleaning it off and remaking the bed. So I'd swept most of the bicarb off the bed using a dustpan but still had to hoover the rest off, when both DSs decided that they would run into the bedroom as part of a game they were playing, and DS1 jumped on the unmade bed. Well I shouted at them both to GET OUT! as clouds of bicarb rose in the air - but it worked and they both shot out of the room as fast as they'd come in. IME, if I'd just asked him to get off the bed and leave, he'd have bounced around a bit more first and grinned at me. He generally doesn't take it seriously if you only ask him to cease and desist doing anything - he just laughs - in fact, he doesn't take anything his Dad says seriously when he's asked to stop, unless DH really raises his voice, then he knows he's being serious and does actually stop.

This could get interesting... but will keep on with it and see what happens. :)

pomme mine are aged nearly 7, 5 and nearly 2.

The older two seem to love and hate each other, they switch in an instant and fight constantly over anything and everything.

DD3 tends to get ignored a little or completely smothered by them. She is beginning to pick up shouty habits too at such a young age which is down to me, and really needs to stop for her sake and my sanity.

It's amazing what a difference me not shouting has made though - small steps but they are definitely better behaved and have argued less today. I haven't raised my voice at all although I have been very, very close to doing it many times today.

How old are your DCs?

Thumb Witch, at least it was a quick one!! That does sound stressful. Also I wish I knew about the bi carb trick when DD2 was sick the other day!!

We've just played the new board game. Normally I never play board games. I'm always "busy" and will do it "another day". So the kids get sick of waiting for me, attempt to play it themselves and lose/break the pieces. Today I thought fuck it, DS bought this game and was so excited about it, so I played. Was killing me trying to set it out and read the instructions while DD1 kept going on and on about watching peppa pig and DD2 was trampling over the pieces, but I kept calm!

2 hours to go, and 48 hours until wine o clock

Well done, redandyellow, very proud of you :) it's logical that shouting doesn't achieve anything, but very hard to it into practice.

I love bicarb, I do - has made life much easier in many ways! Wee on the sofa, fish juice on the car seat, sick on the bed - all smells removed thanks to bicarb. It's just a bit of a PITA to clear up, but that's a small issue!

I didn't know that!! Thank you :)

Oops, forgot I dropped a Yorkshire pudding in the oven the other day. Just tried to cook tea and we now have a smoke filled kitchen! Shiiiiit.

Urgh

I shouted today only slightly though

Middle child refusing to get ready for bed.

Tbh it was more of a raised stern voice but still felt rubbish

Failed miserably on day 2
Been at the park all day with them, come home and tell dp that I'm going to lay down because I'm so tired. He wakes me up an hour later to ask me to talk to the boys because they won't get in the shower. Are you fucking kidding me?!
Ds1 outright refused to even acknowledge that he was being spoken to by dp and then told me he didn't need a shower because he played in the splash fountains at the park.
I told him he needed to listen and do as he's been asked. He said no so I told him he wouldn't be going out tomorrow if he isn't going to keep himself clean. He said "I don't care" so that's it. No park for him tomorrow which means I have to leave him at home with useless dp who's on nights so will be grumpy anyway and I just take ds2.
Then I told him if he can't listen to me then he will not be sleeping over at his friends on Friday as arranged. He said he didn't care about that either.
Then I shouted "you will get in the shower. Either get undressed and get in now or I will pick you up and put you in fully dressed"

Mumof3 please don't feel rubbish. You're on here, admitting you we're wrong in shouting, and now feel bad over a raised voice! Most people don't even come close to that!

Also weird that you posted that as my middle child was awful at bedtime. She screamed and screamed until I confiscated her loom bands and then every toy on her bed until only the favourite was left. Finally she calmed down. I told them she could get her toys back tomorrow if she's good - because we don't shout and smack anymore. She and DS seemed very thoughtful! Then DS said "Will daddy still smack and shout?" :( tbh he's nowhere near as bad as me, because he's more relaxed and obviously with them less. But I'll have a word with him abut what the DC said.

I am an awful parent.
Ok, I can't change what's happened, so again I'll have to remember how shit I feel now and imagine how bad ds1 must feel and stop next time before I make threats like that.

How old is your middle child mycrazylife? Mine is 5. As I said before on this thread he is the one of my 3 who can really push my buttons! I am hoping he can grow out of it!

SilveryMoon :( I can feel your upset through that post. Please don't be sad.

He DOES care about the sanctions - he's just seeing how far you'll go. You may have to stick with it now :( and as for DP... What!? My DC always listen to DP - I think a stern male voice is scarier. If that happens again just look at him with a face and say well sort it then!

Ah silvery I bet you are not one bit am awful parent! The fact that you care about your parenting makes you not an awful parent I think!

Silvery - you're not awful. And I know how you feel. I actually can't repeat what I said to DD1 the other week because it was actually vile. Hence this whole turnaround. If you were awful you wouldn't have given your behaviour a second thought.

Middle child (DD1) is 3!

Ah so she's a good couple of years younger than mine. He can just be so stubborn and angry at times! I really do hope he grows out of it.

Gggrrrrr just wrote out the longest reply about how they never listen to dp and hit post and it's gone.
Hate this new fucking mobile site.
I'm so fucking angry.

They're probably at a similar mental level as boys, brains develop a bit slower I think! So I know how you feel!

Although I always say she's not a true middle child, as she was mine and DP's first (although he treats DS as his own), she was the first girl and the first home birth.

I think it's her age that's making her this way! I couldn't cope with my eldest from him being 2.5 to about 5 years!!

Silvery - I fucking did that earlier!! Copy ANYthing long before you post. Just in case. Grrr I feel your pain!

Honestly my typos are appalling...

It's bad when you give a punishment you don't really mean and have to stick to it (because I think you do if I'm honest). I hate it!

I too think recognizing your reaction could have been better means your're a good parent silvery.

Dd1 being really trying. Very emotional and clingy but with it very 'no' and frustrated and screamy.

Mine are 4.5, 2.5 and induction in minus 10 days (eek).

However - only one episode of shouting in three days which I'm seeing as a big step forward pre baby arriving to a calm house!

I'm struggling to use this mobile site!

He has always been stroppy and stubborn but it has worsened since he turned 4 I think.
The anger and kicking out I'm not 100% sure of why he's like this unless it's just his personality. I know some children will get like this if they can't communicate well but he is very bright and articulate so it's not that I don't think

Bloody kids. Bloody useless men. I could literally punch him. Dp, not ds.
It's always the same here. I spend all day fine, me and the boys get through our days with give and take, compromise, short conversations to help them understand that we have to do the things we need to do before the things we have to do and then we come home, he's a jerk-off and then I take that frustration out on them rather than him.
He's like a child himself. Earlier I said "can you bung some kievs in the oven for them" and he rolls his eyes! Well if it's a fucking chore to feed your kids don't bother, I'll do everything myself. I said that. He tutted at me and said I'm doing it. But it's the way he does it, you know?

Pomme - one tip I read was:

Don't make a threat if its something that will affect YOU, as you probably won't go through with it. So if you're looking forward to a play date (because you get to have a gossip with a friend!) don't threaten to cancel the play date.

That's why I took the loom bands, toys etc... Didn't bother me in the slightest except now my bed is covered in soft toys

Eek how come you're getting induced early? Ah I'm ever so slightly broody now!

Sounds like my dcs dad silvery

Like you should thank them for looking after their own bloody kids

Partly the reason I no longer call him my dp/do/oh