I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Yes, I know, SilveryMoon. You didn't exactly ask him to make a full roast dinner with all the trimmings, did you?! Does he not do much in general? If not, then maybe cooking kievs IS an actual chore to him. Pffft.

Mumof3, both mine hit an angry stage at 4. Was like magic! I feel your frustration.
Pomme, that's pretty impressive so close to baby arrival. Stick with it. Much nicer when everyone is calm.

That's good to know silvery, don't seem to remember dc1 doing it but good to know others do

Mumof3 - I have to admit I've seen you in Relationships. Hope you're ok xx

My DP used to be like this (been together since he was 19 - he's 23 now). He has actually grown up - never thought he would. But a while ago I had enough, made all the arrangements to leave him, ie sorted the house with the letting agents, packed his things, took my engagement ring off, told my friends etc and then I told him while he was working away. I have NEVER seen that boy cry but he sobbed and sobbed and has been much better since then.

I think he saw the family unit as an inconvenience... Now the kids are that bit older he sees it as an enjoyment.

He does more now than ever before but it's not near what he should do.
We Both work full time. I do the menu planning, the food shop, the ironing, the washing, the cleaning, the cooking, the playing, the parks and so on, I am also studying (degree with ou, in get this, childhood and youth studies)
He washes up and does the school run. Every now and then he might load the washing machine or food shop off a list. Nothing off his own back though, I have to tell him.
We Went away the other week and my dad came to paint my living room. He said he'd do it because I was fed up of waiting for dp to do it. We Have only lived here for 6 years.

It's good it worked out for you mycrazylife

My kids dad is now 27 and we have been together 8 years. Although he has got a little bit better in those year its still too much shit for me to put up with anymore!

But I am fine! Onwards and upwards and all that!

God silvery that's all well familiar sounding! Except for the pot washing. None of that was being done here

Mine is 43. Forty fucking three!

Oh dear

Fuck that lol

SilveryMoon - bless you. That sounds so hard. I can't really advise on your DP as I obviously don't know him, but I would say...

Don't iron!! I find the tumble dryer straightens everything, unless it's absolutely full.

I like menu planning and food shopping as I get to choose everything if you're doing it can't you just get all your fave foods?! My DC help with washing - DS is obsessed with helping with laundry, he was actually upset that we did none over the weekend can your DC do any jobs? And can you and DP do parks/days out/Etc together, at the weekend?

I know, right! He used to be brilliant. Ok we weren't together long before I got pregnant but he was great, he worked a full day then came home and did my job because standing behind a bar all day was exhausting and when ds1 arrived, he was great, not sure when it changed.
He has unrealistic expectations for the boys who are 5 and just 7.

43! Silvery, we were hoping it would get better with age! :)

How long were you together before you got pregnant, SM? I thought I was the only one! We were together for 10 days

Crazy, yes the boys are very good and enjoy sweeping and mopping. They load and empty machine on days they want to. No dryer here.
Family days can go really well until the boys get tired and dp doesn't have the patience to show any sympathy.

Wow crazy we were together for about 3/4 months when I found out I was pregnant. 10 days is fast work!

3/4 months here too!

We got our tumble dryer for Christmas, actually. My DP can be v short tempered. But it's more that he's really paranoid/embarrassed about what people think, so he hates the kids being silly/naughty in public.

Fast work! Haha! I know, it was the biggest shock of my life (apart from our third baby being delivered by DP on our bed - that was pretty unexpected!).

Omg crazy. Omg.
You ladies have been brilliant this evening. Thank you.
So you all think I should leave ds1 here tomorrow?

I keep finding myself shouting, bellowing even, at my boys.

I hate it. They don't listen when I do or the eldest looks really scared sometimes. He's only 3 but it's like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders.

DS2 has additional needs and I should be more patient. I don't know how.

The educational psychologist says he can't understand if I do naughty chair, I should just 'show my disapproval'. He's so violent, what do I do?? So I end up shouting to try and get through to him.

I don't like how I'm looking after them at the moment. I do know I need to stop the yelling.

Day three and managed to get through a very fraught afternoon with a screamy DS2 without shouting. Phew. Remembering this thread really helped I think.

None of us on here are awful parents because we all recognise that shouting is not the answer and we're all trying to be better parents.

I always get induced at 38 weeks ish due to a blood condition crazy

10 days! Productive first date?

silvery - that list is not fair! I'm feeling stompy feeted and crossed arms on your behalf.

Ducky I would perhaps just remove your ds from whatever the situation is and tell him it makes you sad?

Hi everyone, sounds like we've had a mixed bag today. for those who've had bad days.

I did sort of ok. Had four hours sleep though so was feeling like shite this morning. No shouting but I did get angry with DS when he threw his breakfast everywhere and took him out of his seat too roughly. I feel so annoyed at myself. We had a good cuddle after and I explained why he shouldn't do it.

Managed to get through the evening too, despite DH being at home before a night shift and fannying about in the bathroom grooming his beard instead of letting me and DS in there for bathtime. We do this at the same time every day. Why is it so hard to make sure he is done by 6.45?! He'd been up since 5pm... Argh. Managed to have a stress free bedtime despite having an overtired child - made me feel better about this morning and strengthened my resolve.

Silvery - I know, he was 22 at the time as well. The midwives arrived 2 minutes after the birth!

Ducky - I have no advice but didn't want to read and run. That sounds hard xx mumof3's idea was a good one :) would that work?

Pomme - ooh I see, well that is exciting! Hahaha yes, it was a very good first date

Karin - 4 hours sleep. Wow. I think for that alone you've managed very well. Can you go into the bathroom while dh is in there?! I'm annoyed on your behalf! Well done for getting through the rest of bed time stress free x

mumof3 I will try that tomorrow. I just don't know if he understands, if that makes sense?

He nutted me on the bridge of my nose today and I swore. Not at him, but really loud. (it did bloody hurt in my defence!)

But yes. From tomorrow.