I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

I was doing fine till DD2 (nearly 3) refused to settle down for bedtime until 10.15...

He's 16 months buffers. So capable of understanding instructions and knowing that things like throwing food is wrong (the 'uh-oh' after he's done it is a give away ). I'm hoping it will sink in after a while...

Everyone's day sounds like it had lots of positives.

I'm on the other side of the world so just starting my day 1. It's been successful so far but sat it's only 11.15 I don't know I can give myself too big a pat on the back.

The behaviour I find most frustrating in myself is shouting when there is no point - i.e. the ricies have already been tipped all over the floor or the book ripped or the juice pulled down from the bench. I know I am going to have to clean it up, I know I can't change what has happened, that in hal;f an hour I won't even care and in that instant before I shout I know I will regret shouting and feel awful for it and spend the rest of the morning 'atoning' for it yet I find it so, so hard to stop myself.

I have to be more mindful of my actions and let myself think through the consequences rather than give into the emotion - because I know I tend to be a blamey shout mother.

Gah Celia! What happened??

Welcome guaranteed!! Hope your day is staying on track!

Today is going well so far but things could get manic this eve - DH is back after 5 days away and he is a very disruptive influence (thinks he's one of the boys). Hoping to keep my cool but I've not had enough sleep, thanks to Ds2 throwing up like the girl out of the exorcist last night, all over himself, me and the bed just as I put him into it. Luckily there was a spare bed to sleep in, but I didn't get much sleep!

Kablooger - just in case you haven't actually hidden the thread - I don't agree with treats and rewards for everything either. So you have your choice, I have mine. Mine is cheaper though and I never use unrealistic threats.

Yesterday went well here, such a lovely day. But kids both up in the night so I've had 2-3 hours sleep and home with both, so today may test me...!

I can understand the concept of praising the good and ignoring the bad, but the only time I've seen it done consistently it included ignoring bad behaviour when out. This may be good for the child in the long run, who knows, but I know it resulted in a massive amount of disruption and annoyance for those of us surrounding the child. The other kids also couldn't understand why they were being told off for pushing/not sharing/not doing what they're asked, when X wasn't.

Personally I try to ignore as much as possible, but I put limits at unkindness, lack of respect for surroundings (furniture etc) or people. I do institute consequences for those and I do have less respect for the parenting of those who ignore than behaviour when it impacts on others. Have recently not been ignoring enough though and shouting far too often for silly things.

Day 2 here we come...

sunshine - eeek. Little sleep is always hard. Cake and coffee! Good luck! I also struggle with ignoring bad behaviour. I think I should praise the good more but I'm not sure about letting bad go.

No shouting this am despite several outfit changes and dd1 being a bit odd and clingy when the nanny arrived. I definitely think that no shouting helps me get to the bottom of things better though, turns out she's feeling worried about big school after seeing the Woolly and Tig Starting School episode.

Hi all, can I join in?

DD1 is 2.8 and DD2 is nearly 4 weeks old. Up until recently I was working 4 days pw so my one day off with dd1 was a treat. Since I've been on maternity leave my patience gas got thinner and whilst I know it's partly due to being heavily pregnant in a heat wave / tired with a newborn I need to curb it.

I too had/have a shouty mum and it strikes me that getting het up and using a scary tone and face is my default reaction because that's what I grew up with. All it did was instill a sense that my feelings didn't count, that DM was a hypocrit, and that she wasn't very reasonable, not did she respect me. I don't want to repeat history - I keep having this thought that my children rely on me and DH being nice to them and it's our job to make them feel loved and respected and if we don't ensure that, who will?

DH's family weren't shouty and nor is he so I need to take a leaf from his book as it seems we're falling into the good cop, bad cop roles...

The HTT book felt revolutionary for me - and showed me that I'm not just shouty mum but shouty wife too . These fabulous people in my life deserve way more than that. I wouldn't say I'm an angry person but I'm not particularly tolerant or patient.

I could also do with some help on being more engaged and present. I always feel so distracted or have a million things on my mind and never feel like I'm giving dd1 the attention she needs. FB and MN don't help to be honest as I'm definitely on my phone too much...

Anyway, today dd1 is at nursery this morning so it should be relatively peaceful here. Friends are coming over this afternoon so with any luck dd1 will just play nicely and all will be calm.

Have a good day everyone!

Morning everyone and good luck for today!

I've sold the car boot sale to them. They've got their pennies ready and I've made a "picnic".

HOWEVER

Today was a real test for me today. I was absolutely fuming. Remember how I said me and DP have a "nice" living room and the kids have a playroom? Well, this morning the older two made their own breakfast (this is fine in the hols) but decided to eat it in said living room. . .

And DD1 spilt chocolate milk all over my wool rug, that I saved up for. Fucking chcolate milk!!! How the hell I didn't shout, I don't know. I raised my voice a bit, but it was very brief and enough to get the message across. Normally is have gone mental, and I'm ashamed to say maybe even dragged them upstairs roughly :( this time I sent them out of the room, said they are NOT making breakfast tomorrow - I will do it and they'll have to wait - and got to work cleaning it up. Touch wood, I have got the stains out. I'm so proud of myself... Don't know how I didn't explode.

MATb - congrats on your new baby, btw!

Oh - forgot to say they'd obviously attempted to clean it up and hide it before I saw so there was shitloads of tissue rubbed into the rug too!!

Eek, sorry about the overuse of "today"!

Sunshine - completely agree. Some behaviour really can't be ignored, and more so in public.

I've just shouted. Aaaggghhh! It was short and sharp. DS1 (4.5) must have had a pen in his bedroom and has got felt tip all over his lovely duvet cover. He got the message, I was calm pretty much straightaway. Gosh this feels like a confessional!!

Onwards and upwards

KarinMaria - My youngest is 23months and I know 'that look' and the 'uh ohs' only too well. They can be clever little buggers when they want to be!
Sunshine, poor you on lack of sleep. Why do children always seem to fall ill as soon as Daddy goes away?

Buffers - similar morning to me then. Why do they do that?! I know the answer is to not buy them "nice" things that can be ruined... But I can't help myself!

24 hours into no shouting and all going well so far, but no challenges as yet. MyCrazyLife - well done on overcoming the challenge today. I'd be so sad if that happened to my favourite rug too.

Buffers - draw a line under it and carry on with the sterling non-shouting work.

I can't do it. Everyone else on here seems to be doing so much better than me. I've screamed myself hoarse this morning. It's because I've got work to do (freelance) and need peace and quiet to do it in, which isn't realistic in the holidays. Now I feel lousy, so do they and the morning's going to pot.

What I need to do is pull myself together, stop catastrophising and move on. They've calmed down so I need to myself.

• we were on some conception threads together last year but I think I've name changed since then. Congrats on the birth of your baby, mine is 6 weeks old

MyCrazyLife... Sorry about the rug. Sigh. My dd is younger than yours but what works quite well with her is to be really sad rather than angry. I think she can understand that breaking things makes me sad more easily.

Have a good day today everyone!

MyCrazyLife that was so restrained of you - you should feel very proud.

Teenage - hello and thank you for the wave but I've never been on the conception threads, certainly not as matb1 as that's a fairly recent name change for me . Congrats on your new baby though

Bloody hell mycrazylife you deserve a medal for keeping calm after that! well done! I'm sure the measage to them would have been much more effective because you didn't shout at them.

Blueyeshadow I work freelance too, I explained to the DDs this morning that they could watch a DVD in the morning whilst mummy worked, and then we will all go out this afternoon to do some chores that need doing. They know that we have family coming to stay tomorrow and I explained that I need to get some extra food for them, etc. I don't usually either plan or explain my day in so much detail, but it seems to have really worked with them - for today anyway.

So maybe do half a day of work whilst they watch TV and then an afternoon out?

redandyellow - Yes I stuck them in front of a DVD in the end. Then afterwards DS2 complained that it wasn't "proper screen time" because I'd made them watch it. Sigh. Still, his friend's mum has taken them off to the park for an hour or two so I'd better make the most of it.

Thanks DinkyStinky. All forgiven as a 95• wash seemed to sort it (and secretly praising myself for buying washable pens!). Still no shouting today. Can't believe the difference in the children. All so much happier and relaxed. They don't seem 'on edge' either. Just hoping I can a) keep it up, and b) that I've caught it early enough not to have had any lasting effect on them. I guess better late than never.

Glad the duvet survived!! The rug looks so much better - glad I didn't shout but I've found today VERY hard - think I was still sun consciously fuming about them spilling choc milk on it.

Car boot sale went well. I didn't even shout when DS leant on the pram and it tipped over, with the baby inside!!

How's everyone doing? What's everyone having for tea? We're having chicken kievs, egg fried rice and veg :)

Nearly lost it today after when I had made lunch and called DDs in to eat. DD2 and DD3 came straight in, DD1 said she wanted to go on the computer first. I asked her to do it after lunch but she was insistent. I didn't want to resort to shouting so I said that was fine.

I then fed DD2 and 3 in relative calm. DD1 came down nearly an hour later and ate all of her lunch (including cold soup!) without complaint. It made a big difference that she wasn't being forced.

DD2 has been testing me with some very unreasonable outbursts of loud, loud crying. I have ignored. Seems to be working as they have been less prolonged than previously.

I hope I can keep this up as there have been moments today when I was ready to blow my top.

Dinner is pasta for me and the kids, curry leftovers for DH.

Kids have tuna pasta bake (nanny heating it up leftovers!).

Dh and I will have thai chicken curry I think.

red - how old are your dds?

They can be really difficult when I first come back from work and about to leave soon so focusing on being zen from now!