I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Kablooger

Ds had a tantrum earlier, he had to come back from playing across the road, and he went mad,I told him..I know it's disappointing when you have to stop having fun to find in for tea, but you had a good time didn't you?....he said yes, but still carried on kicking off,I just walked away.

This is actually so much easier than I thought it would be :)

LiberalLibertines, I agree, this afternoon has actually been easier than I thought it would be. I am usually tearing my hair out by about now.

This thread is exactly what I needed to help me sort out my parenting fail.

Day 4 here. Had a moment when we had to go up for bath time. Distracted with a silly story about daddy and then enticed her upstairs with the promise of favourite bedtime story.

I find I'm genuinely enjoying her company more... Less worried about things happening to schedule and challenging myself to make chores like teeth cleaning more fun.

Love this thread!

Aww Liberal, so nice to read that, and I feel the same!

We had screaming in the bath earlier. "She's got my TOYYYYYYY!" Normally it kills me, but I just keep replying to them in a regular voice. I'm freaking myself out with how well I can do it! Might even have another couple of kids!! is probably joking

So glad I started this... We seem to have lots of successes! Keep it up guys

So, does everyone have any tips to make lives easier? A parenting shortcut or something?

Mine are: only bath every other night. Put their favourite character DVD on while you make tea. Erm....

We had good success with a star chart at bed time. She gets a star for going upstairs with no fuss, one for getting in the bath with no fuss and one for getting pyjamas on. Three stars equals an extra bedtime story.

We did it when bedtimes were a nightmare and it worked brilliantly. We don't really need it anymore but is still use it if things were really deteriorating. But she does always get the extra bedtime story now!

That sounds good, teenage. I've been very slack with the bedtime stories recently :( how do you find the energy?! I'm not an evening person at all!

Well DS has been delivered back to me absolutely knackered and sobbing so this will be fun...

I am inordinately pleased with my handling of the last 20 minutes. DD finished watching TV and that was fine but wanted to get the playdoh out to feed her dinosaurs which I really didn't want to do just before bathtime, which I explained to her and she was still a bit whiny so (and this is the amazing bit for uncreative me) I went into the garden and gathered some leaves and seed heads and whatnot and we made that into soup for the dinosaurs and more bits for pudding and then (I am so proud of this) I made dinosaur juice by adding green food colouring to some water in a little jug!!! And then they got all messy so DD had to take them up to her bath with her and hey presto she went off to the bath no fuss and bother.

Sorry, that's a real essay but I am so chuffed!!! And I really do think knowing about this thread has helped. No shouting for 2 days!! (Though Weds and Thurs are the real test as that's me and her together all day.)

I often find it works well if I whisper when they shout. They soon pipe down so they can hear what I'm saying.

River that's awesome! And very creative :) :)

River!! Well done! Think you should remove the label of "I'm not creative" now, because I would never have thought of that

Really hope you can get through wed and thurs smoothly.

What I found works well with mine is when they start whinging or getting stressed I just ask them if they want a hug. I know this works but sometimes is hard to remember

Loving the top tips and reminders! I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling as if I wasn't enjoying the children. I've only recently stopped full time work so it's been a real shock suddenly having 3 little ones to entertain all day every day. But fun is what I want to have and this thread is really helping me. Thank you Crazy for starting the thread and the rest of you for keeping it going.
Had a lovely day and managed to stay calm during the many episodes. At least now I know it's the children's voices the neighbours will hear and not mine. Hubby away til Friday too so a few testing days ahead. Day one done tho...

Well done, buffers. My DP is away too, and I have three, so we're kind of in the same boat!

I like to plan ahead what we're doing each day, which helps.

I recommend the book calmer, easier, happier parenting. So many great ideas. And well done!

thanks! I'm really not sure where it call came from - the determination that I had 20 mins to get through and was going to do so in a calm way, come-what-may, I guess!

Tomorrow should be OK as MIL is coming down and we are going into town with her, and DD loves MIL, she's very nice and great with DC. Might ask her how she dealt with 4 DC without losing it!

Silver - yes, I've done the cuddle when DD's angry (when I remember) and it can work a treat.

I find I have to have something in my head for DD to be getting on with if there's something I absolutely must do, like clean the bathroom or make the dinner and she refuses to play by herself. If I'm doing stuff in the kitchen it works as she can do playdoh/colouring/painting/stickers (Yellow Moon foam stickers are great as they can peel the backs of easily by themselves) by herself at the kitchen table while I'm cooking and we can chat but upstairs things I find it far harder to get her settled with something (our house is always a bit if a tip, unsurprisingly!). Sometimes spending 15 minutes with her, getting her started on playing with her dolls house or whatever, means that she'll then carry on for maybe 20 minutes and I can crack on with something. But it can be really difficult and often I either get cross because she comes whining round me while I'm try to get something finished and I've run out of ideas at that point.

One thing she has got very into at the mo is music. DH bought her the Mary Poppins soundtrack and she will just sit in a chair and listen to the whole thing, it's extraordinary. I think she must be visualising the film as she listens. So that's something I must remember.

Another small victory tonight. DD1 driving me round the bend by not listening to me asking her nicely to put her pyjamas on, about five times.

She eventually did it, but again not listening when I have asked her to get into bed many, many times. Instead she was lying on my bed face down and pretending not to hear me. It's fine for a 2/3 year old to play a game like that but DD1 is nearly 7 now.

I could feel myself losing it so I walked out of the room and did something else for a few mins. Came back in and ignored her lying on the bed, and instead logged into work emails. She got up if her own accord and is now in her bedroom, drawing quietly! This is amazing for me, bedtimes are usually very trying.

I am amazed at how well it's all gone today. I'm definitely going to be back on this thread tomorrow. Can't thank you enough for starting this thread mycrazylife.

RiverTam - music, of course!! We got a free nursery rhyme cd with a magazine a few months ago and the DC loved it. It's long gone now they lose everything but I'm going to look at buying another one!

Redandyellow - fantastic. I bet if you had shouted at her you'd be feeling really guilty by now. If we keep this up, the DC will forget that we ever shouted!

hey, that's brilliant redandyellow!

I also bought her Now That's What I Call Disney CD which also keeps her pinned to the spot, and I can see the Frozen soundtrack heading our way very soon...

Googling kids' CDs... Night everyone. Here's to tomorrow (day 6 for me!) x

Hi everyone, am another who is hugely grateful for this thread!

Day 2 done for me - no shouting I did find this morning hard: when trying to get ready for work DS kept climbing onto the TV table and mucking about with the soundbar. I almost lost my temper but decided to keep moving him away instead with gritted teeth so I didn't shout.

I am going to try the ignoring/not giving attention for bad behaviour and giving loads of praise for good behaviour. He's so young still that maybe he'll take to it?

Kids' CDs: You need the Nursery Rhyme Collection and its sequels. We have had them almost incessantly in the car for years now and they don't drive us nuts! I didn't know there was a Vol 3 or 4

Karin, how old is your DS? I loved the suggestion earlier in the thread about ignoring bad behaviour and only rewarding good. I'm going to try that. Haven't quite managed to work out what system is best.
There was pasta mentioned earlier... Hoping someone can explain (sorry on phone, can't look back at thread whilst I type!).

Day two no shouting :)

I was working today so only had them for a short period of time, but still pleased.