I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

I know I'm crashing in after a threads been going for awhile but I'm really find reading all the comments helpful and to know I'm not the only one with these struggles.

Running late/ out of time and children not listening both make me extremely cross. I try my best to keep my cool these days as if I yell, as the day wears on they yell and argue more too. Plus the guilt after is always huge

Dontstep - no crashing involved, come in, join in!

Welcome don'tstep :)

I guess I am lucky, in a sense, that dds haven't started school or preschool yet so we don't have the stress of trying to get out the door in the morning.

I got a bit shouty but not to the volumne of last week. DD2 was stealing the food off my plate. Her own plate was full with the same food. While I was getting their glasses and then she spilt the carton of milk whilst going for more of my food. Only when I was clearing the spillage did I realise what she was up to and off I went on a rant. So stupid of me on so many levels.

I have to get them all out of the house tomorrow. Fingers crossed for finer weather, a good nights sleep and calm feelings for everyone tomorrow.

Thank you for the welcome

We've had a non-shouty weekend with DH being here. But tomorrow is heading up to be shouty - have to get to GP for 8.30 then a long drive to see a friend. DS is in full-on nap refusal too so maybe he'll scream all the way. Oh dear.

Could you do most of the prep tonight for the trip and download lots of audio books?

I dropped off this thread so am jumping back on! I haven't read everyone's contributions but I agree with some others here that I need to find ways of disciplining that don't involve shouting ... not that shouting works, of course.

I hate myself for shouting, but at the same time it's comforting to know from this thread that other parents struggle with this too.

Just about scraped through day eight without shouting but it was the hardest yet. I had to really concentrate on keeping my voice low and calm with the boys today.

DC constantly bickering. DS2 woke up from his nap and screamed and kicked (me mainly) for about fifteen minutes. My mum has flat refused to help me out any mornings I've been staying there so no chance to catch up on sleep and DS2 has been up at least twice each night then up 5.30-6 for day. She's too busy making sure everyone is aware of how exhausted she is, even though she sleeps in until 9am every day. I forget what she's like, then we go and stay and I remember and feel sad and disappointed all over again

Sorry for grumble. I am tired and grumpy and fat (pregnant really, but feel yuk today).

Silvery, I agree, my DC are so much nicer to be around when they have no screen time.

Thumb, sounds like a tough day. I hate being late as well. Getting out the house for school next week will be a big test. Definitely a shouty flashpoint. Me: DS1, shoes on now please. DS1, time to go, shoes on please. DS1 shoes on please. DS1 shoes on NOW please. PUT YOUR SHOES ON PUT THEN ON NOW JUST PUT THEM ON AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!

DS1 is getting better but some days keeping him "on point" is really difficult - other days he's really good and just knows that he has to do XYZ before he can either play on the tablet or watch the tv. I know it's bad practice but I have to have the tv on for DS2 otherwise I can't get anything done, like DS1's lunch etc. - and I hate doing them the night before because the sangers go soggy (Spelt bread, not the same as normal stuff).

So long as we get up in time (by 8) it usually goes ok - but we've been late to get up and it really throws things out (Obviously!) DS2 has taken to sitting/lying on me every morning now to stop me getting out of bed...

Aahh Bicnod, she sounds like my mum. You don't need someone in your life who will make you feel like shit :( do you have to stay there?!

Bicnod, Never Ask Twice method from book I'm reading is:

1. stop what you're doing, go to where DC is and stand (so they know you mean business) and look at him.
2. wait until your child stops and looks at you.
3. give your DC the instruction clearly, simply and only once.
4. ask your child to repeat the instruction accurately and thoroughly in his own words.
5. stand and wait.
6. while you are standing and waiting, descriptively praise every step in the right direction, however small and empathise with how your child might be feeling.

Won't work with a child under 3 yrs normally. Make sure screens are switched off. Don't use when rushing - take time to practice the method in slow time. (Note all the 'wait' boys required).

Well, all that according to Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting! Yet to try it properly myself yet...

Bicnod I really feel for you. My DH was working in America for a month when I was 35 weeks pregnant, commuting and looking after 2yo DD who was waking through the night.

I have honestly never felt worse or more tired in my entire life. I'd have killed anyone who tried to tell me they were exhausted after sleeping until 9am. In fact I recall literally biting my lip when a member of my staff asked for a half day holiday as he had had a heavy weekend and needed to go home for a nap.

Oh, WRT pre schools I am doing really well with a shrug, sit down on sofa and 'oh well we won't go out / have lunch / play that game' etc when instructions are ignored.

Thanks for the sympathy feeling loads happier today as we're home.

Crazy - we decided not to stay on for exactly that reason. Didn't say that was the reason, just said DS2 seemed to be coming down with something (which he did) so better to have him in his own bed. Phew! I said to DH I can't believe I lived 18 years with that level of stress and anxiety. Makes me so determined to stick with the no shouting calm approach.

Buffers - that approach sounds good. Will start doing that with DS1 this week and see how it goes.

Pasta - the worst thing is she really believes she is helpful and supportive. She said about coming to stay for a few days to help when the baby arrives (soooo not happening) and i had to bite my tongue. She wouldn't get up with the boys and let me sleep in with the baby. She would just want to sit on the sofa with the baby all day while I buzzed around doing jobs. This is what happened with both boys and it's not happening this time!

Right. I promise to stop moaning now but it has been very cathartic! Sun is shining here finally so off for a stomp in the woods.

I'll have to try that buffers.

Epic fail at not yelling today. DS threw up whilst I was in the shower, literally everywhere with weetabix. DD panicking, grabbing a cup for him to be sick into?!?!? Shouting for me to get out of the shower but I had shampoo in my hair I was trying to wash out. Yelled for her to get a big bowl and I'd be out in a minute but she wasn't listening and wanted to get air freshener instead?!?!? So I'm yelling no grab the bowl. Honestly if you'd been there it was madness. Then I'm telling her to wash her hands and step away, as she has a show on Friday and loads of dress rehearsals and I didn't want her to catch it.

I spent ages trying to fix the carnage on dashing out of the shower and grabbing a dressing gown. Calling playscheme to say he wouldn't be in, trying to get DD a lift to hers and let my boss know I wouldn't be in and by now I'm running out of time trying to clean up, DS is in the shower washing sick off, I'm asking DD to start making her lunch and she of course isn't doing as asked as she's panicking. Cue me yelling again at her to listen and do as I asked. Not good.

I must try buffers idea. Anyway hopefully the rest of today will be yell free!

Enjoy your stomp in the woods, I would have gone home too.

I'm so glad I'm not alone here. Makes me realise that it happens a lot and it doesn't mean I'm some sort of crazy fishwife. Even though those looking on at the time during a mid shout probably thought I was one. I was tempted to join that FB group but then as it is a closed group I was worried friends and family would see I had joined it and would know I was a shouter. Tbf I think they probably don't need to see I've joined a FB group to know I'm a shouter!

Today has been testing. Went to do food shop. Both children launched into a full scale high pitched screamathon in the checkout queue. I swear the entire supermarket went quiet AND everyone, I mean everyone in the immediate vicinity, stopped and stared. The children by this point were taking it in turns to scream whilst the other laughed. Usually I would have shouted but instead I went for distraction "oh dc1 can you see that balloon over there?". It didn't work right away but it did the trick.

When we got home I didn't want the children in the kitchen so ended up having to physically stop them. Why won't they accept and hear the word No? This then led to constant "can I make my lunch?" on repeat in a highly irritating tone. I snapped and a few raised words escaped but I wound myself back in. Any tips on how to deal with nagging/constant asking? I find myself giving in just to make the moaning and complaining stop. Days stuck at home are the worst.

I am telling the DC frequently that we don't shout at each other. It's not nice. I'm also telling DH the same as I can tell when he is about to lose his cool. We both shout because we don't know how else to change the situation. If we are really luckily then mil will also shout her twopenneth in. Then my day is really complete and perfect.

We need less screen time here but I find the house too quiet without background noise.

Oh dont that sounds like me life. Complete crazy chaos. You couldn't make it up if you tried.

Bic you're mum sounds like hard work. I'd be keeping a distance. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to be helping out. Being a granny has got to be the best of both worlds. Glad you're home and feeling better for it.

What a shit day. I just couldn't keep my cool today. Things improved when the rain stopped and we all got out of the house.

2.5 year old just won't listen to me. She keeps giving the baby small things.

But this tread is helping me. I am catching myself most of the time. I am trying harder. And idenitifying some of the triggers may stop some future shouts. Like I need to move seats at the table. Setting my food down beside DD2 is just too tempting for her. Today she stuck her yogurty spoon in my tea.

Must try harder. I need to go at least one day on my own without shouting.

Ahhh masterflea I hear you. Are you tired as well?

I found that age and stage exhausting.

Hi all - hope you're ok.

I'm trying to spend less time on my phone and therefore not on MN that much but have been sending NS vibes to you all - in the hope for some in return. A few things that dd1 has picked up recently have really hit home for me and DH (he's not shouty) so we're really trying.

Today I spent the morning with DM (who was shouty) and she kept telling me how i should be dealing with DD1 - basically that I'm not hard enough on her - which of course was DM's style..... I dunno I just found it quite a emotionally draining time as clearly DM thinks she knows best which in turn makes me think she's implying I'm not doing the right/best thing and instead I'm getting it all wrong and I so wanted to say that ruling with an iron fist doesn't sit right with me, but of course i just nodded and smiled...

I snapped at dd1 at bedtime. And then felt bad as it was our fault she was late going to bed and therefore overtired and therefore sodding around... Gah.

MomeRaths - I think anyone would have been pushed over the edge by all that, what a day for you! How is DS now?

Stomp in woods was exactly what was needed.

MasterFlea - the not listening is really hard isn't it? Both of mine just ignore me at times and it makes me want to rage at them. Apart from anything else it's just so bloody rude!

MATB1 - sounds like we have similarly helpful mothers. Hope you're ok and not beating yourself up about the snapping.

I think everyone is doing brilliantly. Learned behaviours and habits are hard to change but we're all seeing an improvement in our self awareness and I our reactions to stressful situations.

My Mum is the same. I see her as little as possible nowadays. It is so emotionally draining. I'm far more likely to snap at my kids after any time with family. You are doing the best, don't doubt yourself or question how you're bringing her up. Well done for today and staying calm. You had a blip at bed but you're doing a good job.

I think that each time I manage a long stretch not yelling it's huge progress and it helps me to know that I can get there and yell less and one day never. It's the small victories. Taking little steps and little by little I'm getting there.

Only just seen your post bicnod, took ages to type mine as I'm watching CSI at the same time He's asleep and has eaten bland food today like plain toast and pasta at bedtime, not lots, just a little. I'm hoping he'll be well enough tomorrow so I can go back to work.

My upbringing was yelling, intimidation, humiliation and smacking, lots of smacking. I have to learn a whole new way. My parenting model growing up was completely wrong.