I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

I've shouted this morning. At my knobber of a husband. That doesn't count as proper shouting does it because it wasn't shouting at a child? Though at times his behaviour can be questionable and child like.

Anyways instead of yelling at the child that lunch is not to be eaten in front of the tv. I got off my arse and went over to talk at eye level. I read somewhere about getting close really helps and explained why. I did stand in the way and there was a bit of jiggling and bobbing in an attempt to skirt through my legs but I stood firm and the child caved! Usually I would have yelled and yelled and yelled til the whole entire Close could hear. Progress. I did think of you all as I bit my tongue chanting "don't shout just talk" on repeat.

This no shouting lark is bloody hard isn't it?

I did write a reply earlier but looks like it xdidn't post. Bloody mobile site.
MasterFlea That's an idea. I did have an angry pillow for ds1 when he was younger........

hello...can I join you !
I am SUCH a shouty mum and I hate it. My mum was VV shouty and often downright nasty.
I TOTALLY never intended to be shouty Mum...but have got to a bad place.
It has got to the stage where everyone just shouts at each other all the time and I know I need to change first to get the dc to change.
So, starting here with day 1 tomorrow...wish me luck!

Buffers your post made me chuckle. The irony of my yelling will you be quiet has not been lost on me on the past.

Bingo, nice one, it really helps when the calm approach actually bloody works doesn't it?!

Day seven of no shouting today. I feel like I've turned a corner somehow. It's so amazing to not feel constantly consumed by guilt. I'm definitely enjoying the boys more, I feel generally calmer and less anxious. I'm even being nicer to DH

This thread may well turn out to be one of the best things to happen to my family this year

Awesome Bicnod! Are you feeling zen like?

Today has certainly been different. I've realised that I actually do have some patience and that shouting is not the answer even though previously shouting has offered me an opportunity to vent and get release due to the DC being challenging. Though long term the shouting isn't doing any of us any favours.

You lot would chuckle if you were a fly on the wall here today. You would have heard me saying "We don't shout at each other". Truth being that up until yesterday we did!

DH shouting and roaring at the DC when they wouldn't go to bed. My subtle hints of 'it's a no-shouting household' will need to become less subtle obviously. My copy of 'Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting' has arrived. I too think this thread could be the best thing to happen to our family this year - thank you Crazy!

Ledkr yes he is! It's bloody hard. Sometimes I wonder if the police have any idea what they're doing to their officers in terms of sleep deprivation etc.

Did better after the shouting this morning. DH has noticed a difference and is trying it too

Buffers DH didn't take any notice when I said I was trying the no shouting but now he's seen it in action a few times and noticed we've had fewer tantrums so he's up for it too. Maybe your DH needs to see how it works before he subscribes?

Morning everyone!

I think I'm on about day 10 now and still no shouting. YY to the not being consumed by guilt thing! I used to be convinced that my DC didn't like me. But now I don't feel like that at all.

Yesterday they cried for me and wanted to cuddle me whereas it was always DP before because they knew I was unpredictable, moody and shouty.

HOWEVER

DP has shouted and smacked this weekend :( it has been by no means a regular thing, but because I don't do it AT all now, it's very noticeable. I'm pretty angry at him really, for spoiling the calmness I'd got going (he's been working away). Not sure how to handle that really. He was short with me too but eventually got it out of him that he's shattered. Aren't we all

I feel the same as you, Bicnod! Everything just seems better now I'm not letting myself get to absolute boiling point. I just feel like a less angry person.

Welcome, hyper and standinginline :)

Ha, just realised I wrote "I'm pretty angry at him" and "I'm a less angry person now" !!

Well, you guys knew what I meant right?!

Crazy Hope you're ok. It is horrid when everyone is tired.
Starting again today. Not sure how well it will go as it's raining and apparently will all day.
We had a great day yesterday actually, but I can't remember if I shouted or not. That's how normal it is here We spent most of the day at the park with loads of other kids from the area. They kicked balls, they climbed, they rough-housed. We took the boys up the road on their bikes and then back to the park, got in at 8pm. Perfect. Very little tv time too.

My children drive me fucking crazy. I've been up 2 hours and already failed.
We live in a 2 bed flat so they share a room. No where for them to go to get some quiet time.
I can't leave them alone for a second before they are winding each other up and screeching. No idea how to deal with it.

Our weekend was shout free. But now the challenge starts today. Rainy day. 2 girls, baby and I are stuck inside. 4 year old is trying to fly. She wants to be like Pippi Longstocking. 2.5 yo wouldn't take a nap. They are currently watching peppa.

I've got to stay calm for a few more hours. I want that zen you are describing.

Well done to everybody.

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry) but I follow the Orange Rhino on fb and she stopped yelling. I love her tips and blogs. I try not to yell. Doesn't always work as a lone parent with 2 kids and not much sleep and no breaks. But the difference when I don't is huge.

Silvery, hang in there. If you're feeling up to it is there anywhere you can take the children today? If not I find 'movie afternoons' help. Movie on, duvets come downstairs and we eat popcorn . Sending you positive vibes and if that helps

DH felt bad yesterday for shouting. I'm taking the children to my parents for a few days and he's asked me to leave the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting book behind. Read a couple of bits last night and 'no shouting' seems to be the crux of it all. Next issue is getting his complete buy-in but as mentioned below I think he will need to see it in action a bit more first.

That's great that he's asked to read the book though buffers mine would not even entertain the idea if suggested (I tried to get him to read how to talk, siblings without rivalry and a few others).
This is the trouble, I've read so many bloody parenting books, that all say something different and now have no idea what I've read and what I'm making up. I remember The Incredible Years being good.

They are now in the bedroom playing board games with dp. We are off to a friend's this afternoon, so see how that goes.
I have put a complete ban on the tv until they can get along and cope with it being turned off. I did it not so long ago when dp was away (3 weeks) and it was lovely. They are so much better without screen time, and I think knowing that it won't go on helps them to stop thinking about it or else the tv and computers are all they talk about. Hate it.
Starting again right now. No more shouting today.

Hope you're ok, SilveryMoon. My eldest two are like chalk and cheese, and they fight constantly. They also share a room. I just threaten them with no TV, or no pudding, or the Silly Step or whatever. I think as soon as you let yourself get to that stressed point you get angry about anything. It's horrible.

Today is crap as the weather is rubbish and we'd planned to go to a kids' adventure park, so we're not going. We stayed in yesterday too damn it! But no shouting, from me anyway. I'd love to do move days but it doesn't really work as DD2 is too young and wanders off to cause havoc!

I'm on day 3 and slipped whilst making lunch. DD was pulling DS's leg whilst he was in the high chair and I was getting stuff out the oven. I yelled 'let go of his leg' to make myself heard above the din of DS screaming.

I instantly felt stressed at the increase in the noise level caused by me .

DS gone to sleep now and DD watching Peppa for a bit.

I knew I wouldn't make the day. DH flown to Middle East and it's pouring down. I was doing great though. Painting and craft including all clearing up without shouting!

I shouted at one child "DONT GO OUT IN THE GARDEN WITHOUT SHOES ITS RAINING AND YOUR FEET WILL BE SOAKED!!" Shouting fail #1.

I shouted at my husband "". Shouting fail #2.

I've realised that if I'm not shouting at the children then I also need to not shout at my husband.

This is going to be a huge challenge.

MASSIVE shouting fail today. MASSIVE. Not entirely sure why but sleep deprivation = most likely culprit - shortens my temper quite a lot. :(

DH is away again until Weds. Yesterday was ok, didn't shout too much (except at him, it's not just you Bingo :( ) but today just went downhill from getting up time.

First, DS1 got into bed with me and DS2, almost at the point where I was trying to get up to go to the loo and start the day - wouldn't get out, or rather did but then tried to get back in as I was trying to get out which wound me up - shout no.1.
Then getting ready for school seemed to take FOREVER so we were late and he was dithering --> shout no.2
DS2 seemed possessed of a devil today, lots of Extreme Badness with Giggling --> shout no. 3+ :(
Mucho bad temper escalation led to an evening composed entirely too much of more shouting - the worst one being when Ds1 asked me for the second time in 5 mins if he could have something to eat, when I'd told him after the 1st time that dinner would be ready shortly and he could wait for that. Complete over-reaction and he looked pretty shocked and upset - which just made me crosser! :(
Then Ds2 was an utter PITA to get to bed and kept kicking me and giggling - I'm quite worried he's going to turn into a psycho/sociopath - so I got the arse with him and was quite rough in trying to get him to lie still. He eventually went to sleep.

I need to go to bed soon - but have now been "asleep" /dozing for a couple of hours which has taken the edge off it so I won't be properly sleepy for a while yet, and then I won't sleep as well. Feck!

Bingo - I don't exactly shout at DP, but I get really angry, and passive aggressive. Like just now. He took the eldest two out in the car a couple of hours ago to find a nice spot for a bike ride. They were ridiculously excited.

He just rang saying he couldn't think of where to go, so they've had a drive around instead. Wtf? We're skint, so why drive around using petrol and not actually go for a bike ride?! So annoyed.

At least there are no DC here to shout at

Oh yes, and the bathroom sink trap is leaking, so that added to my general joyfulness this evening. Luckily we have a tiled floor. Unluckily we paid a cowboy to tile it so that none of the water flows to the central drain, it all flows to the outside house wall edge instead.

Ohhh ThumbWitch :( that sounds hard.

Do you get more cross about the things they don't do (ie get out of the bed) or the fact that they're blatantly ignoring you? I find that hard. But I'm really trying to pick my battles, because while I am a parent I don't want to be a total control freak (I am a bit of one; trying to rein it in). Hope you get some sleep.

Both of my daughter's beds were saturated in piss this morning. Sigh. Also both my SILs have just announced pregnancies and will be due in the same week... Up until now DP and I have had the only grandchildren and I am unreasonably jealous :(

Not listening/ignoring me seriously winds me up, especially if they're doing something that's likely to either hurt someone or break something. Although just generally ignoring/not doing stuff that --> us being late can really wind me up too. DS1 is a proper ditherer - I think that might be cosmic payback because I used to be called "Dolly Daydream" by my family (I've grown out of it!) - and his inability to move with any speed when we're late is distressing.

Today we were actually behind the bell for school, and DS2 had soaked through his nappy just before we needed to leave, so I just plonked DS2 in his coat, in the car seat (he didn't want to sit, bless him) and got DS1 to school, dumped him out at the gates and left to get DS2 back to change him asap. "Drop and run" isn't that uncommon for us, I guess we do it about half the time now he's in Y1, but usually if he's late for the bell and there's a chance they've all gone down to class, we're supposed to tell the office - which I didn't. BUt I checked this afternoon and he was marked in as Present so phew!

My mum always used to make me late for stuff, used to make me really upset; so I swore I wouldn't be the same. And I'm mostly not - but I'm not an early person either, usually cut things pretty fine! And some days it doesn't pay off.

I was saying to DP the other day that it's so effing hard to be a parent because your DC are the only people who constantly ignore you! It's seriously draining.

I'm terrified of lateness and am usually early to things so when the DC are causing me to be late I do get into a shouty panic... Hope I can keep up the No Shouting when they go back to school in 10 days...!