Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

[TrixieLox]

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

When I took 1 year old DD for her settling in session at a local nursery, there was a wee girl lying on the floor, face down, clearly unable to turn herself over. She was howling.

She was still doing it when I came back an hour later.

I've never left either of mine in a nursery since. The thought that my child would be left, crying, with no cuddle or anything, was just awful and that's when I knew that nurseries were not for us.

If you have a bad feeling, I would move her.

Not normal in my experience :(

Obviously babies cry, but I'd expect it to be one or two at a time, not whole groups of them! We're the leaders comforting the ones that were crying?

Move her!

I love the nursery I send my 17 month old to, as does he, but if there was the slightest doubt in my mind I would pull him out and find another.

Life is stressful enough without having that as another worry.

Could have been nearly snack time? One baby crying can set the others off?

If it's a one off I wouldn't worry. But if your gut feeling is that something's amiss, try somewhere else.

It's not so much whether they're crying - can happen anywhere if they have a squabble over a toy or a collision, and they set each other off. It's how the staff are dealing with it.

I would not be happy with no daily reports etc - that would concern me. Have you raised this - and the crying - with the nursery manager, and asked her what has gone wrong with the care and the handover processes?

I think that if you have a bad feeling about it then something is amiss.

They can sort of set each other off - I have been in DS old nursery where a sort of Mexican wave of crying was set off. But that ended up with one of the NN's sitting on the couch absolutely covered with babies, trying to give them all a cuddle. It was quite sweet.

The issue isn't the crying imo, it's what the staff then did.

What were the staff doing? Base your opinion on that.

They definitely do set seach other off, so a whole group crying isn't worrying in itself, but the staff should, for lack of a better phrase, be in crisis mode - all over the situation and trying their best to diffuse it.

Well, one staff member was holding my little girl as she was quite ill. The other was greeting me. Another was picking one of the crying boys up and reassuring him. It's so hard. It is boiling hot today. I don't know, mummy antennae is going off. But I do worry I'm paranoid. Not sure it's so easy to pull her out, think we sign up for a term by term basis, maybe even a year, need to check paperwork. Plus hubby thinks I'm just being paranoid and to give it come time.

'It's how the staff are dealing with it'

Absolutely. Babies do cry of course and yes they can set each other off, but were the staff actually trying to do anything about it? Trying to chat to them, comfort them, distract them? Were they visibly responding to the babies, and seeming concerned at the babies' distress? Or just carrying on as normal like nothing was happening?

What's normal for some isn't for others.

I wouldn't drop off a crying child or leave a child while crying. But then that's me.

The lack of info at hand over is not good. If they are OFSTED outstanding then they should know that. I think you should definitely raise that with the nursery manager.

CorporateRockWhore, childminders would be just as likely to leave a child crying as a nursery nurse. A bad childminder is the same as a bad nursery IMO. It's not sensible to say that all nurseries are like that. Your experience would have put me off that nursery, but not all nurseries.

Your response as to how they were dealing with it sounds pretty reasonable to me (all of them occupied in dealing with children/parents and not standing around chatting) - but only you can tell if it seemed ok as you were there and could judge.

I always hate to see a baby crying - and I do see it at DD's nursery - but I am reassured that there is always a staff member going towards the child, or already sitting with them, and so on. It is kind of "open house" as well - the nursery is very open and you can see what's going on as soon as you walk in the door so I am always sure that I see things as they are - not what is put on for parents if you see what I mean.

DD's nuresry provides written records but I am not sure they are really that accurate as they don't always tally with what her key worker tells me at hand over!! But tbh that doesn't worry me at all - I would much rather they focus on looking after the children than keeping the records up to scratch!! Similarly DH gets pissed off that he has to check her bag to be sure he has all her things, e.g. special cuddly toy but I don't care as I prefer them to focus on DD than clearing up her things.

Personally I think you can get a sense of how carers respond to your child and I am actually happier with my DD's nursery than I have been with one of the cm's I used for my older DC. The way they talk gives a good indication of how they care for your child - and it is pretty easy to see if that is genuine or not.

Our nursery doesn't provide diaries or written daily reports. Their policy is that parents are given verbal handovers at collection / drop off so that the care workers focus the day on caring for the kids rather than their spending time away from them because they need to write stuff down. It's rated outstanding by ofsted so I'm happy with that.

Kids cry, I wouldn't place too much on that part but if you have a general uneasy feeling then yes I would probably look elsewhere. Not all nurseries are bad. I chose a small private one rather than a big chain with large numbers of kids in each group. I looked at a childminders set up and whilst she was lovely, I didn't really like the fact that my child would be left alone when other children were being changed or taken to the toilet, I also felt more comfortable with the fact that several people were accountable for my DD at nursery (care worker, manager, owner) rather than just relying on one person, and to some extent, only ever hearing one persons view on my DD. Different strokes for different folks !

Yes, totally normal from the many I visited in my time.
They are like zoos, but post that on here and say anything detrimental to make people question their cc provision and you are slated.
Most don't want to see it, I'm afraid.

morethan- it doesn't surprise me.

My friend has worked at a big well respected nursery for 10 years and she says there is no way she would send her own child to one.

Trust your instincts - where children are concerned, they are more often right than wrong. The fact that your DD seems reluctant to go is troubling too.

There are no written reports at my DD's nursery but it doesn't bother me. If she has or hasn't eaten/slept/whatever by 5pm, it's a bit late for me to worry about it. More importantly, the staff are fantastic and genuinely care for the children. If I ask DD(3) who is in her family or who she loves, at least 3 staff members get mentions. If she's had a fall or tells me about another child crying, it's always followed by her telling me who comforted her/her friend.

Hope you sort it out in your head soon. As PP said, it's a worry that you don't need.

Morethanpotatoprints, you will get slated for saying that all nurseries are like zoos because it just isn't true. I'm sure a lot of nurseries are not great, and children are behaving like wild animals in them. Just as some childminders are neglectful and cut corners.

If I thought my DS's nursery was like that I wouldn't dream of leaving him there. I'd like to think that I know more about his nursery than you do. I've been in to collect him at all sorts of times and I have never seen anything untoward. The ratio of staff to children is good, and the staff are genuinely affectionate and caring to the children. There are many other excellent features of my DS's nursery that I could go into but I'm guessing you just think I'm deluded.

Not normal but as others said it does happen. Also, when one child is sick they often need 1 on 1 care affecting ratios meaning the others staff are stretched. Some children cry when another cries which doesn't help.

My dd loves nursery and all the girls working there so it isn't all nurseries. Also, if a child is upset they are usually being held and comforted. The exception being temper tantrums where they try use distraction or ignore it.

I remember your other post. I honestly would look around.

I find the nursery v childminder debate amusing. A lot of childminders have several children to care for, same number as some nurseries. The key is: is the nursery / childminder good? Are they the right fit for your child.

I'm trying to figure that out now. I appreciate all your advice. Have started looking into different options, child minders and nurseries. But am going to see how things go with nursery over next few weeks once my daughter's illness has passed. In the meantime, going to chat to the nursery's head, I need to update get on daughter's illness so will diplomatically bring up some points.

Trixie I guess another slant could be "Do I want to put my child into daycare". Some of us don't want to at all.

Deepbluetr, is it not reasonable to assume that the OP needs to use some form of childcare? Not everyone is able (or tbf wants) to stay at home with their children full time. Therefore the OP needs to consider what childcare setting is right for her child.

deepbluetr, I have no choice. I simply can't afford not to. And I'm one of the lucky ones, she's only in daycare two days a week! She's with us or her grandparents the rest of the time. Plus at my work, I get tonnes of time off (35 days a year, 2 weeks at Xmas… so she'll get lots of time with me anyway).

Actually, why am I defending myself? I'm not even sure what your post is implying, I'm probably reading it wrong. What I'm trying to say is, I feel we have a happy medium. But the guilt is intense despite this, and that's why I'm wondering if I'm just being paranoid because of the guilt or there's a genuine reason to be concerned?

I've talked to another parent at the nursery, a good friend, who said a virus is spreading like wildfire and the kids are more miserable than normal. She said to give it time after the illness, she felt the same at the start cos of guilt, but is now sure she made the right decision. So I'll give it a little time and monitor how things go and try to keep swallowing the guilt away.