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Original poster

Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

313 replies

TrixieLox · 03/07/2014 14:13

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChishandFips33 · 03/07/2014 21:52

I would also consider the view that they knew your DD so well that they recognised she was poorly, comforted her (which would take them away from the other children) and contacted you - and was being comforted until you arrived. Had they spent the morning ignoring her, I doubt they would have realised she had a rash
It was confirmed she had an infection which was spot on from their point of view.

When staff are concerned about the health of a child I'm guessing their 'anxiety' - (some staff do actually genuinely care for the children they look after) for want of a better word could be picked up on by other little ones - there'd be a change of routine etc or less activities out for safety if a staff is tied up on 1:1 care

Other reasons could be some of the others may be 'brewing' and some parents may have given them calpol before nursery to 'see them through' and it was wearing off - it does happen! but nothing as symptomatic as your DD, or that they are sad that they can't be with their key worker; demonstrating their bond with them

Your instinct is the best thing you have but with all the bad media about day care it is easy to only see the negatives and beat yourself up - the staff from your description all appeared to be comforting the children under the circumstances they'd been presented with

In terms of written feedback I want verbal chats at end of day so I could ask questions, share funny moments, get a feel of how well they know my childs personality etc. it would also help me bond with staff.

Written logs take time and take staff away from caring and interacting - to a young child that could feel like 'that is more important than me'
I think written info is only necessary for under 1's and the revised EYFS was written to alleviate paperwork load and to free up staff to play and interact

Drop in at different times, ask to see photos across the day - you'll know if your child has been tearful by their expressions etc

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 21:56

When did you rent deep, and do you still rent? If not, how did you afford to get back into the housing market?

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:00

I don't rent now. I started working from home when my kids were at school and earned enough to buy another place.

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Lj8893 · 03/07/2014 22:03

Myself and my partner are both earning just above minimum wage, we get help towards childcare. We both have to work to keep a roof over our heads, pay our bills and put food in our tummy's.
£360 a month, plus council tax, plus bills, plus transport, plus food, plus any extras.......your partner is still earning enough to make sure you don't have to work, by earning enough i would assume that its significantly above minimum wage.

Pico2 · 03/07/2014 22:05

DD's nursery is outstanding rated, but isn't in a shiny building or have amazing facilities. Ofsted are able to give outstanding ratings to nurseries without those things. Her nursery sounds like BeatriceBean's one - older, more experienced staff, ratios kept much better than the minimum required levels and the key driver for the nursery is to provide an excellent experience for the children. They won't skimp on that to provide extra profits.

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:07

I wonder how many on this thread are on the minimum wage though? I assume not many.

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 22:07

I presume your area of work enabled you to return to a career fairly easily? And your DH/P kept working? So - you had the money from a house sale plus 2 salaries which enabled you to get a mortgage?

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 22:10

Why do you keep asking about minimum wage? What is your point?

Your quite lucky to be able to work from home, it's not possible in a lot of jobs. I am lucky too and should be able to which will make life a lot easier than it does for other people, very lucky.

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:15

Sir- you assume wrongly. I entered a completely new line of work for which I had no experience or qualifications. Not luck at all. Sheer determination and the desire to be around as much as possible for my children allowed me to earn while working from home.

We spent all the profit from our house sale to help support our day to day living. We saved again for a new deposit.

Piddlepuddle · 03/07/2014 22:16

No I'm not on minimum wage. Nor is DH and I'm sure both our salaries would be considered "good " on here.

But we got into the housing market late, and for various reasons we felt the best decision for us was for me to work part time (so there you go, we sacrifice holidays and nice handbags so that I can do that).

And we spent a long time choosing child care and shock horror chose a nursery. One where I have loads of photos of my happy children. There is an open door policy where we can just drop in at any time - I am absolutely confident they are not left to cry.

Is it the right choice for us? Yes. Do I have the arrogance to think it would be right for everyone else? No. Do I think me being part time makes me a better parent than my friend who works full time (and has the nerve to go on holiday)? No.

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 22:19

So - hang on. You lived off the proceeds from the sale of a house plus your DH's salary while you chose to stay at home - and then you were both able to save for a deposit (many thousands of pounds...) and buy another house?

I'm afraid you're really not demonstrating any real understanding of the financial difficulties faced by many parents.

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 22:22

And strangely keep going on about minimum wage.

Cruikshank · 03/07/2014 22:23

My hourly rate is slightly more than the minimum wage but I only get paid for 35 hours a week, so my take-home is minimum wage levels for a 40-hour week. If you see what I mean. I'm confused as to whether or not this qualifies me to take part in this debate but I am also fairly amused that, as someone who will never be able to afford to buy a house despite working full-time, I'm being lectured to about poverty by a home-owner who could afford to give up work during all the years her children were of pre-school age. I also think we have lost track slightly of the OP due to discussing deepblue and her 'sacrifices'.

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:23

piddle- I don't assume that my choices are for everyone either. All I am saying is that many of us do have the choice to stay at home but we choose not to. And that's fine. It's to do with priorities.

Some are implying that we have no choice- and a few don't -but for most of us that's not actually true. I am sure if staying home with your kids was important to you as it is to me you would work out a way of doing it too. It's not to do with luck, it's about choosing what you feel is best for your child and family.

Singsongmama · 03/07/2014 22:25

Another work vs SAH bunfight . Everyone gets so ranty about it, grrrr! Back to your corners folks!

Some really great advice on here OP. I think a couple drop-in visits might help you and either confirm or alter your gut instinct. Illness can play havoc with a normally contented, calm atmosphere so give it a chance but you are paying for this service and are entitled to quality pastoral care for your LO - you'll know what's best. It's not easy - best of luck with your decision.

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 22:26

You really are the ticket, come into a thread about a nursery after having the luxury of staying at home funded by a nice lump sum telling other people they could not work if they only tried hard enough.

Maybe you need to go out into the world and spend some time with other people because you sound dreadfully out of touch.

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 22:27

No, it's not about 'priorities' - it's about having a significant amount of money in the bank and a salaried partner to provide that choice. Either you're simply not able to grasp that, or you choose not to.

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:29

"Maybe you need to go out into the world and spend some time with other people because you sound dreadfully out of touch"

That's a laugh. A lump sum of 9K- and I have spent the last 10 years living in a council house. And you think I am out of touch!

resipsa · 03/07/2014 22:30

Deep - you are clearly a better person than me and thanks for quoting me earlier by the way. Much as DH would genuinely love to sell up and move to the country, he wouldn't then be able to get to work so we couldn't afford a mortgage or to rent.

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 22:31

You sold your house to get out 9k? Hmmmmm ok.

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 22:32

You went from being a home owner to living in a council house, before you saved enough to buy another house? How on earth did you manage to get a council house - they are as rare as hen's teeth, especially if you already owned a house.

Cruikshank · 03/07/2014 22:32

You got a council house? Aw man, I would love to have a council house - it's the only way I would stand any chance of having some security.

resipsa · 03/07/2014 22:33

Back to topic. Yes, OP, drop ins are a good idea. I've done them unintentionally and have always come away smiling (except when I offered to take DD home early or to pick her up at the usual time and she chose the latter).

deepbluetr · 03/07/2014 22:33

Harold I sold my house so we didn't have to pay the large mortgage- not to release the capital

resipsa · 03/07/2014 22:34

Hang on - you sold up, kept the cash and moved to a council house so you could by choice/plan not work? Wow.

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