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Original poster

Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

313 replies

TrixieLox · 03/07/2014 14:13

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

resipsa · 03/07/2014 22:58

Now that is a good point...

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 22:59

But now we all have a fail safe master plan to be able to stay at home.

OP your problems are all over.

SirChenjin · 03/07/2014 23:02

I forsee a slight council house shortage however...

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resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:02

But then I'd miss all the "off to school" send offs that the children in the year above DD are starting to have - they all get cake and a dance then hug and kiss goodbye. Real tear-jerkers.

morethanpotatoprints · 03/07/2014 23:03

that

I think it depends on what experience and knowledge you have of a working nursery. How many times you have visited premises as a professional.
Maybe this may have been the deciding factor not to choose this form of cc for your own children.
maybe you decided to do your own childcare.
There is nothing wrong with this, nor is there anything wrong with stating your experience on such a thread.

Others may have other reasons, you aren't aware of.

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 23:03

Sounds lovely, do they get a little turn out of their cages?

resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:06

That's a funny one. I have worked in many offices in one particular field (law) but would not assume as a result that I knew enough about the legal profession/offices on the whole to come to a view that they are all Not Good.

resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:07

Oh no - they are all locked up throughout.

CultureSucksDownWords · 03/07/2014 23:09

Morethan, please can you tell me some more about the nursery that I use for my DS? I think it's a brilliant nursery that looks after my DS fantastically well - so much so that he runs in happily in the morning and is sad to leave at the end of the day. He frequently asks to go to nursery on non-nursery days! Obviously both he and are deluded about this form of childcare. Please do let me know exactly what is wrong with the nursery that my DS attends, as I am struggling to see it myself. Cheers.

CultureSucksDownWords · 03/07/2014 23:10

*he and I are deluded

apologies for the typo...

Cruikshank · 03/07/2014 23:10

They may get a cake and a dance but that is small comfort for being raised by dilettante parents who put buying shoes and handbags over and above nurturing their offspring by claiming tax credits and living in council houses.

morethanpotatoprints · 03/07/2014 23:10

resipsa

I never said they weren't all good. I thought you were in Law?
I said they were zoos in my experience and it was normal ime for many children to be crying.
I have seen some awful nurseries. I haven't seen any I'd have left a child of mine in, that's hardly my fault.
If you have a good nursery I'm very happy for your child.

resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:11

But DD will get the Birkin when she's 21...

resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:13

But if you have seen many and on that basis choose not to use one is that not because you have formed such a view? I must have misunderstood. Sorry.

PS I am in law. No upper case or question mark required.

HaroldLloyd · 03/07/2014 23:13

I've never seen anyone on MN deluding themselves that their children are happy, quite the opposite in fact. People who have concerns ask for dab and address the situation if their children don't seem to be enjoying it or they have other concerns.

resipsa · 03/07/2014 23:15

This is fun but bed calls. OP, sorry if I have facilitated the derailing and really hope that you arrive at a position with which you are happy very soon.

morethanpotatoprints · 03/07/2014 23:25

culture

There is probably nothing wrong with your nursery. I don't know it, you have obviously made sure its good and right for your child.

Personally, I wouldn't want this for my child, but can see this is lovely and right for those who do want this.
There is a regular poster on here who talks about the most fantastic nursery that I can imagine would be brilliant and the envy of many parents it even has a zoo.
This does not alter my opinion of the dire nurseries I visited, and my view that ime which is the only thing I have to go by, they are awful zoos.

NanaNina · 03/07/2014 23:27

I think nurseries are not suitable for children under 3 - no matter how good they are - they are institutions and institutional care is not good for anyone in my view, be they day nurseries, children's homes, care homes for older people etc etc.

I am not criticising nursery workers as I imagine they are poorly paid and looking after children is very hard work. I think for children under 3 a childminder is better, because it is more normal, it's just an ordinary household. Most childminder's meet children from school every day so there is always fresh air time, and a walk in the pushchair. There are usually older children around to amuse the younger ones and so the child is not having to "compete" with children of their own age when they are very young.

I think for over 3s it is not so bad, but I disagree with full time day care for any child under 5. But that's just me.

CultureSucksDownWords · 03/07/2014 23:45

Ah, morethan, thank goodness that there's probably nothing wrong with my nursery. Thanks for clearing that up.

I also think there are plenty of dire nurseries, just as there are plenty of dire childminders. There are plenty of mediocre nurseries/childminders and plenty of good and excellent nurseries/childminders.

I think that you as a parent can tell what environment will suit your child, relatively instinctively. My DP and I regularly reflect that we are very fortunate to have such a genuinely outstanding nursery, the precise setting of which absolutely suits our DS perfectly.

OP - I would give it a little while longer, to let your DD recover from her illness and hopefully settle in a bit more. The idea of some random drop ins is also a great idea. Hope you feel more reassured with the nursery soon.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 04/07/2014 04:48

The thing about choosing to live on one income is that it isn't a choice one parent can make unilaterally. We couldn't manage on my dh's wage alone - that's not a question of 're-prioritising', it wouldn't be possible. We could, however, if I went full time and he stayed at home. But my job full-time requires long hours and evening and weekend work on top of weekdays. So if we decided to live off one wage the sacrifice I would have to make would be to hardly see my kids. I'm not prepared to make that sacrifice and if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't ask it of my husband. We both get to spend a decent amount of time with them and as a family with me working pt and using childcare two days a week.

Incidentally, our son has developed an excellent relationship with our childminder, it's invaluable having another adult who loves him and he's made good friends there too. I just wonder if the people so vehemently opposed to childcare would feel the same if it was their partners rather than themselves with the option of being a SAHP and they would have to work long hours to fund this? Or would that be a sacrifice too far?

Fideliney · 04/07/2014 05:38

FWIW I completely agree with NanaNina and have a rather rackety freelance career, feeble pension provision and a truly pathetic amount of equity as a legacy of that.

I will possibly never be able to afford a handbag again and might well have to carry my belongings around in potato sacks for the rest of time.

I really hope posters are not being howled down just for believing something that is not currently mainstream thinking.

melissa83 · 04/07/2014 05:56

Morethan doesnt even use schools and thats not exactly normal, whereas the majority use nurseries and schools and get on with them. I like the zoo anyway my house is like one.

Fideliney · 04/07/2014 06:00

I'm not sure having a home like a zoo is 'normal' either melissa TBH

Fideliney · 04/07/2014 06:01

(not that 'normal' is a particularly helpul or even meaningful concept)

melissa83 · 04/07/2014 06:03

Joke?! Good god lighten up everyone!!

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