Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

[TrixieLox]

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

I am simply pointing out that no everyone wants to use daycare.

Everyone needs to do what they feel is right. For me it was staying home with my children and making financial sacrifices in other areas so we could afford that.

I am not criticising- just saying there are other options.

Not normal, but then small toddlers are like dominoes...when one starts to cry, the other does. If there are clear attempts to comfort them, then I would say it's fine...and it's also normal for DC to start hating/being frightened of places where they've been ill, if they don't understand it much. I know when DD had a bug and ended up vomiting at her nursery, because she associated the nursery with the sick feeling, she didn't want to come back. I didn't like getting her to go in, but in a bit, she got over it, and loved it like she had before

Deepbluetr, you do sound like you are negatively judging parents who "want" to use childcare. You agreed with morethan who said that nurseries are like zoos. And you're assuming that everyone has the choice to give up work to stay at home full time if they just make the right financial cut backs. This isn't true for everyone at all.

True for a lot of people though. We made substantial changes to our lifestyle so we could afford for me not to work.

If I didn't work, we couldn't afford the mortgage. Anyone who can choose is lucky.

Some people need two salaries to keep a roof over their heads.

Trixie give it time if after say a month you still aren't happy then maybe worth looking around for alternative childcare (be it nursery/childminder/etc)

Is it still early days? It took both me and DS1 a month for us to both settle with our childcare arrangement (nursery), the guilt and separation was hard but it got easier. He's 6 yo now and he's a lovely, happy lad

I think that staff were picking up babies and trying to comfort them - which is as it should be and is reassuring. I often went to my dds' nursery. Usually nobody crying ... Always kids being cuddled. Staff swift to snuggle upset kids. It was an amazing nursery and we still go back to visit (dd is 7).

I had an awful childminder, and once dropped dd off at a play group where a kid was howling as her own childminder ignored her and made tea. Should have pulled my dd out then actually but ignored my instincts.

I would drop in again and check it out. And if you have a bad feeling then act on it. But the incident you describe could easily be a one-off - am sure that wd have happened from time to time at my nursery.

Can you do another unscheduled drop in? "Oh i forgot her hat" or something.

I agree with people who say it is how staff were dealing with crying toddlers is what counts.
But also your gut about whether you dd is upset as she adjusts to being away from you or upset because she does not like that nursery.
I trusted my gut on this and moved ds to a nursery that suits him better. I am really glad I did as I know he really likes his new nursery and once he adjusts to being without me I know he will be very happy.

I like the idea of an unscheduled drop-in! Will do that. My friend also said they let you sit in for an hour or two in a room that overlooks if you feel anxious about leaving your LO so might do that.

As for that comment about making financial sacrifices, deepbluetr: cheeky little thing dropped in to make me feel even more guilty. quietly sobs into cup of tea

More than, not all nurseries are the same. My son's is brilliant. It genuinely does feel like a really natural environment. The kids have the run of the whole nursery, so all ages together, they can go outside and inside as they please. Each child is free to do as they choose. There is a quiet room if they want to chill out. Interactions with staff are natural and genuine. Staff play the same silly games as you would as a parent at home. Everything has been thought about from the view of the child. The environment inside and out is really interesting and engaging from a child's view. Free play, creativity, exploration are at the core of the ethos. I used to think I would whip ds out of nursery instantly if I could afford not to work, and for the other nurseries I visited I would. But this nursery is so brilliant I would actually still have him there for part of the week. I think he will gain a lot and it models the type of village environment we evolved to grow up in. I wish I worked there!

Quelle surprise - morethan posting about nurseries being akin to the fiery pits of hell

As for the 'sacrifices' comment - out of curiosity, how do you live now that you no longer have a roof over your head and don't eat?

As everyone with an ounce of common sense knows, there are good nurseries, there are average nurseries, and there are poor nurseries. If one doesn't suit, then look for another one, or use alternative childcare. If you can afford to stay at home, and want to give up your career and financial independence, then knock yourself out.

"If I didn't work, we couldn't afford the mortgage. Anyone who can choose is lucky."

We couldn't afford the mortgage on one salary either. that's why we sold our house, moved into the country into cheap rented accommodation in order to allow me to stay at home.

It was that important to us for me to be at home to raise our children. It was an absolute priority.

I'm sorrry if my choices upset anyone, that's not my intention.

All depends on the setting. My children have always been in childcare and not been seperated from me at all. Childcare has made mine so confident and social and I have to take mine out for dc3 temporarily. I feel awful and dd1 who is 6 has already cried over it!

Deepblue, you do appreciate yours is a fairly extreme viewpoint don't you? And genuinely not a feasible long term solution for the vast majority of people. A year or two out, maybe, but 20 years to raise two children probably not.

"Deepblue, you do appreciate yours is a fairly extreme viewpoint don't you?"

I don't think it's extreme. Most of my friends didn't work in the pre-school years, my mother stopped work to raise her kids, as did most of our neighbours.

I am not suggesting taking 20 years out of work, but for me the early pre school years were the ones that I wanted to spend wit hmy children.

Does it really matter? I dont think so we are lucky in this country as we have so many opportunities and nursert is hardly the orphanage.

Deepblue, your choices don't upset anyone.

It's your insensitive assumption that everyone is lucky enough to have that choice. Very upsetting for those who can't merely downsize as your family was lucky enough to do.

Is it luck? I would say having to pay a mortgage is hardly a necessity.

deepblue, I don't think it's your choices that are upsetting anyone so much as how you are expressing yourself. The OP is feeling uncertain about an arrangement she has entered into re her daughter's childcare. Not feeling secure about how your child is looked after is one of the worst feelings you can have as a parent, so maybe telling her that all she needs to do is sell her house and rent because childcare is bad m'kay isn't the most helpful response.

OP, agree with others who have said that babies set each other off - I've seen it happen. And with two of the staff engaged with you and your daughter they were probably doing all they could. I would be concerned about the lack of feedback as to what the kids have done each day - they are too little to tell you themselves. But the chance to observe sounds good - they must be pretty confident with the care they are providing to offer that. I would also make an unscheduled drop-in, if you're having misgivings. And I don't think your misgivings are just down to the fact you're using childcare at all - The Guilt is a very common emotion, but actual worry is something else.

Into the country in cheap rented accommodation?!

And where is the bountiful cheap rented accommodation? Certainly not around here. That's great you were able to do so, but please be aware that there are many, many people for whom living on one salary or no salary is simply not an option.

Plenty around here.

Trust your instincts. Lots of crying toddlers would worry me too.

I worked full time when my eldest child was very little. I was a single mum and this was before tax credits etc. I had to. I got 2 buses to nursery and then to my workplace every day. I was confident the nursery was good. Quite often I would pop in unannounced and peek through the windows as I went past if I arrived early and I was always pleased to see the children engaged in something fun, looking happy and when dd was very little I'd often see her being cuddled up with her key worker having a story read while she cuddled her blankie from home looking very content. This was in south London too, so not some abstract rural village.

We then moved to south norfolk and 11 years later I had another dc. I assumed I'd return to work but childcare in our area is awful :( we visited one nursery and actually put in a complaint to ofsted. They were supposedly an "excellent" rated nursery but there was no warmth towards the children at all and we actually overhead one worker telling a very upset little boy to "stop whinging and go away" - apparently it was his first full day there. The thought of them treating my son like that and him not being old enough to tell me broke my heart. I came away in tears and wrote the complaint that evening. Others we visited were not much better sadly.

I don't think all childcare is bad. Some are very good but people certainly need an open mind and to complain loudly when it's wrong.

deepblu

We did similar to afford a sahp, we even came off the grid at one time, we did keep the mortgage though. Dh learned how to do renovations and DIY so the house we bought, although pretty ropey, he did up bit by bit.

My comment wasn't about working though, moreover that some parents delude themselves that their nursery is great for their dc, some even suggest it is better than a parent raising their dc .

Ljny

I have to disagree, everybody has choices, nobody holds a gun to your head. I agree, some people don't like particular choices or believe they wouldn't work for them and this is fair enough, but the choices are still there.