Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

actually.... to the poster who said her friends thought that puppies must be much harder work than babies, I would agree with them based on my experience of owning a labrador and having children!

"I won't be one of those mums that do that yukky thing of sniffing their babies bum to see if they need changed. I will take them to the toilet to check properly in private."

Yeah right. Bumsniffer graduate here.

A similar thread is/ was already in classics somewhere.

I don't mean to burst your bubble OP, but not everyone is sleep deprived when their baby is born. My baby has slept at least 10 hours straight each night since birth (I co-sleep with him, so BF in the bed. I have to wake him. I'm so used to it now that I sort of feed him in my sleep.) He has one hour long nap in the day, and has done since the day he was born. I couldn't believe my luck! I appreciate that all babies are different and it is unlikely any subsequent children I may have will have the same pattern.

I think it is mean and patronising to laugh at people just because they have an idealistic idea of what parenthood will be like. You don't know 100 percent whether or not they will be right! I had all sorts of people telling me that I would be exhausted and it would be the hardest thing ever. Not so.

Jackanory they have to do it in the US, why don't you think she'll do it?

I remember saying to the other mothers at the postnatal group with dd1, that the reason their babies weren't sleeping through at 6 weeks is because they weren't waking them every three hours during the day to feed them. Obviously this would mean baby wasn't getting enough milk during the day so would wake at night. One mum in particular looked like she was going to cry.
2 years later I had ds. He never slept for longer than an hour at a time, so obviously waking him up would do nothing to help him get more milk. I can't believe I thought dd was a fabulous sleeper because of something I was doing. Having a baby who sleeps well is nothing more than luck, I am convinced of it.

RE the OP, it just sounds like she' saying she doesn't want you to visit.

I remember thinking that I wouldn't need to worry about BFing DD at a family event planned for a week after she turned 6 months, because I'd be introducing her to solids at 6 months and she'd be weaned after a week :D

A friend of mine gave birth at 11pm, both she and the baby slept until morning, and she texted me saying, 'She's such a good baby, she's already sleeping through the night!'

Not quite the same thing but I often think that scenes involving babies in TV programmes have obviously been written by people who know nothing about babies ... babies in soap operas always seem happy to lie in a crib 23 hours a day. And read a novel recently where a woman worked from home as a journalist and just stuck her 1-year-old in a playpen for 8 hours while she worked. Yeah, right.

I wasn't allowed visitors at the hospital, and I am SO glad I wasn't. Between breastfeeding consultants, the baby being on the light bed thing, the agony of stitches and the gaping hospital gown that I wore for nearly four days, I was so glad not to have to see anyone except my husband, medical professionals and other women in the same position (with a noteworthy mention to the Bounty bitch who told me I couldn't claim child benefit unless I let her take a photo of my baby and got a swift 'fuck off').

Big props to DoJo for telling the Bounty bitch to fuck off.

My favourite was dh's friend who had done a hypnobirthing course. She described to us how the baby coming down the birth canal would be like a pair of theatre curtains opening! Fantastic, my ds1 needed the 'curtains' opened with a pair of surgical scissors. Ouch!

God, SantanaLopez, yes, I was bored in hospital too and I was bored by the second week of being at home

I can't help feel that any* expectations are always funny in hindsight. You might love being alone at home with your baby, you might be desperate to get out the house and see people. Who knows?

I concur with those that say puppies are harder than babies.

Muttdog1 cried for 8 weeks at night after we brought him home. Positively howled. And needed to pee 3 times a night. I remember thinking "if this is what having a baby is like, I ain't doin it!"

DS1 slept through from 10 days, rarely cried and was so easy it was untrue. I spent my maternity leave getting my nails done, lunching with friends and relaxing by the pool. He is, of course, an unholy terror of a toddler...

(and 16 week old DS2 is turning out much the same way lord help me)

I wish I had turned down visitors at the hospital. I wanted to and didn't have the courage. It was as much as I could do to stop PIL from coming to stay when they found out I was being induced (baby arrived 3 days later).

This time round, no sodding visitors.

Our maternity unit was on lock-down due to a norovirus outbreak - I felt sorry for all those who suffered with it, but it couldn't have worked out better for me!

Oh my god I LOVE the theatre curtains opening! My curtains just did not want to open, and when they finally did with the help of an induction drip, they also had to be cut and DS hauled onto centre stage with a pair of forceps!

Yes I too think there's too many visitors when you've just had a baby.
I don't know about anyone else around here but what I hated about hospital was other people's visitors staring round at me as if I were a zoo animal, even quite obviously peeking through the gap in the curtains.

DoJo
I hope you reported that Bounty woman to the ward staff.

DoJo
I hope you reported that Bounty woman to the ward staff.

DoJo
I hope you reported that Bounty woman to the ward staff.

I did, I did, I DID! Honestly!Don't worry - I heard her getting an earful shortly afterwards, and the woman in the bed next to me asked her if she was lying about the child benefit and then asked for her details to be removed. Fortunately, I discovered MN before having my son!

i genuinely can't remember the daft things i said before having DD. i know i said them, i've got that awful feeling i said all sorts of bonkers things, i just can't remember them as the baby ate my branes.

i do remember telling everyone that the baby wouldn't be late. my gran said it would be nice if the baby was born on her birthday 12 days after the due date. i swore blind the baby would be born by then, there was no way it would be that late. DD was born after induction 13 days late. yep, 1 day after gran's birthday.

Ouch mybigfatredwedding ! Like ds being centre stage!

I'm expecting DC2 and have found myself saying "I think I might learn Spanish while on maternity leave" when I really should know better.

While about 6 months pregnant with DD I explained to a colleague that I really wasn't responsible enough to own a dog. He was .

Hmmm, I've just had my third baby and was back f/t within a fortnight....

"My child will go out with us and sleep wherever we are. No faffing with routines, set times for sleeping, limiting my life too much" (4 years and 2 bad sleepers later, I went out at night twice - maybe three times)

"I will never have a fussy eater. That's the parents fault!" (DS1 eats everything, so I got a bit smug. Until DS2 gave me a lesson)

"My children will be very well behaved" (Found out I hate disciplining children, so they are moderately behaved)

I could think of many more. All said by myself :)