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Original poster

I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

955 replies

Orchardbeck · 29/04/2014 19:53

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

OP posts:
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FortyFacedFuckers · 29/04/2014 20:17

I am absolutely stunned by this and I don't know what to say but if my DP had done this to my 8 year old I would honestly be reconsidering our future together.

Trillions · 29/04/2014 20:18

God, as soon as I saw the thread title I winced... not for the 3yo but at the thought of how many gleeful smug MNers would be piling onto the thread to put the boot in. It's only a bit of food! As for the humiliation argument, I think that applies more for older children... three year olds have no concept of humiliation or they wouldn't fart, wet themselves, pick their noses and do various other foul things in public Grin

Have some Wine OP and don't waste the good food on your DD for a little while. Chicken nuggets are more likely to be eaten and won't require a hairwash if you end up throwing them at her...

TheScience · 29/04/2014 20:18

Of course the OP needs to talk to her DD about what happened! I have a 3yo too and he would be terrified if I suddenly did something like this and would need to talk about/understand what happened.

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phalanges · 29/04/2014 20:18

I'm sure she drives you to distraction, but what a dreadful thing to do.

You owe her the most heartfelt apology and you need to work on your self control.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/04/2014 20:18

Maureen Right there with you on that. My 7yo DC is disabled and has massive food issues, which can really be stressful (for him and me!!). But I've been dealing with it all his life, and I just deal with it and move on. Getting screamy and dumping the food everywhere doesn't teach him anything productive - in fact, it models bad behaviour which he's guaranteed to copy.

I don't really get the impression that the OP is that sorry either, based on the "look at me!" title alone. Hmm

hotcrosshunny · 29/04/2014 20:19

Trillions picking your nose is not the same as having your mother chuck food over you. Bloody hell.

Original poster
Orchardbeck · 29/04/2014 20:19

Thank you for your responses everyone. No, I am not happy about what I have done, hence why I posted. When I said 'just', It wasn't at 7.30pm - more six pm - an hour after the meal began, which is typical of how long it takes. I have two children to get to bed which I have done before posting.

Yes I do need help, which is why I posted. I expected criticism, as I said, I'm not proud of what happened. I guess I was looking for a shock reaction to get her to understand how important it is to eat. The food was cold, there was no risk of a burn but that isn't the point, I know I shouldn't have done it.

I'm crying as I type - I'm devastated. The problem is, she is so eloquent I forget she is only 3 and probably expect too much from her - she's gone through some big changes with not having my undivided attention any more and having to share with her sister.

OP posts:
Kormachameleon · 29/04/2014 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiverTam · 29/04/2014 20:19

of course she wouldn't have scalded her - I don't put scalding hot food in front of my DD and she's 4 - it's normally warm to tepid, to be honest. Don't over-exaggerate.

as you say yourself, not your finest moment. Put it behind you and think about how you will handle this in future. For what it's worth, I think a lot of previously good eaters become a chore at this age, and I totally understand how incredibly infuriating this can be.

Try not to take it personally - hard I know when you've put so much effort into making something nutritious and you think she likes. But she doesn't know that sausage casserole is any more effort than beans on toast.

One way I can get a bit more food into DD (never a great eater) is to read a story while she eats - I end up spoon feeding her rather more than I want, but not every time. So try some different tactics. I also sometimes let her have plastic toys to play with and chat to.

Otherwise - it's bread-and-butter and no pudding. She won't starve, but if she sees the rest of you tucking into something yum it might nudge her along.

Get her involved as well - cooking, laying the table - what about helping to feed the baby, could she do that with your supervision? Spoonful for baby, spoonful for her kind of thing?

Yes, you did a crappy thing - we all do. The thing is to pick yourself up, learn from it and move onwards and upwards.

And you really should apologise for doing it - tonight, if possible, but tomorrow she's already asleep. Talk it through with her.

hotcrosshunny · 29/04/2014 20:19

I'm glad the OP is getting a flaming. She needs help.

elfycat · 29/04/2014 20:20

I meant to add I have a soft grip round her wrist when I haul. It just probably doesn't. I had someone comment on me twisting her arm cruelly when I was in fact gently manipulating her protesting hand so I could get my hand in hers in a normal hand holding position. I told the woman as much, showed that DD2 had no red marks at all and pointed out that my little bolter was near a road. I didn't tell her to fuck off but I think that might have been plain by my tone.

drinkingtea · 29/04/2014 20:20

She's got loads of posting history which fits in with having a 9month old (breast and bottle feeding)... don't think she's fake, troll hunting gone a bit mad atm maybe?

MarshaBrady · 29/04/2014 20:20

Yes get some help. Support and help.

HappySunflower · 29/04/2014 20:21

Ok, clearly you need some support. What would you like that support to look like? Could you pop along to your local Children's Centre and enquire about parenting courses, or have a chat to your health visitor?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 29/04/2014 20:21

3 year olds are capable of being humiliated.

crazynanna · 29/04/2014 20:21

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RiverTam · 29/04/2014 20:22

just read your last post - totally agree with eloquent children making your forget that their understanding and behaviour don't necessarily match up with their speech - DD is the same and it has caught me out a number of times - at 3 she sounded like a 5-year-old - but she wasn't.

NachoAddict · 29/04/2014 20:22

I would also go mental at dp if he tried this with our dc.

You need to stop battling about food. Put her dinner out, if she eats it great, lots of praise. If she doesn't, clear it away. She will eat if she is hungry. If she doesn't eat but is hungry later, offer fruit.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 29/04/2014 20:22

If feeding food to a toddler, it probably wasn't hot, so no danger there.
I think OP agrees it wasn't the right thing to do absolutely, and yes, you did cross a line, Orchard, that was such a horrible thing to do. But I can totally understand the frustration with a littlie that won't eat. It can be so very, very frustrating. You know it was wrong.

She doesn't know or understand that it is home-raised pork and home-grown veggies..
Next time, just take it away calmly. Really, don't make mealtimes a battle - if she's hungry, she'll eat. Don't give her snacks and junk in between meals.

What I did when mine were being picky was just plop a plate of bits and bobs in front of them that they could pick at. Weird combinations, pasta, grapes, sweetcorn, rice (chicken nuggets, yes, sorry, but I did), broccoli - just an assortment. Don't get hung up over what you've cooked especially (save that for when they're ungrateful teenagers)

Don't beat yourself up - although not nice, these things happen.

hotcrosshunny · 29/04/2014 20:22

My ds was a food refuser. I ignored it and made sure he had one thing he would eat.

He's fine (nearly 5). He sometimes tries new stuff sometimes not. I don't give him attention if he doesn't want something. I just say OK and leave it at that. He might surprise me some times by trying new things which is great.

Ruushii · 29/04/2014 20:22

What does her sounding older for her age have to do with it? If this really happened, it's disgusting at any age.

TortillasAndChocolate · 29/04/2014 20:22

If a woman posted on the relationships board that her partner had done to her, people would say leave him, it's abuse.

Your post has made me really sad. I have a 3 year old so I know how hard it can be but that was a horrible thing to do. Your poor little girl. And you were actually sad because you wasted the food. Are you for real??

scottishmummy · 29/04/2014 20:23

You need help,both parents.you physically abused a child,and her dad was complicit
See your gp,djscuss your feelings,stress and your triggers.you need support
Press for separate referral for daughter re:eating

SolomanDaisy · 29/04/2014 20:24

Gosh. I can't imagine even getting close to doing that with my DS, who is just a bit younger. Was this totally out of the blue for you or have your negative reactions to her been building up?

elfycat · 29/04/2014 20:24

hotcrosshunny it's called the imp of the peverse. I have this imp. I often wonder what would happen if I did something outrageous. It's so common you wouldn't believe it (obviously) I would never, ever hit my children. Of course I get it with my parenting if I have it in all aspects of my life. I'm not going to act on it.