**sensitive topic warning** So angry!

[NickysMam]

I have a 1 week old DD (who is the most beautiful baby in the world, I'm so in love) and her dad and his family are insisting, almost to the point of bullying me, into piercing her ears.

Not to offend those that have done it, but I don't like it AT ALL as it's purely for cosmetic reasons.

Every day I'm asked "When are you going to pierce her ears?"

Has anyone pierced their DD's ears? And if so, how old were they? they're hoping to pierce her ears next bloody week! I've told them to fuck off already but the phone calls are still coming.

Say no and say something like "In my family we never do this, so we're sticking to that tradition. My decision is final. Don't bring it up again, I will not change my mind". You need to talk to your DH too. He is clearly disagreeing with you and letting his family gang up on you. I would find that unforgivable.

OP have there been any other signs of this family's dominance over you -I'm worried this will just keep on happening. MrsBattleaxe's approach is similar to the one I suggested, be very firm and dismissive.

Ok, I'm going to put my head above the parapet.

My DD's had their ears pierced while babies. DH is Spanish so it is a cultural thing there. I was actually quite anti it until we were on holiday after DD1 was born and I saw what he was dealing with. DD1 was 6 months old when hers were pierced. She isn't allowed to wear earrings at school, so only wears them in the holidays.

We were going to get DD2's ears pierced at 10 months (1st trip to Spain) but the pharmacist didn't have the special baby earrings and recommended we wait so she was almost 2 when hers were pierced.

If it isn't a cultural issue I would not be pressured into doing it. My girls have had no problems with theirs, but not everyone is so lucky.

I had this with my Nigerian MIL when she came to visit after dd was born along with many other cultural differences /issues. First time I ever put my foot down (it's not the done thing in their culture) I know it's not easy but they could see from my immediate reaction how disgusting I found it and the consequences if it was done without my consent. It hasn't been broached since.. I'm sure this (along with other cultural "issues") gives plenty of eyebrow raising on my DH's side from the "British wife with a voice" but at the end of the day she's my daughter and it's her choice when she is old enough to make it for herself. OP I understand how hard it can be (believe me) but stand your ground.

His mum called me an hour ago telling me that "It has to be done".

Tell his mum to, "Fuck off."

She'd your baby. Why on earth would you want to put holes in her wee ears?! It's a horrible thing to do to any baby and personally, I'd ban it if I could!

i think by arguing with his parents, you are doing something very taboo . Your husband will definitely be siding with his parents, and whilst British people might think taking the wifes side is the done thing to show commitment, He will almost certainly have been raised to respect the elders in his family without question, and he wil
be in an incredibly difficult position here, so I hope the stand youre making here is worth it to you.

Why should a baby have holes punched in its ears against its will and against the will of her mother?

Only the very extremely narrow-minded will see that it's hugely disrespectful, outdated and aggressive to do this or to expect a mother to let this be done to her child against her will.

OP definitely stand your ground. They'll get over it.

'YOU ARE NOT FUCKING PIERCING MY CHILD'S EARS. Repeat that over and over to yourselves until it sinks in. Under no circumstances will it happen. You are having no unsupervised contact with her because I do not trust you not to put holes in my baby.'

Tell them that.

And buy lots of blue outfits and cowboy hats to piss them off even more. Tell them - "well you never know she might be gay"

That should shut them up.

i bet anything that all the people calling it barbaric and terrible are white

it IS cultural.

Branleuse it doesn't matter if I'm black brown pink or green, whilst I respect my husband comes from a different culture, I personally find it distasteful and unnecessary. I come from a mixture of cultures, one of which practice ear piercing on the young, yet it's my decision that I do not want my baby daughters ears pierced.
I'm lucky that my husband respects my opinion and backed me up.
I was not being disrespectful to my in laws and never am. When different cultures marry there has to be a bit of mutual understanding that things are done differently.

it IS cultural.

I agree. It is a cultural norm for them and they are uncomfortable about your DD and her family being judged for not abiding by it.

i bet anything that all the people calling it barbaric and terrible are white

Seeing as the population of the UK is prominently white you're quite right. It's also more likely to be rejected by people for whom it isn't such a cultural norm so, again, white. It doesn't make their view less valid though.

I think it's cruel too and I can see no good reason to do it but that's because I won't worry about my family and friends judging me if I don't do it.

Branleuse - are you saying that the paternal grandparents' opinion should outweigh the mother's view?

And I think that punching unnecessary holes in a child's body, just because it would look cute, or just because children in their grandparents' culture have it done is wrong.

And no, it is not the same as FGM - but if you accept that it is OK to pierce a child's ears 'for cultural reasons' - ie. to cause a child pain, and make an alteration to their body for no good medical reason - then you have to see that some would use that as justification for the practice of FGM.

Body modification for aesthetic reasons should be that person's choice, when they are old enough to make an informed choice.

Who cares about 'cultural norms

Mum doesn't want it done.

i bet anything that all the people calling it barbaric and terrible are white

And obviously are not allowed an opinion as a result.

Who cares about 'cultural norms

I agree with the mum/ I wouldn't let them do it either.

People are saying it isn't cultural. It is.

I don't often swear on here but tell her to fuck off and shove some earrings up her arse.

Mums word is law

No should mean no, and that should be respected

End of.

Whether it's 'cultural' is irrelevant.

Please don't let them do it ... even 5 mins alone with her

My X mil is dead now... but she was JUST like this

toxic bitch

That's disgusting, how utterly selfish of them. I can't believe they are focussing so much on your baby as a 'cute' accessory rather than the joy and blessing that she is. Agree with others that cultural views deserve respect, although not necessarily to the point that you go along with them if you don't agree with them. But if not cultural, they are being simply selfish and trying to impose their own views onto you. Tbh, as a GP, I would not advise anyone to pierce their baby's ears if purely for cosmetic reasons - a baby is not a beauty accessory, and there is risk of infection as well as pain. If they won't leave you alone, talk to your GP or HV about it, simply to gain the weight to tell them "my health professional strongly advised against it". If it was me, I would tell them I don't want them to see the baby until they accept that this parenting decision is up to you and you alone, and they need to not mention it again. Tricky if your dh is keen too, but this is the sort of thing that both parents need to be for or it can't go ahead. Sorry, but your opinion wins out on this matter.

horsetowater I'm not Nigerian but I am African and it's definitely not practiced on both sides of my family.

Well, after disagreeing about it until we were both blue in the face, he finally understood why I am against it. He still wants them pierced but has agreed to wait until she asks rather than getting them done now.

I'm not against ear piercings, mine are pierced, but I am against piercing a baby's ears and taking their choice away!

As for MIL, he spoke to her last night so hopefully she'll back off. I'm still not leaving her with them though because I know these people.

To answer a pp (sorry can't remember your username) but yes they have bullied me into doing things before. I'm over it now as I've seen the benefits but if I was to go back in time, it wouldn't be done.

Branleuse "not a big deal".. very good.

She's my daughter. I carried her for 281 days. 40 weeks and 1 day. Let's not forget that child birth isn't something that we should take for granted as many women die from it. After all that, I'm expected to hand her over to people just because? Don't be daft. Maybe your children but certainly not mine.

My ex mil was the same.. I just said that it will have to be her choice when she is much much older.

Also had someone ask the same of ds!!!