**sensitive topic warning** So angry!

[NickysMam]

I have a 1 week old DD (who is the most beautiful baby in the world, I'm so in love) and her dad and his family are insisting, almost to the point of bullying me, into piercing her ears.

Not to offend those that have done it, but I don't like it AT ALL as it's purely for cosmetic reasons.

Every day I'm asked "When are you going to pierce her ears?"

Has anyone pierced their DD's ears? And if so, how old were they? they're hoping to pierce her ears next bloody week! I've told them to fuck off already but the phone calls are still coming.

Oh my god, NO! It would be illegal if done to an animal, why on earth would you do it to a baby? And why doesn't your partner feel protective of his child too? If it was me I'd get proper written legal advice right now from a professional in case they try anything. Might stop them in their tracks to see how serious you are. Sorry your precious first weeks with your gorgeous DD have been overshadowed by this but please don't give in! Really upsetting post, I feel for you x

I'm definitely not leaving her alone with anyone from his family. I know how they are. I've already been bullied into doing something I was completely against with an older DC and it tortured me for months. "Never again" was what I told myself.

Her dad? I'm pretty sure he's the one who told him mum in the hope that she would speak to me about it.

And if she gets an infection? Who do you think they'd blame? "Well you were against it so why did you change your mind since you knew the risks". I know these bloody people.

Still so angry right now. I've involved my mum in this because I'm not having his whole family weighing heavy on me with this.

horsetowater they're Nigerians.

YANBU at all. As another poster has said, a tiny baby is perfect, and how can you improve on perfection?

One thing to remember - if they were to be so terrible as to ignore your wishes, and got her ears pierced, you can take the studs out and the holes would heal up very fast, and probably without a scar. It might be worth reminding them (and your dh) of this, so they know there would be no point getting it done behind your back.

my daughter had them done for 10th birthday. It was lovely, she really enjoyed it and she enjoyed the responsibility of looking after the holes. It looks sweet but I was upset that it was a sort of coming of age thing. My aunt used to do admin for A&E and lots of kids would come in with ripped lobes from playtime. I didn't want dd to have it done before secondary school but she felt old enough to take responsibility for her own health. Her younger sister was hoping to have hers done this year or next but was put off by watching dd almost faint with pain she is a massive drama queen with low pain threshold.

absolutely involve your mum, they are being ridiculous over something relatively insignificant and which is not their decision at all. How dare they put this pressure on you.

i say relatively insignificant meaning, this is not religion or health it's just different to their view of cosmetics. It would be bloody significant to me as a mum.

I know nothing about Nigeria/Nigerians or their beliefs on ear piercing... but I found this... callmemummy.com/2012/04/04/piercing-my-babys-ears-in-the-uk/

"If it's not a religious or cultural thing then please don't do it." It makes me when people justify this in the name of culture, I don't give a toss what your culture says, pearcing babies' ears is barbaric. Some cultures advocate fgm too and male circumcision and teenage rape and polygamy and forced marriage, should we respect those just because they're done in the name of culture? no thought not, this is no different.

Op - I would be telling your mil in no uncertain terms that she won't be having it done until she's old enough to want it done. There was actually a poster several years ago whose mil pearced her baby's ears without her consent, iirc the police became involved...

I got mine done for my 8th birthday and my sister hers done at same time (5 years older than me) I had been moaning to my mum for months before she gave in eventually and agreed. I did look after them myself and didnt get an Infection. I think it should be the child's decision when they are old enough to understand

That blog is awful - ridiculous woman actually complaining that she had to wait 16 weeks.

I always want to know why little girls "need" their ears pierced?

Why good does it do?
Why bonus does it bring?
Is it to look attractive? Why do babies need to look attractive? Attractive to who exactly?
Aren't your children pretty enough? How do you explain that to the tween that asks why - "Oh mummy thought you were ugly when you were a baby my dear so I put holes in your ears so that people would be distracted from your ugly mug and look at the diamonds instead"

DD has been asking since she was 5 and every other girl in her class had them. I will let her get them done on the transition from primary to secondary and not before.

I tell her that this is one rule I will never back down on and she doesn't need holes in her ears to make her pretty, she already is.

Waste of time her having them done beforehand - she'd have to take them out every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Not a great combination with grubby childs fingers.

Completely agree with everything wannaBe said

HappyBungleBear I've just read the blog post. H did say it was for identity reasons but it's still cosmetic. It's still not a good enough reason for me. Definitely agree with wannaBe culture isn't a good enough reason either

"We've already had people assume she's a boy" "She can wear her bows." "So we have to keep buying bows?" "I thought it mattered that people could tell her gender. This is an alternative"

I got mine done the same time I started brownies. I had saved all my pocket money up to buy my own brownie uniform and my mum was so impressed with me that she finally caved into letting me have my ears done, but they were done by my aunty who was qualified so she knew it was a reputable person we could trust.

There is no way I would let my daughter have hers done until she is of an age and maturity that shows me she can be responsible to look after them herself.

As long as YOU know your baby (and your DH), what exactly does it matter if other people don't?

"Oh is this your newborn, what did you have?"
"A girl"
"Lovely, what's her name?"

How is that worse than punching holes in her ears?

Oh dear god.. did anyone else read the comments at the bottom of that blog?!?

I had the same issue and guess what I did- i bought an ear gun with earrings from a website and my mum pierced my daughter’s ears. gen gen! I didnt think i could wait till when she could feel pain…glad i did it then, it was quick and she didnt cry…she was too stunned to i think..lol

WTAF!? Who pierces their tiny babies ears??

LtEveDallas that's exactly what I said! Who cares about other people? And even so, how hard is it to say "She's a girl ". Instead I must poke holes into her tiny ear lobe?

Kate I didn't read the comments. How shocking and very stupid!! What if an accident occurred? All because "people might think she's a boy"

That's really sad .

Please don't give in to them for a quiet life.

Cultural reasons- what a load of rubbish.
Your own culture dictates this is not the norm so it's a mute point!

Totally agree with wannaBe, I don't think it should be done in the name of "culture" either. Just an excuse to not have people tell you you're doing something wrong in my opinion. It looks awful and I feel sorry for the poor babies.

My eldest dd was about 9 when she had hers done, because she wanted them done herself and is now 12, she was fine with them. My youngest two girls are 2 years old and 5 months and there is no way I'd have their ears pierced.

So sorry to hear this OP. My ex MIL said she was going to do this to my newborn sons' ears. Usually quite timid, I replied 'over my dead body'. She was a pretty forceful lady, so that sealed the fate - no babysitting, ever. Eventually, she gave up mentioning it. I do hope that they will respect your wishes, she is your daughter and they have no right to do this IMO. Congrats on your new baby

What a horrible situation OP. Whilst it may not be a cultural 'requirement' it is very common in North Africa for most babies to have their ears pierced. Explain to your husband and his family that it is not common here.
Get support from your MW or HV, they should be willing to have a chat with your husband to explain the reasonings if that would help.
If you are really worried they will do it behind your back you can apply to the courts for a Prohibited Steps order, stating your daughter must not be allowed her ears pierced until a certain age, or until you give permission. If would be confrontational to do this but would show you are being serious. The courts would definitely grant the order and your husband could be fined or imprisoned if he breaches it.

OP I take it then you are NOT Nigerian? Or just a Nigerian that doesn't want her baby's ears pierced?

i dont see the big deal. If its massively important to them. Im not particularly keen, but calling it barbaric, and someone up there likening it to FGM is just ridiculous.

It's not FGM, but if OP is really dead against it, as the baby's mother her wishes should be paramount and should certainly be respected. To do anything physical to anyone else's baby without them being 100% happy with it is totally totally wrong.

This is not in the mother or the baby's best interests.