Four months into potty training and about to give up

[Zelda]

After four months of sticker charts etc My DD (age 2 and a half) is still pooing on the floor or in her pants sometimes twice a day and weeing between once and four times a day. I should say that on a good day she will take herself to the potty do a wee and empty it into the toilet several times without any bother at all and at nursery she often doesn't wee all morning until we get home. I have never been as short tempered as i am over it at the moment and desperately don't want her to become anxious about it all. I think because I didn't make a fuss intially about poos and wees on the carpet - saying nevermind love just do it on the potty next time - she nows says to me nevermind Mummy it's alright and doesn't seem in the least bit bothered by it. Any advice please?? I am planning to break what seems to be a cardinal rule and put her back in nappies tomorrow.

I have taken my delightful daughter to the toilet approximately 11 times during the course of this morning....yes, just this morning..... she claims she needs a poo and no sooner do we get her on the toilet that she declares 'can't do it'.....is she driving me mad??? Err yes. No doubt we'll have a bulge in the back of her pants by the end of the day.......as for her - a big grin, for me...more grey hair!

lol barney2.
Any bulges yet????

My DS was dry up to about 2.10pm. I could see a wet patch on his trousers
He kept saying he didn't want a wee but it was obviously making its way out gradually....
So we went upstairs to pt DS2 downfor his nap and DS1 went into the bathroom, closed the door and did a wee and a poo in the potty
He tipped it into the toilet, wiped his bottom and flushed the toilet So pleased even though I still had to change his clothes, pants etc and wipe up the bathroom floor from spillage.

Well done reece's boy! We haven't had enough poos in the potty to even discuss bottom wiping yet!!

Still doing well on the wees and I'm leaving long gaps between visits now so I don't feel I'm nagging him. But still no poos in the potty. For the last few days they've been in his nappy first thing which is great as I don't have to spend the rest of the day watching for bulges! But still have to get over that potty issue.

Anyway, I haven't been posting as much lately as DH is moaning if I'm on MN every night (stops him getting on the football chatsites). Be back soon though

AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Am I a stressed out mother???????? I spent the whole day, the WHOLE day, running up and down my stairs helping my DD on to the loo (although she can do that herself now but still wants me to go with her...) because 'I need a poooooeeeeeee'.....Only to sit her on the toilet and be told 'stuck' or 'not there' or 'its gone back in my tummy mummy'...... I'm find it soooo hard not to get stressed out with this.

She's perfect with her wees. No accidents at all even with napping which is pretty amazing. BUT she's an absolute nightmare with her number two's. She did the tiniest weeniest poo on the loo yesterday - I think it more or less fell out (oh god, what a subject) and we made a big fuss of her doing a poo - I'm sure my neighbours think I'm loopy.

Then after about an hour or so in bed last night we could smell this god awful stink coming from her bedroom (we were downstairs at the time..!) and yes, she'd filled her nappy to its absolute limit. I am amazed how a little tummy can produce such a huge nappy load. Even when I put it in the wheelie bin outside last night it made such a thump when it hit the bottom of the bin I'm sure I startled my resident hedgehogs in the garden.

Anyway we'll keep going. I do wish she'd just give in and do what she knows she has to do - its the start of playgroup in less than a week and I can put money on it I'll have a phone call to go and change her.......god help her if I do.....

Oh barney2 you poor thing. You must be going out of your mind running up and down stairs all day long.
Will she not even sit on the toilet by herself with a book or 2? Thats what my DS is doing right now. He has been constipated the lat couple of days and his poo's have been really tiny and like you said, seem to have just dropped out!
He has been telling me a poo is coming for about the last hour and has done some but then every 10 minutes he is telling me his bum bum hurts.? We then go back to the toilet and try again for more. His bottom is a bit sore from a little skid in his pants yesterday!!! I have put sudocrem on it and clean pants. That's why it must be hurting and he is reluctant to let out the whole poo. I have noticed his poo is a bit smelly so must be strong. (yuk too much detail I know). Sorry.

Like you I am worried I will get a call to come change him at playschool next week but if it happens it happens I guess.

His wee's are going great.

Hiya Reece.... Oh Yea she's often sat on the loo with a book - she copies the rest of us!!! Went to Tescos today and half way round she needed a wee - why is it they time it when you're only half way round the store, not at the beginning or the end???!!!! Anyway thought she'd have a screaming fit going on the loo without her insert seat but she was fine and didn't murmur a cry! As for number two's - the one thing I will say is that when she filled her nappy last night by god did it stink. It was so bad that when I went to bed some two hours later it still stank upstairs and thats with windows open/air freshener etc - next time she does that I'll have to get the environmental health department round......all good fun eh??!!!! xx

Any more stinky poo's today?
DS has been doing really really well. I think it's cracked at last after 10 weeks of up and downs.
Now watch it fall apart come Monday and pre-school!

Jinxed myself again!!!!!!!!
Why is it every single time I mention that DS has cracked potty training or is doing really well he then has accident after accident???

He knows pre-school starts tomorrow so I'm wondering if that has triggered it off.

He has had 4 wee accidents today! He was proud that he'd done them as well .

Now I am nervous again about pre-school tomorrow.

Hello. It is such a relief to read all of these. I had only been trying for a week to train ds (2.5) but gave up because he didn't seem to understand what we were doing. Day one was quite good lots of weeing in the potty but no poo but day two was awful, five wees on the floor by 10am (how can they wee so much?) one poo in his pants and then telling me there was a monster in the potty. I got so stressed that in the end I gave up and we've gone back to nappies. After reading everything here I feel a lot better, maybe we'll try again in a couple of weeks.

SusiW - I think you are right. Looking back I have really done it the hard way. I will have more sense with DS2. He is 18 mths so I have a bit of time yet!

DS1 was great yesterday. He has also been dry today and did a poo this morning in the potty upstairs.

The thing thats bugging me now is that he leaves his wees to the last minute and slowly lets it dribble away in his pants. Its irritating because you still have to change them and kerep up with the washing and drying of lots of pants.

Hiya Reece - hows it going????!!!!!

We seem to have virtually cracked it this end. No wee accidents at all for the last month...yippeeeeeee! BUT poo's are a different matter! My DD tries to get to the loo and sits herself on there - gives it one tiny push and declares she can't do it. She'll do this about a dozen times prior to actually doing the poo which can range from half in the loo, half on the floor or some in her knickers, down her trousers, in the loo, in the bath, up the garden, etc etc etc. The way I see it (and I'm probably wrong here) is providing she's dry I'm not going to get stressed out with the poo's.She knows what to do its just the lazy moo either tries too hard too early or leaves it till the last minute. What I do know is that she cleverly chooses to empty her bowels just as I'm cooking tea, sat down with a cuppa, having a wee myself or driving up the motorway.......

Let me know how you're all getting on!!!! XX

Hello Barney2 (&Reece if you're still around). Glad to hear that you've almost cracked it. Still no joy here. We have a couple of days with no accidents at best but all poos are still in his pants. Today he did 3 wee acidents too - one was on our bed.

I'm now v.v. stressed. He starts again at playgroup tomorrow and they were snotty enough last year when he was having accidents and were expecting it all to be sorted out over the summer. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they send him home.

Just don't know what else to do now. DS's behaviour is getting really bad too. Hitting and kicking etc. I think it's all related to the potty training - he knows he's not getting it right and that's making him angry and stroppy.

I just don't know what to do.

Oh Rosieglow. You're having a tough time aren't you? I really don't know what to suggest.... My DD is perfect with the wee's but poo's are such a nightmare. She did two yesterday - one in her knickers and the other on the floor.

I find it so hard not to get stressed out but I know if I do they pick up on it don't they? With regards to your DS's wee accidents - do you think its more a case of getting your attention? How do you react when he does have wee accidents? I know I'd go loopy especially if it was a wee on my bed but perhaps he's a bit nervous about going to playgroup etc -

It's as if he wants your attention whether it be good or bad and he knows he's guaranteed to get it by weeing - have you tried just completely ignoring him? Or is he too clever for that?!!!

Whenever my DD had a wee on the floor I just kept quiet, cleaned it up and walked away and then if she did one on the loo/potty I made a real song and dance about it.

I can safely say getting my DD dry and out of nappies has to have been the absolute hardest part of bringing up both my children (I have a DD of almost 8yrs old who was no problem at all) - I can deal with sick bugs, tantrums, falls etc etc but wee's and poo's - never again.

Let me know how it goes for you and don't think you're on your own on this one. You're not. xx

Hi there, I'm new to mumsnet but am absolutely desperate for advise from anyone regarding getting my ds to use the potty. He has had a wee in it once but sonce then has shown no interest. Hes 3 in November and due to start nursery in Jan. A friend of mine has now told me that if hes not potty trained by then he may loose his place. Now I am completely stressed out but trying desperately hard not to show my concern to him.
I tried putting him in pull ups with the lining so they can feel when they're wet, ds couldn't care less about it. What the hell do I do? I am starting to have nightmare visions of an 18 year ds still in nappies! Aghhhh.. please someone help me.

Hi there, I'm new to mumsnet but am absolutely desperate for advise from anyone regarding getting my ds to use the potty. He has had a wee in it once but sonce then has shown no interest. Hes 3 in November and due to start nursery in Jan. A friend of mine has now told me that if hes not potty trained by then he may loose his place. Now I am completely stressed out but trying desperately hard not to show my concern to him.
I tried putting him in pull ups with the lining so they can feel when they're wet, ds couldn't care less about it. What the hell do I do? I am starting to have nightmare visions of an 18 year ds still in nappies! Aghhhh.. please someone help me.

Hi Cheekpepper. it's a tricky one, especially as you feel pressured to get him trained. In my experience training pants don't help. They are just like nappies and children treat them as such.
If I were you I would put him into trousers that are really easy to pull up and down, no buttons or poppers. DON'T put on pants. They can gave your ds a sense that he is infact still wearing nappie.
So trousers, no pants, ok.
Praise when he gets there, play it down if he doesn't, you don't want it to become a battle.
I have found that chocolate buttons work EXTRAORDINARILY well as an incentive to be dry. Push aside any notions you may have about not using bribary. It works and is far more effective and immedidiate than any sticker/star chart.
January is still a good time away so don't worry. Once he has got the hang of it he'll be dry very quickly so don't stress, you've ot planty of time and best of luck

Sorry, forgot to add, keep taking and taking him to the loo. Find out if he would like to try standing up to wee. keep it light hearted.

Thanks Kittywits, I will give it a go

Hi cheekypepper - kittywits is completely right....the worst thing is to get stressed out with all this potty/toilet trg lark. Kids so easily pick up on this and I'm certain, even at their young age, they play on getting your attention, whether good or bad.

The absolute worst thing you can do is put a child in pull-ups - in my view they don't help whatsoever - they are an expensive version of a nappy - I'm yet to find a child who treats a pull-up as a pair of knickers/pants - neither of my children pulled a pull-up up or down to do a wee - they simply wee'd in them - they don't know they are any different to a nappy. The only use I can think of with regards to a pull-up is they are handy to put on a newly trained child if they're having a nap, which I still do with my DD because she has no bladder control when she's asleep!

My advice to you is pretty similar to kittywits - put your DS in some trousers that are easy to pull up/down - no jeans, nothing with a button or zip - just a pair of jogging bottoms or anything elasticated. I would try putting pants on because he'll have to get used to wearing pants but perhaps leave pants till later. Have you tried putting something in the loo for him to try and wee on whilst standing up or even sat down - try a bit of coloured paper or something that will flush without blocking the loo? Use a step for him to stand on and he'll find it great fun to wee on a target!

I must admit I used stickers with my youngest DD and it did work - she thought it was great fun to stick her stickers on the loo seat each time she did a wee. Chocolate works too and I don't see it does a child much harm to have a treat for doing a wee!

The most important factor in all of this is DON'T GET STRESSED.....very easy for me to say but it simply isn't worth it - also let him lead the way - if he's not ready to use the loo - so what? Don't worry about nursery - you've got a long way to go before he starts. I found with my DD that if you try too early it puts them back - I spent the first week of the Summer holidays pulling my hair out with her and I was even beginning to wonder what was wrong with her - why wasn't she like other kids her age...and younger who were out of nappies. Then once I decided I'd had enough and let her get on with it on her own - let her wee in her knickers, soak the floor etc etc - she soon got used to the idea that this was not a good thing to do because I took no notice of her, didn't shout at her, tell her off - I simply cleaned the floor and walked away yet when she did a wee on the loo I made such a big fuss over her and she finally clicked and there was no looking back.

So after all that waffle here's my advice...don't get stressed, let him lead the way, let him decide when HE'S ready (not you or nursery), don't make a sound when he has an accident but scream for England when he uses the loo/potty......good luck...!

Hi everyone. Sorry have not posted in a while. DH took laptop away on business

Oh Rosieglow I feel for you. We seem to be in the same boat. Have been training DS for about 12 weeks now (lost count its been soooo long). He has been dry for weeks at a time then it all goes pear shaped for weeks at a time. I just don't get it. After reading the other recent posts I have to say I tend to agree about trying not to get stressed about it all BUT it is soooooooooooo bloody hard not to.

When you have it cracked one week and then suddenly it all goes out the window and you are back to mopping the floor and having 4 pairs of wet trousers to wash before 11am day after day its so difficult to keep your cool. DS is definately trying to get attention. He has gone for a nap a couple of times this week and has wet the bed. He was wearing a pull-up when I put him to bed but decided to remove it, wee all over his cot and then say 'mummy I have something to show you'!!!!!! with a big grin on his face. He was so proud of himself and of course I was not impressed. I tried so hard not to show my anger and disapointment but he knew I was not happy.

I am just trying to accept that this could go on for some time yet.

He has pretty much mastered Po's though

I mean poo's!!!!

Rosieglow - Your sons playgroup/pre-school have no right to out you or your son under any pressure re:potty training.

This certainly won't help things for anyone. My sons pre-school are very supportive and train at least 10 children every year.

Just like to say thanks to kittywits and barney2 for your advise and sympathy. In my ds typical style he started using the potty over the weekend because daddy was around and he wanted to show off! He is now really keen to sit on the pot as we really overdid the applause and cheering. Just gonna take my time with him now. At least I know he can do it when he wants to. I felt much better after reading the advise you guys gave and stress levels have gone right down.....for now!!!

Hiya Reece - how's it going?? XX

Hi everyone. Still washing out the pooey pants here. Yesterday I had him in boxer shorts when he did a really sloppy poo that ran all down his leg & all over the carpet. He's gone to the soft play with his dad this am & I wouldn't inflict that on them so he's in a pull up!!

I know everyone says pullups just confuse them and I can see the point when you first start out and they're learning but after god knows how many weeks I really don't care.