Four months into potty training and about to give up

[Zelda]

After four months of sticker charts etc My DD (age 2 and a half) is still pooing on the floor or in her pants sometimes twice a day and weeing between once and four times a day. I should say that on a good day she will take herself to the potty do a wee and empty it into the toilet several times without any bother at all and at nursery she often doesn't wee all morning until we get home. I have never been as short tempered as i am over it at the moment and desperately don't want her to become anxious about it all. I think because I didn't make a fuss intially about poos and wees on the carpet - saying nevermind love just do it on the potty next time - she nows says to me nevermind Mummy it's alright and doesn't seem in the least bit bothered by it. Any advice please?? I am planning to break what seems to be a cardinal rule and put her back in nappies tomorrow.

Well not a bad day today. Only the one accident and that was because I let D have a sleep this afternoon without a pull-up on and she was dry all through her nap and wet herself when she woke up so I think that was more a case of I'm still half asleep and don't know what I'm doing, type thing.

Other than that she's been dry for the last four days - she's even kicking away when we try and put a nappy on at night but judging by the sodden state the nappies are in when she wakes up I think the night-time dry-time is a long way off and needs some more work!

How is everyone else doing?

Well we have been doing really well but this afternoon DS had 3 accidents
I'm not sure why tbh as he has only had about the same amount of accidents in the last couple of weeks. Maybe he was just tired.
Oh well onto tomorrow!

I think tiredness has a great deal to do with PT. My D had her accident yesterday when she woke up and I found her stood in the middle of the lounge, still half asleep, wee-ing down her legs. This morning she's woken up in a grumpy mood and each time we ask her if she needs a wee its a resounding 'no' but she has just asked me for the potty and done a wee. She had a very late night last night - she simply wouldn't go to sleep so I expect a few accidents today.

I think its a big step for toddlers to become dry - and its a lot for them to take in/learn in such a short space of time because I also think, tbh, that all us parents think they will become dry overnight when in fact it can take weeks.

The key is just let them do it when they want with a bit of encouragement from parents/friends/family etc etc

Its going to take months with my DS but we are past the really difficult stages.

He knows what to do, he asks for the toilet/potty when we are out and about and he goes off to the potty at home alone. He is still learning about getting to the potty in time for his poo and when tired/distracted he will have accidents for some time.

The washing of pants and different sets of clothes has dramatically reduced If he does a wee in the potty I have noticed that he is not dribbling the 1st bit into his pants as much as he used to either.

Reece - I think, without doubt, you've cracked it with PT - if he knows what to do and can go it alone at home, despite the dribble in his pants then he's almost there. My D hasn't had an accident at all today, so far and despite only being dry since Saturday she's now telling us when she needs a wee and just needs help with pulling trousers down or climbing on the loo. BUT she's absolutely useless first thing in the morning and hates having her nappy taken off (from overnight) and for the first hour will hold on to her wee before she's fully awake and will ask for potty/loo.

Tiredness is a major factor in PT - its a bit like us parents - if we're tired and need to do something we'll put it off until we feel like it and if a child can wee in their knickers/pants whilst half asleep or engrossed in tv/playing then so be it despite what us parents are telling them. What's wet underwear to them when Mum/Dad will simply change them and add to the wash pile and they get a nice clean pair on again. Plus, they get our attention for a few minutes which is even better!!

Plus they are used to wearing wet nappies from the previous 2+ years of their little lives.

Yeah I don't think parents really give that much of a thought.... I think children find their nappy as a comfort - bit like a comfort blanket. With my eldest she'd wee through her knickers thinking it was a nappy. I've not had that, so far, with the younger one.

I think also, and I know I'm guilty of this, I want my child to be as good as the next - ie developmentally up where she should be, with the rest. When I learnt that other children either the same age as my youngest, or younger, were dry I was so desperate to get her dry too. Its as if there's something wrong with your child when they simply can't get the knack of it. And we all expect them to pick it up straight away.

It's weird. I came to MN because I was desperate and worried about PT and why couldn't she do as the other kids do and here I am now and she's absolutely fine - no accidents today and she's been coming to me to say she needs a wee or I find her sat on the loo, by herself, with a magazine! Dear child....!!!

What was I saying about DS cracking the potty training?????

It all went out the window today .
3 pairs of trousers by 11am and another 2 in the afternoon. My child has me baffled.

Tomorrow is another day

Oh Reece, I thought you'd got it cracked! That's why I've been laying low. It's all gone pear-shaped here & I've been too embarassed to post now everyone else is making progress.
Better luck tomorrow..

Hi Rosieglow. We can be embaressed together!
Good luck tomorrow yourself.

Hey don't you lot worry about it!! My D poo'd in her knickers yesterday and thought it was highly amusing!! I had to drag her off the sofa, with this lovely smelly bulge in her knickers, and stick her in the bath! She couldn't stop giggling. Also she has us taking her to the loo, sitting on her on it, every five minutes, only for her to say 'wee wee not there'...considering we only have a loo upstairs I'm getting pretty fit with all the running up and down.

Thanks Barney2.
Was her poo that bad you had to bath her?
I wouldn't have the energy for that now. When DS poos in his pants (nearly every day) I use nearly half a packet of wipes but so much easier than bathing. He then gets bathed before bedtime.

Hi Reece. Yes I had to bath her. She'd fully sat it in and it had shot up her back. Plus it was bath time anyway!

Barney 2 - My DS did a wee all over the place today. He didn't put his willy into the potty and it went all over his trousers, pants,t.shirt and socks! I took him upstairs and showered him I can't bear the smell of wee

Oh dear. Not a good day then Reece? Its weird how they can get the knack of it one day and lose it a bit the next!! I guess its a lot easier for girls cos they haven't got a willy to deal with!!! My D has had a brilliant day again today. I was in the garden earlier and she came to the back door and told me she needed a wee so I said, go on then, up you go - and off she went upstairs. I crept in and sat on the stairs and listened and she did it all herself. Her nappies are pretty full in the mornings so I don't anticipate getting her dry at night for some time.

The fact your DS managed to get on the potty is good enough, I'd say, the fact he didn't get his willy tucked in in time is just one of those things eh???? Does he use the toilet yet? It may be easier for him cos it may give him a bit more room. I don't know what potty you've got but the one we've got is only just big enough for my DD to sit on - she finds it so uncomfortable anyway I think thats why she prefers to use the toilet!

Barney2 - His potty is a potty seat with plenty of room and is moulded with a section at the front for boys.

He doesn't normally have a problem so I'm not going to worry about it. It's just a pain to keep changing clothes.

He is great using the big toilet but he needs my help getting up and I want him to independently do his wees and poos. He is also a stickler for going it alone. I must go get the little steps I have been considering for some time. That way he can use the toilet alone. As far as the willy tucking goes....well, the toilet will be more messy as no moulded section.

Hi everyone. We had a bit of success today. DS had been back in pull-ups for about a week to give me a break from all his pooey pants (& he'd had a bit of squity tummy which is really not nice in pants! Too much pineapple I think).

Today we went back to pants and I told him we were starting again. I nagged him onto the toilet every hour and he was pretty good. Still refused to go for his poo and sat under the dining table to do it in his pants as usual. But then later on, while we were having dinner, he came in with the potty to show us his wee - which he'd gone & done by himself. Not quite what you want while you're eating pizza with friends but we were still very proud!!

I'm pretty proud of myself too as I managed to keep calm after he pooed his pants and just changed him without saying anything at all. I think if I can keep that up it might just make the difference as he hates being ignored.

Reece - can your DS reach the toilet to do standing up wees? I thought this would be really messy but my DS got the hang of it really quickly and it's easier when he goes by himself. Just have to make sure he doesn't try to do them in the potty as his aim isn't that good!

Have a good day tomorrow everyone - especially if it's another rainy day & you're stuck indoors.

So what advice can you give me to help get my DD on the loo to do her poo's rather than keep doing them in her knickers????!!!!

We've mastered the wee's now I need help with the poo's!!!! I try to remain calm when she does her poo's in her knickers but then I'm thinking I should be a bit harder because if she sees me being really laid back dealing with her little deposits surely she'll start thinking why not carry on doing my poo's like this cos Mummy is fine about it and not getting cross?! Its a bit of a fine line this one isn't it? She's only been dry for a week so I know I'm probably expecting rather a lot from her but I just wondered if there's any useful tips out there for me, please?!!

No advice really. I'm in need of advice myself but I have read on some threads that most children don't get dry and clean at the same time. One nearly always comes before the other or so people have said. If your DD is dry in a week you are doing great and I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment about the poo. It will click eventually. Just don't make the mistakes I have made with pressure and nagging about it. It has had the reverse effect my DS .

We have been training DS for over 2 months now. He seems to have good weeks and bad weeks. He has had many accidents the last few days (both wee and poo). I am still baffled why this is happening but hey ho. He loves the fact that he wears big boy pants and hates going back into nappies when I have gotten fed up with the accidents. He just tears them off. I am going to just keep perservering with DS but have learnt a huge lesson re:DS2. I will wait until he is ready.

barney2, I second what Reece says. Although it's really hard, it seems best just to ignore the poo accidnets. I also started to show my DS that I was cross when he had accidents, otherwise how would he know it was wrong but it's just made it a big issue so that now everytime he does a poo he asks me if I still love him. Which of course I do!

But it is really difficult to not say anything. I certainly didn't manage it - 3 months of pooey pants so far. Even just reminding him of all the stickers, treats etc he can have for a poo in the potty seems to wind him up.

I think basically he doesn't like to be told to do anything and he needs to feel that it's been his decision to use the potty. So the less we say the better.

Just positive praise for the success and no comment at all for the accidents.

A good day here - no accidents (no poo either though).
Hope its all going well for you too

Well one Rosieglow! Thats great.

We had a better day today. He had 2 (wee)accidents. After all I was saying earlier about ignoring the accidents etc. (easier said than done)I was just getting a bit tired and frustrated and ended up putting a pull up on him and telling him he had to wear them from now on until he was able to use the potty again. It made him think because 2 minutes later he said a poo poo was coming and went and climbed up onto the big toilet and did it! I was amazed . Thats the 1st time DS has poo' in the toilet so I now know he doesn't have a phobia about letting go.

He just needs a few more months to become fully trained!!!!

Crikey. Sounds like we're all up and down on the wee/poo front aren't we???!!!!! My DD has had an ok day today. We went out to see some friends and she did two wee's before leaving so off we went - journey was only half an hour or so and once we got to their place she asked for a wee and so I took her to their loo and she sat on it and did nothing other than scream the place down. She was so scared she was going to fall in. So we left to come home after a few hours of her creating she needed a wee but refused to sit on their loo. And....as you can probably guess...she flooded the car for me instead. So, fortunately, we went home via my Mum's where she's used to using the loo and she went a few times on Mum's loo, changed her clothes and she's absolutely fine for the rest of the day. But I didn't get stressed out, cross, raise my voice etc etc I just simply spent the afternoon washing clothes, car seats, car mats etc etc etc.....great eh?

Hope everyone else has an enjoyable wee-free weekend!!! aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh......xx

Hi have been potty training my DD2 properly for a week. She is 2.9 years.

Anyway she got very distressed when she knew she was going to do a wee and upset with herself, she would hold herself until it would literally explode through her fingers.

Anyway had a really good idea and I dont know if it would help anyone out there or if anyone thinks it is a good/bad idea.

We now call wee "Mr Wee Wee" and poo "Mr Poo Poo". It has seemed take the stress off her and she will tell me if Mr Wee Wee is small or big, if he is ready to come out, sometimes she will tell me he is scared or cross.

It does seem to be working not quite got there on the poo side of things but hey ho!!

Today - 3 wees on toilet/potty , 3 wees on floor

DS told me for the 2nd day in a row that a poo poo was coming. He went to the toilet and did it in his potty. So pleased with him.
2 wee accidents today. First one was whilst playing in the garden. 2nd in his car seat
He was very tired at this point so I can understand why he did it.