Four months into potty training and about to give up

[Zelda]

After four months of sticker charts etc My DD (age 2 and a half) is still pooing on the floor or in her pants sometimes twice a day and weeing between once and four times a day. I should say that on a good day she will take herself to the potty do a wee and empty it into the toilet several times without any bother at all and at nursery she often doesn't wee all morning until we get home. I have never been as short tempered as i am over it at the moment and desperately don't want her to become anxious about it all. I think because I didn't make a fuss intially about poos and wees on the carpet - saying nevermind love just do it on the potty next time - she nows says to me nevermind Mummy it's alright and doesn't seem in the least bit bothered by it. Any advice please?? I am planning to break what seems to be a cardinal rule and put her back in nappies tomorrow.

FrannyandZooey I think you have a good point and I will certainly try to follow that advice with DS2.
I have been training DS1 for nearly 2 months and he is still having accidents (a lot.

If you start too soon and don't recognise that they really aren't ready you simply go on and on putting yourself and child through a load of stress and then you are afraid to give up and have to start again.

DS has been progressing this last week but I was so ready to go back to nappies. I am confused though as he can have a great week and then a week of nothing but accidents?!

Reece I sympathise with you. We started training dd in April and it took her ages to get the hang of it, it was like 3 steps forwards and 2 back, for weeks! I don't think she was quite ready when we started - my in-laws and dh talked me into it. We never went back to nappies and now she's quite good, but I do wish I'd waited a bit!

This is going to sound like I think I know it all, but we waited with ds until he really seemed ready, and he has had only 2 accidents in the first month, both when he was out in the garden with the tap running. He is 3.4 now, so we really had to wait a long time for him to be ready, but it has been totally stress free.

Now the poo thing is a whole other business We are still using nappies for poos, and I can't see that changing for a while. I may have the oldest nappy wearer in town at this rate.

My ds has had a massive regression, he was doing really well and seemed on the right track and suddenly everything went backwards, worse than the first week. I don't know about the not ready thing because I know he can do it, he can ask to go and wait to go for a short time if we are out, also he can take himself to the potty as long as his clothes are not too complicated. He has suddenly got a resistant to sitting on the potty, then wees striaght after being asked if he wants to go and saying emphatically no.
I was starting to not tell him off exactly but say why didn't you ask Mummy etc. etc. I think he might have been liking the attention for good or bad so I am going to back a stage and say absolutley nothing about the accidents and praise him to the heavans if he gets it right.

We are still going with the potty. DS was great yesterday, no accidents, even his poo went into the potty all by himself

He started off ok today but then mid morning stood, did a wee all over the kitchen floor and said 'mummy I've done a wee wee'. He was looking for disapproval and attention. I just cleaned it up.

Been ok since. More wee's in the potty but most when we remind him.

Chubbleigh - I have been confused with my DS as he had all the signs that he was ready, got off to a great start then massivly regressed after 3 weeks for about 4 weeks and now in week 8 is doing ok again. I have known since about week 3 that he could hold it in and go to the potty on his own but he was never telling me he needed a wee. This seems to be the big issue with us. He HATES being reminded but is also lazy and forgets!!!!

Oh well, on we will go and hopefully things wil keep improving over the next few weeks. We have 4 more weeks before pre-school starts again.

Hey Zelda how did the weekend potty training go? How about everyone else?

Ds was really good. 1 wee accident on Saturday. Poo made it into potty Same on Sunday.
No accidents at all on Monday (Bank Hol here).. No poo on Monday though.ummm.

Has been great about using toilets while we are out although we have to remind him. he has told us a few timnes now that he wants to go but thats when we are at home.

I sympathise with this totally. I started training DD (then 2.4) in April and she was just not ready. We had a slight improvement after 2 weeks then back to square one. She hadn't a clue when she needed to go, so it was just luck if there was a wee/poo ready when i put her on the potty/loo. I'm afraid to say (at the risk of CODs wrath!!) that I gave up after 6 weeks - it was misery not being able to go anywhere without dettox wipes, knickers, socks, shoes, trousers etc....
This last week or so she has just starting showing more interest - wanting to wear knickers and asking to sit on the toilet. I'm going to give it a few weeks and start again. We go on holiday 1st Sept so will let her go nappy free as much as poss and really concentrate when we get home.

I'm getting so stressed out with my 2 1/2 year old and potty trg - she's my second child, my eldest being almost 8yrs old and had no problems with her at all. My youngest simply will not go on the potty (she's got two to choose from) and insists on having knickers on only to wee in them as soon as they're on. She won't look at the loo either. I know I shouldn't compare her to the elder one but I've got the added pressure of her starting pre-school soon. I've tried the reward idea - ie stickers etc - but she simply says 'no' - help!

is it quite common that there's regression after about a month? DS asked not to wear nappies anymore and has been in pants a month now. But the accidents seem to be increasing. If I ask him if he needs to go quite often he shouts no and gets quite stroppy, then 2 minutes later there's a puddle on the floor/sofa. I reckon this happens 1-2 times a day. But other times he says he needs to go and is a dream.

I won't go back to nappies though, as he won't let me get one anywhere near him...

I quite homestly think too many of us have made the mistake of reading 'nobody's' book and believed that we could potty train our lo's in one week. Ha Ha. What a joke. I know that all kids are different and some can be done in a week or less but so far I am 2 months into it and still getting accidents.

I reckon from the threads Iv'e been reading and my own experience quite a large number of lo's do regress at some point and ant little thing can trigger it (starting school, change in normal routine etc).

Fuzzlepelts - sounds like a good plan.
barney2 - How long have you been training DD?
clairemow - Thats exactly how DS behaves when I ask him. I have had to quietly clean up puddles and poos for about a month and now we are suddenly on track again. No accidents for 3 days and he is telling me when he wants to go

Oh Reece, so glad it isn't just me! Was moaning to DH on the phone just now, as DS did so well at the beginning - but maybe it was the novelty of it all - sitting on the potty was exciting at first, and now it's just tedious maybe. I think I need to give him more responsibility for it and if he says no, accept it totally even though he might then wee 2 mins later! Otherwise I will turn into the wee-nag-from-hell. maybe I will change my name to that.

I became a 'wee' nag from hell
Not any more but I have plenty of other things to nag about

I am going insane!!! Been reading all the postings and some of you have been going for 4 months??!!! Have you just been using pants? I have now been at it for 7 days, the first day we stayed at home with no pants and only had two accidents and didn't even need asking. As soon as I put him in pants he just constantly has accidents, I have been venturing out for the last two days but it is just a nightmare and I am having to take a suitcase for all the change of clothing, and then theres the embarrasing puddles on shop floors. After 7 days there just seems to be no progress whatsoever and I am getting very stressed. I can't bear having to stay in...........HELP!

I stayed in for the 1st 6 days and we had it cracked. There were no accidents when we left the house and everything was perfect. Just remember though, some kids regress....
Its also important to remember that our lo's really are just lo's and its a big step to learn how to control your bladder etc.

DS now seems to have cracked wee's again but the poo caught him out today. He was making tracks to the toilet though

We've been trying for 13 weeks (13 long weeks...) and been on the verge of giving up so many times. Started with running around in the garden pantless, stayed at home for a week, sticker chart, rewards etc etc. Had some progress and DS started to ask to go sometimes.

But just never quite cracked it. Always had a couple of accidents each day, then got an issue with poos and refuses to do them on the potty or toilet. And now won't say he needs to go and denies he does even when he's bent double with his legs crossed!

We're still using pants most of the time but somedays I do put him in pull ups if we're going somewhere where I can't face any accidents. Bizarrely, the days he's been in pullups have been the only days lately when he's asked to go to the toilet.

I've read through many of the threads and it's been useful hearing from other people in the same boat but I haven't come across any advice that's really helped (help, please someone!!) Lots of people say to wait until they're ready - but how long can you wait for? My DS was 3.5 and still showing no interest so perhaps we should have waited even longer but when to - 4, 4.5, the day he started school?

Mind you at this rate he;ll still be in pullups then...oh, well, I'm off to wash out three pairs pants + trousers ...........

Aaah not that I wish it on you Rosieglow but its nice to hear we not the only ones struggling with the plus 3 yr old, I'm thinking there is definately a battle of wills occurring here, so you are changing between pants and pull ups? I had to mop a puddle in woolies cafe today, thank god for 'bounty'! Not coping very well with the distasteful looks of the over 65's. Did this generation never have potty struggles. Happy washing.

After giving it some thought I reckon there are three things going on. Physical ability to control bladder, the whole mind thing of learing to think about wees and poos when before it was a non issue in a kids life, and last the control battle between mum and child. If one part of this triangle gets too much out of balance then the whole thing falls over.
With my ds I think he had the first one pretty early on but for the second part I was doing practically all the thinking and when I pulled back a bit he didn't start to think for himself enough to get it right. In the meantime he picked up on the fact that this is something he can fight with me about, I say sit on the potty and he says no in much the same way as I say get your shoes off of the sofa and he says no. Putting all these things together was never going to happen for him in just a week because of the type of kid he is, he insists on working things out for himself and that is what he is doing now and I have to help him rather than teach him.
Well that is how I explaining it all to myself and how I am coping with all the mess and the set setbacks and he has been better this week which I think may be down to my attitude adjustment.

Does any of that make sense?

chubbleigh it makes perfect sense. I was thinking this yesterday. If I keep nagging and asking, he won't ever learn to take responsibility for it himself. So I'm trying sooo hard to ask once an hour, say, if he says no, say ok and hope he learns by weeing in his pants 5 mins later!! At least this is only happening maybe once/twice a day and the rest of the time it's fine. He does sometimes tell me he needs to go as well, then I think wayhay, but the thrill is short-lived!!

I think you're right about the battle of wills too. He's at an age where lots of things are battles, pants were exciting at first, now they're not. also they are hard to pull up and down. Getting dressed is the other difficult one - the other morning he refused all together, so we had to cancel a trip to the zoo as we can't go naked!!!! He went on and on about the zoo for the next 2 days!!

I agree chubbleigh and clairemow. Like everything with toddlers, if you let it become a battle our lives will be much more difficult as we will rarely win.

It seems we all have strong willed children that will do as they want when they want. All we can do is help them along the way and give them as much encouragement as possible.

Is this easy? Never

How long have I been training DD? About 6 weeks, on and off. She shows interest initially and then goes completely off the idea of even considering going on the potty and will not even look at the loo. She is a stubborn little madam and shouts 'no' each time I ask her if she wants a wee. Yesterday she got through 5 pairs of knickers in about 2 hours. She would be so busy doing something and wee-ing at the same time and not even realise. I have put her back into pull-ups for the time being. It was stressing me out so much and she was getting upset too. I had it too easy with the elder one - she had no distractions coming from an elder child whereas the younger one needs my sole attention to achieve dryness, which I think we'll tackle again once the schools go back. I always said potty trg would never get to me but it has. I lost my Dad suddenly only a few months ago and don't think I'm in the right frame of mind myself either so I guess I should wait a bit longer

Oh barney2 so sorry to hear about your Dad. That must be very hard for you.

I reckon you have made the right decision with the PT. You really don't need the stress right now and as you have said, maybe when you can give 100% of your attention to DD she will be fine.

think you may have a point barney2, sorry for your loss, knowing how you feel, lost my dad 7 months ago and as you said I wonder if I'm just too wrapped up dealing with that to have the patience that I should have, maybe it is time to ease off, thanks and hope you are getting through ok, gonna perservere but back off and let the stubborn mule (fathers side of course!)do it on his terms and his pace!!

I was thinking of starting potty training with DD who is 19mths because we are going away for two weeks and she will be able to run around naked.

Is she too young?

She gives me (and everyone in earshot) a running commentary on when she what exactly she is doing in her nappy, which makes me think she is aware.

The only thing is that when shown a potty she sits on it, laughs, says wee wee and then pees on the floor next to it.

I think she may be too young but hopefully some potty training experts on this site can help.

angelclare, it's really difficult to say - 19 months seems really young to me but some kids just do seem to be ready young. Perhaps you could try for a week and see how it goes. If she takes to it you could carry on and if not, just go back to nappies. She'll just think it's been a holiday treat - running around weeing everywhere!