Now ATTENTION here all you first-time mothers, listen up...

[emkana]

I have a ds, he is my third child. He is five weeks old. Atm I feed him whenever and he sleeps whenever he wants. Evenings are mostly spent with him on mine or dh's lap while I'm MNetting or watching TV or even sitting outside. Ds comes to bed with me when I go to bed.
I did the same with my two dd's. Over time things started to evolve into some sort of a routine, gradually we moved to a proper "bedtime" etc., and now they are five and three and very, very good at going to bed, and have been for a long, long time.
It really saddens me when I read all these worried posts about how to get a baby of a few weeks to settle in the evening etc., and all it seems to lead to often (not always, granted) is stress and worry and more stress.
I just want to reassure you all that no bad habits will be formed if you just with the flow for now and enjoy your baby and let him/her be with you.

First baby 7 weeks old and he was 8 weeks premature, won't sleep at night - screams as soon as he is put in his cot, only settles when being held - very tiring especially during the night. He sleeps well during day but screams at night - considering buying a sling but worried he may become clingy! as i've been advised by parents etc. Any suggestions would be helpful, also considered buying an all seeing all doing baby swing but dh thinks this is a bad idea. Doc thinks baby has colic but we think its reflux as he keeps throwing up. This is my first time on this website and reading the previous posts hopefully will help.

I have a 7 week old girl. She doesn't tend to settle very well in the evenings, and can quitye often be feeding her on and off for hours before she finally settles about ten ish. I never had this with my son who is now 2 so was finding it hard and exhausting. I have been informed by the health visitor that this is quite normal and lots of babies do it, normally between 6 and 10. I was also told that, they normally settle down by about 12 weeks. I was also worried about getting her into a routine, as obviously my son is in one, and I'm sure if I remember rightly he was in a routine pretty early on. Now I've been told she should settle down by 12 weeks I'm not worrying so much about getting her into a routine and just taking each night as it comes, and I have actually had a couple of better eveings with her.

Crossing my fingers and toes that more first time mums have read this thread than watched Bringing up Baby!! Great thread

Both my two are "go with the flow" babes and are happy and contented. And is it just me - I actually don't mind if my DS wakes me up in the night. A couple of nights ago she woke so I took her in with me and she told me a long story, sang me a song, played with my hair and fell asleep holding my hand. She's 7 months old and won't do this for ever and I kind of cherish our quiet times when there's no TV or other people there to intrude. I'm not going to have any more after her, so wan't to savour every moment!

I absolutely agree I'm on my third "go with the flow" baby, and loving it so much that I'm already thinking about number four.

New mums spend far too much time reading crap books and not enough time just enjoying their babies.

I think this is a lovely thread, wish I had read it 6m ago = on the other hand everyone did say "relax" to me whenever I was freaking out with ds, who refused ever to be put down. "It'll pass so quickly," all the wise mumsnetters said, and it was true.

I was able to relax about the sleeping thing when a friend of mine said she'd CC'd her 10week baby (!) because she "didn't want him to be dependent on anyone else for sleep", and I thought, what?! He's dependent on you for absolutely everything, a quiet dark room must be terrifying to someone so vulnerable -- that was me sorted. Ds goes to sleep like a dream. He wakes for feeding, for cold, and sometimes, I think, because he just wants to snuggle up to mama, and although I'm knackered, I am also Fine With That.

bumping this lovely thread as i was just looking for no routine, co-sleeping, going with the flow stories with happy endings.

my little one is 20 weeks and mostly feel i confident that i'm doing alright but then someone will freak me out with talk of 7pm bedtimes or asking about sleep (she sleeps fine by my standards but i suspect 2-3 hourly feeding at nights is not seen as fine by some). big advantage of taking them to bed when you go: no wasting hours in a darkened room, you can drift off to sleep together, and you get a lie-in in the mornings (we got up at 10 this morning )

i would recommend '3 in a bed' by deborah jackson as a great book that gives you permission not to bother with all that crap and just enjoy the cuddles, even if you don't plan to co-sleep (it covers more than just that)

i'm sure i'll be back for reassurance along the way, but for now am feeling good!

This is a lovely thread- v reassuring! Last night I 'put' 9week DS to bed and hated him being in the bedroom when usually he's with us all evening sleeping/feeding. I thought sod it and went and got him. I love cuddling him and he's only going to be this tiny once...embrace the chaos!

Haven't read whole thread, but thanks for that emkana - I seem to be doing OK with A at 4 months, but everyone I know is telling me how just responding to a baby doesn't work when you have more than one of them and I'll need more 'discipline' aka strict routines then...

Glad to hear it's possible to avoid that even with multiple children.

aww what a lovely thread. i did same with my ds, he spent evenings in our arms (wouldn't have it any other way). i wasn't stressed about the evenings though, i have to say i didn't actually realise til my ds was about 8 weeks old that babies go to bed before their parents . i suppose it just never entered my head to not have him on me, he was just attached to me from day one. i always fed him to sleep til 12 months, he learned to settle himself on his own, no controlled crying or any sleep training, he was just developmentally ready to do it. he did sleep through early though so i was lucky.

Im a first time mum and totally agree with you emkana (sorry havent read all the thread).

I tend to go with the flow, I books like Gina Ford etc. My little boy is 6 monhts and has never slept through the night, although he does have a bedtime routine and goes to bed at 7pm but thats just what he fell into, he wasnt forced.

However, I must stick up for other first time mums, it is often pressure from other mums or professionals on that note that make us think we must get them into a routine and get them sleeping through the night.
I wish I had a pound for every silly comment or disapproving look I get from others when they hear my ds doesnt sleep though the night and is still up 3 times a night sometimes

Sorry, should say I hate books like Gina Ford

I'll never forget when my ds was 4 days old and in neonatal, we'd just started BF - after an unsuccessful feed I put him back in his cot/incubator and he cried out for me. I went to pick him back up and the nurse told me off! She said I shouldn't pick him up every time he cried as it would get him into back habits and get him accustomed to being held. This really upset me at the time as I was already desperate for every minute with him. He's four months now and I still look back at this moment, it makes me angry as I wish Id have said something now! The amount of people I've had making comments if I pick him up to comfort him, my dad even said recently 'I see you're giving in to him', and I've heard the 'rod for your own back' one more times than I can count. I just don't listen anymore, I have a content happy baby who sometimes needs a cuddle from his mummy and Im happy to oblige. I also bottlefeed on demand as we tried a routine on many peoples advice and it just made him and me miserable, he has his own little routine anyway! For my next baby I will stick other peoples unwanted advice!

oh god the old rod for your own back comments, we were selling our house when ds was about 2 weeks old (bad timing i know!) and the lady who bought it passed comments when she came to view the house and ds was asleep in dh's arms that we shouldnt let him sleep on us and lots of talk of rods for our back blah blah blah! i didn't even know this woman! grrrrrrr

Ok - this has put a big smile on my face - I'm going to be a first time mum in a few weeks and the sleeping routine thing was one on a long list of things for me to worry about (labour! the birth?! breastfeeding!! oh my god!!). I have THE books....Gina Ford etc....and they scare the hell out of me.

You have honestly made me feel more relaxed. Thanks everyone. We'll see how it goes.

Mmmm. As someone who fell into a co-sleeping arrangement more by accident than choice, and now has a 20mo dd who she has to go to bed with at 9pm and has never slept through the night in her life, I'm not sure.

Each to their own, I say. But don't be fooled into thinking that cosleeping is an easy option.

It's not.

That sounded a bit harsh, so I would just also say that dd is loved, cuddled, kissed and cherished every day of her life. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, and I can hardly believe that my heart can be so full of love for her.

I do, however, wish she'd sleep in her own room, at least for part of the night.

I think you're right about going with the flow, but that can also mean having a routine ( I know that sounds really stupid!), dd1 hated co sleeping, didn't much like cuddling, fed infrequently at set times, went to sleep at 7 and woke once in the night, and hated being in a sling! She was much happier when she was in a routine, and knew when things were coming, and even now (2.9) likes to know exactly what we are doing and when each day.

Dd2 (19 months)on the other hand was a swaddled, sling carried, cosleeping, eat allthe time, blw, waking in the night cuddle monkey.