Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Now ATTENTION here all you first-time mothers, listen up...

168 replies

emkana · 25/07/2006 21:02

I have a ds, he is my third child. He is five weeks old. Atm I feed him whenever and he sleeps whenever he wants. Evenings are mostly spent with him on mine or dh's lap while I'm MNetting or watching TV or even sitting outside. Ds comes to bed with me when I go to bed.
I did the same with my two dd's. Over time things started to evolve into some sort of a routine, gradually we moved to a proper "bedtime" etc., and now they are five and three and very, very good at going to bed, and have been for a long, long time.
It really saddens me when I read all these worried posts about how to get a baby of a few weeks to settle in the evening etc., and all it seems to lead to often (not always, granted) is stress and worry and more stress.
I just want to reassure you all that no bad habits will be formed if you just with the flow for now and enjoy your baby and let him/her be with you.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Spidermama · 23/08/2007 13:29

Big bump up for a great thread.

sheepgomeep · 23/08/2007 17:20

do you know what, I'm so glad this thread has been started.

I feel such a failure with dd2, i really really do. she is 14 weeks tomorrow and so changeable and contrary. She was big at birth 9 pound 8 oz and is over 14 pound now yet not very hungry, well one day she is next day she isn't. Her sleeping varies so much too. sometimes she will sleep 9 pm till 5 am but mostly she needs feeding every 2 to 3 hours. quite often she will go 8 till 1am but she keeps changing her routine and i'm so knackered.She is ff as well

We used to swaddle her but she gets out of her swaddle now and she keeps rubbing her eyes till she cries and wakes up. last night she rolled over and slept for 4 hours on her front. I've tried co sleeping but she fidgets so much.

first two dc were ok, ds slept throught at 12 weeks and i co slept with dd till she was 13 months and that was fine.

does this get better, has anyone else had a dc like mine

Megglevache · 23/08/2007 17:25

Message withdrawn

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
beansontoast · 23/08/2007 17:33

sheepgomeep...ahhh love...im RUBBISH so cant help you...but im worried that your post will get lost in this huge thread..start a new one9smile)

rubbish as i am i do know however that you are not a failure and that our sweet babies arrive with their own foibles to catch us off guard/trip us up etc

sheepgomeep · 23/08/2007 17:41

thanks beansontoast i will do.

sfxmum · 23/08/2007 17:55

to OP yes indeed

dal21 · 23/08/2007 18:19

Just wanted to say - what a fantastic fantastic thread. One of the ladies on my antenatal thread posted it. Am 35 weeks tmrw - have read BW and tbh was bowled over by it all! This thread was exactly what i needed to see. Thanks for showing what is most important - enjoying your baby without feeling pressured to do things a certain way!

Thank you!

WanderingTrolley · 23/08/2007 18:39

I have worked as a maternity nurse. I still do the odd stint. One of the main reasons for hiring me is 'to get the baby into a routine.'

Nobody, having coughed up several hundred quid a week, wants to hear 'put the baby in a sling all day' and 'controlled crying will not work on a 2 day old' and 'cuddling will not ruin your baby' and 'he can cry alone in the Moses basket or in someone's arms - I suggest the latter.'

This is NOT a dig at maternity nurses and those who hire them - some babies and families thrive on set routines, but I agree that there is a widely held belief that routine will silence every crying newborn and make you a better parent. IMO and IME, this simply isn't the case for everyone.

This thread has made me very happy - I agree with you all utterly.

And yes, I am shit at my job

Hence, a) my advice is to hire a mother's help and a cleaner for the first few weeks and b) I am blardy broke.

Oh, and all those baby books? None of them was written about your baby. And you will gain great satisfaction from hurling them against a wall, though my professional recommendation is to use them to prop up one end of the cot if your baby has a cold.

bumbleweed · 23/08/2007 21:06

yay to emkana for this thread - wish someone had told me that 22 months ago while I was earnestly wondering why my baby didnt do what the baby whisperer said she should

I am going to enjoy baby no2 (due in 3 months) so much more

and morningpaper's post is lovely

and WanderingTrolley's post below is very funny

sheepgomeep · 23/08/2007 21:29

I like morningpapers post too. I never get a lump in my throat at the things what other people post but I did when I read that especially the last bit

My dd2 is a fat little thing too.

policywonk · 23/08/2007 21:36

morningpaper, you have just made me cry, god dammit

Aitch · 23/08/2007 21:42

emkana started this post a year ago, round about when i first came here. It's one of the main reasons i wanted to stick around.

Marina · 23/08/2007 21:47

I might print this off for my dsis and her partner, they have just had their first baby. It will probably be more useful than any of the other gifts they are given.
So many wise words on here

shreddies · 23/08/2007 21:59

I love this thread. Amongst my NCT mates I often feel like a bit of a chaotic parent with my co-sleeping and my lack of routine (a strict one anyway), so it is really really lovely to hear other people talking about parenting in the same way

theUrbanDryad · 23/08/2007 22:05

this thread has just come along at the right time! ds is 7 months and i've been feeling really crappy because he still feeds every 3 hours and wakes in the night etc etc......it's so lovely to read the posts on here, gives me the confidence to just carry on doing what i'm doing at the moment!! thanks!

sweetkitty · 23/08/2007 22:08

emkana well said you could be me, I coslept with both of mine, fed whenever and slept whenever

DD1 slept 11-6am at 6 weeks DD2 still wasn't sleeping through at 12 months both treated the exact same, solids made not a jot of difference. Both found their routines eventually and are great sleepers now.

policywonk · 23/08/2007 22:09

Having moved to a new area recently, I've made friends with two women (well, more than two, but YKWIM), both of whom have babies (now about 8 months old). They are BOTH doing the routine thing, and every now and again will slip into a parallel universe in which they discuss 'dropping the 10 o'clock feed' or somesuch, while I just gape at them. I have literally no idea what they are talking about - it just never occurred to me to do the routine thing. Mind you, they think I'm pretty odd for still feeding my 2-and-a-half year old on demand.

K75 · 24/08/2007 09:50

Agreed. DD is 10 weeks, has slept from 8pm to 6am since 7 weeks, she just fell into her own routine. Only thing we did was the have her sleep downstairs with us in day. Upstairs at night. They do their own thing. I read all the books, spent a week worrying about it and ignored it all!

foxybrown · 24/08/2007 10:28

Couldn't agree more - thats what I'm doing with DC4 and at 6 weeks she's sleeping up to 9 hours at night. Can't really ask for more than that!

Saying that I do like a routine, but all in good time.

LadyG · 24/08/2007 12:49

Definitely would say go with the flow for the first few months.
Having said that when DS did settle into a daytime routine of sorts having a baby who could nap in the cot so I could sleep rather than having to be pushed around in the buggy was Heaven. I think it was sometime between four and seven months can't remember exactly when. When I went back to work he was in a good routine which was fab because we had a nanny share and the two babies who were around the same age both napped at the same times for around 3 hours a day (at 8 months). This allowed our nanny to get some much needed rest too!
I think going with the flow after the first few months doesn't really work for working mums-when you have to hand your child over to someone else they (child) will be much happier if they know roughly what follows what. So up to 2-3 months before you go back to work I'd GWTF and after that gently but persistently settle into a routine

Desiderata · 24/08/2007 12:51

I couldn't agree more with your OP, Emkana. There's way too much stressing going on

crayon · 24/08/2007 13:15

Morningpaper - that last bit really choked me up

crayon · 24/08/2007 13:23

DS3 is still often up at 9-10pm. I get his brothers to bed (8-8.30)and then feed him and snuggle, watch TV while I feed him, & snuggle again. I feel he should be in bed earlier (1 yr now) but it is 'our' time - the only time DH and I have with him on his own - just the same as we had with his brothers when they were little cuddly dough balls too.

Xavielli · 24/08/2007 14:00

Just read MP's post again. It made me cry. This first year has gone so fast with my kids and neither of them are chubby and edible anymore. But I can hand on heart say I made the most of it when they were!!

Rochwen · 24/08/2007 14:25

Well I can't speak for everyone but routines worked a treat for me. I just couldn't cope with constant feeding and no sleep. Once dd was put onto a routine she slept through the night beautifully. I was a nervous wreck beforehand. I needed the routines !

I think the best advice is DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.