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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving kids in the car

133 replies

chicaguapa · 19/04/2006 23:29

I have recently been in a situation where I was challenged for leaving my kids in the car while I popped into a shop.
I had driven to B&Q to get a pot of paint. Both my children fell asleep on the way, so I parked right next to the door and ran in to get the paint. I left 2 windows slightly open so there was air in the car. Unfortunately there was a huge queue and by the time I got out both had woken up and the youngest who was under 1 at the time was crying. This was noticeable as the windows were open.
There was a man hanging around who started shouting at me and said he was about to phone the police to report me. Initially I was quite shocked and particularly annoyed as he'd confronted me then walked off without giving me a chance to answer back. But I was pleased that we live in a society where people look out for other children. I would have preferred that than everyone walk past my crying child and not give a sh*t. If that makes sense.
I never really know what to do about leaving the kids in the car. I have a friend who often leaves her kids in the car and pops in a shop up the road out of sight! I have memories of sitting in the car for what seemed like hours while my parents did the shopping. But not everything they did then is ok now.
So I'm always faced with a dilemma. If they are awake, there's no question. But I hate to wake them. And then do I lock the car or not? I have central locking and do lock it as I feel it's too easy for someone to open the door and steal one of them. But then I worry that if the handbrake suddenly failed and they needed to be got out, there'd be no way in. Or is the simple answer, never leave them in the car alone? I normally try and do everything right and would hate to think I'm taking enormous risks with my kids.

OP posts:

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fireflyfairy2 · 19/04/2006 23:32

Sorry, I'd rather wake them than leave them in the car and the car go on fire and kill both of them before I got out... I know that sounds judgemental, and it might be ok if you were simply running into pay for petrol and your car were on the forecourt and you could see..but never whilst you run into a huge shop like B&Q which is quite normally busy.
and TBH if it were me and someone had left 2 children in the car and I saw them crying I would have said a bit more than the old man

again apologies if I sound judgemental, I don't mean to be, but we should never compromise our childrens safety.

handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:33

Oh no, this hoary old chestnut....prepare for a heated debate.

I would never leave the car unlocked with them in - fear of abduction (however unlikely and unfounded). I do sometimes leave them in a locked car, but only if I can guarantee that I will be in and out as quick as a flash (eg leaving sleeping ds in car in Pre School car park whilst I do a lightning pick up of dd from Pre School)...however, for some mumsnetters this would be 'gross negligence'

If I had been in your situation I probably would have abandoned my goods and the queue at the checkout to return to the car when it became apparent that it would be more than my 1 minute cut off.

Not judgeing you for a second however. I suspect that we are all hyper reactive these days.

BadHair · 19/04/2006 23:34

Have to say that I wake mine up (5 and 3) and take them in with me, unless I can see them from the shop at all times. I'd be too scared to leave them in case someone nicked them, especially when they were babies.

And there was also an incident about 2 years ago when 2 children were burned to death when the car they were left in caught fire on a driveway. I still have nightmares about that one, so I'd go with the wake 'em up and risk them being grumpy but safe.

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handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:34

Ha ha - told you!

Clary · 19/04/2006 23:35

There have been lots of threads on this and there is no consensus.
FWIW here's what I do.

Leave my kids in the car when paying for petrol - I can see them through the window and it's 2 mins and safer than toting them across the garage forecourt imho. Tho I do try now to go to the Asda drive-thru if poss.

Otherwise I get them out and take them in with me. Unless I am literally getting out to put a note thru someone's door. I fI am going out of sight into a shop them I always take them.

Some MN-ers say they never leave them in a car even for a second because it might spontaneously combust. In which case what do they do when they put the empty trolley back at Asda?

Sorry long post....

annh · 19/04/2006 23:36

Remember there being a heated discussion on here about this before with people having very different ideas of what is acceptable. Personally, I would never have left my two in a car out of sight when they were that little. Thankfully, they've now gone past the stage of falling asleep on 10-minute car journeys and it makes life easier! I feel if they're out of sight anything could happen to them or to you. However, I certainly did leave them in the car on garage forecourts where I could see them when I went to pay for petrol and would probably have left them in the car if they were sleeping and if I could park right outside the door of say, the local newsagents and still keep them in sight while I was paying for something.

handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:36

Reflecting a bit - I tend to avoid 'likely sleep times' when running errands so I don't have this dilemma.

Anyone fancy a sweepstake on the number of posts this attracts before the thread dies. I'm vouching for 209.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 19/04/2006 23:36

That's fine. I'm prepared to be judged as I'm always quick to judge others on things that I have a strong stance on ie correct car seats. I am always shocked when I see children not strapped in and was wondering if I would evoke a similar reaction if I left my kids in the car.

OP posts:

tortoise · 19/04/2006 23:37

I agree with fireflyfairy2.My mum knew of 2 kids left in a car outside their friends house.Within a few minutes the car had caught fire.Luckily the kids were rescued quickly.If i had a car i would never leave my dc in it.Not worth the risk.

SleepyJess · 19/04/2006 23:37

I left mine in a disabled space (right at the front of the carpark near the store) of Homebase the other day so I could run in and change something I had bought in error the previous day. I just couldn't face wrestling DS in and out of his wheelchair and carseat just to do something so quick! DS is 5 and DD is 7 (and NT) and I locked them in and told her not to open the doors.. wasn't happy to do it.. and I WAS only about a minute and a half as I expected to be.. but just wanted to say I DID do it to make chicaguapa feel a bit better!

It's not ideal.. but it doesn't make you a Bad Mother.

SJ x

Karmamother · 19/04/2006 23:38

Imagine how you'd feel if the car was stolen with them inside.

They can fall asleep again once they've been shopping with you. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened to them just because you let them have a snooze.

I'm with fireflyfairy2, if I couldn't see them from the shop window I'd take them with me. No matter how much of a hassle it was.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 19/04/2006 23:38

Sorry, didn't mean to get everyone started off again! I normally check the archives too before posting.

OP posts:

SleepyJess · 19/04/2006 23:39

But sometimes we do things that upon reflection we perhaps should not have. It's called 'lack of perfection'.

handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:39

lol - this thread is taking just the direction I thought it would.

Absolutely Sleepyjess btw!

SleepyJess · 19/04/2006 23:41

Even so I think I will parp myself... always wanted to do this.. PARP!!

fireflyfairy2 · 19/04/2006 23:43

Oh no, it doesn't make you a bad mother at all, you just didn't think and you probably won't do it again. I once ran into a shop in a hurry to get a loaf of bread and DD said she didn't want to get out of the car so I ran in quick seeing that no-one else was in the shop (a small local grocery shop).. and when I was in there I could see my DD through the window.. I also saw a woman go up to the car window and motion for her to open the window.. I couldn't see who the woman was and I saw DD go to roll the window down, I ran like lightening out of the shop and then saw it was my sister .. so goes to show that even when you can actually see your children they aren't always 1oo% safe

Karmamother · 19/04/2006 23:46

Will someone explain what parp means? Sorry to hijack the thread briefly but this has been annoying me for ages!!

SleepyJess · 19/04/2006 23:49

Parping commonly occurs within the MN envionment when a subject has been.. what is known as... "done to death" and most people have seen it all before.. and it's all been rowed over and bitched over before... which is somewhat unfortunate for those who haven't seen it before! So someone who HAS been there and done that 'all before' (as mentioned ).. rushes rudely in.. says PARP.. and fecks off again!

To parp oneself however, is somewhat more socially acceptable :)

handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:50

It means - I'm leaving the thread before I say something really tetchy and rude because this is annoying the hell out of me!

SleepyJess · 19/04/2006 23:51

And people often ask what PARP means.. so PARP to you too Karma.. (Just as a working-example like.... with no offence intended whatsoever! )

annh · 19/04/2006 23:53

Doesn't look like we'll make it to 209 posts then, does it?! :o

handlemecarefully · 19/04/2006 23:57

Wanna bet? 22 posts already at this time of night?

Karmamother · 20/04/2006 07:07

Thanks sleepyjess & HMC. I shall sleep more soundly tonight in my new found ability to parp.

carla · 20/04/2006 07:18

I had exactly this argument with H, when dd1 was about 3. I used to drive round and round our town after picking her up from nursery, because that was the only way to get her to sleep, and she really needed it. To move her out of the car, no matter how hard I tried, would wake her. So I left her in the car in the drive, and would watch her.

After the argument with H, I 'phoned the NSPCC, who told me it would be considered as neglect. So I didn't do it anymore. And I think with both suffered as a consequence.

throckenholt · 20/04/2006 07:29

have to say I am sceptical about the argument that cars spontaneously combust - how often does that actually happen ? Is it an urban myth. It is much more likely that the handbrake will fail, or it will be hit by something else.

No comment about leaving kids in the car by the way ()

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