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Original poster

Leaving kids in the car

133 replies

chicaguapa · 19/04/2006 23:29

I have recently been in a situation where I was challenged for leaving my kids in the car while I popped into a shop.
I had driven to B&Q to get a pot of paint. Both my children fell asleep on the way, so I parked right next to the door and ran in to get the paint. I left 2 windows slightly open so there was air in the car. Unfortunately there was a huge queue and by the time I got out both had woken up and the youngest who was under 1 at the time was crying. This was noticeable as the windows were open.
There was a man hanging around who started shouting at me and said he was about to phone the police to report me. Initially I was quite shocked and particularly annoyed as he'd confronted me then walked off without giving me a chance to answer back. But I was pleased that we live in a society where people look out for other children. I would have preferred that than everyone walk past my crying child and not give a sh*t. If that makes sense.
I never really know what to do about leaving the kids in the car. I have a friend who often leaves her kids in the car and pops in a shop up the road out of sight! I have memories of sitting in the car for what seemed like hours while my parents did the shopping. But not everything they did then is ok now.
So I'm always faced with a dilemma. If they are awake, there's no question. But I hate to wake them. And then do I lock the car or not? I have central locking and do lock it as I feel it's too easy for someone to open the door and steal one of them. But then I worry that if the handbrake suddenly failed and they needed to be got out, there'd be no way in. Or is the simple answer, never leave them in the car alone? I normally try and do everything right and would hate to think I'm taking enormous risks with my kids.

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FairyMum · 20/04/2006 07:39

I think it depends on the area, age of the children.... I don't really see the harm. I also remember being left in the car by my parents in the 70s. I think we generally live in a paranoid society where cars could burst into flames at any moment, stranger danger, alien abduction.....

tobysmumkent · 20/04/2006 07:42

I have a similar situation to SleepyJess. When I had DS1, I only ever left him in the car when I was paying for petrol....never dared anywhere else.
But DS2 (SN)can often take up to an hour to get into a car, so getting him out at the local shop while I get milk, then having him running up and down the street because he's confused......far better to leave him in the car for 2 minutes, where he's happy, sitting nicely etc (once he's in the car and I drive, he's fine....).
But - if I can't park right outside the shop door, I don't go. And I've got to know the small, local shops/farm shops where I can park in yards etc etc.
Posting to see whether or not this thread reaches the magic 209 number of posts :)

MrsBadger · 20/04/2006 07:48

It's one of those risk perception / management things like going out leaving a pan on the stove. 99.9% of the time it'll be fine, but the 0.1% where it's not has the potential be so awful that it's best not to risk it at all.

(Can you tell I've been doing Risk Assessment and HACCP at work this week?)

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pablopatito · 20/04/2006 09:12

I've never managed to get out of B&Q quickly so wouldn't leave my kids in the car. I'm either stuck behind an idiot in the queue, or the barcode's fallen off one of my items. And I ALWAYS pick the slowest queue.

expatinscotland · 20/04/2006 09:31

i am from the States, where you can and will get done for leaving your kids in the car (aside from the fact that there's a lot of voilence and crime there and people have stolen cars w/kids in them). so no, i NEVER leave my kids in the car. dunno if it's force of habit or what, but i just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it at all.

Wembley · 20/04/2006 09:34

I have to say I thought it was against the law here to leave your kids unattended in your car but I guess I am wrong! :)

Polgara2 · 20/04/2006 09:34

Used to leave them asleep on the drive when they were babies (and spent all my time popping out to the car to check close up even though I could see them through the front window)but thats all. Any other time took them with me.

lanismum · 20/04/2006 09:38

i never would leave my dd in the car on her own, she would get upset if she woke and was alone, plus i live in hackney, i dont like leaving the car alone, let alone my baby

Wembley · 20/04/2006 09:40

It's illegal to leave a dog unattended in your car!

lockets · 20/04/2006 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 20/04/2006 09:42

PARP

purplepumpkin · 20/04/2006 09:42

Hang on, what ages are we talking about here? Big difference between babies and 8 year olds IMO.

jmum6 · 20/04/2006 09:43

Oh God, I worry when I have to make that decision involving taking the trolly back, or if ds is sleeping when I'm unloading shopping from the car into the house!

Sometimes I leave him and take the shopping bags and dump them in the hall, and run like mad (the 5 metres to the car!)and look up and down the street to see if anyone has spotted me leavin ghim in the car for 20 seconds!

I wouldn't pop into a shop though - my nerves couldn't stand it :o

tallmummy · 20/04/2006 09:44

I was quite shocked to see a 10-11month old and a two year old left in tha car at local Sainsburys. There was no way they could be seen from the shop. baby was crying toddler out of seat climbing about.

I lingered for a good 10 mins as quite concerned,then saw harrassed mum coming from shop with loads of bags. I didn't confront her, didn't know her situation, I think she was very wrong though. Would you have said something?

Wembley · 20/04/2006 09:48

Tallmummy - no I probably wouldn't but I would have thought the same as you. The thing is as you say you just don't know the situation do you? I am sure there are things to do to/with my children that others find unacceptable but I don't leave them in the car unattended.

mythumbelinas · 20/04/2006 09:49

I know somebody (and no, it's not me) who left her 3 sleeping (did not want to wake them all) kids in the car while she 'popped' into a shop to get some milk and a few basics. When she returned there was a man standing beside her car saying he was a welfare officer (or something like that) who had just popped into the same shop and eventho he was off duty had to report this incident. She received a letter of warning thru the post. She felt like the most awful mother and it upset her a lot.
I'm not surprised .. receiving an official letter to say you have done wrong against your kids, eventho you were just trying to do an innocent chore of the day!

Kelly1978 · 20/04/2006 09:51

I think society is getting too overprotective. We were always left in the car as kids when our parents went shopping etc. I often leave mine for a few minutes. I never get them out with the school run, I can see them from the playground and they are safer in the car than trying to manage two babies, a 3yo with sn, and a 5yo on a road with no pathway and cars going all directions. I've never heard of a car spontaneously combusting, and if they really do, then would we be takign our kids in cars at all? It would be jsut as likely to blow up with us all in the car!

I can't see what harm can come to them sleeping on the driveway neither, I leave the boot open, the front door open and I can see and hear them. They are used to it and don't start screaming if they wake alone anyway. How on earth is that neglect?

Bozza · 20/04/2006 09:53

I'm not sure I would have left them in B&Q. But I do leave them outside the local Co-op (small village one with car park at side) where I can't see them while I pop in for a couple of items. I do this when they are awake. I tell DS (5) the rules. I wouldn't leave DD (1.11) on her own though because she would be distressed. I would leave her at the petrol station, cash point, village shop etc though.

It is not as simple as karmamother saying "They can fall asleep again once they've been shopping with you". My children would not do this. That 10 minute nap would have ruled out the potential 2 hour one they would have had later in the day. So DS (at that age) and DD would be grumpy for the rest of the day. TBH if I was going to B&Q it is about a 10-15 min drive for me and I would have employed DS to ensure that DD didn't fall asleep on the way so that this issue wouldn't arise or if DS was at school I would have been singing, playing "where is your nose" etc.

Bozza · 20/04/2006 09:54

Kelly I 100% agree. Was feeling a bit like I was going against the flow there.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/04/2006 09:58

Agree Kelly.

Probably a lot more than 209 Hmc

scoobytwo · 20/04/2006 10:02

imo
i would never leave the kids in the car to go in a shop&i would call the police if i saw this

purplepumpkin · 20/04/2006 10:24

Which is more risky:

(a) 1 adult crossing a car park/garage forecourt with three children aged 6, 4 and 2

(b) Leaving said children in a locked car for 1-2 minutes

Personally I would say (a) - for every spontaneous combustion story, there musr=t be a lot more where bolting toddlers have been knocked down by cars.

SleepyJess · 20/04/2006 10:29

Scooby, I think you would eventually get cautioned for hassling of the police if you were take it upon yourself to go and about with your clip board, taking note of and reporting every child or children you saw left alone in a car for a minute or two!!

I think some common sense is needed here.. but is not likely to be applied by the righteous brigade I realise [eye roll emoticon]. Judge not lest ye be judged eh? There may come a time when some of the 'Ye Gods No I would NEVER do it' mindset might just find themsevles in a position where they actually find that they would! (Although we're unlikely to ever hear about it on here that's for sure!) Nobody is saying it's 'the thing to do' and is 'fine' but remember, most of US were probably left outside SHOPS in PRAMS, completely at risk of whatever old paed or weirdo might happen to passing.. it WAS the done thing then! And contrary to some opinions, pervs and paedophiles DID exist, and probably in similar numbers, when we were babies!

And yes, I PARPED myself back in..

jamsam · 20/04/2006 10:29

i have to admit to having done it successfully and unsuccessfully. i have plenty of horrer stories from ds2 climbing out of car window in petrol station and heading for vvvvbusy a road to ds1 standing in pouring rain outsid ethe coop as he had woken up and wasnt sure where he was. ive got no chance of leaving them now, as anyone who knows my little darlings will tell you, for fear of them stealing the car.

its all relative really, stopping at the cashpoint and not waking 3 or more sleepng children should be fine...but how far do you take it?
there will come a day when we have people patrolling shop car parks and swimming pool car oarks after school trying to catch you!

lockets · 20/04/2006 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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