On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

[ThePinkNinja]

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

We have week long patches of dd sleeping through then it reverts back. I'm always more tired after a good night then a piss poor 1. X

hi badkitty, wow you have your hands full! sounds tricky with ds2. remember things can change quickly so don't panic about coping alone just yet - hopefully things will get a bit easier first. can you try offering him a choice to offset the 'no'? I'm not sure what you could offer as an alternative to the potty, but maybe you can think of something? you must be shattered!

I hope it will get easier soon - it's just these first weeks of breastfeeding are such hard work when there are other children who want attention as well. And I feel like crying for DS2 as he is obviously really confused and hurting even though I am trying to give him as much one to one time as possible and lots of cuddles and stuff :(

I was the same with my ds1 - felt so so guilty and he was utterly miserable. it will get better - hang in there, and have a hug.

Thanks - I see you have about the same age gap between your two DS's - how long before Ds1 started coming to terms with it do you think?

hmm tricky to remember! it all happens so gradually doesn't it. it also goes in waves, so each time ds2 gets more independent/interactive, ds1 gets unsettled again.

I think maybe it was the first two or so months he was miserable, and then the new status quo sort of settled. it may not have been that long, I find the newborn weeks such a blur and really struggle to remember!

Bad kitty it took my son 9 weeks to chill out abit then. I think that's when he accepted her and would kiss her good night. He was 26 months when she was born.8.5 months in he adores her although he gets abit over zealous with her but on the whole I love them being close. Only good times ahead x

Hey girls got myself into the 2ww if any of you know what that means. Think I've had a badly timed night of passion. Hoping for a bfn

Also had big time guilt that was worse then the sleep deprivation actualy. While its warm can you manage a few trips to the park baby might sleep better in pushchair and give you 40mins to play with son. I now know that actualy even at its worst my ds had a dam sight better time of it than alot of children get and my emotions got the better of me. Just keep ploughing through. It's all we can do x

argh my toddler is so naughty!! and at nearly 2.9 we are nowhere near potty training - he flatly refuses to sit on the potty, no negotiation possible. do I just take him out of nappies and deal with loads of accidents for a while until he decides to try the potty/toilet seat? or will he be in nappies when he starts school?!

I'd definitely wait. I don't think 2.9 is particularly late and if he isn't ready, it'll just be horribly stressful and make your life unnecessarily difficult. Once he's at pre-school he'll see the other children using the potty and will probably want to do the same.

Debbie, did you get your bfn?

Ds has continued to sleep through which is kind of weird, I should feel really happy but I don't think I was ready to stop the night time cuddles! Feeling much better for a decent sleep but he's being really trying during the day, he's desperate to be mobile but just not there yet. If in near him he tries to pull up on me and then tries to let go and walk off! He doesn't seem to get that he is nowhere near able to walk.

Hey girls got my bfn thank Christ im now safely back on the pill. Although not really needed at present as dp has broke his arm so that's pretty much put at stop to any funny business for the nxt 6 weeks x

Hi ladies,
Sorry I've not posted for so long.

Please please tell me it's not just us!
Do any of you get really frustrated with DCs and end up really lashing out followed by extreme guilt! :(
Sometimes walking away for 5min just never happens.

Please someone tell me I'm normal. Don't get me wrong I have loads of fun with my kids and love them dearly, but somtimes I get really frustrated with DS1 when he won't listen/do as asked.
I've never done it in public places apart from the Odd telling off and serious mummy face with a consequence for bad behaviour. i.e no treat /time out/ privilege withdrawals
Sometimes behind closed doors I even manage to surprise myself when I shout really loudly STOP IT!! I don't even recognise myself when I get like this.

I see people out and about with their kids, everyone behaving well, mummy talking sweetly and I wonder If they ever have red red moments and it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world.

Please excuse the spelling and grammar written at a crisis moment :((

#intears#

Hi m2nj,
I have those moments a lot. I don't feel good about it, feel guilty about it, but we're only human.... It's bloody tough looking after 2 kids all day on your own.

Are you getting any time to do stuff for yourself?

Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you're a lovely mummy :-)

X

M2nj
Same here hun the guilt ruins my evenings.
I never thought I would smack my child. In the past 2 months my dc1 nearly 3 has had 3 smacks on the bum. For not listening and being down right defiant .
Don't worry the push buttons unimaginable !

Debbie!!! I could kiss you hug you squeeze you!!
Thank goodness there are some honest people out there. some mums will never admit that!
Instant healing!! I am healed from my guilt.
Why do we have such great times with our kids?, and speak fondly of then when they are in bed, but could also easily feel like jumping out the ground floor window when they missbehave and drive us potty?!!

We had a wonderful family day out today both boys had a great time and were extremely knakered but Ds1 fought and fought at bed time so after 2 hours of constant shouting chattering, singing and crying in his room we finally gave in and let him stay up. At 23:55 precisly he lost his battle to stay up like an adult!!
but!!! where is mine snd DH's lovley kid free evening after all we did for them today?!!
It all comes with the job I suppose :)

Offcolour
I have absolutely no time to do anything for me. Today I saw a skinny woman wearing wedges and looking very well maintained with her husband and two DCs
I asked myself why the heck do I look so run down and shabby! How do other people do it?! I don't understand or get it?! Is here something I'm missing? What do I do with the baby and toddler while I take time to spruce myself up for a trip to the supermarket?!
I literary take 2min showers I only shave my legs and armpits when I start looking like a cave man! I basically have to platt my nini the hairs are so long "that's a joke" lol!! But I'm pretty sure I probably could lol!!

I'm another one who seriously snaps sometimes. I have smacked ds1 once in the heat of the moment and go through phases of being really shouty. and feel utterly utterly hideous about it.

Can you try and get some time? Can your dh look after the kids or a couple of hours while you go out to lunch, or go for a quick drink/coffee/run/swim when they're in bed? I think your kids are a bit younger than mine, I've only really started getting "me time" since he hit around 6 months, but I think it's really important to try and get some time for you if you possibly can. You need to look after yourself and believe that you're well being is important too. With dc1 I didn't look after myself at all and with dc2 I've tried to ensure that I do get to do some fun stuff. Not much, but some!

I do get a bit if time away sometimes just movie nights or a drink down the pub with other mummy friends....during that moment I feel great. But once I return home and it all kicks off I feel like crap again!
I just feel like when I'm at home I never just get 5min to myself, there is always feeding, nappy changing, washing, cleaning, cooking, entertaining kids, bathing, shopping etc the list is endless. Even when dh is home I still do more around the house!!. How do you all retain your sanity?!

I don't, tbh. I shout a lot and often feel like crying.

Things I do to attempt to retain sanity:
Get out of the house and see people, or have friends over
Have time doing stuff I enjoy
Running
Still taking some time on appearance (sheer cover is good, takes two seconds, then concealer, blush and mascara, makes me look less like living dead)
Remembering that this is a phase
Trying to enjoy the good bits

I'm still usually a dribbling wreck by the time it's 6:30 though....

Oh, Internet shopping saves tons of time too.

Ahh the feeling like crying is always there. When does this all get better!
Some days I think yessss we are finally there at the better place and then.... the next day is SHIT!

I tried Internet shopping and just found I was getting frustrated as sometimes my delivery will come with a bunch of things missing like nappies etc or fruit that's about to go off. But maybe it's time I gave it another go I think.
Definitely going out and seeing people helps. Even if I was crying early on in the day once we get to playgroup and chat to others I feel tons better.

Thanks for the sheer cover tip, may have to try it. As for the running I would love to have that stamina and motivation, but once the day is over kids in bed etc I just don't want anything but a glass of wine or chocolate and the couch.
Where do you get the motivation to go jogging? Seems like you have it all figured out I should take a leaf out of your book :) what a great mummy you are x

Ha ha ha ha I really do not have it all figured out. I really really don't. Was just sharing some stuff that's helped me retain my slim grip on sanity in the hope it might be helpful.

H, I remember reading this thread when I was pregnant with dc2 and if frightened the life out of me. I thought for the first few months it was going to be horrendous. I got quite anxious about it all actually, especially as no mother to ask her experience and all my friends were either mothers of one DC or expecting DC 1
Dc2 is now 5 months and I wanted to offer a short but different perspective on being a mother of two.

I have genuinely really enjoyed it. In fact I prefer it to one as it seems less intense! Both my baby and toddler I would describe as 'normal' insofar as they have similar issues as to what has been described here i.e. dc2 still waking for a feed during the night and toddler dc1 prone to epic tantrums.

But, and it is a massive but, it is wonderful, most of the time. It really isn't a fraction as hard as I thought it was. I have found a few things really helpful

Dc2 goes to nursery three mornings a week

The Moby wrap to begin with, and now the ergo

Getting into a routine as soon as possible. This takes effort, but wowsers, so so worth it for all concerned. Dc2 now in three naps a day.with a 2 hour nap at,lunchtime, giving me time to myself. Even though dc2 doesn't nap anymore (almost 3), he goes to his room for an hours quiet time, and I am strict about this.

I do have a cleaner in once a week,for three hours. Major luxury. Not necessary. But bloody lovely.

The key is to use time wisely i.e. when I get time to myself, before I kick back and do what I really want to do (mooch in front of TV on iPad), I whizz around, tidying the kitchen, getting things ready for leaving the house, hanging up Landry etc. amazing what one do in short space of time when the incentive is chill out time.

Hold back on the crappy but tasty food. It really boosts your confidence when you feel like you are getting your body back, little by little. Have some hasty but healthy snack in, as you will get hungry because quite physical looking after two, especially if breastfeeding.

Finally, if there is the option of an NCT group for second timers, do it! Best thing I could have done, as I moved to new area, dh works looonnngg hours and I have barely any family. These NCT girls have.been my support network. All in similar boats.

Anyway, good luck. It does have.moments when you will feel in a tornado, but for the.majority of the time, I have found the experience much easier than expected
Xxx