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Original poster

Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

359 replies

sesame · 24/03/2006 16:14

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

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OLFAYE · 27/03/2006 13:29

Hiya,

I am new to the site and this is my 1st post :)

I would find it hard to make a decision like this until after the birth and even then it's hard to plan in advance......

I love to travel and so my gut feel would be to go for it, babe will be ok with your Mum.

You can express in advance, I did it when Olivia was 2 weeks old and kept it in the freezer, plus I introduced a bottle at 10pm feed for DH to give so she was fine with bottles and no nipple confusion for us, you would need to express while away which could be a pain but not impossible. I followed Gina Ford's Contended Little baby book for an increased Milk supply and expressing routine, it was fab and this could work for you.

If you do go have a fantastic time and let us know what you decide.

LOL
Cate
xx

hellywobs · 27/03/2006 13:45

I'm not sure I would have done when my ds was that age (and I stopped bf at 4 months so would have been practically possible). I have however left him at the age of 2 with dh while I went to the US with work for 4 nights. He was absolutely fine so I am pretty sure that a 4 month old would be too! I think you should go if you are happy leaving him with your mum. BTW I have not yet left my son with anyone overnight other than dh - although we did go to the theatre in London and got back after he'd gone to bed and he was absolutely fine with my mum that day/evening- but that was in Feb and he's nearly 3.5. I think some people are more willing to leave their kids than others. I'd say don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

buktus · 27/03/2006 13:56

Hi new to site, i have never left any of my kids either - apart from having to go into hospital to have them :), i dont think i probably could either we are going away in five weeks and all though mum has offered to have my two month old i still have to take her with us even though it would be a hell of lot easier and i cant imagine trying to express enough milk for her for when i was away - it is down to the individual but i dont think you should be judged on whatever decision you make

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Blu · 27/03/2006 13:59

CD: she describes it as an 'all expenses paid holiday'!

I imagined it was one of those 'reward' trips - and if that's the case, I do think it's discriminatory, because it discriminates against bf women! It also seems her DH can go too, so he could look after the baby during any woprk sessions.

But then I'm the Director who bf DS through an AGM when he was 4 months!

Kabsy · 27/03/2006 14:11

A definate No here to.

But as said before everyone is different! I quickly found once I had DD that planning anything is a wasted excerise! I planned that I would bf until 3-4 months, I also planned to express milk and perhaps a few formula feeds here and there.

DD would not, no matter what I tried take my milk or formula from the bottle. Did all things recommended by friends/ relatives, nothing would work. Then one day she decided at 9 months that she wanted the bottle! And that was that. I have to say I also found expressing very difficult, it was very uncomfortable and extremely time consuming!! I would be surprised if you can manage a weeks supply, I would never been able. I also think your boobs would be huge, leaky and painful most of the time!

If you bottle feed I'm sure your baby would be fine with your mum. It's wether you can handle being apart! I find it difficult now and shes 3 next month!

And no offence to newbie OLFAYSmile but that Gina Ford book is horrendous it is like a prison sentence! Babies need routine but that is military style she is a right Hitler that woman! Sold mine at car boot for 20p my best sale ever! Wink

Anyway each to their own Wink

bubblepop · 27/03/2006 14:18

no way on earth i'd leave ANY of mine so i could go on holiday, especially the baby. just would,nt even think of it.

Kathy1972 · 27/03/2006 15:57

Just to answer a couple of points -

1.you would not need to buy bottles for the whole week's supply - you can get breastmilk freezer bags from Boots

2.re how hard it is to express enough - it is something you get a lot better and faster at with practice. I once pumped 10 oz in one go!

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 16:00

I think aiming to express more than a week's supply (to allow for spillages/ spoiling/ refused bottles/ chucking up/ flight delays) in the freezer by four months sounds is very very ambitious.

IVB · 27/03/2006 17:07

Go for it! The breastfeeding could be an issue, but the baby is so little, it's hardly going to know you are gone! Personally, I think it's the older kids that are more difficult to leave. I had to leave my DS2 at 5 months with a nanny because my husband had an interview abroad for which wives/partners were invited along and we felt it was important that I went. This was hardly a holiday of a lifetime, and I missed my two boys alot - but then I was alone for much of the time while my husband was in interviews. The two boys were fine when we got back - DS1 was almost two at the time. It sounds like you both could do with a break so that you both return refreshed, which would benefit your baby more than if you gave up this opportunity and trudged along as normal.

fairyjay · 27/03/2006 17:14

So long as you can get the bf sorted, go! I know that I'd struggle to leave my 12 and 14 yr. olds now, more than I would a small baby, simply because they would enjoy the things we were doing (on the whole!). But when they're babies, so long as they're loved and looked after, they'll be fine. It's not as if it's for a month.

PeachyClair · 27/03/2006 17:39

I left ds1 at 12 weeks to go away (honeymoon) hated the idea but did enjoy it somewhat: it was done for the sake of dh as much as anything, he needed the break after the nightmare of looking after me with all my problems for 9 months. Going strengthened my marriage which I think is a useful use of a week that also benefits ds.

But goodness did I miss him!

BF wasn't an issue as ds had stopped by then.

gibberish · 27/03/2006 17:46

I left dd1 and dd2 (dd2 was about a month old, shock horror) with my parents to go to S.A. with dh.

It was fab - a much, much needed break. Girls were absolutely fine when we got back - Mum coped fine and we were completely refreshed.

Obviously I am in the minority here, but for us it was the right thing to do. No regrets.

gemmamay · 27/03/2006 17:56

I don't think i could have gone at 4 months but friends did go away but they weren't bf so didn't have to worry too much about leaky boobs when away etc etc(maybe not such a good look away)

its up to you but planning before the little one arrive is a bit risky

wheretogo · 27/03/2006 18:00

I wouldn't.
Why don't you try going away for 2 nights and see how you feel - at that age it really hurt inside me if i left DS for a day

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 18:55

"but the baby is so little, it's hardly going to know you are gone!"
I am going to ask once more - does anyone seriously believe that a four month old baby would not notice that both its parents were gone for a week?
I am astonished. I have a four month old and for sure she notices when i am gone for a couple of hours.

katierocket · 27/03/2006 18:58

yes I imagine that leaving a 4 month old for a week will definitely result in said child becoming a delinquent. Jeez, it's one week, in a lifetime, yes sesame, you should go, especially after all you've been through.

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 19:02

I am not talking about him/her becoming a delinquent katierocket, no need to descend into hyperbole.
I am talking about the baby's feelings and the potential distress at being separated from its parents for a week.

katierocket · 27/03/2006 19:05

well that's your opinion, as long as the child is looked after I can't see it being "distressed", sorry but I really can't.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 27/03/2006 19:08

haven't read the thread - but can imagine some of the responses - and I have just one thing to say

GO!

hunkermunker · 27/03/2006 19:12

Of course the baby would notice.

HC, perhaps you and I are just more memorable parents than some on this thread? Grin Wink

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 19:13

well it is my opinion, that's true.
it is also basic child development and straightforward observation of babies.
I used to work in a dog kennels a long time ago. The dogs were really well cared for and looked after - even loved - but they were, certainly, distressed at being separated from their families for long periods.
if a dog gets distressed, then I would have thought it was axiomatic that a baby would be. Babies have feelings.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 27/03/2006 19:13

you mean they'd notice like when you take a child to nursery - it screams for the first 5 minutes and spends the next 7hrs playing happily - only remembering that mummy isn't there when it comes to picking up time and they burst into tears again.........

Sorry but I honestly don't think they're going to miss you that much!

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 19:14

maybe hunker Smile
perhaps dh is lying to me and dd2 doesn't really get upset when I am not here
maybe she just cracks open some beers and get on msn to all her mates. Shock

Trifle · 27/03/2006 19:15

Where people havent actually left a baby to go away it is difficult to consider their opinion as they dont have the experience of someone who has done it and their reflections upon whether it was a good idea or not. I left ds1 when he was 4 months old to go away. He thrived, I thrived and a wonderful time was had by all. I did it again when he was 9 months old. Again, everyone thrived, no long term ill effects, he obviously remembers nothing and was well cared for by my parents. In hindsight would I do it all again. Abso-bloody-lutely. Of course you would.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 27/03/2006 19:15

HC - I'm presuming that these dogs have never stayed win the kennels before and are with total strangers - I should imagine Sesame's mother will see the baby a fair amount before looking after them for the week. It's a HUGE difference leaving a baby with a total stranger for a week, and leaving them with someone they'll probably be comfortable with - granny!