Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

[sesame]

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't either

no, but then who are we to say, its up to you at the end of the day, if you can live with the guilt

I wouldn't go but only really because of the bf'ing hassle rather than the thought of leaving baby. I might also balk at the thought of being so far away and therefore not able to come home quickly if required.

Hattie - yes, I carried on bf when I came back home. I kept it up for 3 or 4 weeks. Basically it was very unsettling for the baby to keep switching from bf for half the week to ebm for the other half - I mean, she did it but was not happy IYKWIM. That plus the 3 hours expressing made me stop (plus I had reached the 6 months that I had initially planned).
I didn't find it sustainable as a long-term way of doing things, but I would not have a moment's hesitation in going away for up to a week as a one-off if bf was the only issue. Yes expressing is a hassle, you would need to plan ahead etc, but not an insuperable barrier - depends on how much you want that holiday!

7up - why would she feel guilt precisely?

belgianbun - are you a first time mum by any chance?

I personally wouldn't go. Aside from the fact that I simply couldn't do anything without my baby very near to me, the breastfeeding issue would make it impossible. I had to express & bottle feed for 5 weeks after ds was born and it took a lot of work. In order to have enough milk just to avoid formula I had to express every time he fed. Do that every 2/3 hours day & night and you soon become totoally exhausted believe me! In order to go away for a week you would need to do a lot of expressing in order to build up a supply in the freezer - as well as feed & look after your baby. Are you prepared for that extra work & expense (how many bottles would you need to buy & would your freezer hold all of them?) Plus if the excursions are not child friendly - how are you going to be able to pump regularly to maintain your supply? What kind of pump would you use or would you hand express? Pumping is never as good at that as a baby is so you may have to pump more than you think. Ideally to maintain a supply you would need to pump everytime your baby would have fed, but you may be able to get away with doing so less often. You really won't know until then. What if your baby rejects the boob after you return? Would you feel happy about the decision to go if that were the case? It may be that you can't express at all - some women can't get very much milk out at all - would you be prepared to leave formula if that was the case? What happens if there is a power cut & the freezer full of breastmilk defrosts while you were away? There are so many issues associated with this that you need to carefully think this through - maybe talk with a bfc about the physical issues of buidling up a whole weeks worth of milk & maintaining your supply.

I would really wait until you have had the baby before you make any decision though - some things just cannot be planned for & it is very hard to get accross just how different your life will be with a baby - your priorities change so much. Yes it may be the holiday of a lifetime - but you are not at the end of your life! My parents had their holiday of a lifetime when my dad retired at 60! Well after we had flown the nest. A 4 month old baby is so interesting to watch & even a week can make a big difference - as a new parent you will cherish every little thing he or she does that is new - silly things like smiling, holding onto something, grabbing its foot...etc etc. These are things that can never be repeated - a holiday can be saved up for - time can't.

Sesame, obviously it will depend on how you feel at the time but I cant see the problem. I'm fairly certain i wouldve done it when my ds was 4 months old, infact i definitely would've, you will probably be ready for a break by then!! .

You might end up missing your baby like crazy, but the baby will be fine, and as bijouxdeux said, your mother will LOVE it!

I personally wouldn't go either. Partly because of breastfeeding and partly because I just wouldn't enjoy a holiday without my children. However, I think your baby will be fine and if you want to go then go for it! Enjoy!

Not read all of it, and it is difficult to say how you would feel, if you've not had your baby yet, but I owuld have been OK going. In fact, I left ds for 9 days when he was 6 months - and he was exclusvely breast fed, and I went back back to b/f when I get back (built up a supply in the freezer before I went, and pumped while I was away and filled the chalet freezer - brought it all back in a cool bag.)

Left ds with my SIL and my parents (SIL for first half, my parents for second half).

I was a wee bit tearful as I left ds with my parents at the airport as I left (they were dropping him off at SIL), and I did miss him - but I also still had a great time. (Dh had gone out a week ahead of me and I was joining him).

I was also used to being apart from ds - I had gone back to work full time when he was 4 months old, he was very happy at the childminder and all those routines were kept going. I had also, on the advice of my best friend, gone out for a meal with dh when ds was only 2 weeks old, to get used to the idea of him being OK with a baby sitter (my parents on that occasion).

You won't know how you will feel before the baby is here so can you put off making the decision until then?

Breastfeeding may complicate the issue but you may end up bottlefeeding so that may not end up being an issue at all.

For me though I'd have been off like a shot at 4 months and I was breast feeding (still am). I'd have killed someone just to get the break. I absoloutely agree that now ds is 16 months he'd miss me MUCH more than he would have at 4 months and to be honest I'd miss him more now too.

As you can see everyone feels differently and the issue around bfeeding differ depending on the baby and situation . I know a bottle fed baby who was exclusively bottle fed for 6 weeks from birth who learnt to latch on at 6 weeks and exclusively breastfed after that, but some babies could never have done this so you can't predict how breastfeeding will be affected by a seperation like that.

Sorry not to be more help but it's the beginning of parenthood I'm afraid - difficult decisions to make and live with.

Ah yes I wasn't breast feeding so didn't have that issue

Never. What's the problem with taking a small baby with you? If you're bfeeding all you need is a sling and cot.

ha ha ha caterpillar, if only that were true for everyone. Obviously it's not what you need to bring but how you feel about it.

This may be true for you but definitely was not for me so to make it sound like it will be true for Sesame is a bit misleading. She may find bringing a baby along OK and no problem or she may desperately need a break from him/her - either way is fine.

In any case I think the company has said no babies/children so she doesn't have that choice.

I couldn't do it (still get up several times in the night to look in on my little nearly 3 year old ) but:

i think mum's well being is crucial to well being of baby. Sounds like you have had a really tough time recently with miscarriages and deaths in the family. You will be the best judge of whether you are at the end of your tether or not but if you are, you should go. I personally think if you are going to go, better to go when the child is this age then when they are a bit older and more aware of you not being there, particularly since you have a close family member to look after them. You need to look after yourself as well as the baby. Also, think relationship with dp is hard to keep going when baby is born so this time together will be v valuable.

I think it is discriminatory to offer you a trip on which you cannot take a breast-feeding infant.

I am unnatural and inferior, too (like MI) and went back to work p/t at 3 months, and f/t at 4 months, but would not have gone away for a week.

DS was breast fed...and by 4 months expressing even enough to leave during shortish nursery day was really difficult and a tremendous strain. Although I tried early, DS refused to drink from a bottle, anyway. Before the birth I had been planning to ditch breastfeeding quite soon - thought I would feel pegged down by it, and resent it. In the end, I carried on morning and night for over 19 months, and would have hated it if something had interevend and put a stop to it. I also think it is unreaslitic to switch to a bottle for a week, and then back. You may be able to keep the supply up, but they forget how to bf, and lose interest because it is harder work.

I love the idea of going off for a week - but in practice, wouldn't have done it.

Sorry only scanned thread, but would just like to say YES, I would do it. If your mother has been involved with the child so far (ie: she knows how you like things done, knows the baby etc) I think the break would leave you re-charged and re-energised.

I'd leave my 5 month old with her dad for a week away, would probably think hard about a childminder (although am leaving DD with childminder over this weekend to go to a wedding), and unfortunatly our parents are not an option.

My parents used to do this with me and my sister and we have a great bond with our grandparents, and didin't suffer from not seeing them for a week.

Blu it is a work trip! You can't have people bringing their kids willy nilly on work trips!

BTW - I just used an Avent hand pump. The other advantage of having done all the extra expressing in advance (and yes, it take a lot of effort and commitment), to build up the freezer supplies, was that even if my supply had diminished slightly during the week of pure expressing, then I was already "over" supplying.

Have some great photos of me expressing on a ski slope - so it is possible to express in all sorts of different places.

BUT ds was already used to a mix of EBM and boob - had been from an early age, as we had had some problems with his weight gain and I had supplemented with EBM, plus I'd gone back to work f/t at 4 months, so he was getting bottles of EBM during the day at the child minder. So I didn't have a concern about him rejecting the breast when I got back.

Do you need to commit to this holiday now? Could you say yes and then change your mind later if you really felt you couldn't cope with being away from your baby for that long?

Sorry but another 'no' here. I still haven't left ds2 (1yr) overnight with anybody not even relatives (though prob would with my mum if had to), but the thought of leaving him for a week whilst in a diff continent just makes me shudder. I agree with others that have posted that no matter what age, a baby will notice that you aren't there. If you are OK with that then no problem, go and enjoy.
I really think you will feel completely different when your baby arrives and would find it extremely difficult. As for expressing - it becomes a full-time occupation to try to get enough milk expressed for just an evening out, I just can't imagine how you'll be able to build up a weeks supply, but others may be able to advise about that and the practicalities of being able to re-establish supply once home.

My dh wants to go away for a weekend in Barcelona at the end of the year and although I would love it, and we desperately need some time to ourselves, I know that once the day arrives I will absolutely HATE leaving ds1 (3) and ds2(1).

Good luck with your decision!

O yes GO GO GO!

I agree with some that you might not know what you will feel once the baby is born. But plan to go & if you really cann't then "change" your mind.

A friend of mine lives in NY & she had to go back to work early & it involved a lot of travel.
She expressed everywhere & UPS delivered her breastmilk overnight to her dd. :)
Maybe more in need of the sleep than fun :o

Yes it will take some commitment - but you have your baby for the rest of your life. Such a holiday as you say only comes along once (or if your really lucky twice!)

Hopefully expressing works for you.

do go & have FUN - you will need it then!!! :o