Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

[sesame]

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

Sesame,it may be wort considering taking the baby along,esp. if you're breastfeeding. They are surprisingly portable at this stage.
We moved to the wilds of Turkey when ds was 10 weeks old,and I a really am talking remote!
In fact,we took more long excursions (Mt Ararat,tiny villages a long way away by the Iranian border,w/end in Istanbul) then than we do now that he is 20 mths.

I'm pretty laid back,but no.I don't like leaving my childre longer than a night or so.

It's a fascinating discussion btw.

I'm still fascinated by what this discussion has thrown up regarding babies being capable of missing mum/dad, I took this as given pretty much from the word go..so interesting to find out that other people see it as

do fish feel pain?

I ran (!) a week-long excursion abroad with a group of students and took my 5mo, fully bf ds with me. It was bl**dy exhausting for me, but worked out fine. He spent lots of time in the baby björn and on some meetings/events a couple of hours with dh, who came too - and seemed to enjoy himself. Tbh I feel the company is not being particularly accommodating flatly stipulating 'no children' and 'all excursions compulsory' when it's a jolly.
But in answer to the original question - no way. Not sure when I'll feel ready to leave ds (now 10mo) even for a night.

Sesame, I wondered about things like this when I was pg. My mum & DH parents are dead so would have had to rely on sisters etc. I went over all of em in my mind and used to wonder which ones wouldn't mind looking after DS for a weekend so DH & I could get some space.

Then I gave birth. DS spent 1 night when 9months old at my sisters. I haven't done it again as if I am having a good time I want him to be with us. It was lovely but he is 2.5 now and I wouldn't want to go on holiday without him. My guess is that you will make you decision when you have had your baby and I bet you that you don't go without him/her.

If you do though, make sure it's with a guilt free mind. If my mum was alive I probably would have left DS with her.

Actually,the idea of a holiday which stipulated that all expeditions were compulsory,would have me runnig screaming in the opposite direction...

Moondog,

Bet you there will be group hugs and all sorts of "team" building stuff.

God how I hate those boot camps.

DS went everywhere with us when he was 4 months. Work AGM, promenade site-specific shows, travelling, art exhibitions, long rural walks, everything. If they are bf they are totally poratble (with sling) and maintenance-free! (give or take the off nappy-change).

Sherlock...high fives and maybe even golf?????

Aaarghh!!

Agree with those who have said babies are very portable at 4 mo.
We took ours on long walks in the Lake District, dinner in restaurants (young enough to sleep through the noise), great aunt's funeral, boat with grandparents.... absolutely everywhere in fact except the cinema. 'Child friendly' isn't really the point when they are that young.

Ooh,I did the cinema plenty then!

It woudl be easier to take a 4 month old on excursions etc, than an older baby. Can you not discuss again and find out if it is really the company saying that the baby can't come along or just them thinking it will be inconvenient.
Find out more about what is going on. The MNetters will be able to give oyu a good ideas as to whether or not you could take your baby along.

Personally I wouldn't have been able to leave my ds at 4 months or anytime before or since.

Why the hell do people think that having a baby stops you from being able to do things!

Did you go to special mother-and-child sessions or just normal showings, Moondog? We always meant to go to 'The Big Scream' at our local cinema but there was never anything on we wanted to see.

I find it very interisteing that people assemu ababy's clinginess depends on the attitude of the mother...I ahve a friend with a dd very close in age with mine and we've known each other since they were very little and have been comparing them (just for the sake of it ever since).

We both live abroad with no family nearby, both stayed at home for the first 2 years of their life, and have very similar parenting styles...yet mine has always been happy to go with anyone, and I repeat ANYONE, until she was about one. Hers would not even be soothed by her father from the moment she was born.

I'm saying this because I find it very offensive to say that babies who are not clingy its their mums 'bugger off at the drop of a hat' just as it is to assume that clingy babies have clingy mums.

And I cant understand why a 4month baby wouldnt be able to express distress??? They do it all teh time when they cry, doh?

sorry about the spelling!!!

Reading your last post sesame, it's now not the leaving of teh baby that would be the deciding factor it's teh going on holiday with your husband's work colleagues and having to go on compulsory excursions which would make it a big NO for me.

I'd just let dh go on his own. He must work somewhere posh for partners to be included ona work trip to Africa btw!!

When you have the little bundle in your arms you will know if you should go or not. Like has been said before its totally different when the beby has arrived. if when the time comes you would like to still go and you are happy with that then go for it because you will know with your own judgement what is fine for your baby.
I would not personaly be able to go, already i am breaking out in a sweat just thinking about going to see robbie in concert in sept, my baby will be about 4 months then. And i am only going for the duriation of the time of the concert! db will be with dh and know will be fine lol but i know by going with my first child it is still hard to leve them

I think it could be a wonderful experience for your mom and your baby to be with each other whilst you're away and can't see any possible problems.

I would have more of a problem with describing anything involving compulsory excersions as a holiday. Its not my definition of a holiday.

I also think it could be great - you'll get a break, and your mum will love looking after the baby - but you don't know how you'll feel until the baby is born, and probably not until a bit later than that too.

I don't think it would be impossible to leave enough expressed breast milk for a week, and then express while you are away (obviously you won't be able to save it though!). A friend of mine exclusively breast fed her baby for 3 months totally on expressed breast milk as she had lots of problems breast feeding.
Also agree with leogaela above - it would be quite easy to take a breast feeding 4 month old on excursions (could also use the baby as an excuse not to go on them all...! Compulsory excursions sounds a bit weird).
I know it's not the same, but we went to the US on holiday for a week when my DS was 11 months, and had the best time. Although I did cry when we got home and picked him up...
Finally, ignore all those people who try and make you feel guilty, whatever you decide. We are all different, and cope in different ways - leaving your child with someone else who loves him/her for a week does NOT mean you don't love him/her. Likewise, not wanting to leave a 4 month old baby does NOT make you a 'clingy' mum. You'll just have to wait and see how you feel nearer the time.

I think you should go. I left DS for 2 weeks when he was 13 mths old because my husband insisted on it. DS was fine and totally spoilt by my parents. I had PND and DH knew that but I never realised myself. The break geve me my sanity back. I left a sleepless wreck and came back normal. I started to miss him after a week and was desperate to see him again by day 12. So a week is right from my experience.

And I think that if you don't do it when they're young, it's too late. DS is 2 now and I could never leave him like that now

I firmly belive that you always regret the things you don't do, not the things you do.

Kathy,we used to go to all sorts of things!
I always promised to leave if she kicked off,but she never did,or if she did,the boob get her happy!
Wish I'd realised back then how (relatively) free I was with one tiny baby.
Things are much more complicated now with a 5 year old and nearly 2 year old.

Has anyone left a breastfed baby of 4 months for a week, and then found that the baby continued bf when they got home again? Yes, you m,ight be able to express and leave a supply, but It is a completely different tecnique that babies use to suck from breast or teat

When DS had a 3 day break from bf it was as if he had no memory or idea what it was all about, and showed no interest at all. But he was older.

When he was 4 months, he wouldn't / couldn't drink from a bottle AT ALL. He just didn't realise it would assuage his hunger, so wouldn't suck. OR he was rejecting being at nursery and holding out to be fed by me. Quite possibly because he was upset at being separated. i don't know. But he drank one bottle a couple of weeks before we took him, and then refused, despite a range of encouragements and ideas.

My sil left her 4 month old for a week while she went to venice with her dh. Her daughter was fine as far as anyone could tell (bottle fed) but SIL had a terrible time and her MIL who was looking after the baby was absolutely shattered. Her baby didn't recognise her when she got back and cried for granny .

I wouldn't do it myself.

sesame, i had two miscarriages before DD was born and i don't think i'd put her down by four months! i definitely wouldn't have left her.

interesting no-one has suggested sesame's DH might not want to go when the time comes. or indeed that supporting his wife and child might be more important than a work jolly...

Good point vontrapp, wonder how many men would angst about this?