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Original poster

Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

359 replies

sesame · 24/03/2006 16:14

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:01

Not wanting to pick a fight you understand (really not feeling robust enough) - just discussing....don't take umbrage if I have expressed myself clumsily

katetom · 27/03/2006 23:32

ha haa haa, handlemecarfully, that is hilariuos. I know that feeling - the truck one!! brilliant.

I work fulltime and my husband is the stay home one, although from Monday we are swapping and i just hope i can handle it.. really looking forward to it though

I think this thread is so interesting, my friends and i that have babys around the same age, are all quite casual with leaving babys at eachothers houses for weekends, or with grandparents for weeks or whatever. It gets harder to do as they get older, mine at four months definitely didnt seem to notice at all.

It must depend on the child I guess, i'm sure some children are anxious and more clingy than others, but i think its important for parents to RELAAAAAAX a bit, it will be reflected in your childrens personalitys as they grow. and its always important to look after yourselves, i think its so very important, i used to hate it when my mother was angry/upset/frazzled. Relax!!!!!

hunkermunker · 27/03/2006 23:48

Children are often anxious and clingy if their mothers bugger off at the drop of a hat, IME.

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harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 23:49

hunker
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the idea that a 4 month old might be "clingy"...

hunkermunker · 27/03/2006 23:52

Just manipulative, that's all, HC...

Actually, on that subject, I am going to start a thread.

nooka · 28/03/2006 00:06

My parents had my ds for a week when he was one, for a planned holiday in the States with my dh and my parents still talk about it now almost six years later. I think that it was very important in their bonding with him, and didn't appear to have any ill effects on him, either at the time, or later. But he wasn't a clingy baby, and he had been with a nanny since he was six months, so not exclusively bonded to me (thank goodness!). DD on the other hand I would have loved to have left, but would probably have been difficult as she was very clingy (in fact the opportunity didn't arise). Now I try and make sure that they both spend a week or so with my parents each year, it's a special time all round for all of us. I would guess that sesame's mum is going to be very involved with her new baby for her to make such a generous offer, and that the baby will therefore know her well. Given that she has a friend as stand in why not say yes now, and then see how the first month or so goes, how breastfeeding and expressing works out etc. I couldn't express at all, but some people are great at it. If having a holiday is important, and the leaky breasts and work excursions don't put her off, then why not?

Dragoness · 28/03/2006 01:58

No, I definitely couldn't. Am about to spend a night away from dd for the first time in a few weeks. Feel anxious about this but doing it because it'll be our wedding anniversary; dd is 13 months; my mil is coming to stay at ours to spend the night with dd; and we will only be a few hours' drive away. The thought of having left her for a week when she was four months and I was breastfeeding and i was going ABROAD is inconceivable. I just keep thinking of that story in the news about a women who went on a business trip to New York and left her young bf baby with her dh; the baby refused to drink from the bottle completely so the mother had to fly back to feed her starving child.

In all fairness sesame, I really don't think this is something you can even think about now. Apart from anything, your child may be the type that screams non-stop and your mother may retract her offer . Seriously though, as someone said, until the baby is born it's an abstract concept. And I do think that leaving a one-year old for a week like Nooka is different; at that age they can play and move around and understand a bit, so it would be more fun for the child and grandparent.

Dragoness · 28/03/2006 02:13

Have to say though, I couldn't leave my 13mth old for a week either. I am however really looking forward to having a night away.

katetom · 28/03/2006 02:32

I woudlnt bugger off at the drop of a hat, but an all expenses paid week in NY, now thats a different story!

carla · 28/03/2006 03:04

God, have just skimmed this thread. I couldn't spend a night away from dds, and they're 6 and 7.

But do what you feel is best

happybebe · 28/03/2006 07:49

lol this post is still ticking over!

i think it depends on what style of mum you are, there are those mums lead by their child and those that lead and the child fits in! i am definately the second type of mum, and dont believe in giving up my life for my child, when they can just fit in alongside whatever it is i need to be doing, lets face it as long as a child is fed watered and loved, thats the important part and if its someone else doing that for a week, it wont kill your child, but maybe she/he wont want you when you get back!!!

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 28/03/2006 07:51

And I do think that leaving a one-year old for a week like Nooka is different; at that age they can play and move around and understand a bit,

ermmm yes - and it's also the age when they generally start to bawl if mummy so much as walks to the other side of the room............

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 28/03/2006 07:55

wessex - who did the baby spend that 4 days with? A total stranger or a relative that they may well have seen on a very frequent basis since birth??

Original poster

sesame · 28/03/2006 08:27

wow, you lot can chat.

Didn't realise my quick question would get suh a response, but i am very very grateful, thank you all.

I do not have to make a definite decision until much nearer the time, at the moment i have accepted the place, so that DH can go, and he is making sure he has a back up ready, in case i can't go.
At the moment I am more concerned about the care and attention I will be giving my baby, and to be honest although it is a holiday of a lifetime, at the end of the day it is just a holiday. I don't think i'll be able to do it, but we'll see.

For those of you that wondered if DH's company were discriminating against BF mothers, they aren't at all. But it really won't be the sort of holiday to take a child on let alone a 4 month old, BF or not. There won't be any work meetings for DH it is purely fun and games, but with directors of the company. Tours and excursions already planned and as far as we know compulsary. I wouldn't want to take a baby on those.

I will be deciding nearer the time. but thank you all for your views.

OP posts:

lockets · 28/03/2006 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueshoes · 28/03/2006 09:28

katetom,I have to add to lockets. I take umbrage at the implication that it is uptight parents that cause "clingy" babies. Until you have had a baby with a personality like that, you can't be expected to understand. Clingy is not a bad thing - there are experts who would call such a baby a securely attached one, one who knows his/her caregiver enough to protest their absence. Fine to have a baby that does not notice, but if he/she does, then it is not wrong for the parent to adapt (yes, not relax), esp when they are so little.

CountessDracula · 28/03/2006 09:34

I am very interested in those who don't feel they can spend a night away from their kids. Why is that? Don't you ever need a break?

hunkermunker · 28/03/2006 09:35

Why can't people understand that it's not about being uptight or having clingy children - some people just don't want to be away from their children for a week.

I left DS1 with my mum and dad for two nights when he was 17mo - I'd won a prize to stay in London and was 5m pg at the time - was lovely, but wouldn't have left him any longer.

Perhaps those of you who'd leave them so easily have horrible babies or something. Mine are lovely

poppadum · 28/03/2006 09:47

Yes, that's it, Hunker. Mine are horrible smelly beasts.:) and clingy to boot.

CountessDracula · 28/03/2006 09:50

Did I say I thought it was about being uptight? That sounds v uptight tbh

I just wondered if you never want a bit of time to yourself and your dh/p

FrannyandZooey · 28/03/2006 10:02

If people do want long periods of time away from their children, each to their own, but I don't think it's right to suggest those of us who don't are odd / clingy / uptight. We are a family and we generally like to be together. Do you go on holiday with the children away from your husband, so you can have time alone with the children?

WideWebWitch · 28/03/2006 10:11

But also, why can't people also accept that SOME babies (and SOME mothers) are perfectly happy being left with other people from quite a young age? They just are. Leaving a baby with someone who he/she knows isn't always going to cause them distress imo. My son spent a lot of time with and was very close to MIL as a baby and still is. She and her family take the view that everyone pitches in and helps with looking after babies and small children and as a result she and her sisters have extremely close relationships with their grandchildren. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have grandparents like this but god, it's lovely when you do and I really don't think my son was remotely distressed by being left with a loving grandmother when he was a small baby. I'm not for one minute suggesting that leaving a baby or child with a complete stranger is appropriate but grandparents wouldn't usually be strangers one hopes.

Btw, I dislike the way using a nursery is described as 'dumping' a child. Er, no, I don't 'dump' my child, I take her to nursery. This is pejorative language being used to castigate mothers (usually) who use childcare and to suggest that there's no care or love involved.

Blu · 28/03/2006 10:12

Aha - sorry, Sesame, I had assumed it was YOUR work who were offereing the hol - that's why I thought it was discriminatory - to offer something that not all employees could have equal chance to take up.

Blu · 28/03/2006 10:13

www - I agree with you re 'dumping'. And don't forget: Mothers who 'dump' their children generally dump them with 'strangers'.

batters · 28/03/2006 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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