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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

What would you do if playdate, 4.5, called your DP a 'F****g Idiot'?

83 replies

Blu · 26/02/2006 15:32

a) Say something at the time to the child
b) say something to the parent
c) vow to keep a distance in future?
d) vow to curb your own language while driving before your own child returns the 'compliment'?

Tick all that apply!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Twiglett · 26/02/2006 15:33

a) b) d)

and wonder whether dp was one tbh

sobernow · 26/02/2006 15:33

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotQuiteCockney · 26/02/2006 15:33

Probably a, b and d. Possibly c, depending on how the child responded to a.

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LadySherlockofLGJ · 26/02/2006 15:34

snafu · 26/02/2006 15:34

a) and b)

What prompted it, just out of interest?

WideWebWitch · 26/02/2006 15:35

a, b and d.

hunkermunker · 26/02/2006 15:36

a and b, possibly c depending on whether said child is usually a rancid little weasel.

WideWebWitch · 26/02/2006 15:37

tbh a 4.5 yo saying this stuff has got to have heard it quite a bit somewhere, he didn't make it up. I don't think swearing is that big a deal, my ds knows now there's no point calling me a fking idiot because it doesn't upset me. It works on his father though.

NotQuiteCockney · 26/02/2006 15:38

Obviously he heard it somewhere, but it really isn't a nice way to talk to someone. I don't talk this way to my DH, kids, or anyone TBH. Including drivers who can't hear me.

batters · 26/02/2006 15:39

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blandmum · 26/02/2006 15:42

a b and d for sure, possibly c depending on the outcome of a and b

tamum · 26/02/2006 15:43

a and b, and maybe c depending on how it was said. As others have pointed out, he must have heard it somewhere, but it's not just the swearing but the total lack of respect that would bother me. I know I sound like an old fuddy duddy though

tuppenceworth · 26/02/2006 15:47

You're not an old fuddy duddy! It IS downright rude and disrespectful!

oxocube · 26/02/2006 15:48

I don't think 4 year olds realise the severity of this tbh. Don't think my 4 yr old knows the f word but even if he used it, it wouldn't have the same 'menace' as if my 10 yr old (who knows his life wouldn't be worth living if he swore at me like that!) did iyswim. In your situation, would do a, b and d.

Blandmum · 26/02/2006 15:51

I disagree. I think that 4 year olds tend to know when they are being naughty. Unless the chihld came from a home where this word is used casualy, I think a child of 4 would have a fair to middling idea that it was rude.

Enid · 26/02/2006 15:52

all of them

tamum · 26/02/2006 15:52

I think 4 year olds would know it was rude to call an adult an idiot even if they heard swearing all the time.

Thanks tuppenceworth

Original poster

Blu · 26/02/2006 15:53

LOL - yes, should have added Twiglett's option!

In all fairness, he had cast DP in role as a baddy in a game they were playing. We DID say 'let's not call names, and that isn't a good word' etc, and I have done 'd' (my language while driving can be pretty bad ) chickened out of b but might do so if the right moment crops up, and c is difficult!

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 26/02/2006 15:55

I would scold that child for using such language in the house and say that if I heard him use those words again he would not be welcome to play with my children. I would also mention it to the parents, probably saying something like:
"I don't know where your ds picked this up but he told me to f**k off the other day! He's obviously heard it from other kids, and I did tell him off for it, but thought you probably needed to know too."

He could have heard it anywhere and might not know what it means, but he obviously knew he was being cheeky and rude, and any playmates of my kids have to have respect for me and my house rules or they don't play!

oxocube · 26/02/2006 15:58

tatum, agree re calling an adult an idiot. THAT is totally unacceptable. That's interesting, martianbishop. My ds's really bad words at the moment are poo bum and wee wee ie 'you're wee wee'. If he heard bad swearing (which occassionally could be at home - I'm not going to lie!), I'm not sure he would make the distinction btwn HIS bad words and real swearing. But do agree that shouting at another parent on a playdate is pretty awful and would be very ashamed if this were any of my children.

lizardqueen · 26/02/2006 15:58

Definitely (a) - I just wouldn't be able to resist.

(b) would depend on the parent - if they were a bit scary, I might be too chicken.

(d) yes, I must stop saying "bloody" as DS2 says it all the time now too

mousiemousie · 26/02/2006 16:03

Best to respond "you're not so clever yourself, durr brain"

no seriously this is clearly language he has copied. Definitely requiring immediate and firm correction but otherwise no big deal. So just (a) since presumably you already try not to swear yourself

NomDePlume · 26/02/2006 16:03

Yikes. DS1's mate told him he was a f*cking liar yesterday, I overheard it and told him (14) that I didn't want to hear language like that in my house again. He apologised.

He also came over today and took me to one side and reiterated his apology, I thanked him and told him that regardless of what the rules are in his own house re swearing (I suspect he isn't allowed to say things like that at home, his family are not the sort, I know them reasonably well), it is unacceptable here.

I think if he was 10 years younger I would do all of your options !

fastasleep · 26/02/2006 16:04

You'd seriously avoid a four year old child for calling your dp a fking idiot?! I'd do a and b. Not c, unless he did it lots, and refused to apologise and acted like a right little so'n'so on more than five playdates!

fastasleep · 26/02/2006 16:05

You're talking about avoiding someone for saying the F word. You're all weird!

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