OK, so I've finally made the decision, handed in my notice and I'm going to be a SAHM for a couple of years - eek! Tell me the best and the worst I have to look forward to.

[IHeartKingThistle]

I teach secondary at the moment. DCs 5 and 2. Finances should be OK but I might do a bit of tutoring. I'm feeling good about it.

But what is it actually going to be like? Can you tell me best things and worst things please? I feel like I need to prepare myself!

TIA

Thank you for your judgements Of course he takes them sometimes, but you can't sleep while children scream! Also not fair on Dh who is also tired, so often easier to just go down and join in. Just my experience - as I said earlier, other children are different - a friend with 3 boys would kill for a bit of clingy sometimes!

For me the decision to be a SAHM was pretty much made for me. I was writing up my PhD when i had DD. I fully intended to go back to work, but i had no "job" to go to. I did have a couple of job offers though. I remember visiting a local nursery only to sob over the brochures. Anyway, i managed to write and defend my thesis (DD was ten monhts when i finished). But during tht time my father passed away and i had been very ill (gallstones). Doing my PhD was the only bit of glue that was holding me together and i had a breakdown pretty much as soon as it was finished. So, theres my reason really, it wasn't a concious decision, i coudlnt have worked if i wanted too.

Pros - i had a wonderful time with DD, we went to loads of playgroups and i was there for all the milestones. The days on the beach were just fantastic. We could just do stuff according to the weather, so if it were a sunny day we would take advantage and enjoy it. I am much closer to DD2 than DD1 who i had much much earlier and worked pretty much from the start. My DD is a happy, confident little girl and settled into school really well. I didn't have to worry about childcare, i didnt have to pay for childcare, i didnt have to worry about if my DD was being cared for properly (im sure all WOHMs have this worry at some point), didnt have to worry that she wouldn't be comforted if she was upset at nursery because there were other children to be attended to. I made friends with other mums withchildren the same age and it helped DD to form friendships.

Cons - Debt, we're still picking up the pieces of a struggling business and lots of debts incurred during my PND because DP had to not work for period of time to look after me. Just not having two incomes is a nightmare. Too much time to think - and go mad! Having to make small talk with yummy mummies at play groups (yeah i know i had this as a pro but also a con to be honest), People juding me as not that bright because i don't work, actually being judged by other women based on what my DP does for a living (you'd not think that but this was absolutely true - ive had people say to me "what do you do" SAHAM "oh, what does your DP do" carpenter "oh, really" mumble mumble, move on to someone more interesting). My career is pretty much shafted on account of being out of a specialised field for too long, but im overqualified for those jobs that just bring in the cash, so despite job seeking for two years - nothing.

Would i do it again? Absolutely, although i think i might have worked part-time in hindsight. It doesn't help that the economy is so crap now but i just cannot get a job and i wonder if i will ever work again. I dont necessarily think that childcare is easier once they start school though - you hve to cover holidays, unless you are a teacher, even then you dont get full holidays and you still have to cover that time before and after school, which is all good if your school has an afterschool/breakfast club. the other day i had to go fetch DD from school because she was sick, if i was working DP would have had to do this (he is self employed) but would not have got there so quickly.

Is a very personal decision i think. In some ways im glad i did it, but i do regret my career going to seed.

school assemblies, dropping boys to school and picking them up, having that 5 minutes to say hello to the teacher, seeing the kids pictures on classroom walls and the pride the kids have in them, walking along and looking at clouds, trees, being your own boss

down side there is no weekend. every day is the same. as is holidays. sometimes adult company

That is one thing - school asssemblies i just cannot IMAGINE missing one of these! I was lucky with my DD1 that i worked opposite her school and my work were fine with me taking an hour out to attend. Now im looking for work and i really think this could be a deal breaker. Personally i find those assemblies like torture but my DD wants me there, end of story. Was recently at mothers day assembly and a little girl in DDs class (yr 2) was inconsolable because her mum wasn't there - my heart broke for her.

Its really sad how many people re typing 'being lonely'.
All those mums sitting there bored and lonely completely unable to pick up the phone to another mum just in case she says 'no, sorry I'm busy'.

Awful really. I hated being a SAHM so cant offer any good tips I'm afraid but if you love hanging out with your kids (as in you really like it rather than like it some of the time) then go for it.

I've been a SAHM in three locations and the experience varies as to what and who is around.

If you have friends you can pop round to or groups you look forward to going to or cheap/free child friendly locations it can be absolutely fanatic. If people in an area aren't easy to get to know even after a long time, or more mothers work, if groups are sparse or expensive and places to go and few and far between being a SAHM is so much harder IME.

Downside - most have been mentioned by others but having DH made unexpectedly redundant and having no income for a while the stress was extreme so make sure you have savings to cushion you.

Upside - loads but basically boil down to being there. This is very easy to take for granted especially after 6 years and often DC can seem unappreciative but actually is important to them and to me.

You may have an idea of when (and if) you want to return to work. But just bear in mind that it may take you a lot longer to find a job than you planned. A lot of my friends are struggling both with their confidence after being out of the workplace for 5 years and with trying to get employers to take them seriously. And some are having to sell their homes and downsize and move away as they were not expecting to be without a second income for so long / husbands have been made redundant / have had a drop in income etc.

So maybe stating the bleeding obvious, but it can be a really life changing decision to give up your job.

And don't become a SAHM just because you hate your current job and don't want to return to it. Rather go back to the hated job after maternity leave and look for a new one. It is far easier to get a new job whilst you are employed.

sherbetpips
"All those mums sitting there bored and lonely completely unable to pick up the phone to another mum just in case she says 'no, sorry I'm busy'."

I think that is only part of it.

I've made friends who I could make plans with, then we've had to move or they've moved and it hard to keep friendships going, or they've gone back to work and are busy and their family time more precious so really hard to meet up with then people you think of as friends but when they start work or child starts nursery or school or different school you never see again.

It often felt worse IME when friends are moving on - work or training and there you are wishing them well but also feeling I'm not moving on that I'm stuck doing the same old thing.

Then as I'm hardly ever DC free it is making friends for me and having our DC get on.

Then there I am by the phone again.

I was never lonely actually, i enjoyed my DDs company. So no, is not "awful really" Im sorry it didnt work out for you sherbert, but some people actually really love being SAHMs. For me, it was very much a mixture, the downside was the finace and career sacrifice but for me, it was worth it.

The best thing about being a SAHM is that my daughter isn't been raised by a stranger or a relative, I see all the "firsts" and I've taught her most things she knows.

The worst thing about it is that I've lost pretty much all of my grown up social activity apart from DP and my mum, and the friendships I have managed to keep take a lot more work to maintain as I don't just see them every day at work anymore. So I have to "put myself out there" more if I want to make plans with a friend, or make new friends.

Oh, and based on a night out recently, being a SAHM makes you very boring. Me and another SAHM there probably bored our other friends (who don't have kids) to tears chatting about our children all night.

being*

I honestly have found it to be the most satisfying thing I've done in my life. However, what it will be like totally depends on what ages your children are. I have a two year old and 9 month old so cannot understand what people are saying about 'the house being tidier' and sitting around with a cup of tea. My house has never been messier and I am constantly exhausted. This is my first moment on the internet for 2 weeks because they have miraculously napped at the same time. I am constantly on my feet in the house running round after them and every morning we go out to toddler groups etc... and afternoons is the park of soft play, we never stop. We have the best fun in the world and I just can't imagine not being there to watch them develop and build a close relationship. It's DEFINITELY not boring! You'll have a wonderful time as long as you make sure you get out of the house.

Your time is coming, con . Those are the really busy, full-on years. It gets easier.

If I'm being brutally honest I don't think I would have been very good at having two pre-schoolers full time with never a moment to myself. I think I would still have chosen to do it had the opportunity arisen at that time, but I know I would have found it a lot harder. I will have some time to myself when DS does his hours at preschool so I am hoping that will mean I can get housework and stuff clear without him being there, and maybe do some exam marking to bring in a few quid.

I think devilhasthebestmnnames has it spot on - it totally depends on who's around. I'm lucky in that I have a good network at the moment, but I am conscious that that could change.

Best - don't have to sit in pointless meetings getting loads of idiotic to do's thrown at you.

Worst - your partner may not appreciate that dealing with poo, tantrums, cleaning, feeding, washing, hurty knees, riot control, constant questions and demands to play trains etc etc. day in - day out is almost certainly as hard if not harder than what they do all day. If you don't negotiate it very carefully you may find that the all the housework and childcare becomes your sole responsibility all the time.

Yeah I explained to DP a few weeks after she was born that even though he's been out at work all day, I've been in at work all day and that now he's home, we're even and we share the responsibilities. To be fair, he's incredible and happily comes home and completely takes over if I've had a rough day. But I think it's easy for the one who works to think of the SAHP sitting around watching daytime TV all day while the child sleeps or plays quietly in the corner which we all know is never the reality.

It's lovely to read such positive posts about SAHM's as sometimes we can be overlooked or thought of as contributing little to society when, in fact, I think we are doing the most important job of raising our children ourselves.

I went back to work when DS (now 4) was 9 months - 3 days a week and enjoyed the social side, but hated the work and effectively cramming a FT post into 3 days so I gave up when he was 15 months and I haven't regretted it. I then fell PG with DD(2) the following month and it was a good thing I wasn't working as I had a very difficult pregnancy and DD was born with some birth defects so spent a lot of time in hospital, having operations and lots of appointments so I probably would have had to give up work anyway.

It is both a hugely rewarding and frustrating job! I love that I am the one they turn to when they need advice, support or hugs but DS still goes to nursery 2 days a week so benefits from all the advantages that gives him.

I struggle a bit in the holidays when our regular groups stop - rugby and a music group and it is easy some days not to get out and about but TBH the DC's are just as happy playing at home or in the garden. It can be a bit lonely so I have just joined a bookgroup to keep my brain active and I make sure I meet up with friends (usually with DD as she doesn't go to nursery) so I also have the social benefit of play dates or days out.

I don't have any totally child free time but I don't mind too much and DH is pretty good if I have had a strained day with them at letting me go off and grab a coffee for some space and he will let me have some me time at the weekend even if it is just a lie in or time alone in peace!!

I would recommend it. I got pretty upset when I first told some 'friends' that I was going to be a SAHM and the response was that I was mad and shouldn't give up on my ambitions or friends as the children wouldn't always be at home . They are no longer friends I have to say and I don't regret it and bite my tongue about not letting other people raise my children and they are my ambition and to me raising them myself is just as important as a career. I can still work in the future once they are both at school and I have more free time.

Enjoy it you won't regret it

There are no bad bits-seriously, I love my life. It is what I was cut out for and you will soon find if you are cut out for it or not .

I am surprised at the comments that some people look down at you for being a SAHM!! I am, and I feel privileged! I think other people must be jealous, specially on week days of glorious weather!

I got made redundant just a month before I had DD. My colleagues too, and we got paid off. We chatted at what where we going to do with the money (some bought cars, paid deposit for apartments) I wasn't ashamed to say that the best present for me would be to use that money to live off while I looked after my daughter which is what I wanted more in the world.

She is two and a half now and I am stretching the time I set for it , but the big downfall is the money, when my savings finished. i am a bit stressed about not having my own money, don't like relying on DP so I am now looking for a part time job, but I absolutly LOVED being a SAHM.

The pros: "I feel like cooking paella today" go get ingredients google for recipes, and anjoy a lovely dinner any day, no stress. DD's naps, lovely relaxing time, specially if sunny, sunbathing outside :) DD's happiness at having mummy with her all the time, creating a lovely bond.

Must admit that "winging days" are hard, but honestly the good days outweigh the bad.

Now that I think of it it depends on how are your kids, if they are a handfull and you have more than one or two its probably exhausting...

Best: Hanging out in the park all day in the sun while your mates are stuck in their respective offices; generally doing what you want, when you want; having a slower day, especially mornings.

Worst: I do miss my career, I sometimes feel like I am missing out but then I remember how stressed I got, how many hours I put in for so little money.

Oh and being a SAHM opened my eyes to how little money you can live on. I can't afford London childcare costs so I had to make this decision but it also meant I could write that book, start that business, make that project because what have I got to lose?

I really encourage mums who are lonely to get out there and meet other mumms.do you have meetup.com in the uk?
I used that at first to join mum walking groups, local groups ect and I now. Have a network so that we see someone every day.
I have never had a more sociable less lonely time in life.as a teacher I did not have time to catch my breath let alone nurture friendships.
Get out there talk to people propose things to do....it is brilliant having company every day.

Hi everyone

OP I think you and the others who are just about to become SAHMs can be really happy about your choice. I'm not completely SAHM as I teach English to adults 7 hours per week but feel ike a SAHM as most of the time I am. It can be really physically exhausting, but mentally so much less stressful. So nice to be there to provide that security to yourkids, I've seen some who really suffer without it (not that they all do). It's great to have a slower pace of life, life is for living after all! My girls are now 7 and 4, they can be trying especially the 4 year old and I am looking forward to her starting kindergarten in August, but Ia.so have plenty of relaxing times when they are playing nicely.

Best: the lovely flexibility.
Worst: the pension fear.

Still glad I made this choice though, despite the naysayers.

Don't feel guilty for having left your job to stay with your dcs lol! , I choseto be a childminder and later a dinner lady to fit in with my 3 dcs (now 21 yrs, 18 yrs and 10 yrs) and I love being with them, espcially the 10 year old as I have all the holidays with him.

I'm not minding at the moment as there are simply not enough people in jobs to be able to pay cms and too many cms in my area.

Its nice to be able to drop the 5 yr old at school and pick up and take the 2 yr old to tots groups, the library or just do the shopping with.

Enjoy!! You won't ever get those years back.