OK, so I've finally made the decision, handed in my notice and I'm going to be a SAHM for a couple of years - eek! Tell me the best and the worst I have to look forward to.

[IHeartKingThistle]

I teach secondary at the moment. DCs 5 and 2. Finances should be OK but I might do a bit of tutoring. I'm feeling good about it.

But what is it actually going to be like? Can you tell me best things and worst things please? I feel like I need to prepare myself!

TIA

I was think "will you look back in 20 years time and wish you have spent more time with them when they were young or worked more?" I feel I will never get this time back again so make the most of it, soon they will be teenagers not caring if I'm there or not.

I am a SAHM and the dc are school aged. I live the life of Riley. Good things - having time to enjoy life, lack of stress (for me and the dc and reduced stress for dh) because school holidays, sick children, attending school special assemblies etc so much easier and don't require military planning and juggling. Downside - I guess it does theorectically make me financially dependent on dh although he never makes me feel that way, I haven't worked for 6 years so if we split I might struggle (although I am gritty, determined and capable and would sort it in time)

We moved house when my dd was 15 months.
I was on ML until she was 4.5 months old, in my old house, with a great network of friends around.
I loved it. I had loads of people to spend time with, and dd had loads of babies she could play with.
Then I went pt. That was fine too - I loved my job and dd went to some of the friends mentioned above so I knew she was happy and loved.
Then we moved. From 15 months I have been at home in the new place with her a lot more. She is now 3 - I have managed to find a pt job but one with screwy hours so some weeks I can work 4 days, some weeks I can be at home all week).

I have found being home with her in the new place much much harder.

I have found it hard to meet new people. I went to clubs and groups etc etc.
Everyone was friendly and everyone said 'Right, must be going now - see you next week.'
I have been so incredibly lonely - I did even say to people 'I have not long moved here and I don't know anyone' but people will make sympathetic noises and offer to meet up, and then somehow it never happens because everyone else had friends they were busy with.

I find if I get behind with the housework I feel crap about myself - I also think WTF have I been doing all day if I can't even get the place tidy and clean?

Because we spend a lot of time just the two of us, when we are having a difficult day together (she's more like me than I care to admit, and we're both pretty stubborn!) it's hard hard work and intensely frustrating.

When I'm ill, I can't ring anyone to ask for help.

I don't get to wee in private anymore.

Plus side:

I am there. When she wants me, to share with her the things she wants to tell me.

That's it really.
If you want more detail, then I guess it's this sort of thing:
We have to go out every day to walk the dog. As a result, we watch the changing seasons and explore each new thing that comes up. She can identify ripe blackberries and pick them, she can name loads of wildflowers, we play hide and seek round bushes and I help her climb trees. She loves to be outside and is a magpie, collecting pine cones and leaves and stones which we bring home and sort into buckets. I love watching her explore the world.

We are now gardening together. We bought a house with a very overgrown garden and we are gradually clearing patches and planting things. So far she's helped me plant beans, lettuces, peas, tomatoes, etc etc - and she knows why we're doing it. And when she got bored today she found a 'treasure mat' and was a pirate looking for treasure.

I dance round the living room with her most days to tunes off the TV (Groovy moves anyone?).
I can take her to any events going on round us.
Days out can happen when we want, and not just on a weekend - if it's nice weather, we go to the beach and don't look out of the window in dismay on Saturday because the weather was good two days ago and now it's crap.

Even shopping can be fun. There's no time constraints so I don't feel the need to whip in and rush round because there's something else to do. Which means she can get involved, help me choose things etc - she loves it.

I wouldn't change the time I spend with her. I do wish though that I had the friends that I had before we moved, so that I wasn't quite so isolated as an adult.

Pros - being my own boss, planning my own day, having the excitement of being the one to show my DS all the new things he doesn't know about the world yet, being able to sit out in the garden in the sunny weather and watch DS play in the paddling pool, just a sense of being in control of my life, not working to anyone's schedule (except DS's of course, but he's a lazy lump like me, so we work well together :))

Cons - None, really. I don't care about career and money so that's not an issue for me. If everything goes tits up, I'll manage, and I'll have had the good times with DS so it'll have been worth it.

The one thing I would advise is that you try to make your week quite structured OP. Give yourself time at first to find your feet, but once you've done that, try to have a routine of places to go and people to see so that the week is busy and full. If you're at home too much you can become bogged down with housework and go a bit mental. I have activities planned every day of the week. I don't always make them all but I try to stick to them as much as possible. It's very easy to get stuck in front of the tv or the sink and start to feel the days are monotonous. Because I have so much going on the weeks fly by, I have loads of people to chat to (sometimes too many!) and DS is happy and never bored :)

I was a SAHM ish for a year or so, though did some voluntary work too and the odd freelance bit. I have just returned to work full-time as my marriage has ended. I never thought I would say this but BOY I am glad to be back in work. Don't get me wrong, I mostly enjoyed the time at home but phew, it is good to wee in peace and chat in a normal voice to adults instead of baby talk to my toddler.

Enjoy your time but be careful. It is a tough old life when the shit hits the fan and make sure your arse is covered if it goes the way of the pear. I am so grateful that I was able to find a job that would pay all the bills and support us all as my husband is now completely unreliable.

Try and keep yourself employable because nothing is certain in life. There endeth the voice of doom.

Just read that back and it's all a bit too happy clappy There are some days when it's utterly shit. I watch DH going out the door and I think "Oh god take me with you!" But then I remember I had days like that at work too, days when I faced a class and thought "I could happily firebomb the entire school today," and I remember that no matter how shit I felt I still had to get up in front of that class and perform. I had to do endless, pointless paperwork and attend boring staff meetings. Aspects of being a SAHM can seem boring and repetitive but none of it is pointless, really, it's all going towards making your family happy and comfortable. It's all worth something.

Also, when you're a SAHM and you're having a shit day you can do things to make yourself feel better - you can head off to the park, go out and buy icecreams, kick back and have a lazy day in front of the tv. Teaching is very full on, and being a SAHM seems like such a breeze in comparison - instead of 30 stroppy kids to deal with I have just the one - piece of cake!

Interested to know why you have decided to do this now when your eldest is 5? I have a friend who suffered from bad PN depression but went back to teaching part time and put her DD with a child minder, and then when her DD started school she gave up work completely and hasn't worked since, and her DD is 16 now. I could never get my head round all the deciding on the child minder and commuting to work only to give it up when things essentially got a bit easier.

Having said that, I work part time from home for a very flexiblie employer so I can run to school with all the forgotten pe kit, homework, recorders, clarinet. I can read the paper at leisure. Walk the dog, ride the horse, cook, clean (ho ho ho) and generally please myself.

No one ever wished they had spent more time at work, and as a teacher you are in the best profession for either returning to work or doing supply when the mood takes.

Enjoy.

I love, love, love being a SAHM. I am one of those people that aspired to be a housewife and mom and I'm not ashamed of that. I worked for a few years after University, then got married and started a family right away. My youngest will be in school full-time next year so I'm looking forward to more time for running, walking the dog, volunteering and a tidier house . My husband works very, very hard indeed so that I can be at home and I'm eternally grateful that his job allows me to do what I want to do. It can be isolating at times so you do have to make an effort to get out and about and to do things that are just for you. I didn't enjoy it as much when I had three under five but now the children are a bit more independent, it's great

Exit I think a lot of people will ask me the same question! It's a combination of factors really, but to be honest I have found it harder working around a school age child than I ever did working around babies or pre-schoolers, and somehow the sense that we're both missing out is stronger now. DD has always been confident and independent, never batted an eyelid at being left at nursery, but now she wants to know why I can't pick her up every day and sometimes gets upset when I'm not there, which has never happened before. She loves school but she wants to come home afterwards.

When she was at nursery she was in one place and looking back it was so easy. Now she goes to 4 different places after school over the week to fit around DS' child care and my meetings etc. It is so much harder for me and I don't want to ask her to do it any more - she's tired I think . DS is August born and shy and I cannot imagine him thriving with the schedule DD has. I know they would both be fine if I carried on working, but I have the opportunity to be here for a while and I'm going to take it!

I think my DC have got a lot out of going to nursery though, and I'd never judge anyone for using childcare.

Cailin I know what you mean! I love working with teenagers, really, but it is so full on and there will still be teenagers when I go back. My DC won't be little again though, and I know there will be difficult days but I don't think I'll regret it.

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories; I'm taking it all on board and I so appreciate the wonderful advice you've given me. I'm still excited but the rose tinted spectacles are definitely off!

pro's: time to look at leaves, explain what ants are, enjoy lunch together, have a rest when baby sleeps, just being the most important person in your childs little life, never feeling guilty cos you know you've always been there for your kids

con's: having to lower your career sights by about 100 miles, lack of money

Watching my son grow and not hearing his highs and lows seconed hand from a childminder.

Him bursting in from school and calling "mum mum guess what happend today"

Being able to attend all his school bits and him having that boost knowing I was their cheering him on.

Being able to feed my family and not having to feed them shit because I dont have time

Having lunch with the girls

Can safely say when your doing the best for your child their can be no down side

Everything is done when ds and oh get home so it's all family time

When I go to school plays and you can see children searching for parents who are not there or I see children just hanging around by shops after school because know ones at home I feel very sorry for them

You have a treat in store.
It is mainly fantastic. You get to raise your own children instead of it being someone else's chore. You have this giddy freedom of being master of each day.
You get to feel calm and present to life.
You get to own your life instead of being in bondage to a job.
You get to cook interesting meals and read up on obscure ingredients.
You get to listen to interesting radio programmes whilst your child does craft.
You get to see exhibitions and museums and sit under the cherry blossom under a blue sky.
You get to savor a hot chocolate on a rainy day in a cafe whilst your child plays on the train set.
You get to meet great new pele and spend time with them doing stuff you never had time to do before.

The downsides
Defensive twits saying things like...it was not intellectual
Y stimulating for me.....how do you cope?
Negative people worrying about your pension for you.
Enforced frugality....but I like this more than the stress of working.
Being sick and having to look after your child...the only bad days in my book.

As a former teacher I shudder when I think how relentless my life was before...never feeling free due to the workload, always thinking of work, that awful Sunday feeling.
It is wonderful putting your energies into this little person who really does love having you there. There is no greater joy in life and no job compares.
I have friends in high flying jobs....I have no envy. I pity the ones with kids quietly because once these years are gone they can never be repeated. But I realize some do prefer their work to being with their kids and some have no choice so you are lucky as are any of us who choose this work instead of paid work. You have halcyon days ahead if you create the life at home you want......and create networks so you do meet other mums you click with.
I feel like I am living the dream I never knew I had.

I was an SAHM for 7 years until the youngest started at school.

Mostly I found it hard. Tedious, dreary and Groundhog Day like. I know loads of people love it and are born to it, I am not. BUT I was lucky enough to not have to work and didn't want the children with anyone else. So morally I fely stuck between a rock and a hard place. Kind of like when you really, really look forward to a weekend or night away from the DC and then when you are away miss them so dreadfully you wish you were at home.

I tried to focus on the stuff I liked - gardening and cooking. Craft makes me die a little inside every time.

I was lucky enough to get a great job in my previous industry PT school hours when the youngest started school and am now more rewarded and conent than I ever thought possible. Different for everyone though.

You will grow as your children grow.
The Mum you are today will be a different Mum to the one you'll be when you do go back to work.
She will not be tearful at drop-off, guilt-ridden and self- depreciating, she will be strong and flexible, she will know, not just hope, that whatever comes their way her children will be able to cope, she will know their personalities and foblies better than anyone in the world and will be able to raise their spirits and set them back on their happy path with the lightest of touch.

I love it....but

I've found it at time quite lonely. Don't get me wrong I DON'T miss 'office' work at all. But I do long for DH to return esp if DD has been a turd all day And I think i drink more than before!!

I try and have 1 playdate, coffee / catch up, appointment, trip out etc each day. Normally it doesn't always work, but i found having something to look forward too helps me.

Sadly I also have days were I do things about the house, ie. sheets get done on a Friday morning, bathrooms on Thursday, Monday sewing etc. My DD just watches me or plays in the hallway. I need to have a routine as I do get bored. But that's just me

Be social, join clubs and Mummy's groups...and always always carry food!

Have fun!!!

I work pt, but wanted to say that this is a lovely thread. It's great to hear women celebrating their lives, although being realistic about potential downsides. The WOHM/SAHM debate gets so polarized, when plenty of people have been on both sides of the fence. I like my life, and I'm glad that other people are happy with their lives too.

This has been a great thread for me to read right now. I've been a SAHM for 6 years and recently I've found myself feeling a bit down a bit and feeling as if I'm just 'wasting' time and being envious of other people around me who have built up their careers and are getting recognition for what they do. This thread has helped me to see all the positives again and appreciate what I would be giving up if I did go back to work. It's very easy to just start focussing on the negatives all the time - constant cleaning/tidying/refereeing arguments etc without realising that everyone has bad days whether they are at work and at home and I know a lot of people would love to be in my situation and can't be. Thank you ladies - you have cheered me up a bit today! :)

Lots of positives on here! I was a secondary teacher too and didn't go back after dd1 was born -she's 4 now so I've had 4 years at home. Best bit is knowing that I've been there for both dds for every second of their life. Worst bit is that there's no balance - I've been there for every second of their life! No breaks, no lie ins, no weekends! I have 2 very clingy girls, so its hard to get things done - I'm hoping that those who said they have more time/ tidier houses have school age children, because I have never been busier - and the house has never been messier! Believe me, two children can mess faster than it is possible for one sleep deprived Mum to tidy!

Dd1 is now at preschool, but dd2 is with me all the time - and I find school holidays hardest - Dd1 is now off preschool for 4 weeks and summer will be double that. All my activities close down for the holidays, friends go away and we can't afford holidays, so they are quite hard work. Again, that will hopefully improve when they're at school as spending time with them will be a novelty rather than my default setting!

Sorry if this sounds a bit negative - it will depend on your children - their character - how well they can entertain themselves - whether they sleep!

I do miss the sociability, sense of reward and financial independence that work offered, but I know that eventually I will appreciate that I was there for them - ultimately I think its a sacrifice worth making, but it does feel like a sacrifice.

Minicooper, do you have a partner? I have a lie in every weekend, while DH looks after DS. He'll often look after DS for a whole day while I just chill out. I think if you don't have that being a SAHM must be relentless.

I do have a dh, but girls scream if he takes them downstairs in the morning! I keep telling myself its just a phase and at some point they'll get sick of boring old mum, but not yet....

Jesus, let them scream.

It's not actually cruel to expect children to spend time alone with their father.

Why are you letting them make that decision?

So unfair on your children and DH to allow him to get marginalised like that.

Oh dear. I thank the stars on a regular basis that I have non-clingy son who couldn't give a monkeys who looks after him as long as their willing to feed him endlessly!

Marking my place to read later. I've just decided (with DH!) that I won't be returning to work after maternity leave. I'm slightly scared!

x posted with AThing, and I have to agree with her I'm afraid. I would insist that DH get the girls up on a Saturday morning and bundle them off out quick smart, crying or not. I couldn't be doing with having to get up every single day of every week, I'd crack up!