Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

penguinarmy, I sympathise. ANyone else think the change in seasons is making them all go a bit screwy? Dd is also 4 months - just - and is waking earlier to feed (2 instead of 4, thus shorter sleep for me) then not settling as easily. Ds is also doing random night wakings.

Anyone thought about how we're going to cope when the clocks go forward [evil/manic cackle]. We've fannied about with bedtime before now - moving it in 15 minute increments until the day itself. But that was when Ds was younger, and didn't notice the older kids playing outside.

I can already imagine how the discussions are going to go:

Me: Back in bed, now.
Ds:But look! Look!Sun not gone a bed!
Me: No, but it's very tired and will be in bed soon (fucking blackout curtains my arse).
Ds: I can hear (insert friend). flings curtain aside to look outside
Me:ffs. Deep breath Ds, lie down. THe sun is going to bed in a minute but he can't until you're lying down. Poor sun is very tired.
Ds:..........
Me: Night night now.
Ds: Look, sun not gone a bed!
Me: pffffff

astronaut, you crack me up. :)

We've had a shite day today. DS2 played me up so badly in the supermarket. I probably would've cracked but (and this was lovely!) i had offers of help from strangers and the store assistants! At lunchtime, DS1 took over throwing the same tantrum for the third day running (that's not my plate/chair/lunch- maybe those bloody usborne books have something to answer for!).

Never mind, cracked open a bottle of Captain Morgan's spiced rum. Figured it'll help DS2 sleep a little easier... ;)

Today has been vair long. Covered in shit and vomit and now DD will not be out down at all. Keep thinking I've managed it only to hear wails five minutes later. Just want half an hr child and bodily fluid free. Surely not too much to ask for?

emergency doughnuts purchased!

suchan

Thanks guys. Might feed her one in case it helps sleep... She's already got lasagne in her hair.

I've gone for custard doughnuts myself

DD woke up in a terrible mood so walking her to the shops and back got me through the afternoon. DS may not cry in the buggy but he doesn't sleep unless you have an hour (and who does with two DCs).

DS2 is having a very shouty evening, my nips are killing me as its the only way to keep him quiet. There can't be anything IN there...

he must be approaching his 6 week growth spurt soon ploppy?

I've forgotten the name but somebody joined who lives overseas.

We don't anymore (and only did for a lovely year) but family are a few hours away. We moved when I was 7/8 months pregnant and so I had no friends here (and only just getting those tbh - two young children does make these things harder). DD has never had a day in nursery and in fact only one full working day from one of us. So I can appreciate some of the problems of being oversea's.

DH and I have just decided DS really too sick for nursery tomorrow. Sob. Another day like today looms. Except with the wonderful sddition of a visit from the HV. Who of course can only give me a 9-3 'window' for her visit. I'm notna bloody blocked pipe, ffs. And now DS has woken and is pitifully calling for us.

My SIL informs me that mercury is in retrograde. No idea what this actually means in astrological terms but her view is that it causes everything to go tits up. So your seasonal screwy theory may well be right Astronaut.

Sorry to hear about all the bad days, suchan, astronaut, twinkle, penguin.

and understanding for all of you.

Would write more, but DS just woke up demanding food, so off we go again.

6wks on Saturday, Penguin

I don't remember DS1 doing this....

ahh but you have a normal baby this time

Hi everyone, been a bit busy with packing etc so just catching up on the thread. My boys aren't themselves at the moment either, the little one won't sleep much beyond 20 mins at a time during the day even though he's obviously tired and has bags under his little eyes. I tried letting him sleep in my arms for a bit this afternoon thinking he might sleep a bit longer but no such luck, he woke up crying :(

And his big brother is poorly again and has been crying out most of the evening so it's been up and down the stairs for cuddles, milk, songs and nurofen.

Consequently I'm delighted I made it to Poundland today and discovered they are selling those huge blocks of Toblerone again which I may have polished off already

Astronaut I hadn't thought about daylight saving, you really made me laugh with your story about the sun, it's exactly how the conversation would go at our house. Reminded me of a friend's DS who is obsessed with the moon and has to say goodnight to it before he will go to bed at night. Am guessing they have got some fun conversations to look forward to once the days get longer!

Yeah it sorts itself out. We have the same age gap between DS and DD and we decided for on that age gap for our third too, so we now have a 4yr old a 2yr old and a newborn. Get a good pushchair, try to get lots of sleep and just be relaxed with it. With us when DD was born DS started to go to nursery each morning, this made it easier as i go to spend one on one time with baby and DS spent time with other kids at nursery then had mummy time in the afternoon when his sister was having her nap. You just have to make sure you spend one-on-one time with both children however hard it is. The potty training i the worst though, my ds was in the middle of potty training when dd was tiny and it was a nightmare, ended up with posset and wee wee everywhere. Though there is hope, my DS and DD play so nicely together and i feel thats because tehy are close in age, they are truly friends not just siblings.

Add my baby to the list of ones that have gone mad - been up for most of the night, with DS now demanding hourly feeds and waking every 20 mins or so to grizzle. At this point, just having an hour of uninterrupted sleep sounds like an enormous luxury.

Decided to get up at 5am as the constant sleep/wake/sleep/wake pattern was wearing me out, so now downstairs with a cup of tea and restless baby.

Hi all. Have horrendous virus & shredded boobs again, DH away for three days, luckily my mum is here and today is blessed nursery day. I've had four hours sleep in several broken chunks. I feel like crap.

Despite all the shit (and there is a lot of it) I had a really nice moment with ds1 and 2 yesterday. I was trying and failing to get ds2 latched on when ds1 came and sat next to us on the sofa. Ds2 is crying with frustration at this point, and I'm just about to try and deflect ds1 when he started stroking ds2's hair, gave him a kiss and said "don't worry ds2. Mummy got you. I luff you ds2, don't cry baby!" He sat and stroked ds2's hair for ages and miraculously ds2 did stop crying!

I had a little weep myself. It was a tiny spark of hope in a hopeless day. I guess I just need to hold on to that - there was a reason I decided to do this horrendous newborn stage all over again and seeing the first glimmers of kindness between them made me remember why.

Grumpla reading your story made me well up, that is so sweet!

I hope today goes more smoothly for us all, the weather forecast for here at least is really good today and the sunshine always makes me feel better.

My other theory is that there's a special Babyvine - where one does something that wrecks your fragile equilibrium and you suddenly hear of everyone else's babies doing it too, like they're communicating.

Ds in nursery so I've just got back from one of my random sling walks, where I just meander along until I find somewhere interesting (or Morrisons), then come home. ENded up in a field today. THere's never anyone else walking; it feels like the secret life of AStronaut.

GRumpla, I totally get what you mean about seeing the relationship develop. I think part of my guilt at having dd was that I felt so close to ds. I'm now realising that their relationship will, in lots of ways, exclude me totally and that in itself is quite a special thing to have. I feel like I've given ds the best present ever.

Of course, he won't see it quite like that when he's got his mates round and dd and her mates are giggling outside his bedroom door cause they all fancy his mate.....

grumpla - that's lovely. Can't wait for that. Perhaps they can communicate on Astronaut's babyvine and all do it?

I'm going nuts here and it's only half ten. Not even random sling walks for the amateur household, just lots of tv. Grr

Lots of tv here too. Two week growth spurt for dd2. Poor dd1 :(

Have lots of friends with toddlers coming over this pm. Am I mad?!!

There is DEFINITELY a babyvine! Except I think the little buggers treasures use it to coordinate their fiendish rota system. I certainly felt first time round that out of the three of us who spent the most time together, on any given day one baby would be horrendously constipated and grizzly, one would be shitting at a steady pint an hour, one would be refusing to eat. Or, one would have been awake all night and slept through whatever baby related stupidity we were attempting, one would have refused to nap and be overtired, one would refuse to do anything except breastfeed throughout.

If they had all been doing the same tiresome thing it would have been too easy for us to compare notes, reassure each other, etc. By using the babyvine to coordinate their tactics, babies maximise the impact on the poor weary mothers.

Going from the experiences on this thread, sibling babyvine usage seems to be mainly focused on passing the sleep baton between children as efficiently as possible to ensure that your mother never, ever gets to sleep.

Loving the Babyvine theory, definitely true, that.

DH is back from his business trip and has taken two days off

Much better night for ds2, after his screamy evening he settled at 10pm, fed at 3am and woke at 6am - not bad

Good news, we all made it past noon! :)

Had zero sleep last night, so made a very slow attempt to get into town, forgot all the stuff I needed for the errands I was meant to complete, and ended up sleepwalking through a local gallery instead. DD loved the toddler play area, and returned to house asleep in buggy, so I now have another rare half hour break with both kids asleep.

Got very annoyed at M&S Cafe as the lady sat me at the draftiest table she could find, cleary determined to make newborn and toddler ill, but was too sleepy to protest and just covered us all up, while throwing dirty looks at people leaving the door open.

Coffee, more coffee!