Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

much better night here, feeds about every 2.5 hours

suppose to be going on a playdate this afternoon but DD is not napping yet.

pom, hope the toddlerathon went well. It's always worth it to see the look on dh's face when he walks in to a gaggle of women, a tribe of toddlers and the whole floor strewn with toys.

Currently crying with laughter as Ds chases the cats round the living room, shouting: "Fucking cat! Fucking cat!"

Dh has a lot to answer for.

Haha Astronaut that makes me feel a bit better about DS1 rolling his eyes and muttering "Oh my GOD..." at me when I tried to make him put his shoes on this morning!!!

We do have a sweary toddler, I'm afraid. Althoguh saying that, when we (stop) reacting, he tends to forget.

BEfore christmas is was: "For Fuck's sake!" Used in context.e.g. cat playing with one of ds' toys and wouldn't give it back: "FFs, cat!"

When 'driving' mummy's car we tend to get this:
"Brumm, brrrum. Beep beep, beep beep! Fucking heeell!"

In my defence, there are a lot of knobby drivers (and old people) driving in the middle of the day.

You made me choke on my with laughter - no mean feat today. I have an image of family guy like sweary baby in cahoots with a league of delinquent cats in the Astrohouse.

Can anyone tell me when I can expect DD to stop using evenings as a long angry bobby snack/nap fest and actually stay asleep for a bit. Looking for an answer that has weeks rather than months in it...

You made me choke on my with laughter - no mean feat today. I have an image of family guy like sweary baby in cahoots with a league of delinquent cats in the Astrohouse.

Can anyone tell me when I can expect DD to stop using evenings as a long angry bobby snack/nap fest and actually stay asleep for a bit. Looking for an answer that has weeks rather than months in it...

Oops

few more weeks yet suchan but you know it passes. Then comes the stage of waiting for them to make their bedtime earlier.

No swearing here, just dealing with DD being in a throw and climb things phase plus pick her nose.

Anyone had any luck with a clock that says when it is get-up time or is just turned two year old maybe a bit early for one?

Morning all!

Feel like a new woman today! I slept 10.30pm - 2am, then 4am - 6am!!!!!

Only possible as my mum stayed up and did the last evening feed of EBM... And she also got up again at 2 when DS1's nightmare woke DS2 up and I had TWO screaming children... So I'm still nowhere near feeling able to do all this on me tod - and it still kind of relies on bottles rather than boob - but HEY at least I got some decent sleep!

I think I've kicked the worst of this virus too as I'm no longer feeling sweaty and dizzy. Spoke to the bf consultant yesterday and cried down the phone telling her I wanted to give up, but she told me that three pumping sessions a day would keep my milk supply ticking over (albeit greatly reduced) so I can give my poor nipples a chance to heal up a bit before starting again with the boob. I feel a lot better about that as I thought it was all or nothing . To feel I don't have to give up but also don't have to cope with the next few weeks pumping every 4 hours is good.

Today is a non-nursery day and my patents are both here in DH's absence so I'm hoping hard for a few bright moments. Luckily my dad has the car so if all else fails we will for for A Lovely Drive!

Here's hoping for a good day for all of youse guys too.

Good news there Grump

Thanks mistress !

It's just amazing the difference sleep makes. This time yesterday I was in the middle of a two hour crying jag. Today I feel like a blooming Disney princess by comparison.

THe knackered baton's passed to our house today. I think it's cumulative though. Dd's been feeding twicea night recently and ds wakes up pretty much every night, either talking to himself, falling out of bed or, last night, screaming.

I'm not up for hours, but I'm being disturbed up to 3 times a night and I'm knackered today. SUn's out, so we might wander to the park then bake some cakes this afternoon. I need to time that right, so dh walks in when the floor is completely covered in shite. Got to get your kicks where you can .

suchan, dd is 4 months now and from what my fuzzy brain can recall, I think she started going to bed around 9 about a month ago and recently it's between 7 and 8, so it'll get better sooner than you thikn. I felt like you - couldn;t remember when ds started going to bed, so panicked that dd would be downstairs with us forever!

penguin again, fuzzy brain, but we've had a groclock for a while and ds is only2.5. Can't remember if we got it before or after dd was born though. It seems to work. Not so much in the morning (after 6), cos Dh is up, so it's quite hard to fool him into thinking it's sleepy time. It did seem to work in the night, because we were able to tell him that the sun wasn't up, so it was back to bed.

penguin - we used the groclock for DD when she was 2.4, mainly to stop her from wandering out of the bed in the middle of the night, and it has worked very well. The concept is very simple: sun out = wakey time, star out = sleepy time, so a two year old should be able to understand it with some practice.

Decent sleep here as well - 11pm - 1.30am and then 4am to 5.40 (when DD woke, would've made it past 6am with DS otherwise). That said, you know you got a newborn when 4 hours sleep broken in two parts counts as 'a good night's sleep'!

Had both kids alone from 7am to 8pm yesterday as DP had to work late, which went ok. DD in a good mood and playing peacefully for most of the day. Bath time went fine (used tip above and dunked DS2 into DD1's bath), but still not sure how to manage bedtime with two. It ended up with DS crying in his basket while I sorted out DD. :(

Thanks astronaut. The frantic bobbing in and off my boob for hours was driving me mad last night. In the end DH told me to just put her down for a few minutes and it might 'reset' her. I swore at him for presuming to suggest something so stupid. But did it anyway. She screamed in her basket for 3 minutes and then when I picked her up settled almost immediately and slept for (I think) almost 3 hrs. Cue super smug DH.

Congrats on the 'good' sleep all

Hi all,
Congrats on the good sleep!

Penguin, sounds like your DD and my DS would get on a treat!! Climbing, pushing and nose picking being his main activities...

Suchan, dd is doing that every other night. It can go on for a good couple of hours. Don't tell you dh for fear of over inflating his ego, but I might try that trick!

My not so "d"h decided that it would be ok yesterday to knock off work early and ... Go to the FUCKING pub!!! How I didn't kill him when he got home at 10 shitfaced I do not know... God forbid I ask him to leave work 5 mins early to help with bath time. His excuse was work "schmoozing" but I couldn't give a damn. I thought ds to say "naughty daddy" every time he saw dh this morning. I was tempted to get him to say "daddy is a fuckwit" but really can't risk the swearing infront of impending trip to the outlaws.. Very funny to hear of your toddler astronaut!

Off to the park this afternoon. Had a crappy morning as a friend came over who didn't engage with ds at all and he basically caused bedlam, watching tv, throwing toys etc... I might stop seeing friends who don't have kids when it's just me and the smalls. Its more dress than its worth.

Hope you all have good days. Rx

Blimey mrsrvc- I'd have clocked him.

Feeling pretty low this evening. I'm just no good at this newborn thing. I find it hugely frustrating and thankless. And I really miss DS and hate that I can't hang out with him like I used to. He pushed me away at bedtime and refused to kiss me . And now I'm left with overtired DD who I feel like I've spent the whole day trying to get to sleep, and can't do anything to soothe her. And I'm not even 4 weeks in..

Sorry for the pity fest- had to get that off my chest

Haven't found time to read all the posts but just wanted to say to amateur that I found it all got easier at around 6 weeks. The new one calmed down a bit and the older one stopped telling me that he no love mummy, pinching, kicking and hitting me. Fun times.

We still have our ups and downs but we are generally having more ups than downs hang in there

MrsRVC I hope he acts better on Sunday

DS last night slept from 11:30 to 5 Him and DD were absolutely lovely together this evening, he was laughing at her as she ran around crashing the toy buggy into various walls. He also likes being thrown in the air I discovered today (only little throws). I love sleep,. I hate those days i.e. most of them where you realise that you are overreacting to a small thing just because you are tired.

suchan the first 6 weeks are pure survival. There are growth spurts, wonder weeks all over the place. DS gets overtired basically every evening. It will get better but I found really accepting the fact that it is all a compronise between their needs the biggest help. For the most part I don't get hung up on it. For example us leaving the house involves crying until the buggy/sling are moving out the house. Two take longer to get going and the window of when they get overtired, especially in the beginning, is so small. When I leave playgroups I nearly always give DS (the baby) to someone to hold as I get DD and everything else ready.

OK just scanned this thread but wish it was going last summer!
I can tell you that there is light and at the end of the tunnel. I have DD 2.9 & DS 7 months, and even though he's not yet STTN the days of him being over-tired & screaming, & DD raging & hurting are mostly over.
And seeing my DC's sitting together making each other laugh over burps makes up for the heart-rendingly tough early times ten times over. And I sometimes almost miss the newborn stage it was over so quick!

Agree with Penguin re getting out of the house etc, I've definitely got better at it over time and the DCs are a lot more forgiving/the window of tolerance has improved massively for us too. The thing I'm struggling with at the moment is making sure we get out enough for DS1 while fitting in enough nap opportunities for DS2. He does sleep in the buggy but not always, and I think sometimes it's because he's been too distracted to feed properly and is just a bit hungry still. Will keep working at it...

Ciske when I do bedtime by myself I take DS2 with me and read them both a book (one on each knee) on the floor. I lie DS2 on a blanket on the floor while I put DS1 into his cot etc. If DS2 is hungry/upset I feed him during he story. Then I feed DS2 and put him to bed afterwards. Seems to work ok although sometimes the feed can be a bit disjointed if DS1 doesn't settle very well.

Morning all.

In spite of my tiredness, we had a lovely day yesterday.

Park in thr morning, where Ds kept finding 'lizards' (small flower-type head things) and just ran about.

Hefty dose of tv at lunch time, although Ds discovered Elmo in Grouchland, which made a nice change.

Made cakes pm and watched ds running back and forth to give dd her chewing rattle saying: "don't cry baby, I comin' now." HAd to completely strip ds afterwards, of course, but he quite enjoyed it. All made a nice change from the tiems where I plan to do something nice and it all falls to shit in my hands.

MrsRVC, just say you're popping out for a paper - then go shopping and have lunch out.

suchan I really enjoyed the newborn stage - when ds got to about 12 months! I get a bit wobbly when they come out all new on OBEM, but then have to remind myself how crap the first bit actually is.

Yes Mrsrvc, do what *Astronaut said!

Glad you had a nice day yesterday A !

I had another good night of sleep, still got this weird virus which woke me up sweaty and shivery a few times but other than that I'm feeling a bit better. DH home for the next few days so my folks are heading home. Unfortunately ds1 has been sick this morning so hoping that was just a one-off and NOT the start of something more sinister

Was just talking to my mum and realised that amidst all the horrors DS2 is shaping up to be quite an easy baby in many ways - fairly predictable routine, no four hour screaming jags (so far!) etc - so I should perhaps be counting my lucky stars a bit more! It's just the juggling I'm finding so tough.

Pissing down with rain here today, luckily my wonderful godfather sent down a couple of new DVDs for ds1 so today is definitely going to be a Telly day

Thanks for the understanding ladies! I've had an old school friend and her dh over today and we've asked her to be godmother so had a lovely day. They really played with ds and brought him a big brother present of a gruffalo book, so he had a great afternoon which makes all the difference. Also I've drink half a bottle of wine, which helps even more!
Dh vaguely sheepish about the other night and he is trying to organise a weekend away somewhere for us all. Tbh I would just like time to get my hair done! If friend hadn't been coming I might have done what Astronaut said!

Astronaut, lovely to hear you had a nice day. I know what you mean about planning smthg nice and it falling to shit.

Grumpla, I hope your dh isn't ill and you get better soon.

Suchan, I hope you are feeling better. I empathise with the missing your DS. I often really miss our old relationship, it has really shifted since we have had dd.

Anyway, sound like dh has finished tidying up from lunch and put the telly on so I can stop pretending to still be feeding and go and have another glass of wine!

Happy mothers day tomorrow everyone.

If it helps everyone DS was back to his normal every 2.5 hrs last night :)