Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Hello all, wading in! Have DD 2.9, DS nearly 5 months. Plus DH (41, but like me has aged no end since three became four!!)

It gets better everyone. I don't know how it happens but it does. Suddenly at around 3.5/4 months you realise you are doing it and it's not quite so insane anymore. Mine go to bed at 7.30 now. I can bath them
both on my own. I can get out of the house with them both in an hour. These things seemed totally impossible four mths ago.

Managing two is just a skill - bit of practice is all you need.

I even started considering DC3 this morning!!! ( no, no and again, no!)

How do you put them both to bed at the same time? I can do the 2yo while keeping the baby happy but not sure how it'll work when baby needs to be put to bed at a reasonable time upstairs too (ATM he's downstairs with us til we go to bed)

I can imagine bathing them together but how to settle one without waking / disturbing the other?

Mistress, my DS was down with us too till about 3 mths when I noticed he settled less well and when he outgrew the basket.

This is what I do to get thru supper/bedtime

• 4.30/5 ish make sure baby DS is having a decent nap in buggy downstairs.
• prep Dd's supper so it's ready no later than 6. When baby DS wakes feed him.
• 6pm - sit down for dd's supper with her. Hold Ds to keep him stimulated and happy.
• 6.30pm - finish supper, let dd watch tv downstairs while take DS upstairs.
• start bath running. DS quite tired by now so put him on sofa in study next to bathroom, on old towel with his nappy off. He likes this and it keeps him happy while...
• I run up to bedrooms on 2nd floor - get everything ready for night.
• run back down put all pyjamas, sleep suits, cream, hairbrushes, sleeping bags in study. Turn bath off , put DS changing mat on the floor with his towel on it ready. Put baby wash at hand. Prep dd's toothbrush.
• see how DS is. If he's really whiny give him a little feed. Normally he's alright tho.
• get dd from downstairs. Undress her, put her in bath. Wash her quickly and let her do her teeth.
• hold DS in bath with her (bath very full to avoid bad back!). Wash him. Let him splash a bit then out onto towel and into study to dry/dress. Talk to dd and bribe her with Charlie and lola if she can hang on in the bath 5 more mins.
• once DS dressed, get dd out. Dry and dress her then let her watch Charlie and Lola while I whizz up with DS and give him a little feed. I then turn out the light and give him his dummy and he settles.
• get dd to bed and do story. Interrupt to go in and give DS his dummy back if he loses it while settling.
• variation is where dd is the more tired and can't last out. So then DS comes in with us for story etc.

Yawn !

Mistress think the key with getting them to bed at the same time is to make sure your baby is awake enough to last thru bath but then tired enough to be ready to have a feed and drop off at the time you want.

thanks Bump!

Wow bump thanks. Makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it! Think we're still a long way off this with utterly
Non self setting, cluster feeding grumpy evening baby

My head goes just reading it! But when you do it day in day out you can do it with your eyes closed ...

By the time they are 4 months or so they will be settling better at night. And if they don't, you could just get the toddler off to sleep first and then go next door for rockathon/jigglathon/feedathon with baby?

I am blessed with DS though - as long as he is properly sleepy, the combination of being awake since 5.30pm ish, bath and then feed means he does settle well. It does all go pear shaped sometimes though. Sometimes they both need your full attention in order to go to sleep NOW and you end up with two screaming children who are beside themselves.

Happy days!

PS we are aiming for them to be in together by the time DS is 6 months. - in 1.5 months time!

Dread to think how that could go.

I have to say my hardest bit (so far) was when DS was coming up to and just past 4 months. That's when he was most unsettled and difficult to put to sleep.

That time was also DD's hardest stage as well. Depends if you have textbook or fussy babies.

Oh dear. I'm going to have a 21 month old and a newborn in a few months! Trying to absorb the tips and positives from this to stop me getting too scared!

Hi all, can I lump my two into the mix? I'm a new mumsnetter - joined after finding this thread! I've got DS1 who is 2.4 and DS2 who is 4 months and generally I'm as flummoxed as the rest! And now both DS have woken up from blessed naptime meaning "mummymilk" is required... Catch you later...!

Poor little DS has had a temp all day so an even lower key birthday than planned. Just wanted 'pats' (his regression after seeing us always patting his little sister) and twinkle twinkle sung for him. Luckily DD slept during his bedtime so I was able to do it with DH.

I definitely don't breed textbook babies. And I remember 4 months being a hideous nightmare sleep wise with DS. I can only delude myself hope it will be different this time. Hell, I've got 3 months to get through first..

And welcome to Mumsnet twinkle

For those who are despairing about what's yet to come, these are the good bits about having two:

• Having the confidence to do what you want with the new baby, rather than worry about doing it 'by the book'.
• Seeing the two children bond and play together, my heart melts when I see DD try to cuddle DS (and then I run over to rescue the poor thing from being strangled, but the good intentions are there at least).

I had a reasonably good day - took DD1 and DS2 to music group in the morning, one in buggy and one in the sling, which went great. Even better, they were both asleep by the time we got back and gave me a whopping half hour of peace before they came back to life. Oh blizz, I got to visit the toilet on my own! Afternoon went reasonably well, got DD1 to play on her own for a fair amount of time and the whinging we had last week seems to die down a bit. I'm determined to make her a more self-sufficient at play, as I'm pretty sure my brain will be mush by the time I end ML if I'm to sit through full time toddler play week in, week out.

DD at nursery tomorrow so I can recover, and plan for Thursday Double Trouble day.

at last!

Thanks suchan! :) hope your DS feels better soon.

ciske, second that about having more confidence. It's immensely empowering to think "whatever" when you read/hear how it 'should' be done, and then just do it your way! I also agree that now, toilet privacy is a luxury. I think my record stands at 2 x DS, 1 x DNiece and 1 dog all in the bathroom watching me pee. Decorum, what's that again??

Hmm, I tried to get DS2 to nap while I did DS1's bath/bed shizzle but he refused to sleep so got a bit overtired, he's sparko now though...luckily DS1 doesn't seem to mind if there's a baby yelling throughout his bedtime story! He's such a chilled out toddler, I'm in awe of how well he's handling the change i.e. much better than me or DH

Welcome Twinkle - I found Mumsnet when Googling frantically to find info on reflux. Have a good look around, this is the best source of info EVER on EVERYTHING

Can I join? We have a 26 month DD and 16 week old DS. From 6mo PG to a few weeks ago I was wondering What was I thinking? Getting better gradually. DD bedtime routine was finally good, then slipped back into one of us staying in the room until she fell asleep. Now going cold turkey again- door ajar, and back to check on her after five mins. Day two today and less screaming/ crying. Fingers crossed it keeps getting better!!!

Just checking in to hi all.

AFter Monday's brainmelting evening, had a fairly reasoanble day yesterday (no tantrums!). Have to endure visit from aged father in law and his lady friend this morning, then off to friend for lunch and play as the weather id grey and cold.

Today's drama is work related. I'm an ENglish teacher and they've only gone and changed the fucking a level texts!!!!! This means all the work I put in 3 years ago is now obsolete, and I have to read, analyse and write example essays on different bloody texts by September. The GCSE stuff is also different. I have a 4 month old, I'm not even going back to work until July; my brain can't cope!

I probably shouldn't check school email while I'm on mat leave, should I?

What a colossal arse-ache, Astronaut

Ooh that's a pain Astronaut.
Yesterday was an ok day, ds is going through a pushing and spitting phase which is really difficult to manage as he seems to find it hilarious and even better when he is told off! I find it all so much easier getting out of the house.

Thankfully he is in childcare this morning so I have a bit of peace! I'm just waiting to have blood taken to be a milk donor, then a coffee with a friend. (god know when I'll have the chance to express!) then this afternoon I have made the fatal mistake of not having anything planned... Wish me luck.

awake every hour last night for at least 20 mins at a time. I went to sleep at 12, DD woke at 5:15 (but DH took that)

Shit, Penguin, that's sounds crap

Ugh, PenguinArmy. That's miserable. I made DH move to the spare room to deal with DS, who was up every hr. I got off lightly with only 4 wakes from DD. Have a very screamy newborn and sick toddler today. I think we are all on at least out third change of clothes. Joy.